Because you're breaking our black, little hearts
by TalesOfTheHoplesslyRomantic
Summary: Gerard and Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Bob Bryar, Ray Toro, Suicide, grief, lust and good old teenage angst. MCR and a certain girl who might just find a reason to keep on living. Could love be at first sight or does it take a hell of a lot more than that?
1. Can you hear me? Are you near me?

**Because You're Breaking Our Black Little Hearts**

_**Disclaimer- I do not own My Chemical romance; Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Bob Bryar or Ray Toro- Ortiz, I do not own any of the songs (these are all owned by the legendary My Chemical Romance) or The Ways parents. If you dislike stories with cursing, alcohol and love in, generally real things and you are more into fluffy bunnies and baby squirrels I regret to say this is not your story, I have left in all the details... everything that makes life as horrible yet as utterly astonishing as it is. ENJOY!**_

It's funny how fragile life is...you look around and see how harsh, antagonistic and determined some people are or how innocent and devoted others are or may seem... and you can't imagine the flame that is their lives being cruelly aggravated nor put out...but it happens...every day. I always thought I was an apathetic person...indifferent...but I will shallowly try and defend this by saying not completely undemonstrative...yet as I write this; tears burn my eyes and stain my cheeks. I guess the fragility of life is a irrevocable and incomprehensible thing as you find your way in the world...blind and ignorant to the threat of perturb, dismay and death.

I guess before reading the rest of this you only need to know two things: my name is 'Elena and I never desired any of this to happen; how could I when it would aggrieve those whom I love so deeply.

I contemplated the fragility of life, which you and I both know is inexplicable...not deplorable...it gives us far too much momentum and reasoning to be deplorable, as I in somewhat in a solitary style found my way from the church to my Grandmothers grave. The July weather was mellowed by the approaching grasp of night. Grass crumpled under my feet as I walked solemnly; trying to hold back the mournful tears that strained my eyesight. The recently unsettled earth at my grandmothers' grave was soft I saw leaned on the side of her grey, new grave for comfort. She was all I had...my mom dying at what was a feeble age of 3 for me; yes except for the undependable letters from my father whom I have never known except for a name. My grandmother and I had lived in Dallas for as long as I can remember...but she wanted to be buried in her home state of Ohio...so I found myself alone in an unknown place grieving the death of my grandmother.

**_Long ago  
Just like the hearse you die to get in again  
We are so far from you_**

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate  
The lives of everyone you know  
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)  
from every heart you break (heart you break)  
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)  
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?  
Things are better if I stay  
So long and goodnight  
So long and goodnight

Came a time  
When every star fall brought you to tears again  
We are the very hurt you sold  
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)  
from every heart you break (heart you break)  
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)  
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?  
Things are better if I stay  
So long and goodnight  
So long and goodnight  
And if you carry on this way  
Things are better if I stay  
So long and goodnight  
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?  
Are you near me?  
Can we pretend to leave and then  
We'll meet again  
When both our cars collide?

What's the worst that I can say?  
Things are better if I stay  
So long and goodnight  
So long and goodnight  
And if you carry on this way  
Things are better if I stay  
So long and goodnight  
So long and goodnight

Now I was curled up beside her newly laid grave weeping for all I had lost. The single lily that I had placed on her grave was swept away by the wind...away, away...deep into the depths of the looming graveyard. My grandmother would be ashamed of my hopeless weeping...she was a woman with poise and expectations...I was one with smashed hopes and fading dreams. I would have to face my father whom neglected me all these years soon, whom let me grow up without his kind words and comforts except for in letters. My dark brown hair masked my face in itself...I felt a hand on my shoulder...I looked up and to my overwhelming surprise; saw my father...the smooth, loving smile of my father...Gerard Way. He stared at me...scrutinising every aspect of my face.

"Wow." He gasped. More tears came out of my eyes followed by a surge of desperate gulps.

"I thought you'd be here." He told me softly. His arms wrapped around my lovingly cradling me as I wept.

I don't know how long we sat there...but it was a long time. I eventually stopped crying as I stared at my dad.

"I need to know...if we are going to live together...why you didn't come for me...after all those years." I said feebly.

"I...Your mom and I...well...we were very young and fell in love...when your mom found out she was pregnant...your grandma was very angry...she told your mom she could keep you and move away to Dallas or stay with me and...loose you...one way or another...we decided that we could never lose you...so she left...I wasn't allowed to have much contact with you except for presents and letters..." he stopped trying to sum it up. I stared at him wide eyes, my grandma wouldn't do such a thing...or would she... POISED. EXCEPTIONAL...Desperate?

"No..." I said trying to convince myself.

"I'm sorry...but that's the truth 'Elena...I love you...you're my daughter...I wouldn't lie to you." My dads face was serious; I looked down at my grandmas grave...hating the fact that I stubbornly believed my dad.

"We should go to the van...the guys really want to meet you." He told me.

"The guys?" I said startled...the whole of MCR wasn't here too, were they?

"Yeah...I mean you going to be a part of my life and My Chem is a big part of my life...they've read all the letters and went through it all with me...they were just as enthused about meeting you as I was.

"Whats? Even the letter where I drew that clown and named him _RAAWWWRR_?" I laughed timidly.

"Especially that one...they couldn't get enough of his action packed adventures fighting pixies." My dad chuckled.

"Okay...I guess..." I laughed. My dad smiled and took my hand. I pushed myself up. It was getting pretty dark and the bony fingers of the trees were tinted by the setting sun.

"Bye Granmar...I hope heaven is better than this shit hole...I'm going to miss you." I said solemnly. My dad let me say a few quiet words then he lead me out of the graveyard. Even in the dim lighting of the setting sun; I could make out the van. All of them; Mikey, Ray, Bob and Frank leaned against the van unaware of my presence. When we got a little bit closer; I could see there breath in the night air.

"Guys...this is my daughter...'Elena." My dad said proudly. They all stared at me for a second.

"Holy crap...she even looks like you." Ray gasped. My attention focused on my uncle Mikey.

"Shit...umm...oh my god...I..." Mikey was lost for words.

"Hi...Uncle Mikey?" I said weakly.

"Hey." he grinned.

**_This night, walk the dead  
In a solitary style  
And crash the cemetery gates.  
In the dress your husband hates  
Way down, mark the grave  
Where the search lights find us  
Drinking by the mausoleum door  
And they found you on the bathroom floor_**

I miss you, I miss you so far  
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

Back home, off the run  
Singing songs that make you slit your wrists  
It isn't that much fun, staring down a loaded gun  
So I won't stop dying, won't stop lying (are you there at all?)  
If you want I'll keep on crying (do you care at all?)  
Did you get what you deserve? (are you there at all?)  
Is this what you always want me for?

I miss you, I miss you so far  
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down, way down

I miss you, I miss you so far  
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

When will I miss you, when will I miss you so far  
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard  
Made it so hard

Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down, way down  
Way down...


	2. Who put the words in your head?

They all surrounded me asking me questions. I stared at the dumb struck. The only one who wasn't literally mauling me was Frank who stood behind watching me.

"Hey guys give her some god damn space!" He said. I gave him a thankful look. My dad lead me into the car. I sat squashed in-between my dad and Frank to my embarrassment; I used to adore Frank Iero when I was about 13 (roughly 3 years ago...) sitting next to him my thoughts started to wonder and for I split second I swear to god I thought I might not have been that crazy back then after all. There was a silence. Every one stared at me; Even Mikey who was driving (through the side mirror.)

"Okay this is the part where you are all thinking of questions you want to ask me yet you don't want to break the silence." I laughed. All of the sudden they all started shooting me questions; a array of voices mixed in the frantic struggle to be loudest.

"Holy Shit dudes, one at a time!" I laughed. Laughing was a strain, so was smiling. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die...or sleep. Yet I didn't because these guys were my heroes; they were also my family.

"Favourite colour?" Ray asked.

"Umm...Black and Red." I smiled.

"Favourite bands?" Frank asked smiling sheepishly.

"MCR _of course_, Leather Mouths, MSI, GreenDay, Misfits, Iron Maiden and the Bouncing Souls." I laughed

"Hell YEAH!" Bob boomed from the passenger seat. Ray lay across the whole of the seconds row.

"Okay, seriously ...favourite movies?" Mikey asked.

"X-men, Goonies, Watchmen and Jaws." I told them thinking hard about that answerer.

"Video Games?"

"Dudgeons and Dragons, Halo, War Hammer and PAC-MAN."

"Anything else we need to know about?" _Oh there were so many things..._

"I'm a vegetarian."

"YEESS!" Frank exclaimed.

"Damn...not another Frankie!" My Dad laughed.

_**FRANK**_

I watched her carefully...she was really pretty with pale white skin and worn eyes, crow like hair and a ready smile, deep read lips and blushed cheeks.

"Favourite colour?"

"Umm...Black and Red." I smiled at her answer, just as she was...I had a feeling she was going to be _a lot_ like Gee.

"Favourite bands?" I asked, smiling cheesily at her.

"MCR _of course_, Leather Mouths, MSI, GreenDay, Misfits, Iron Maiden and the Bouncing Souls." She giggled.

"Hell YEAH!" Bob exclaimed.

"Okay, seriously ...favourite movies?" Mikey asked.

"X-men, Goonies, Watchmen and Jaws." She said hesitantly

"Video Games?"

"Dudgeons and Dragons, Halo, War Hammer and PAC-MAN."

"Anything else we need to know about?"

"I'm a vegetarian." _***FUCK YEAH!***_

"YEESS!" I said.

"Damn...not another Frankie!"

'_**ELENA**_

"Mikey it's left here!" I told him. As we neared my house a new sense of grief over whelmed me. I was saying goodbye to my whole life. Me and my dad got out quickly and made our way inside my grandmas dusty old house which was going to be sold soon; the money out of it was going to be split between me and "water aid." I looked around; all my grandmas stuff had been moved by her friends...they got rid of it as I told them I didn't want to do it, through tears. My dad followed me up the stairs and into my bedroom. I had already packed all my stuff away; it lay neatly on the bed: I suitcase full of clothes, a bag full of posters , a bag full of trinkets I wanted to keep and my smashed up guitar.

"This is it?" my dad asked. I nodded.

"You play?" My dad asked looking towards the guitar.

"Yeah...poorly. I was in a band, but I sang more than played guitar." I laughed to myself.

"Really? What sort of band?" my dad asked.

"Punk Rock...we were called _Sweet Irony_." I giggled

"Fuck, that's as good as My Chemical Romance! Did you come up with the name?" I nodded bashfully and picked up my guitar and my bags.

"Wait, I'll take some...you'll kill yourself if you try and crying all of that." My dad said grabbing the suitcase and bag of shitty little trinkets.

"Fuck... this is so fucking heavy!" my dad chuckled. All of the sudden a wave of realisation hit me. I dropped my stuff and sat on my bed crying. My dad stared at me for a second, then dropped the stuff he was carrying and sat on the bed next to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked hugging me tightly. He knew it was a stupid questions, but I was pretty sure he was as freaked out as I was, so I let him off for it.

"Nope." I cried into his shoulder.

"What can I do to make you feel better?"

"Just be there for me." I cried.

_**Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.  
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.  
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?**_

_**I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out**_

_**What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?  
(I'm not okay)  
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means  
(I'm not okay)  
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!**_

_**I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out**_

_**Forget about the dirty looks  
The photographs your boyfriend took  
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed**_

_**I'm okay  
I'm okay!  
I'm okay, now  
(I'm okay, now)**_

_**But you really need to listen to me  
Because I'm telling you the truth  
I mean this, I'm okay!  
(Trust Me)**_

_**I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
Well, I'm not okay  
I'm not o-fucking-kay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
(Okay)**_

Dad and I packed my stuff into the back of the car and got in. As I fastened my seat belt I heard Ray ask as a joke "So who do you think if the best looking out of us?"

"Well, it's tough, but I would say my dad...I mean he's got to be good looking to create something as fabulous as me!" I laughed blushing.

"Very Logical!" Frank laughed; I blushed even more.

_**FRANK**_

'Elena jumped in the car and pulled on the seat belt; I couldn't help but stare at her (partly out of amazement!)

"So who do you think if the best looking out of us?"

"Well, it's tough, but I would say my dad...I mean he's got to be good looking to create something as fabulous as me!" 'Elena blushed.

"Very Logical!" I giggled watching 'Elena blush even more fiercely. I lowered my eyes in confusion, landing on 'Elenas arm were I saw a red mark...no a scar in the shape of a word...it read: SLUT. My eyes bulged and my throat tightened. Why would someone do that to themselves? I looked away hoping Gee hadn't followed my eyes. I felt physically sick. I looked up at Gee...his eyes strained as they stared at 'Elenas arm...his mouth hung open in shock.

'_**ELENA**_

I looked down at my arm; the familiar writing that scarred my arm stood out on my arm.

"'Elena...did you do...that?" My dad stammered.

"I can explain." I said.

"What the hell's happening?" Mikey asked from the front.

"Nothing!" I exclaimed

"'Mikey stop the god damn car!" Gee ordered his brother

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

"What the hell's happening?" Bob asked.

"Gee stop shouting." Frank whispered. Mikey pulled over. I felt like everyone was staring at me.

" 'Elena when did you do that to yourself?" My dad asked grabbing my arm. I shook it away from him.

"I didn't do it to my self!" I exclaimed. My dad looked taken back.

"What...wh-." I interrupted my dad

"my ex did it to me! Okay? Are you happy?" I asked

"'Elena...I..."

"One night I went over to his house and he was really drunk and he accused me of cheating on him...he pulled out this night and...started carving this in my arm...I was just bleeding...I thought I was going to dye...his brother walked in just as he was finished and getting ready to bash my god damn head of the wall and pulled him of me and took me to hospital!" I scream...I watched my fathers face transform from worry to anger.

"I'm going to fucking kill him." Franks voice rang out like the bells or a lowly church, calling its last. I turned to Frank, tears bitter in my war worn eye.

"How could you? How could you when death has already poisoned his tongue?" I said reciting almost ironically his favourite poem.

"What?" Ray protective voice asked.

"Suicide is the poison...he killed himself...He...almost ironically killed himself because of all the shit he had done to me." I spat...tear rolled down my cheeks. My dad pulled me into a tight embrace as I shook and cried in his arms...again. Like I said... my grandmother was the one with poise...I but had smashed hopes and fading dreams to last me an eternity. My eyes shall close on this day as my father held me tightly.

_I shall lie,_

_With deplorable words,_

_That shall slowly,_

_Drive me insane._

_One would cry,_

_Another would die,_

_And never feel the omnipotence of my pain._

_Knock down blood,_

_Like cheap whiskey,_

_And I but have smashed hopes,_

_And fading dreams,_

_Constant companions for eternity._

_I shall find another mean,_

_As ribbons of moonlight,_

_Scar me lightly,_

_To hold closely,_

_My murderer,_

_To hold so very tightly._

_Imploding societies,_

_In a world of detritus_

_And demise._

_I finished my story,_

_With rhythms._

_Jealousy was my murderer,_

_And rumours was the knife,_

_When they lied,_

_With deplorable words,_

_And there vanity,_

_Only there shield of apathy,_

_Kept them in the barrier,_

_Of sanity._

_**GERARD**_

_**They're gonna clean up your looks  
With all the lies in the books  
To make a citizen out of you  
Because they sleep with a gun  
And keep an eye on you, son  
So they can watch all the things you do**_

_**Because the drugs never work  
They're gonna give you a smirk  
'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean  
They're gonna rip up your heads,  
Your aspirations to shreds  
Another cog in the murder machine**_

_**They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me**_

_**The boys and girls in the clique  
The awful names that they stick  
You're never gonna fit in much, kid  
But if you're troubled and hurt  
What you got under your shirt  
Will make them pay for the things that they did**_

_**They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me**_

_**Ohhh yeah!**_

_**They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me**_

_**All together now!**_

_**Teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me  
**__**[x2]**_

We pulled in at a travel motel as darkness fell upon us most sadly. Everyone got out as quietly as they could not to wake 'Elena. I stared down at her with only love and astonishment...she was so amazing, so unique...yet wounded...her eyes worn from personal afflictions and wars. I picked her up carefully and pulled her out of the car.

"Frank, you think you can take her suitcase so she can get changed when she wakes up?" I asked. Frank smiled and nodded, pulling and lumping out her suitcase from the van.

"She's really beautiful." Frank almost whispered in the night air as we walked slowly behind the rest of the guys.

"I know." I said truth staining my word with a sweet taste...I looked down upon her sweet pale face...she was my daughter and I had her at last.

_**Thank you for reading the seconds instalment of my seconds story, haha.**_

_**I hope you are enjoying it and I assure you; this will not be any run of the mill story...I have a LOT more of tasks and worries to face our omnipotent gang and 'Elena! Could there be more dangerous secrets falling of venomous tongues?**_


	3. I'll give you my sincerity

I awoke in a cream room...It reminded me of a mars bar...with brown cushions piled neatly on a couch and caramel curtains engulfing and devouring the little light of the moon. I turned around in my bed to see two other beds in the room too. In one lay my dad and the other Frank. I felt my stomach lurch and I jumped out of bed and towards the open door of the cream bathroom. I swung my head down facing the toilette and vomited violently. I gripped the rim for support; I shivered and spluttered. I felt some one hold back my hair.

"Shh...It's okay 'Elena, it's okay." I heard my dads voice comfort me from behind...I gripped the rim harder and carried on vomiting to my disgust.

_**FRANK**_

I lay awake coolly in my bed. I couldn't sleep, I felt like I had to stay awake and make sure 'Elena was okay. I lay for god knows how long, I was sure I was the only person awake on the planet at this very moment...not a single sound nor movement nor smell came to my attention. Nothing stirred...only my mind. All of the sudden I heard thrashing as someone tried to get of bed. Footsteps. Spluttering. Coughing. Cluttering. More Footsteps...

"Shh...It's okay 'Elena, it's okay." Gees voice was strong and commanding. I pulled my knees up to my chest...I had never felt so alone before.

'_**ELENA**_

The next time I woke up, I did so remembering to bring logic and reasoning. I stared at the beige room... we must have stopped off at a Motel. Crashing sounds came out of the bathroom. Frank came out pulling his t-shirt on. He saw me and grimaced.

"Shit..." he pulled his tee on faster "I thought you were still asleep." His eyes were big and brown and rimmed with bruised looking skin. He mustn't have gotten much sleep.

"Are you okay? You look tired..." I said

"Yeah...yeah...I'm fine. We brought up your suitcase so you can get changed...we can go down to the lobby together...the others are waiting..." He stopped awkwardly.

"Frankie...just say what you're thinking...I don't like having to riddle out people...I want us to be friends so can you just be straight with me?" I asked. Frank raised an eyebrow.

"Okay...well I was going to ask...if you don't mind... how did your ex..._die_?"

"My ex...Adam... hung himself."

"Oh...I'm sorry." Frank said looking down. I stepped forward; looking him straight on the eye.

"Don't be...he was a shitty ass boy friend and a shitty ass friend...I guessed he realised that in the end." I told him. Franks eyes met mine.

"I want us to be friends too..." He said...we stared at each other for a moment before Frank to my surprise wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly.

"I never got to welcome you into the family." Frank laughed stepping back. I giggled...the first real, genuine laugh in a long time.

"You should get changed...I got to...brush my teeth." Frank laughed. He turned around and walked back into the bathroom. I was left staring at the space were the Frank Iero had been. I turned around on the spot and opened my suitcase. I pulled out my Anthrax t-shirt, black converse, green chords and braces mini skirt and green and black stripy tights. Today was going to be a new day...I was going to make this new life work.

When Frank came out of the bathroom he was smiling and looking me up and down

"Nice outfit..." he smiled.

"Are you sure? Do I look okay?" I asked.

"Honey...if I wasn't married and were 12 years younger..." Frank laughed...I giggled _***AGAIN!!!***_

"Okay... you want to go down now?" Frank asked. I smiled nodding.

_**Another sad song, with nothing to say  
About a life-long wait for a hospital stay  
If you believe that I'm wrong  
This never meant nothing to you  
I waited so long for someone to say  
If you can move on  
I'll never get you to stay  
If you believe that I'm wrong  
This never meant nothing to you  
Another sad song, with nothing to say  
About a life-long, wait for a hospital stay  
If you believe that I'm wrong  
This never meant nothing to you**_

And if you hold on  
And need me to stay  
You get the hard thoughts  
Oh baby just the mistakes  
Maybe we'll just  
Shut up and play  
It never did mean nothing to you  
Never did mean...

Another sad song, with nothing to say  
About a life-long, wait for a hospital stay  
If you believe that I'm wrong  
This never meant nothing to you

If you would hold on  
And need me to stay  
You get the hard thoughts  
Oh baby just the mistakes  
We never really got too much anyways  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just go

Just go, run away  
Where did you run  
Don't fight it just run away  
Let it go...  
And when you go, run don't walk  
And when you sing, scream don't talk

Another sad song, with nothing to say  
About a life-long  
Wait for a hospital stay  
We never really got too much anyways

Another sad song with nothing to say  
About a life-long, wait for a hospital stay  
Maybe we'll just shut up and play.  
You never really got it  
No you never really got it at all

"Let me take that!" Frank said as I picked up my suit case and started carrying it down the stairs.

"No, no...I'm fine." I told him stubbornly.

"No give it here." Frank pulled it off me. I rolled my eyes.

"And you dare make a height joke!" Frank giggled. I laughed too. When we got into the lobby everyone else sat at a table, hoods over their faces and sunglasses on. Frank pulled on his sunglasses. I was completely confused but I couldn't be bothered to ask. I looked at Mikey he was wearing the same tee is me.

"Holy shit...THIEF!" Mikey exclaimed.

"Oh god...eww." I whined. everyone else laughed at me and Mikey staring at each other.

"It looks better on me any way." I said batting my lashes.

"She's got you there." Ray told Mikey laughing.

"Okay, we've got to get going...if we want to get back on time." My dad smiled giving me a hug. He looked down on me.

"Are you feeling okay? This morning you were really...well sick." My dad chuckled.

" Yeah...I don't know what came over me..." I said. Frank picked up my suitcase.

"Frank how many times? I can carry it myself...but thanks." I laughed.

"Whatever you say...girly." He giggled.

"Whatever you say...Shorty." I giggled. Frank pretended to be upset and walked of (with my bag) and out of the motel. I shook my head and looked towards the guys.

"Is he always like this?" I asked Bob.

"Yep..." he sighed.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------LATER ON------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How long until we get there?" I moaned.

"Um...A while?" Ray laughed. I sat in the back next to Frankie and Mikey...

"Look we'll pull in here and get some coffee." My dad said from the drivers seat. Dad pulled in at a road cafe. Pulling of his seat belt he pushed on some sunglasses.

"Everyone coming in?" Mikey asked looking towards me. I shook my head, my eyes drifted to the floor.

"I'll stay in the van with 'Elena." Frank said quickly. I looked at him shocked at his friendliness.

"Well...if your sure." That's all I got before the others ran out of the van, eagerly awaiting coffee. The door slammed shut and Frank and I sat in the car.

"Are you okay?" He asked me timidly.

"Yeah...I mean as okay as I could be taking the situation." I laughed.

"You know Gee loves you? Like more than anything..." He said looking down...I didn't answerer.

"We all do... " There was a silence. I sighed and leaned my head on my knees, my hand cocooning around my face. I would cry, but I forgot how to.

"Fuck Frank...I've really fucked this all up haven't I?" I turned my head to the side so I was facing him.

"No you haven't! Dude, you...god...all I know is we're all your family now... and were not going to let you fuck up...stop worrying..." He pulled me into a hug...I sighed...

"Sweet Tatt." Frank said looking down at my wrist. I looked at the curly italics reading _"There's always hope."_

"Thanks...I prefer my finger tattoos." I laughed puling myself up to show him the writing I had on my knuckles... _"Dead Love"_

"Is there any stories behind them?" Frank asked curiously.

"Yeah...umm...the wrist...I got during high school, when I was going through a rough patch and I wanted to remember that there was always going to be a light...my friend took me and pretended to be my mom...um...she also took me to get my knuckles done when Adam died..." I stopped my breath caught in my throat "And I copied your _Keep The Faith_ tattoo and got a smaller version done on my lower back."

"Wait? You got a _Keep The Faith _too? Holy Crap, I have a tattoo stalker!" Frank laughed.

"You want to see it?" I asked. Frank nodded so I turned around and lifted up the very bottom of my tee so he could see it.

"Holy Crap, that's awesome...I love how you got it with blood running of it." Frank laughed. I pulled my Tee down laughing too.

"Yeah...That was another thing my Granmar never approved of...my love of Tattoos."

"You don't have to talk about her if you don't want too."

"I don't mind...she wasn't the nicest of people."

"Okay...You sure you don't want to go and get a coffee?" Frank asked. I sighed...

"Okay."

What can I say about families? You can find them at the strangest times, when you need them most and under circumstances that might push you into not making the best first impressions. Yet besides all that you connect with them because they're your family and you love them...no matter what.

Sitting in the coffee shop with my new family was one of those moments when I had to smile. I had to...I actually physically hurt not to...freeeaakkky, huh? My dad got up all of the sudden.

"I'm going to go and take a puff anyone want to come?" Dad asked.

"I will." I laughed.

"You smoke?" My dad asked shocked...I nodded laughing.

"Great I have the female version of Frank...A punk rock, smoking, veggie!" My dad chuckled before walking outside. I turned to the others and shrugged.

"I'm insulted!" Frank said gasping.

"Oh shut up." Ray laughed.

It turns out you either love travelling...or you hate it...I'm one of those people who despise it. My stomach felt heavy and my head pounded...I leaned back against the seat.

"'Elena you don't look too good..." Mikey told me.

"'Ya think?" I moaned.

"Look 'Elena we are literally around the coner from Gees house." Bob told me. I sat up and looked around...NJ was just like I imagined...I kinda liked it too.

"I god hope so!" I leaned back. I felt the car come to a halt. I jumped up out of the car and took a look at my new home. I felt some on hand me the bag...I looked to see it was Frank...the bag with all my posters and shit in and my guitar. My dad pulled along the suitcase smiling.

"Come on...let's go." He said. I entered the house last...the guys has ran into a spacious airy room and they were all hugging their wives. They then turned to me, my dad smiled brightly, but my attention was held by the baby Lindsey (my dads wife) was holding, Bandit Lee Way.

"Hey!" Lindsey said enthusiastically.

"Hi..." I smiled broadly...this was it...I was home.

_**Thanks for reading my third issue in this story...the chapters are pretty short, but I didn't want to bore you...**_

**You Put The Hate In My Heart xox**


	4. And one last night I'll kiss your lips

Walking into a room full of people who are going to share your future with you in the most intimate and personal and comforting ways as possible (even if you not conscious to the fact) is a hard thing to do. They all stared, gob smacked at me; my dad smiled and walked up behind me and put his arm around me proudly.

"Okay people, this is My Daughter...'Elena," He started pointing out people, "Obviously this is Lindsey and Bandit, your little sister" I smiled, "Jamia, Frank's wife, Aunty Alicia," That killed me, "Christa, Rays wife," I smiled at the pale dark haired girl, she smiled warmly at me showing her teeth, "And here is Bobs wife Kaitlin."

"Hi...great to meet you." I said. I already knew all their names through my obsessive behaviour with MCR.

"'Elena I would give you a hug, but..." Lindsey looked down at Bandit.

"Well I will!" Alicia said all of the sudden literally jumping on me. All of the sudden I felt like every person in the whole room was trying to give me a hug. Eventually everyone left leaving me completely worn out.

"Gee, do you want to take 'Elena to her room?" Lindsey asked whilst trying to feed Bandit.

"Okay, come on Honey." My dad said putting out his hand to me. I smiled and took it. He lead me up the stairs.

"Okay, this is the nursery to the left, the main bathroom next to the nursery, Lindsey and my room's right over here..." He was smiling broadly, like a little kid at Christmas, "Is yours." He opened the door leading me to a large room; the walls were purple except one was black. A big bed was in the middle of it under a large window. The room was furnished with a black closet, black draws and a steel desk and chair.

"Holy Crap, Dad...this is amazing." I said dropping my bags on the bed.

"Yeah, well Lindsey got creative one day and decided to do some painting." My dad laughed.

"It's just...amazing..." I said looking at it.

"And you have your own bathroom through there." He smiled. I ran through and pulled open the door to see the bathroom.

"I can't believe..." I stopped looking around.

"You want me to help you unpack?" My dad asked.

"That would be friggen awesome...can you unpack that bag with the posters in?" I asked.

"Yeah..." My dad started tipping out the condense of the bag whilst I started un packing my suitcase.

_**Oh baby here comes the sound!  
I took a train outta New Orleans and they shot me full of ephedrine.  
This is how we like to do it in the murder scene.  
Can we settle up the score?**_

_**[Chorus]**__**  
If you were here I'd never have a fear.  
So go on live your life.  
But I miss you more than I did yesterday.**_

You're beautiful!

Well I'm a total wreck and almost every day.  
Like the firing squad or the mess you made.  
Well don't I look pretty walking down the street.  
In the best damn dress I own?

_**[Chorus]**__**  
If you were here I'd never have a fear.  
So go on live your life.  
But I miss you more than I did yesterday.  
You're so far away.  
So c'mon show me how.  
'Cause I mean this more than words can ever say.**_

Some might say we are made from the sharpest things you say  
We are young and we don't care. (oh whoa ow)  
Your dreams and your hopeless hair. (oh whoa ow)  
We never wanted it to be this way.  
For all our lives.  
Do you care {at all}?

_**[Chorus]**__**  
If you were here I'd never have a fear.  
So go on live your life.  
But I miss you more than I did yesterday.  
You're so far away.  
So c'mon show me how.  
'Cause I mean this more than words can ever say.**_

(What'd you call me?)  
(Well, there's no way I'm kissing that guy)

"'Elena, there's no more wall space." My dad laughed. I looked up to the ceiling and raised my eye brow.

"Fuck Lindsey's gonna be pissed you covered her paint job." Dad giggled.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------later on that night---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I shall lie,_

_With deplorable words,_

_That shall slowly,_

_Drive me insane._

_One would cry,_

_Another would die,_

_And never feel the omnipotence of my pain._

_Knock down blood,_

_Like cheap whiskey,_

_And I but have smashed hopes,_

_And fading dreams,_

_Constant companions for an eternity._

_I shall find another mean,_

_As ribbons of moonlight,_

_Scar me lightly,_

_To hold closely,_

_My murderer,_

_To hold so very tightly._

_Imploding societies,_

_In a world of detritus_

_And demise._

_I finished my story,_

_With rhythms._

_Jealousy was my murderer,_

_And rumours was the knife,_

_When they lied,_

_With deplorable words,_

_And their vanity,_

_Only their shield of apathy,_

_Kept them in the barrier,_

_Of sanity._

_**----------------------Now I was curled up beside her newly laid grave weeping for all I had lost. The single lily that I had placed on her grave was swept away by the wind...away, away...deep into the depths of the looming graveyard. My grandmother would be ashamed of my hopeless weeping...she was a woman with poise and expectations...I was one with smashed hopes and fading dreams. I would have to face my father whom neglected me all these years soon, whom let me grow up without his kind words and comforts except for in letters.-------------------------**_

_**Tears burned my cheeks...I was kneeling on the floor, I screamed...begging...I looked up, his feet dangled above my face...His face was so pale, his sandy blond hair washed over his face..."God No...HELP! SOME ONE HELP!" I screamed. The next thing I knew Adams brother was holding me as he rang the police..."Yeah...I think he's..." he coughed and spluttered tears drowning his face..."Dead..."----------------------------------**_

I woke up with a scream, a tear jerking scream...but I swore...that was going to be the last night I dreamt of Adam...and my grandma. The covers of my sheets where cool against my hot skin...I whimpered, I wanted to cry...but I guess you get to the point when you can't cry any more.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------6 Weeks Later---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things had started to seem more normal, I spent most of my time listening to My Chem in the recording studio and playing with my angel of a sister Bandit. This morning I was holding her in my arms tightly. She was sucking my little finger...

"You are so good with her...I couldn't get her to stop crying!" Lindsey laughed. You'd be surprised how a single sentence like that could completely freak me out. I took a breath in and looked down at Bandit.

"Yeah..." I said taking a shallow breath in...I'm so sorry to confuse you with details of crushing words and angst and freaking out when I was near babies...but people wanted to know...how this happened.

"So...when's dad getting back?" I asked. Lindsey thought about it for a second...

"He should be back soon...then he's taking you to some band thing." She told me. I looked down at my PJ's.

"Maybe you should take her, I got to get changed." I jumped up and ran up the stairs to my room. I pulled out some draws...hmm...what should I wear? I ended up wearing aqua green SKINNY jeans, a MSI tee, misfits hoody and some black converse...I really couldn't be bothered brushing my hair so I just jumped downstairs.

"You know...I'm never going to get used to seeing you wear MSI stuff..." Lindsey giggled.

"I'd like to blame that on you being the evil step mother...but I don't think I can..." I said in hysterics.

"Oh god...how many times...the whole evil step mom thing...isn't really my style is it?" She giggled. I heard the door open.

"Hey Dad." I said.

"It isn't Gee it's Frank." Frank said. I ran out of the kitchen to the door way and gave Frank a hug.

"Your dad's held up at the recording studio doing the vocals for one of the tracks, so he asked me if I could pick you up."

"Oh Okay...Bye Lyn...I'm going to the studio..."

"'Kay!" I heard from the kitchen.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------AT THE STUDIO------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey peaches!" Brian Schecter (MCRs band manager) smiled towards me. Oh, I forgot to tell you how I got the name Peaches from Brian...well it was my first time in the studio and I was standing waiting for the guys to finish up when Brian grabbed my butt and said "Nice Peaches!" thinking I was someone else. I then introduced myself, making Brian go even redder...

"Hey Bri...would you mind if Frank and I went into the games room I'm going to whip his butt at guitar hero!"

"Like hell you will" Frank said leading me to the games room. I lifted up the guitar and poised myself.

"Get ready to die Frankie!" I boomed evily...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Later on-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hell Yeah! Four times in a row!" I announced.

"Okay, it's got to be some one else turn now." Frank moaned

"No way...I value my pride to much, dude!" Bob laughed.

"'kay, it's seems like it's Ray and I!" I laughed trying to do a serious voice.

"You do know I'm the master of guitar hero, right?" Ray asked...cocking his head to the side, a crooked smiled appearing on his face.

_**Well you can hide a lot about yourself,  
But honey, what're you gonna do?  
And you can sleep in a coffin,  
But the past ain't through with you.**_

'Cause we are all a bunch of liars.  
Tell me, baby, who do you wanna be?  
And we are all about to sell it,  
'Cause it's tragic with a capital T.  
Let it be, Let it be, Let it be!

'Cause we all wanna party when the funeral ends.  
(Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba)  
And we all get together when we bury our friends.  
(Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba)  
It's been eight bitter years since I've been seeing your face.  
(Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba)  
And you're walking away, and I will die in this place.

Sometimes you scrape and sink so low,  
I'm shocked at what you're capable of.  
And if this is a coronation,  
I ain't feeling the love.

'Cause we are all a bunch of animals  
That never paid attention in school.  
So tell me all about your problems;  
I was killing before killing was cool.  
You're so cool, You're so cool, So cool!

'Cause we all wanna party when the funeral ends.  
(Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba)  
And we all get together when we bury our friends.  
(Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba)  
It's been nine bitter years since I've been seeing your face.  
(Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba)  
And you're walking away, and I will die in this place.

You'll never take me alive.  
You'll never take me alive.  
Do what it takes to survive,  
'Cause I'm still here.  
You'll never get me alive.  
You'll never take me alive.  
Do what it takes to survive,  
And I'm still here.  
You'll never take me alive.  
You'll never get me alive.  
Do what it takes to survive,  
And I'm still here.  
You'll never get me.  
(Get me!)  
You'll never take me.  
(Take me!)  
You'll never get me alive.

'Cause we all wanna party when the funeral ends.  
(Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba)  
And we all get together when we bury our friends.  
It's been ten fucking years since I've been seeing  
Your face 'round here.  
And you're walking away, and I will drown in the fear.


	5. The smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

The next few weeks were a blur...I usually like to share with people the moments...that are really ordinary, yet make life so special...but in these few weeks there where to many to mention; from videogames with Lyn and my dad too sleepovers at Mikeys house with all the guys...sharing secrets and acting like teenage girls (which obviously wasn't too hard for me...) Moments which were so precious...moments which save lives...some days I would feel so happy, bouncing around with omnipotent energy...to dead days of contempt and indifference...crushing blackness...a hole of endless angst and pain...all are moments which make lives...but some...well some will drive me to do un speak able things in months to come.

I held Bandit up on my shoulder...I was bouncing up and down very slowly to keep her quiet. I leaned forward pressing my ear against the closed door leading to the kitchen.

"Look the school years starting soon...I think if 'Elena wants to get back to some sense of normality she should go." I heard Lyn say softly. There was a long silence...

"I don't want her too...I've just got her back...I love getting to spend all day with her." My dad moaned. A warm feeling ran through my veins as he said that, I smiled.

"I know honey...don't you think I like having her around too? But she's a teenager...she need to interact with other kids..." Lindseys voice trailed off. I walked back, holding Bandit tightly, to the couch and sat down. I wanted to go to school, I wanted to have a normal life...but school held bad memories. I turned the TV on, Bandit was playing on her Baby Gym...quilt thing...she was gurgling and giggling. I smiled...she was so adorable.

During dinner my dada kept looking at me like he was going to say something...then sighed and looked down to his meal....he must of done it about a hundred times before I looked at him straight and said "I know you want to ask me something...and I'm pretty damn sure I know what it is so can you tell me or I'll just get Lyn too." He sighed again. My grip around my knife got tighter with annoyance.

"Okay! Geez...well since you've spent most of your time drawing and playing video games...Lyn and I thought you should...possibly...if it's okay...got to school...to occupy yourself." My dad asked stopping and pausing half way through.

"Okay." I said then finished eating my vedgie burger.

"What...that's it?" Lyn asked... I laughed... "It may surprise you two...but I'm not that immature." I said picking up my plate.

"Can I be excused please?"

"Umm...yeah..." My dad said stunned. I put my dished in the sink and walked up stairs...I was in need of art. I pulled out my sketchpad and pens and pencils with sigh. I sat on my bed...my foot kept tapping...frantically against the ground...I couldn't concentrate on my comic that I was working on with _"Hells Bells"_ on, so I changed it to Black Flag _"Depression." _ I looked down at the tattoo on my wrist...if only it was right...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------September 10th---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was my first day of school, it was also Mikeys birthday. I looked in the mirror at the uniform...I did my best to customise it...but it was hard... Converse, black and white stripy tights, I tore the bottoms of my grey skirt and stitched a couple of patches on it; my blue jumper was neglected under my beg, shirt was open revealing my (now notorious) anthrax t-shirt, black and red stripy arm warmers, black nail polish, large webs earings and finally I used my ...my chem. "three cheers" note bag...I look at my self...something wasn't right...my hair was done in messy bunches with nightmare before Christmas clips...so what...MAKE UP!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 20 MINS LATER---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"'ELENA HURRY UP!" My dad screamed up the stairs. I checked my make up...the thick eye liner was there, deep red lips, black eye shadow...oh and the big cross going through my eye.

" 'Kay coming!" I shouted as I ran downstairs. When my dad and Lyn saw me they looked at me twice before they could answerer.

"You're going to school dressed like...that? my dad exclaimed.

"Brave." Lyn said giving me a thumbs up behind my dads back.

"Yep." I said simply as I passed them and made my way to the door.

"You...are going to get....killed." my dad laughed. All of the sudden I remembered something I had forgotten. I ran upstairs and pulled out from under my beg and messily wrapped parcel. When I got down stairs my dad didn't look too pleased.

"Can you give this Mikey please, you know since I'm going to be at school and all." Dad nodded and head for the door. I gave Lyn and quick hug than ran behind him and into the car.

"So are you going to tell people your name is?" My dad asked. I was pretty sure I got what he was talking about.

" 'Elena Way." I said simply.

"Brave...very brave."

"I'm not going to tell them I'm your daughter...I mean the press haven't caught on yet...so ay as well let us have some peace while it lasts." I told him.

"I'm insulted." My dad said putting on a fake, high voice. I knew he was joking, but I still felt bad.

"Dad, I just want people to like me...for me...you know?" I asked. He looked over at me shocked. He pushed a strand of my hair back behind my ears...His eyes flicked backed to the road...then back to me.

"Of course people will love you for you...I mean they just have to see you and they'll realise how amazing you are." He took his hand of my face and back on the steering wheel, where he glanced back at the road.

"Dad you should look at the road." I laughed. He did after that...so I wouldn't have to worry about dying in his car before I even got to school.

"You mean that?" I asked seriously.

"'Elena of course I do!"He said his eyes still on the road.

"Thanks I needed that...thanks." I said as we pulled outside the school...girls and boys walked in slowly, chatting with their hockey jerseys on and their hands tightly around the wastes of the girl/boyfriends.

"You gonna be okay?" My dad asked me as I got out the car. I smiled and looked through the window.

"I always am...give Mikey the present? Okay?" my dad nodded. I turned to the school and took a deep breath in. I walked slowly up the steps...people stared at me from either ways and sniggered.

I walked past the jocks punching the geek and jamming him against the locker, I had my sights set on going to the bathroom- reapplying eyeliner and listening at the back of the class to Iron Maiden.

"Emo!" I heard a couple of people snigger and mutter. I just passed them...I didn't give a shit what they thought. I pulled out my schedule from my bag...It was registration in room 7b. I looked at my watch...shit I was already 5 minutes late...I looked around there was no sign of any 7bs.

"Hey excuse me, do you know where 7b is?" I asked this fairly jocky looking guy.

"You know you would be pretty hot if you didn't dress like a complete freak." He said turning away from me a heading the other way. I stood there gasping...how dare he? I turned to a girl this time, her hair was in plates and she had a blue rucksack on her back.

"Hiya...you know where 7b is?" I asked.

"Sure thing...it's along there and two your right." She said point to my left.

"Okay thanks..." I turned and made my way down the hall, people knocking into me. When I got to the room, the teacher was already there and everyone has sat down. I knocked on the door and entered the room.

"Excuse me who are you?" The teacher asked stiffly...

"I'm 'Elena Way...sorry I got loosed." His face lightened slighty.

"Oh, well please come in." He said. I tried to make a break for the seats, but the stuffy old teacher to drag even more attention on me.

"Interesting make up choice...maybe you can town it down next time, huh?" I blushed as he said that.

"Oh, come up to the front and tell us something about yourself." He said. I raised an eyebrow...shit he was talking to me. I glanced around at people throwing stuff at each other, spitting and shoving each to agree... why wasn't I like that? Why didn't I feel such a passion to destroy everything I could find? Why did I actually want to create something special that would linger throughout time, not fame nor fortune... hope?

"Oh...me?" I walked to the front, I looked around at all the fresh faces...they all seemed so conformed...except one... A tall, slim boy with raven black hair and pale skin sat in the corner smiling and staring at me. He like me had customised his school outfit, with nirvana badges, paper clips and black flag patched which he has obviously sewn onto the jacket everywhere. He was wearing skinnies, not the school trousers and converse. Under his custom school jacket was an American Idiot hoodie. I could feel myself smile...this boy seemed like a laugh.

"Hey...my name is 'Elena Way...I moved to Jersey recently after my grandma died...I'm now living with my dad who I never met before and his new wife and baby...I don't know what you think...but I'm pretty sure it's that you're going to either ignore or ridicule me...but like I said...Hey, my name is 'Elena Way." I said...I heard a couple of laughs and some moans.

"Look there is a seat next to... oh- Dylan" I looked up as he said that. I looked around the only free desk was the one next to the boy _*****oh shit*****_. He took out a piece of paper and scribbled something then handed it to me.

_**hi, u seem cooler that these stupid jocks, u wanna wait for me whilst I get beaten up outside?**_

I smiled as I read it then scribbled down an answerer and handed it back to him.

_**Sure thing, but only coz I like seeing people bleed :)**_

he then scribbled something else down and handed it to me.

_**HI5**_

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------later on--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A rush of pupils pushed me out of the classroom. I jumped to the other side of the hall instinctively. I waited there until last Dylan came out.

"Hey, so you are 'Elena, right?"

"Urr...Yeah... and you are Dylan." I laughed.

"The one and only."

"so what lesson do you have now?" I asked

"Gym."

"Sweet, me to."

"You know you have the way brothers last name and there grandmas too." He said

"Yeah..." All of the sudden I felt really nervous "MCR bag and all." I laughed.

_**Sister, I'm not much a poet, but a criminal  
And you never had a chance  
Love it, or leave it, you can't understand  
A pretty face, but you do so carry on,  
and on,  
and on**_

_**I wouldn't front the scene if you paid me  
I'm just the way that the doctor made me, on,  
and on,  
and on,  
and on  
Love is the red the rose on your coffin door  
What's life like, bleeding on the floor,  
the floor,  
the floor**_

_**You'll never make me leave  
I wear this on my sleeve  
Give me a reason to believe**_

___**[Chorus]**__**  
So give me all your poison  
And give me all your pills  
And give me all your hopeless hearts  
And make me ill  
You're running after something  
That you'll never kill  
If this is what you want  
Then fire at will**_

_**Preach all you want but who's gonna save me?  
I keep a gun on the book you gave me, hallelujah, lock and load  
Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent son  
It ain't the mark or the scar that makes you one,  
and one,  
and one,  
and one**_

_**You'll never make me leave  
I wear this on my sleeve  
Give me a reason to believe**_

___**[Chorus]**__**  
So give me all your poison  
And give me all your pills  
And give me all your hopeless hearts  
And make me ill  
You're running after something  
That you'll never kill  
If this is what you want  
Then fire at will**_

_**You'll never make me leave  
I wear this on my sleeve  
You wanna follow something  
Give me a better cause to lead  
Just give me what I need  
Give me a reason to believe**_

___**[Chorus]**__**  
So give me all your poison  
And give me all your pills  
And give me all your hopeless hearts  
And make me ill  
You're running after something  
That you'll never kill  
If this is what you want  
Then fire at will**_

___**[Chorus]**__**  
So give me all your poison (Fire at will)  
And give me all your pills  
And give me all your hopeless hearts (Fire at will)  
And make me ill  
You're running after something (Fire at will)  
That you'll never kill  
If this is what you want (Fire at will)  
Then fire at will**_

"Okay girls..." the teachers voice blurred of as I looked down at my disgusting PE outfit...Dylan was on the other side of the field too with the boys playing LA Cross.

"So those who are interested in hockey go over to Mrs Watermon and those who are interested in athletics stay with me." The majority of the group started jogging over to the other teacher, leaving me and only three other girls.

"Eliza, Maria...your our long jumpers right? Go to the base and start measuring you run up." She said to the blonde thin girls who were smiling smugly.

"And you too? What lack of talent do you too show?" she spat...fuck I hated this teacher.

"Um...nothing really..." the quivering girl next to me.

"So why are you here? Go to the hockey group." He girl ran of...it was just me and Mrs Fat-Ass

"And you..."

"Hurdles." I spat.

"Good, we're lacking hurdles...go to the shed over there and set yourself up some in some clear space." She said. I sighed and turned away, walking slowly to the shed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Eventually After All Those Friggen Hurdles Were Put Up---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was right next to the boys...who had been neglected by there teacher, and I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable at the staring at me. I set of 4 step run up, I cleared the first hurdle...2 steps in-between, next hurdle... 2 steps in-between, next hurdle... 2 steps in-between, next hurdle... 2 steps in-between, next hurdle...that's the nice thing about hurdles...they're so reliable. I stopped, gasping with a stitch after a while...I hadn't done this much exercise in a while... I stopped leaning my hand on my knees and breathing in sharply. All of the sudden I felt a ball wiz past me. A couple of seconds later Dylan ran up.

"Hey" I handed him the ball which I had picked up.

"Thanks." He puffed. I heard wolf whistles coming from the group of boys. I stuck my finger up at them. Dylan chuckled.

"Look just don't get on the wrong side of that bitch you have as a PE teacher." He laughed. He then turned around and ran off. I put my hand on my hips and breathed in...fuck...I was going to have to start running again. ...2 steps in-between, next hurdle... 2 steps in-between, next hurdle... 2 steps in-between, next hurdle... 2 steps in-between, next hurdle...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------After P.E-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay...what have you got next then?"

"Um...art?"

"Oh me to!" Dylan laughed. As we walked to double art we compared time tables we had taken almost all the same courses and we were both as crap as each other at everything so we were literally always together. When we got to art we sat down quickly and listened to the teacher.

"Hello class!" He was a young man, maybe 25...he had light brown hair shaggy hair and a stubble around his jaw bone.

"So...we do have a new student...and I have some of her art and I think some of you could learn a lot from her." My eyes bulged...he wasn't talking about me? Was he? The teacher started handing around some pieces of strangely familiar paper and canvases. He then came up to me.

"I'm really excited about having you here...I think you will produce some really amazing art."

"Um...where did you get these?" I asked.

"Oh your dad sent them in so I could put you in the right group...he was very proud of you." He laughed. I went bright red...the teacher turned away and collected up my art. I looked down at the one I was holding...

"That's amazing..." Dylan gasping...I looked down at it...it was a tomb stone...the sky was black being it, a single rose propped against it and on the tomb was carved:

**And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood  
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down  
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down  
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood  
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever**

"Yeah..."I took a breath in...Adam...Adam, Adam, Adam...ADAM!

" 'Elena are you okay?" Dylan asked...sounding slightly worried.

"Yeah...I just feel a bit faint." I sighed, putting my hand on my head...I stood up and handed the teacher my picture when he was collecting them...my head started spinning and I fell down to the ground...with a loud smash.

**GERARD**

I sat in the studio I was watching Ray finish of his solo...I was nodding please...but my mind was on 'Elena...I was really worried about her. Ray finished up and came out excitedly.

"Do you think that sounded okay? I think it did...fuck that sounded awesome!" Ray jumped up and down like a little girl. Mikey laughed...

"Okay vocals for the second bridge Gee." Brian said. I walked into the next room and got myself up next to the microphone and put on my headphones. I started singing...about half way through I heard my phone ring.

"Shit, shit...sorry!" I said running out of the studio and trying to flip up my phone.

"No phones in the studio!" Brian moaned.

"Yeah, but it's 'Elena first day at her high school." Bob whispered to him. I managed to get my phone working and answered the call anxiously.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hello, this is Mr Way I assume?" I heard I high voice say.

"Yeah..."

" This is the assistant from east Belleville high...your daughter fainted and knocked herself out...she is currently unconscious... we need you to pick her up." I heard the woman say almost as if it were a joke.

"What? I'll be right there." I hung up the phone immediately and slot it in my pocket; I then ran around looking for my coat madly.

"Geez. Slow down! What happened?" Frank asked.

"'Elena knocked herself unconscious. Hasn't woken up. I need to pick her up. Have to go NOW!" I literally screamed as I ran out of the studio of jumped into my car. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

'**ELENA**

_**----------------------Now I was curled up beside her newly laid grave weeping for all I had lost. The single lily that I had placed on her grave was swept away by the wind...away, away...deep into the depths of the looming graveyard. My grandmother would be ashamed of my hopeless weeping...she was a woman with poise and expectations...I was one with smashed hopes and fading dreams. I would have to face my father whom neglected me all these years soon, whom let me grow up without his kind words and comforts except for in letters.-------------------------**_

_**Tears burned my cheeks...I was kneeling on the floor, I screamed...begging...I looked up, his feet dangled above my face...His face was so pale, his sandy blond hair washed over his face..."God No...HELP! SOME ONE HELP!" I screamed. The next thing I knew Adams brother was holding me as he rang the police..."Yeah...I think he's..." he coughed and spluttered tears drowning his face..."Dead..."----------------------------------**_

I woke up and sat bolt straight up. My hand went to the back of my head which was stinging. I looked to my right to see Dylan.

"Shit 'Elena, are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah...what happened?" I asked numbly.

"You blacked out and smashed your head against the ground...you've been asleep for like 2 hours." He said matching my numbness.

"Oh...right."

"So what was that about any way...when you saw that picture...you...looked so pale." He said.

"Nothing...Noting..." I moaned a new wave of pain flooded from my head.

"Come on...please tell me?" he asked.

"I drew that picture shortly after my boyfriend died." I sighed. His mouth formed a perfect O.

"I'm so sorry...I shouldn't have asked."

"You're alright...I like people who speak their minds anyway." The door opened with a creak I turned to it to see a maybe 50 years old woman wearing was to bright pink lipstick standing at the door.

"Oh, you woke up. Your dad is here to collect you." She said bleakly, then turned and walked out.

"Oh that's great...I black out and she doesn't even ask how I felt." I laughed...Dylan laughed too.

"You want me to walk you to the hall?" he asked. I was about to say yes...but then I remembered my dad would be there...

"No..I mean you're missing your lunch time...you should go...I'll see you tomorrow." I said standing up and walking to the door.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" He asked.

"Well you're the only friend I have in this dump...so yes." I laughed and walked out of the room and to the entrance. I found my dad sitting anxiously on a chair tapping his foot against the ground repeatedly.

"Shit 'Elena are you okay?" My dad jumped up giving me a hug.

"Yeah...Okay..." I said not thinking about my answerer.

"Okay..I signed you out...so let's go." My dad said, protectively wrapping an arm around me. When I got n the car...I was literally fighting back tears...I stared out of the window.

"What happened?" My dad asked.

"Nothing."

"It's never nothing..." my dad sighed.

"Well what am I supposed to say dad, huh? That all I can fucking think about is my Grandma and Adam and my mom! Do you even remember my mom?" I screamed. My dads face was sewn with shock.

"Well...it doesn't seem that way...you say you loved her...but I don't see...you know...forget it...Let me out!" I demanded.

"NO WAY...You are staying in this car!" My dad shouted at me...I didn't care though...I was totally enraged...it was the only way to keep back the tears,

"Let me out right now! I'm going to Franks, I need to fucking cool off!" I screamed. He stopped the car, with a grimace on his face.

"Okay go, but young lady, I'm telling you this, I loved your mom...so much...and don't you think it kills me every day that I wasn't with her when she died? Huh?" He said pain filling his voice.

"Well don't you think it kills me too...that I was with all of them when they died...every fucking one of them." He knew what I meant...but there was more...if only they knew...I jumped out and slammed the car door closed than ran of down the street...my makeup smudging with tears...and so was my vision. When I got to Franks house I knocked on the door wildly. Jamia answered with a smile.

"Hey 'Ele- shit, what's wrong? Come in!" She said pulling me in... She took me to the living room.

"Frank rang and told me what happened." She said pulling me into a hug. I broke down in tears then on her...crying and crying...whimpering and trying to find some comfort from her seldom words.

**FRANK**

I opened my door.

"Jamia, I'm back...we gave up on tracking..we were so worried...I need to ring and find out how-" I stopped when I entered the living room. 'Elena was sitting there in tears..whimpering.

"Oh god." I said...my heart sank in my chest when I saw her.

"Honey...baby...I think you need to speak to Frank." Jamia whispered into her ear. 'Elena sat up and Jamia got up from the couch.

"I better give you two some privacy." She said and closed the door. I went and sat next to 'Elena.

"Honey what's wrong?" I asked putting my arm around her.

"Oh god Frank...why did he do it...why do they all go...Oh god...I thought I could cope...but I can't...Oh fuck ..." She trailed off into whimpers. I held her close and kissed the top of her head.

"Shhh...It's okay...It's all okay." I told her...rocking her back and forward.

'**ELENA**

I woke up in Fanks living room...covered with a blanket...Frank was prodding my arm trying to wake me up...

"Come one we need to get you to your house." He told me. I yawned and sat up...running my hands through my hair...I looked up at Frank.

"Thank you...for being there..." I said.

"No problem."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Couple Of Hours Later----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was lunch time and I sat outside in the cold , icy weather by myself...on some lame swing the school had put in, on the front entrance to make the grey school look more child friendly...back and forth...back and forth...back and forth...

"Hey." I had a bleak voice say. I turned around to see Dylan and three others standing watching me...

"See you haven't mellowed the makeup..." he laughed.

"Hi." I said not bothering to get up.

"This is Sammy, " he said pointing to a think boy around Frank's height with straight brown hair and a load of piercings, "Joe," he pointed to a tall extremely pale boy with light blonde hair just like Bobs, "and this is Kitty." He then pointed to the girl Sammy had his arm around...se was really pretty with short, dark brown hair and green eyes. She smiled broadly at me.

"Soo..." I said...

"You wan to go to Maths...or do you want to skip?" Dylan asked me...a smiled spread across my face...

"You really should know the answerer!" I laughed

You probably think I'm a bad person, the fact that I am forgetting...the fact I want to...but I think soon you'll realise that memories...haunt is in many ways...mine made me into a shallow interpretation of a human...I needed to escape them to learn to live...but that would take a L.O.N.G. time to achieve at this point. You may also think I'm a total jerk for some of the stuff I put my friends and family through soon...and what me and on of them do to tear apart some many lives...god I wish I could fully explain...right now...but I wont...I can't...you have to read the rest of this...to understand and to judge me at the same time...my story is long and filled with evil...but there has to be some good in it. Right?

_**Say, the lights are really low enough to play,  
Would you cast yourself so solitary?  
All alone you prove that I was,  
Broken down to move and alright,  
Battling the loss you live for,  
Meant the world to you,**_

_**And would you stay right here?  
When I tell you,  
That someone out there loves you.  
Would you stay right here?  
Well I'd tell you,  
That someone out there loves you after all.**_

_**Sometimes it's though it's easier to fall,  
Would you catch this and then pick this off the floor,  
and in a moment,  
if you're walking out the door I'd stop you,  
And i'll let you burn,  
and if you'd turn to me I'd say this,**_

_**would you stay right here?  
When I tell you,  
That someone out there loves you.  
If you stay right here,  
Keep attacking you,  
That someone out there loves you.**_

_**Is there no one, no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?  
And if no one. no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?**_

_**And would you decimate the stars then,  
When you go?**_

_**And if you stay right here,  
When I tell you,  
That someone out there loves you.  
Stay right here,  
Keep attacking you,  
That someone out there loves you.**_

_**No one, no one out there,  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?  
And if no one, no one out there,  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?**_

_Thank you for reading...I think...the fifth instalment...We are but a grain of salt through this ocean of a story...and we will learn the true art of...revenge_

_You Put The Hate In My Heart xoxox_


	6. You can leave like the sane abandoned me

"I heard about you bunking!" My dad said.

"Great, okay! Why do I need to know?" I asked. Sitting legs folded on my bed.

"Because you're my daughter and I'm trying to be as flexible as possible...but I need to give you rules!" He told me.

"Well just give me them...then I know when I'm breaking them." I huffed.

"Why the hell re you acting like this?" my dad seemed genuinely confused.

"I want to sleep! I hate being alive...keeping my heavy eyelids open...it's painful, dad! It's fucking painful as hell...my existence...everything... " I scream putting my hands over my eyes and trying to forget I was hear...my chest burned...so did my head.

"Look honey, you're young...and everything feels like the end of the fucking world...but it's not...you have so many opportunities and...fuck I wish I was half as bright or talented as you are when I was your age...all you need to do is try and you could have this amazing future...with kids...and money...and someone who loves you and whom you love back." He stared down at me.

"It doesn't feel like that...it feel like I'm stuck in mud...and I'm trying so desperately to get out...but it hurt to move...or to attempt too...survive...it's seems like the easiest thing to do...is to give up." I look through my fingers at him...he looked shocked...

"'Elena...I didn't know it had gotten this bad...why didn't you tell me." His said softly as he sat down next to me.

"I don't know...one minute...life's so great, the next...well, life's so shallow and bitter...the only thought going through my head was: goodbyes are easier to say than hellos...goodbye mean all the pain will go away...I tried to say goodbye and failed once to many...I thought If I didn't tell any one...I didn't have to worry them...And I could deal with it myself." I sighed.

"'Elena...you know we can get you help if you need it...there are a lot of good psychiatrists who can help you."

"I don't need a psychiatrist I need a fucking break from all this shit." I moaned.

You should know by now...that even though I want to share every amazing detail with you...I'm a skipper...I skip things...manly because I'm a lazy ass...so we are going to skip to my birthday: January 9th.

It was a normal day...well it started off normal. I walked downstairs...fully dressed...with all my makeup on.

"Morning birthday girl!" Lyn smiled giving me a hug.

"Morning to you too." I laughed. My dad came and gave me a hug too.

"Yeah! How does it feel to be 16?" he asked laughing.

"Pretty shitty...I've got a foul headache." I moaned as I sat down and poured myself some coffee.

"We would give you your gift now... but we thought we'd wait 'till all the guys got here tonight." Gee told me as he squeezed behind my chair to the other side of the kitchen.

"Sweet!" I smiled...I took a sip out of my coffee...it burned my tongue, but it still tasted great.

"Guys, I got to go...school and all." I smiled giving them hugs before grabbing my bag and heading out the door. I liked walking...the school wasn't very far away at all too, so Dylan and I found ourselves meeting up about a block away from my house (so he didn't realise Gee was my dad and freak out,)and walking to school together.

"Hey! Happy Birthday!" Dylan smiled. I gave him a quick hug.

"Arr...finally 16." I laughed. Dylan looked in his Black Flag bag...he finally pulled out a small box.

"Okay...I know you told us not to get you anything, but you made my birthday so special and you spent ages organising it, I thought that one present couldn't hurt." He laughed. He handed me the box, I opened it slowly...inside was a black thick leather choker...on the choker were little blue gems in the collar then there was a thin sheet of white lace behind the leather and handing of it was a piece of sapphire ribbons...dangling down.

"Oh god...it's beautiful." I gasped. I took it out of the box carefully.

"You want me to put it on for you?" he asked. I nodded, so her tightened it around my neck...I looked down at the blue ribbon hanging wonderfully on my chest.

"Thank you so much!" I said pulling him close and giving him a hug. All of the sudden I had an idea...I could trust Dylan...

"Dylan...I was wondering if you wanted to come around to my house tonight...some family are over to celebrate my birthday...and I would sure like if you could come too." I asked.

"Of course I would!" He told me. So we walked to school whilst I contemplated Dylans reaction when he meets my 'Pa.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------At Lunch Time-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay, Okay...All four of us put in some money and got you a present..." Joe said.

"Tickets to see..." Niki started...

"The one and only..."

"Note Of Solitude!" Dylan said.

"Oh hell yeah! Thank you guys so much!" I said jumping up and down like a mad woman.

"They're not until August, but it'll be awesome!" Sammie told me as he started doing some air guitar.

"You guys are the best!" I said giving them all hugs. The bell chimed signalling the end of lunch and the beginning of hell. Dylan and I made our way to the art block...but on the door it had a notice.

_**SURPRISE GUEST**_

_**COME TO HALL FOR TALK!**_

I read it twice...

"Hmm...I wonder who that could be..." I laughed...Dylan and I continued laughing as we ran through the empty hall and corridors and down into the main hall...

"Oh god do you remember at Joes sleepover when we were watching night of the living dead and we turned around and saw Sammy and Nikki kissing?!" I giggled hysterically.

...I stopped laughing and took a deep breath in.

"Calm down 'Elena...calm down..." I said quietly.

"You know you just said that out loud, wako." Dyaln giggled...I burst into laughter hopelessly and knocked on the door before opening it.

"Sorry we are late...we didn't get the no-t..." I grounded to a hault when I saw my dad standing in front of a mass of chair and pupils...he raised an eyebrow at me as I walked in holding Dylans hand tightly. We found our seats and sat down, my attention focused on my dad.

"Oh my god...it's Gerard Way." Dylan gasped...I went red and tried to concentrate on what my dad was talking about.

"...So yeah...umm...like I was saying I do generally draw story boards when I'm writing songs...because to me it's the clearer way of see a song...so...yeah, I like to keep my art and music separated...but they do find ways of helping each other and fusing...specially in some of the music videos...were you have to have the creative idea..." My dad trailed of...he was still looking at me with bright red cheeks.

"So Mr Way, have you got any special talents..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2 hours later----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Well it rains and it pours  
When you're out on your own  
If I crash on the couch  
Can I sleep in my clothes?  
'Cause I've spent the night dancing  
I'm drunk, I suppose  
If it looks like I'm laughing  
I'm really just asking to leave**_

This alone, you're in time for the show  
You're the one that I need  
I'm the one that you loathe  
You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose  
'Cause I love all the poison  
Away with the boys in the band

I've really been on a bender and it shows  
So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?

Give me a shot to remember  
And you can take all the pain away from me  
A kiss and I will surrender  
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead  
A light to burn all the empires  
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be  
In love with all of these vampires  
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me

There's a place in the dark where the animals go  
You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow  
Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands  
Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo

I've really been on a bender and it shows  
So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?

Give me a shot to remember  
And you can take all the pain away from me  
A kiss and I will surrender  
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead  
A light to burn all the empires  
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be  
In love with all of these vampires  
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me  
_**[x2]**_

"Okay that all class." Mr Rankin told us...I heard a couple of girls sigh as he said that...I mean Mr Rankins a nice guy...and the youngest teacher...but I still don't get how people could like him....yuck. Dylan and I stood still as the rest of the pupils merged into one and fled through the doors home. I saw dad walking up to me...fuck he wasn't going to speak to me was he?

"Hey...I was going to ask if you wanted a ride home." My dad asked me...I winced.

" 'Elena? Do you know..." Dylan stopped...my dads eyes bulged.

"Oh, shit...I'm sorry! I thought you'd told him...I'm going to go and wait in the entrance." My dad spun on his heels and walk off. Dylan turned to me.

"'Elena...how do you know Gerard Fucking WAY?" Something in his eyes changed...

"Oh My God...He's your father isn't he...holy crap...it all makes sense...press report anonymous girl walking in and out of his house...you never let me meetyour parents...your lats names way!" He stopped...I was silent...but my silence confirmed his suspicions...

"Holy fucking shit, dude..."

"I'm sorry I wanted to tell you... just didn't want people to like me because he was my dad." I said, I tried to put my hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off.

"You lied to me...was any of it true...about your grandma dying? Anything?" He asked.

"All of it Dylan...everything...everything about Adam and my mom and...I'm sorry, please forgive me." I was close to tears.

"'Elena... I don't think I can." He said... I turned around blinking away tears and ran out of the hall towards the entrance were my dad was sitting.

"'Elena what did he d..." I didn't hear any more, the footsteps behind me turned into an arm which pulled me back into Dylan...he hugged me tightly.

"I'm so sorry for saying that...It's just...I mean...I was in shock...he's your fucking dad!" Dylan said as he pulled away. I put a finger to my lips seeing as there was a swarm of people in the entrance.

"So we're friends? Are you still going to come to my house tonight?"

"Yeah...of course..."

"Please don't tell anyone..."

"I won't..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------In The Car------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So...who's the boy?" My dad asked casually in the car.

"Oh, Dylan...he's like...my best friend...I invited him over tonight..." I said simply...

"Yeah...he seemed like a best friends when he had you crying." My dad said bitterly.

"I over reacted." I smiled smugly.

"Okay...whatever you say...so did you get anything from your friends?" He asked.

"Yeah...Note of Solitude tickets from all of them and Dylan got me this choker."

"Sweet band..." he glanced at the choker... "Sweet choker too...I hate to ask...but do you think Dylan like...like likes you?" My dad asked...

"Eww...this is not the convocation I want to have with my dad." I said with a grimace.

"Oh come on...cut your old man some slack!" My dad laughed.

"I don't think Dylan likes me...he's too much like a brother to like me that way...any way the only couple in our group is Sammy and Nikki."

"The last I heard...was they were a subjective couple." My dad laughed.

"Holy crap! You do listen to me!" I laughed in hysterics.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Later on that night---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Happy birthday!" Bob and Kaitlin were last to arrive...except for Dylan...they gave me and hug then proceeded to the living room.

"Okay...Gift Giving time!" Krista said zealously.

"I told you guys not to bother..."I said seriously.

"Yeah...and like hell any one, listened...look there only small!" Frank said in a babyish voice.

"Oh...I forgot to mention...someone else is coming." I said waiting for the reaction.

"Oh really? Who...A boy?" Alicia asked smiling.

"Yeah a boy...but no Alicia...not a boy I'm going to hook up with!" I told her stiffly...

"Whatever you say!" Jamia continued.

"Stop putting ideas in her head!" Mikey moaned.

"What happened to gift time?" My dad asked.

"Good Idea!" Ray said pulling something out from behind him and handing it too me. I looked at it...I was sure I knew what it was...I tore of the pink packaging to see the full set of watchmen figurines.

"OH HELL YEAH! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said...I loved these goofy figurines...I had the umbrella academy, x-men, green lantern, league of extraordinary gentle men, bat man and now the full set of watchmen. I gave him and Krista a hug.

"Wow...it's almost as bad as me with Mr Bean!" Bob laughed.

"Ours next!" Alicia pushed forward hers and Mikeys gift. Inside the box were some games: Halo wars, Dungeons and Dragons, Fable 2 and Gears of War.

"Dude! These were the one I wanted! How did you..." I looked towards my dad.

"Now I know why you guys are so awesome at getting presents...ohhh." I laughed. I gave Alicia and Mikey hugs...have you noticed how many hugs I was giving recreantly?

"Oh quit hugging people! I wanna give you our present!" Frank laughed.

"Ignore him Honey...here you are." Jamia past me my present...it felt weird having all this attention on me...but it was nice...everyone was smiling and happy...relaxed. When I opened up the squidgy package I saw a new Bouncing Souls hoody and Misfits plimps.

"Wow...guys...this is rad..fuck...thank you guys so much!" I squealed. Next I got Bobs and squealed again as I saw A box saying _"The Collection Of Hollywoods Greatest Horrors!"_

"I can't believe all of you took the time to find me such awesome presents. You're such great friends."

"You still haven't opened ours!" Lyn laughed...they handed me a long parcel in the shape of a triangle and a card...the card read: _**May your 16**__**th**__** birthday be fuelled with love and merriment...Dad, Lyn and Bandit xox...**_

"Guys that it so sweet!" I said..near tears...my dad rolled his eyes.

"You still haven't opened your present!" So I did...Inside was a grey, leather case...I opened it to see a guitar in it...The face of it has a Misfit skull on...the strings ranged from Purple to black and the arm on it was green and purple stripes... I gasped.

"We've got the amp upstairs." Lyn said excitedly. I looked at the guitar...it was perfect...even the strap was perfect with blue and green star on the black material.

"Holy fucking...shit..unicorns...you shouldn't have..." I gasped at my family.

"Look when your old guitar broke you were really bummed out...so we got you a new one..." My dad laughed. I picked it up and swung the strap around me.

"Come on play us something!" Bob said...

"No...no..." I said about to sit down.

"Please!"

"Okay...I guess...I wrote this song...and it's kind of been haunting me...so...here goes:

_I shall lie,_

_With deplorable words,_

_That shall slowly,_

_Drive me insane._

_One would cry,_

_Another would die,_

_And never feel the omnipotence of my pain._

_Knock down blood,_

_Like cheap whiskey,_

_And I but have smashed hopes,_

_And fading dreams,_

_Constant companions for an eternity._

_I shall find another mean,_

_As ribbons of moonlight,_

_Scar me lightly,_

_To hold closely,_

_My murderer,_

_To hold so very tightly._

_Imploding societies,_

_In a world of detritus_

_And demise._

_I finished my story,_

_With rhythms._

_Jealousy was my murderer,_

_And rumours was the knife,_

_When they lied,_

_With deplorable words,_

_And their vanity,_

_Only their shield of apathy,_

_Kept them in the barrier,_

_Of sanity." _I took a breath in as I finished...I was so embarrassed...I wasn't the best at playing guitar...and I certainly couldn't sing.

"Wow...that was...amazing..." My dad said astounded.

"No...it wasn't it was hideous..." I laughed.

"When did you write that?" Frank asked... A scene behind my eyes started playing:

_**------------------------------------------"Adam call the ambulance!"...hospitals...nurses...I screamed and screamed...Adam held me tightly...the first time in ages...sleep...I sat on a seat waiting for the doctors...they came out eventually...machinery bleeped and doors swung... "I'm so sorry...she died..."-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

"A long time ago..." I glanced down...I heard the bell ring. I pulled the guitar of and put it down gently.

"Okay this is Dylan...Please be nice!" I told them sternly...they all just giggled and joked...and rolled my eyes and ran to the door...

"Hey!" Dylan smiled nervously...He had his over his face, skinny black jeans, converse, Misfit t-shirt and a plain black hoody...the fact that his hair was combed showed me that he had made some effert.

"Hey...you look great!" I smiled letting him in.

"So do you...I love the skirt and boots." I looked down at my tartan ripped mini skirt and biker boots.

"Thanks...Okay..they're all in the living room...they my stare at you and ask you if you want to lay me...but don't take that seriously nor personally." I laughed...he laughed to...timidly... I took his hand and pulled him into the living room.

"Guys this is Dylan...Dylan I'm pretty sure you know them right?" I laughed.

"Yeah..." Dylan said looking down at his feet.

**FRANK**

Dylan entered...wearing a misfit tee...I know that shouldn't make me hate him...but it kind of did. 'Elena was holding his hand tightly. I felt jealousy twist in my stomach...oh so bitter...just because he was young! I leaned next to Gee and whispered in his ear...

"First impression?"

"He has a misfit tee on...but he's holding my daughters hand..."

"You want to kill him?"

"With a chainsaw..."

"Hey Dylan...you vaguely met my dad right?" 'Elena said dragging Dylan towards...

"Yeah..." he stammered nervously...I smiled wickedly...

"Okay...you make yourself comfortable...I need to go to the can." 'Elena laughed and ran off.

"So..." Dylan said...everything had gone quiet when 'Elena had gone to the can.

**DYLAN**

Everyone was staring at me... "So..." I said...everything had become so incredibly quiet. I was trying not to freak out...okay...so all my heroes were staring at me...who were my best friends family...it can't be THAT bad...she said this might happen...

"Do you want to screw my niece?" Mikey asked simply... I stared at him...my mouth a perfect O.

"No...No...She's like a sister to me...of course not." I stammered.

"You know you mean a lot to her...so if you ever do anything to upset her...I may go chainsaw crazy..." Frank said with a distinctly low voice. I stared between them all...they really did care about her.

"Look...'Elena like my sister...okay? I don't want to lay her, I'm not going to upset her and I'm not going to let anything happen to her..." I told them. There was a silence.

"Great...hey I'm Gerard." Gerards tone changed into a cheerful one. I raised an eyebrow and took his hand and shook it.

'**ELENA**

When I came back into the room the atmosphere was a lot more comfortable than I had imagined it being.

"Okay..we've got a lot of beer...you kids are allowed no more than one...adults...go wild, this is a celebration!" Lyn smiled whilst holding Bandit who had started crying.

"Hey...Dylan come over and see Bandit!" I said after taking her...I was lifting her up and down...she was giggling.

"You're great with her." Dylan said.

"You want to hold her?" I asked. He stared down at her...

"No...no...I better not...I don't know what to do." Dylan laughed. My eyes flicked on Frank...he was making a loud snorting noise.

"It's easy...just support her neck." I said passing her slowly to him. He held he, staring down at her.

"Hello..." He whispered down at her... "You know...you're so small...it's crazy." He put on a high sweet voice as her rocked her up and down.

"You're doing amazingly."

"She's adorable...so small." He gasped. Lyn came behind us.

"Do you want me to give her to Gee? You kids should enjoy yourself!" She laughed. Dylan looked like he hadn't heard her...He stared at Bandit; amazed...He looked up at Lyn.

"I guess..." He slowly and begrudgingly passed Bandit gently to Lindsey.

_**They're selling postcards of the hanging**_

_**Well they're painting the passports brown**_

_**The beauty parlor's filled with sailors**_

_**The circus is in town**_

_**Oh look, here comes the blind commissioner**_

_**Well they got him in a trance**_

_**One hand is tied to the tight-rope walker**_

_**The other's in his pants**_

_**And the riot squad they're restless**_

_**They need somewhere to go**_

_**As Lady and I look out tonight**_

_**From Desolation Row**_

_**Cinderella, she seems too easy**_

_**"Well it takes one to know one," she smiles**_

_**And puts her hands in her back pockets**_

_**Bette Davis style**_

_**And now in comes Romeo, moaning**_

_**"You Belong to Me I Believe"**_

_**And someone says,"You're in the wrong place, my friend**_

_**You better leave"**_

_**And then the only sound that's left**_

_**After the ambulances go**_

_**Is Cinderella sweeping up**_

_**On Desolation Row**_

_**Now at midnight all the agents**_

_**And superhuman crew**_

_**Go out and round up everyone**_

_**That knows more than they do**_

_**They're gonna bring 'em to the factory**_

_**Where the heart-attack machine**_

_**Is strapped across their shoulders**_

_**And then the kerosene**_

_**Is brought down from the castles**_

_**By insurance men who go**_

_**Check to see that no one is escaping**_

_**To Desolation Row**_

_**'Cause right now I can't read too good**_

_**Don't send me your letters no**_

_**Not unless you're gonna mail them**_

_**From Desolation Row**_

Everyone was asleep except Dylan and I...Lindsey had put Bandit to bed not long then fallen asleep. I looked around...with a cheeky smile.

"Dylan I have an Idea..." I said quietly getting up...he followed me into the kitchen...the cold tiles froze my now bare feet...

"Well since they are all asleep I figured we could get some more liquor." I laughed looking through the fridge. I pulled out two bottles of bitter and handed one to Dylan who took a swig.

"It tastes awful... but it makes me feel so happy." Dylan laughed...I took a swig to keeping my eyes on him though.

"Thanks..."

"For what?" He asked confused.

"For not completely freaking out when you saw them." I said taking another swig.

"Yeah well...I thought you were to nice not to have any little secrets...I was prepared for mass murderer."

"Oh...thanks...I'm going to take that as a compliment..." I said giggling.

"You should...When I met Joe I thought he was some sort of Pedo..." He laughed downing his bottle.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Next Morning-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I woke up thankful that it was a Saturday and I would have to face the prospect of going to school...I woke up alone, fully clothed in my bed. I jumped up and walked downstairs. My gifts where neatly piled on the footrest... beer bottles had been picked up and only Lyn and Dad where here.

"Hi sugar." Dad said as I sat down.

"What time is it?" I asked yawning.

"2 o'clock." Lyn laughed.

"What the... Why didn't you wake me?"

"We didn't want to face you with a hang over...Dylan left this morning...didn't want to wake you..." Dad said looking at the TV, he turned to me after that...

"I wouldn't blame him after the amount you drank...6 bottles 'Elena?" My dad said...a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Don't tease her...it was her birthday..." Lyn said still watching the TV...

"Thank you Lynniie-Winniie! I'm going to go get changed." I said as I got up and skipped up stairs...I would have got changed...but the head ache and weak knees persuaded me to go back to bed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2 weeks later--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay...Okay! Geez Louise...Pick me up in 10 minutes...I should be ready by then." I hung up and opened my closet. The guys had invited me to go and get pissed with them.... I sighed as I looked through the racks of clothes and took out my black, thick tutu skirt, chained biker boots and a red and black checked, cropped waste coat with Sex Pistols buttons on that Lyn had bought me for X-mass...I through it all on with some fishnets and it looked half decent...but I still felt like shit....I combed my hair and put in some Nightmare Before Christmas earings on and spiky wrist collar....finally I put on the choker Dylan had got me on...it didn't exactly go with the outfit...but I still loved it. I walked down the stair clumsily to see my dad staring at me.

"Where the hell are you going and aren't you going to put something on except from that belt of a skirt?"

"I'm going out with my mates...and the SKIRT covers my butt, so I don't care..." I told him.

"You do have your phone right?" dad asked

"Of course...I'll see you soon...bye!" I said as I closed the front door and walked around the block to see the guys already waiting for me. I jumped in Dylans car...Joe and Dylan were staring at me whilst Sammy was too...occupied...with Nikki and her t.i.g.h.t corset to notice me. I sat in the back next to Sammy.

"Wow you look amazing..." Joe said quietly.

"Thanks...you scrub up well to...sweet shoes." He had Iron Maiden Vans on.

"Yeah...you look great." Dylan said too...concentrating on the road.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------At The Skate Park-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We sat on the side drinking and watching the skaters...I leaned my head against Joes shoulder...tired.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...just need more of the good stuff..." I laughed grabbing the bottle of Sammy and taking a glug. I sat my knees pulled up to my chest...the icy air elated me.

"'Sup?" one of the skaters asked as he stopped in the middle of the ramp and came and walking up to me...

"Nothing much...just admiring your skills." I laughed handing him the bottle. He took a swig and handed it back... Joe tightened his hold on my hand...

"I'm Tony..what's your names?" He asked lucking at us.

"That's Kitty to the left...Sammy...Dylan...this is Joe..." I pointed to Joe..."And this is me." I smiled. He raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you have a name?" he asked. I thought a second...I didn't want to tell him my real name...just in case...

"Jess." I said..I glanced over to the others...they all seemed fine with my lie...only Dylan really understood why though...

"So Jess...you know how to skate?" he asked...

"Yeah..."

"Wanna show me some of your skills?" he had a dangerous, daring edge to his voice.

"Give me your board." He did...I took another swig and got up to the others annoyance...I flipped over the skateboard and gently tested it...I did a couple of grinds on the cars and flip tricks...I didn't wanna do anything to major since I was just the tad bit tipsy...

"You're good..." he said as he walked past me and got his skateboard...he grabbed my ass...I don't think any one else saw...but I definitely felt it. I sat down next to Joe again...Tony came and sat next to me and pulled out some gummies from his pocket.

"Want one?" he asked me...I felt myself move further towards Joe as he did so.

"I'm a vegetarian." I said...I couldn't eat the stupid gluten.

"You know..." he bit of the gummy bears head "Vedgies turn me on." He smiled. I heard Dylan cough awkwardly.

"Oh shit dude...I didn't know she was your girlfriend." Tony said casually. Everyone looked between Dylan and I.

"Oh she isn't...I just don't like it when random guys chat up one of my best friends..." Dylan spat.

"Don't you think it's none of your business who chats her u..." I got up before I heard the rest...stumbling.

"You know I'm going because I don't like jerks who objectify girls and squeeze their asses..." I spat at Tony "guys...the walk will sober me up." I told them. I then quickly kicked Tony in the balls...He fell over in pain clutching them...

"That's what you get for being a total ass." I said. I just started walking off... I heard people running behind me...I turned around to see the guys running after me...

"That was totally awesome!" Sammy laughed.

"I know...I think he peed himself!" Kitty said grabbing her side with a stitch.

"Okay...let's go before he gets his stupid posse on us..." Joe chocked out as we made a break for Dylans car.

_I shall lie,_

_With deplorable words,_

_That shall slowly,_

_Drive me insane._

_One would cry,_

_Another would die,_

_And never feel the omnipotence of my pain._

_Knock down blood,_

_Like cheap whiskey,_

_And I but have smashed hopes,_

_And fading dreams,_

_Constant companions for an eternity._

_I shall find another mean,_

_As ribbons of moonlight,_

_Scar me lightly,_

_To hold closely,_

_My murderer,_

_To hold so very tightly._

_Imploding societies,_

_In a world of detritus_

_And demise._

_I finished my story,_

_With rhythms._

_Jealousy was my murderer,_

_And rumours was the knife,_

_When they lied,_

_With deplorable words,_

_And their vanity,_

_Only their shield of apathy,_

_Kept them in the barrier,_

_Of sanity._

_**Thank you for reading the 6**__**th**__** (yes I know 6**__**th**__**!!!) instalment of BECAUSE YOU'RE BREAKING OUR BLACK, LITTLE HEARTS...There is PLENTY more to go...I mean...another 9 or 10 chapters worth or something close to that...Okay...let's just say...fuck loads...Thank you for being so faithful and reading this story or maybe my others too...I would like to say a special thank you to **__**TheSmallButSpazzedGirl**__** for being a great friend and an inspiration...I don't think I would have carried on writing fanfic...if it wasn't for your support...this chapter was for you!!**_

_**You Put The Hate In My Heart xoxo**_

_P.S. I forgot to ask you... which name sounds better? If you have any comments on the subject pleeaaseee post on my comments for the story..._

_Jessie (boy) _

_Samantha/Sam (Girl)_

_Francis (Girl)_

_Niel (Boy)_

_**THANK YOU!**_


	7. Medication enjoys, enjoys most ever day

I want to warn you before reading this chapter...I mean this...do not take me words lightly...If you already feel sick from the loss of hope and solitude from the last few chapters...I swear to god this chapter is not for you...I've told the truth...I haven't compromised the story in any way...and some one shall come to the bitter end...there is a lot of blood and pills and alcohol...If you do not like the sound of this...look away...NOW:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ March 21ST---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked through the school corridor...someone bashed into me...but just walked off without even saying sorry... "Ass hole" I muttered under my breath.

"Easy tiger..." Dylan laughed.

"Okay...Okay... Let's just get to art..."

Art was a fun lesson...I spent the whole time casually chatting to Dylan whilst following Mr Rankins instructions...we had to pick our favourite Artist and make an interpretation of his/her work...I just picked Gerard Way..I mean it was easy enough...he was my dad right? I ended up drawing a picture like the girl in the inside of _"Three Cheers" _Well...I mean the same style...she was pretty with deep red eyes...blood dripped down her face as she held up a rose that was bleeding on her...she wore a black gown similar to Mother Wars...I filled the background up with "Bullets" lyrics...you see it was combining my fathers...I mean Gerards...style in art and in music together...but unlike usual Mr Rankin didn't come over and take a look at my picture...he just passed straight on...I glanced over at Dylans...he was doing a take on Picassos block style...I finished way before the end of class so I just plugged in my IPod and listened to MSI: _"__**Beat me up...Beat me down...Mess me up...Beyond all recognition." **_

"'Elena?" Mr Rankin said quietly...I pulled out my headphones...he didn't look at my picture...

"Please wait at the end of the lesson...I need to speak to you." He smiled briefly then turned around quickly and marched off. I didn't care that much...teachers always wanted to talk to me...they were my bitches...I giggled at the thought of that and put my headphones back in: _**"For what it's worth...I'd do it again...With no consequence...I will do it again...Hard up, so hunt me down, down, down...Jump the gun bust a cap hit the ground..."**_

_**RIIIINNNGGG...RRIIIINNNNGGG!**_ The bell chimed distinctively through my music. I pulled out my headphone and turned my IPod off. I stayed sitting down through... Mr Rankin wanted to speak with me...

"I'll go and find the others...we'll wait outside for you." Dylan told me as he got up. The class emptied...Mr Rankin stood on the over side of the class room.

"You asked to speak to me?" I said standing up. He turned around...

"Yeah..." He walked slowly over to me...h was staring at me and creeping me out...

"Is this about me missing the lesson last week? I'm sorry... I was feeling ill." I said trying to fill the silence.

"Unfortunately...this is not about that..." He seemed to be staring at me now...manically...

"Okay...I hate to say this, but you're kind of freaki..." I didn't get any further since he leaned forward and kissed me...I pulled back.

"Oh...shit...I've got to go..." I stuttered tears were forming behind my eyes. I tried to turn around, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him and kissed me...wrapping his arms around me and forcing his tongue down my throat... I lifted my knee up and hit him in the balls frantically...tears burning my eyes.

"Get the hell of me!" I screamed as I shook away his hands and ran out the door...The others were waiting for me...I ran past them...still crying...

"'Elena what's wrong?" I Joe shouted behind me frantically...I ignored him...I had to find some where I could be alone. I ran down the main hall and pulled open the janitors closet door...no one ever came in here. I sat down against the door...breathing in sharply...tears rolled down my cheeks...I couldn't believe what was happening...what had just happened...I wiped my mouth trying to get all of _him_ of me...My chest was so tight...like some on had put a band around it... I wrapped my arms around my pulled up knees and wept into them...I needed to get out of this hell. I pulled out my phone from my pocket...the dark closet seemed to be closing in on itself as I rang the first person I could think of**...rriiinnnggg.....rriiiinnnggg....rrriiinnngggg....**

"Hello?" Frank answered his phone.

"Oh god Frank...I'm so glad you answered..." I wept...

"What wrong?" His voice becoming urgent...

"Where are you?" I asked...more tears spilled out of my eyes...

"In the studio..."

"Can you make an excuse and go outside so no one can hear you...and don't say my name..."I told him...my voice still weak...

"Okay...okay..." There was a silence...I choked on my tears...I held the phone tightly...

"Okay...'Elena...I'm outside the studio...What happened? Why are you crying?" He asked very seriously...

"I didn't mean it to happen...he just kissed me...oh god...he tried to force himself on me... shit...Frank I don't know what to do..." I cried...

"Who? One of those stupid Jocks?" He asked defensively...I sniffled a No.

"Oh my god...was it Dylan?"

"No Frankie...it was my art teacher..." I broke down into tears then...I keeled over to the side...crying and holding the phone tightly.

"Okay...'Elena...I'm going to come and get you...where are you...of fuck 'Elena calm down!"

"Okay..." I took a sharp breath in... "I'm in the janitors closet..." I cried...

"I know this may be hard...but I need you to find your way to the main entrance...I'll be waiting for you..." Frankie trailed off...

"I don't want to...Frank I'm so scared...I can't move..."I cried...

"I know honey...I know...but I need you to take a breath and get to the main entrance so I can help you..."He whispered.

"Okay...just hurry up..." I sighed. I hung up and threw my phone to the ground...I put my hands above my head catching onto the door handle...tears rolled down my cheeks...why was everything so dark?

**FRANK**

I yawned and wiped my eyes...we were going through the tedious chore of putting our songs in the order for the album...my phone rang...Brian gave my exasperated look...I rolled my eyes a him and picked up my phone...

"Hello?" I answered.

"Oh god Frank...I'm so glad you answered..." 'Elena cried on the other end of the phone...

"What wrong?" Worry hit me immediatly...

"Where are you?"Her tears became more furious...I looked around at the guys watching me.

"In the studio..."

"Can you make an excuse and go outside so no one can hear you...and don't say my name..."She literally whispered...

"Okay...okay..."I said turning to the guys...

"I got to go..." I told them getting up and pressing the phone against the top of my chest.

"What? Why?" Ray asked.

"Um...there's something wrong with granddad..." I lied...I picked up my bag and slung it over my bag.

"What's wrong with him?" Mikey asked worried.

"Um...I don't know...I was just old to go...bye!" I ran out the room and closed the door. I put the phone back up to my ear...I was starting to get really worried.

"Okay...'Elena...I'm outside the studio...What happened? Why are you crying?" I said trying to be comforting.

"I didn't mean it to happen...he just kissed me...oh god...he tried to force himself on me... shit...Frank I don't know what to do..."My eyes widened.

"Who? One of those stupid Jocks?" I asked automatically defensively...

"No..oh god know..." She sniffed.

"Oh my god...was it Dylan?"

"No Frankie...it was my art teacher..." Everything changed then...I couldn't believe what I was hearing...this was crazy...All I wanted to do was kill him...

"Okay...'Elena...I'm going to come and get you...where are you...of fuck 'Elena calm down!"

"Okay..." she took a sharp breath in... "I'm in the janitors closet..." she broke down into even more tears.

"I know this may be hard...but I need you to find your way to the main entrance...I'll be waiting for you..." I wasn't sure how to end...

"I don't want to...Frank I'm so scared...I can't move..."

"I know honey...I know...but I need you to take a breath and get to the main entrance so I can help you..."I whispered. I ran out of the builing and jumped into the car and started driving like a mad man.

_**Gonna take off all my skin,  
Tear apart all of my insides,  
When they rifle in,  
Mom and Dad think you'll be saved,  
They never had the time,  
They're gonna medicate your lives,  
You were always born a crime,  
We salute you in your grave.**_

Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms,  
Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms.

_**[Spoken in background]**__**  
(Well my gun fires  
seven different shades of shit,  
So what's your favorite color, punk?)**_

Do you wanna hold my hand?  
Could you sign this photograph,  
'Cause I'm your biggest fan,  
Would you leave me lying here?

We're not here to pay a compliment,  
Or sing about the government,  
Oxycontin genocide,  
Adolescent suicide,  
I'll give you my sincerity,  
{Don't give} a fuck about a Kennedy,  
Here's what I've got to say.

Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms,  
Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms.

No way home why  
_**[x4]**__**  
**__**[in background]**__**  
We've got to go  
**__**[x7]**__****_

Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms,  
Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back, well, in her arms.

I can't find the way  
_**[x6]**__****_

Come on angel, don't you cry  
_**[x4]**_

When I got to 'Elenas school all I could see were a mass of stupid kids making out and playing kick ball...I ran in-between them trying to make my way to the entrance...when I did... I saw 'Elena...she was crying...no one had noticed her standing in the middle of the hall hugging herself and crying... I ran over and gave her a hug...I didn't want to let go...it pained me seeing her like this...I pulled away and pointed out of the door.

"You see my car over there...go and get in it." I told her seriously.

"Frank you're not going to do anything stupid? Are you?" She asked cautiously...

"No...I'm just going to sign you out...go get in the car..."I lied...she ran of...I took a deep breath... I knew what her art teacher looked like...I'd seen a class picture of him when 'Elena showed me th eprject they had all been working on...he was young...unshaven and a shitty ass teacher... I walked around...some people were staring at me...I'm not sure if it was because the recognised me or because I looked like I was going to kill someone...I turned around... I couldn't have missed h...ahhah...there he was...he had his hands on his head and he was leant against the wall. I walked briskly up to him and punched him.

"That's what you get for touching her you ass! I'm going to give you some advice that I've gave some of her friends...don't upset her...because if you do...I'm going to get a little chainsaw happy...then we'll see who can be the total ass!" I screamed at him...He stood there staring at me...hand on his bleeding nose...what happened if 'Elena was just one of his victims? Victims...I hated that word...I turned around and walked off...everyone was staring at me now...when I got in the car, 'Elena looked me up and down cautiously...

"What did you do..." she said...her voice was weak...

"I just gave that dick head some pointers..." I muttered

"You said you weren't going to do anything!" She exclaimed...she dropped it after that...

"Okay...where are we going?" I asked her...

"I can't go to mine...then Lyn would know something happened..." she said looking down...I sighed...

"You're going to stay at mine...since Jamia's going to be out...at lunch with a friend...and I'll drop you of at your house after school finishes...

"Thanks Frank..." she said...I glanced at her...

"'Elena...I know what it's like to be a 16 year old at high school...promise me you're not going to do anything stupid when I drop you off..." I said...

"I won't...nothing _stupid_..." she said simply...I took another glances at her...hr eyes were red and huge...her hair was wild...I hated t say it...but I didn't trust her...

"Promise me..."

"I promise I won't do anything _stupid..."_

'**ELENA**

I wanted to throw up...I felt so ill... there was this brick sitting in the bottom of my stomach and my eyes lids couldn't stay open...I closed Franks car door...

"Thanks fr looking out for me..." I said as I slammed the door.

"No problem...i your dad asks...you've been at school ALL day, remember?" He laughed...

"Frank...I want a hug..." I said...he got out a gave me a hug...I hugged him so tightly I was scared I was suffocating him... This was my goodbye hug...but he didn't know that. I then opened the door to my house...after telling dad that I was fine...and school had been great I walked slowly upstairs...I had planned what I was going to do... I lay on my bed...My chest fell down then jumped up...my heart beat quickened every time I thought about what I was going to do...I was going to escape...Everything was so black...so filthy... Ever read Watchmen? Rorschachs Diary… first entry we hear: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"… and I'll whisper "no."

I get it..this could have been me…but it wasn't…everything's so black…so disgusting…the sky is grey and the earth is populated with hells…funny Man strides to make the earth his own paradise…in wish it is populated with demons…just like we fight for peace…and give fake hopes…like…love.

This feeling…it's also the feeling of a crushing expectation to be civilised…to have manors…to be sociable…we are but dolls…to expectations…we shape our minds and personalities so we can impress people and exceed their expectations…we looks up to others…I don't want a doll…I want to pull of these strings that are controlling me…but I'm scared…of closing my eyes… I jumped up and went looking through my things... I found a half used bottle of pain killers...a full bottle of cheap whiskey and a razor...I closed my eyes and took a breath in...I didn't want to live in a world like this any more...how could I? I threw some pills in my mouth then swallowed them with whiskey...I kept doing this until the pills were all gone...I was so drunk...my head felt so light and My legs had went numb...this was going to be the last thing I did...I pulled the razor over my skin...like a pen in left lines of red...but it wasn't ink...it was blood...the gashed went up either arms...I fell down on my bed exhausted...Bye, bye world...I love you...that's when it hit me...I loved the world...what the fuck was I doing? But my eye lids were so heavy...I couldn't stay awake any longer...I was falling into a deadly sleep:

_**Welcome to this institution  
One way to resolution  
I'm put on this medication  
Rolls down my throat**_

Cause I can't ever sleep at night the same  
This medication enjoys, enjoys most every day

Cause I close my eyes,  
I see land

What did I say?  
What did I say to put Sister to Sleep?  
And fall awake and die  
And I'm never goin' to bed

Back to the day, back into this day  
Back to another level, hotter then hell  
Said that we're not savages until we do it  
Again  
And one last night I'll kiss your lips again

What did I say?  
What did I say to put Sister to Sleep?  
And fall awake and die  
And I'm never goin' to sleep

I will take this ferris wheel  
And I'm sleepwalking back into this hell

Oh my darling  
For the first time

Don't let me sleep tonight  
And get in your way tonight  
Don't let me sleep tonight  
Get in your way

What did I say?  
What did I say to put Sister to sleep?  
I'll never go to sleep  
And I won't go back to bed

I'm sleepwalking back into this...  
Hell!  
Oh... God...

**LINDSEY **

"Tea's ready!" I shouted up at 'Elena...there was no answerer... Gee sighed...

"I'll go and get her..." he said.

"No, no I will...you finish feeding Bandit!" I rushed up the stairs...I knocked on 'Elenas doors...no answerer...I knocked again...no answerer...I very slowly opened the door leading into her pitch black room. She was lying on her blood covered bed. I ran over...there was a empty bottle of aspirin and whisky next to her...my eyes bulged...deep scars like ribbons rolled down her arms...beads of blood covered her.

"SHIT! Gee call an ambulance..." I screamed...I heard thuds as Gee ran up the stairs...he walked in and saw 'Elena whilst holding the phone...he stopped still...

"Ring the god damn ambulance!" I told him again...I looked down at 'Elena...why would she do this?

**FRANK**

"She said she wouldn't do anything stupid...she fucking promised..." I moaned and cried at the same time...All I could see was her face...god it was tearing me up.

"What?" Gee voice was very, very deep and slow.

" She said she wouldn't do anything stupid..." I trailed of...realising what I had done...

"When was this?" He asked urgently...

"At lunch time...I rang her...she was upset about something..." I lied...'Elena would not want him to know what happened...

"About what?" He sounded so desperate...like knowing would make 'Elena be okay...

"I don't know!" I screamed...He didn't question me any more...he just let me sit there and cry...Jamia sat next to me...her hand tightly in mine and she held her tears in.

_**------foot steps down the hall. Bleeping...I looked up...Dylan. He was crying too.--------**_

"What did she do? What the fuck did she do?" He sounded like he was begging for something... poise? Gee just got up...it was almost scary as I watched...and gave Dylan a hug...as he cried.

"She'll get better...she's a fighter...you'll see!" Dylan cried...

**GERARD**

I hate hospitals...I hate everything about them...and I hated being in one right now...the guys were here...surrounding me...

"She's going to be okay..." Bob said...I looked up...

"How the hell is she going to be okay? She drunk and bottle of whisky, half a bottle of friggen aspirin and sliced her fucking wrists open!" I screamed... Lyn took my hand tightly...We had got mom to come and look after Bandit whilst we were at the hospital.

"She said she wouldn't do anything stupid...she fucking promised..." I heard Frank whisperer with tears...

"What?" I asked...

" She said she wouldn't do anything stupid..." he trailed of...

"When was this?" I asked urgently...

"At lunch time...I rang her...she was upset about something..."

"About what?" I asked...I needed to know why!

"I don't know!" He literally screamed at me...I looked down...I could hear him crying... foot steps down the hall. Bleeping...I looked up...Dylan. He was crying too.

"What did she do? What the fuck did she do?" He screeched in tears. I got up... and walked to where he had stopped still in the hall...and did something I never thought I would ever do...I pulled him into a hug as we both wept...

"She'll get better...she's a fighter...you'll see!" He cried...I wanted to believe him...I really did... A doctor in a smart white uniform called me into a different room...he was old and bald and had a hooked nose like an eagle swooping for prey,

"Is she going to live?" I asked...He bit his lip...a frown appearing on his face...

"Oh god..." I gasped

"We are taking her in to get her stomach pumped...but there is a very real chance that 'Elena won't make it through the night...the alcohol and pills and a deadly concoction without the loss of blood... But if she responds well she could be with us in a matter of days..." that was not what I wanted to hear...I put my hands over my eyes and cried some more...what had pushed 'Elena to do that...It can't have just been a single thing...it must have been more than that... I walked outside...completely undemonstrative... I sat down on the bench and my head in my hands...

"So?" they all pushed gently...I looked up...

"There is a very real chance that 'Elena is not going to survive this..." I think I had ran out of tears by that point...I just sat and shook...

_THANKS FOR READING THE 7__TH__ CHAPTER! This was a particularly short chapter, but it did its job...will 'Elena live or die? Will more blood be spilled and will the story continue? This chapter is dedicated to MCR...for being characters...role models and true..._

_**YOU PUT THE HATE IN MY HEART... xox**_


	8. Oxycontin genocide, Adolescent suicide,

'**ELENA**

**Dead**: (noun) the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism. Compare brain death.

**Solitude**:

(Noun) the state of being or living alone; seclusion: to enjoy one's solitude.

**Fear**: (Noun) a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

**Regret**: (Verb) to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.

**Time:** (Noun) the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another.

**Lost: **(Verb) to absent oneself: I think I'll get lost before an argument starts.

**Darkness**: It's harder to describe...Without life, Evil, Lonely, Natural, Without light...darkness can be a metaphor for so many things...but I think the most redeeming quality of darkness...is the fact that you don't know what's going to pop up and surprise you...or when I was a kid...pop up and tear your face of with their blood stained teeth...Darkness: Inexplicable...

That's what I was experiencing ...darkness...and I didn't like it...not one bit...I wanted to live...I needed to live...


	9. Well I hope I'm not mistaken by the news

_**Without a sound I took her down  
and dressed in red and blue I squeezed  
Imaginary wedding gown  
That you can't wear in front of me  
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell  
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet  
Lets say goodbye, the hundredth time  
And then tomorrow we'll do it again  
Tomorrow we'll do it again**_

I dragged her down I put her out  
And back there I left her where no one could see  
And lifeless cold into this well  
I stared as this moment was held for me  
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell  
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet  
Let's say goodbye, the hundredth time  
And then tomorrow we'll do it again

I never thought it'd be this way  
Just me and you, we're here alone  
And if you stay, all I'm asking for is  
A thousand bodies piled up  
I never thought would be enough  
To show you just what I've been thinking

And I'll keep on making more  
Just to prove that I adore  
Every inch of sanity  
All I'm asking for is, all I'm asking for is

C'mon

These hands stained red  
From the times that I've killed you and then  
We can wash down this engagement ring  
With poison and kerosene  
We'll laugh as we die  
And we'll celebrate the end of things  
With cheap champagne

Without, without a sound _**[x2]**__**  
And I wish you away  
Without a sound  
And I wish you away**_

Without a sound, without a sound  
And I wish you away

**GERARD**

It was one of those days when you hear your alarm ring...and you feel like you're a 16 year old kid...who has to get up and face another day in high school; another day of getting pushed into lockers, head cut open, hopes smashed, fear becoming a reality and solitude being your only saviour. I groaned and pulled myself up...nothing had been the same since 'Elena had tried to kill herself...it had been two days since her stomach getting pumped and she still hadn't woken up...the doctors assured me this was quite normal in her case...her body had to stop and take time to mend itself...It sounded like bull shit to me...I got up...I decided to let Lindsey have a lie in...I pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and a way to big watchmen t-shirt and went into the bathroom. Everything was a mess...dark circles framed my eyes and my skin was paler than ever...I put on some eyeliner and brushed my teeth...I counted the strokes that I did it in...when had life become so meaningless? I went back in my room and picked Bandit up very carefully trying not to wake her up...but like usual her eyes snapped open...I swear to god she was about to cry...but couldn't find the energy for it...I got her changed and fed her before strapping her into her baby seat in the car...I jogged back into the kitchen and left Lindsey a note.

_**TOOK BANDIT TO HOSPITAL WITH ME...BE BACK SOON-ISH...**_

_**LOVE YOU.**_

It's funny what direction life can take you...a couple of months ago everything looked up...I had two daughters...a wife...the best friends I could every want...my brother...my health and a new album...Now the press had heard about 'Elena and she was suicidal and unconscious. Her name had been splashed across Buzznet, NME, Rocksound, Kerrang! And HVI. Stories had been made up and posted on the internet...It had all happened when some bad ass employee at the hospital leaked some information on 'Elena...he got fired...but the damage had been done...I mean this was an article I was reading yesterday about her:

_**CHEMICAL BABIES WITH A CHEMICAL END?**_

_**My Chemical Romance...a successful band which has sold millions of CDs and tickets around the world, but who knew there was more to MCR (abrv) to what meet the eye? Gerard Way (vocals) and wife Lindsey (MSI BASSIST) recently conceived and gave birth to their first child BANDIT, but due to recent speculation..."ROCKSOUND" can reveal that Gerard is actually a father of two. His other daughter, 'Elena (16,) was the love-child of a teenage relationship between Gerard and 'Elenas mother Laurie Wheale (deceased). For currently un-known reasons Gerard ceased to play a major role in 'Elenas life until her grandma died. She then (according to sources) she moved in with her father and started attending Belleville High during the month of September, 09. Concealed from the press until now...'Elena carried out a normal teenage life, until recently for unknown reasons 'Elena attempted suicide with a prescription drug overdose. She is currently in hospital, neither friends nor family are willing to comment on her health nor specific wear about. Could this be a chemical end for the FIRST chemical baby?**_

_**-Noel Hurst.**_

When I finally made it through the traffic to the hospital and quickly un strapped Bandit and put her in her push chair. I turned around to see people jumping out of a van with camera snapping pictures of me...I groaned...my daughter night be dying and they couldn't even leave me alone.

"Would you like to comment of you and your daughters relationship?" A woman asked me.

"No I wouldn't...I mean are you out of your minds?" I spat pushing the push chair through the mass...They didn't push too much on account that I had Bandit, but it was still too far.

I pushed the pram through the crowed halls of the hospital...down past the maternity wards...eventually making it to 'Elenas room, I opened to door to see 'Elena sitting up and staring around the room.

"Holy Crap." I said pushing the pram slowly in her room. Her red bloated eyes rested on me.

"Pa' I'm so sorry..." she said tears rolling out of her eyes...I pushed the pram next to 'Elenas bed, and then sat on her bed staring at her...I was completely over whelmed with emotions.

"'Elena I..." I didn't get to finish my sentence before she pulled me into a hug and cried into my neck.

"Oh god Dad I'm so sorry..." She hugged me tight...I found myself crying desperately.

"Oh god 'Elena don't leave me again..." I cried...

"I swear to god, I never will..." she cried.

'**ELENA**

Turns out the press found out about me...turns out my friends did too...turns out I almost died...turns out...I just made it. Frank came a lot. Told me Mr Rankin quite after he found out what happened to me. No one else knew what he did. But they knew everything else...didn't they?

Kitty, Joe, Sammy and Dylan sat in my room...so desperately quiet...

"I'm so sorry guys...about everything...about lying to you guys and...all this shit..." I looked down at my hands...tubes stuck in and out of them...

"Why didn't you tell us...I mean how you felt...?" Sammy asked.

"I don't know...I just...didn't think there was anything to talk about..." I gagged...

"Well, there obviously was...What about your dad...why didn't you tell us?" Joe asked...

"I'm sorry...I just wanted to be liked...for me..." I stuttered. I looked down in the article in my hand...

_**CHEMICAL BABIES WITH A CHEMICAL END?**_

_**My Chemical Romance...a successful band which has sold millions of CDs and tickets around the world, but who knew there was more to MCR (abrv) to what meet the eye? Gerard Way (vocals) and wife Lindsey (MSI BASSIST) recently conceived and gave birth to their first child BANDIT, but due to recent speculation..."ROCKSOUND" can reveal that Gerard is actually a father of two. His other daughter, 'Elena (16,) was the love-child of a teenage relationship between Gerard and 'Elenas mother Laurie Wheale (deceased). For currently un-known reasons Gerard ceased to play a major role in 'Elenas life until her grandma died. She then (according to sources) she moved in with her father and started attending Belleville High during the month of September, 09. Concealed from the press until now...'Elena carried out a normal teenage life, until recently for unknown reasons 'Elena attempted suicide with a prescription drug overdose. She is currently in hospital, neither friends nor family are willing to comment on her health nor specific wear about. Could this be a chemical end for the FIRST chemical baby?**_

I guess this wasn't the chemical end...the dramatic end for me...but I sure there would be one...

I had to go and see a psychiatrist...A straight up woman...who was the only person I had met that was quieter than me. When you were with her...everything hurt...stung...her indifferent eyes pierced through your skin...You sat in this sterile, white room; on this big, suffocating chair that swamped you and all your senses.

"So...could you tell me what was going through your head whilst you tried to commit suicide?" She asked looking down at a blank piece of paper on her lap. I was quiet, silent; like usual. She frowned and looked up.

"What about how you felt?" She asked. My mouth opened slightly...how could I explain...it was impossible with a thousand words...

"Dark...suffocating in a lethargic sense of solitude..." I said bleakly...she sat up at my comment...

"Any thing else?" She asked... I shook my head...lost for words...

"You know, you could help yourself; by letting me in." Yeah that's what she wanted; to get into my brain like a worm...to wiggle around and know all my darkest secrets...my foot tapped against the ground impatiently.

"Fine...we'll do it your way." She said stiffly sinking back into her seat...like a snake.

"You say it as if I'm playing a game." I spat at her.

"Look, I'm trying to help you. Just tell me your story..." She asked.

"I'm feeling tired." I said getting up...I wanted to go back to my ward and sleep.

I was getting out of here; at last.

Everything was going to be okay.

It had to be...

My dad zipped up my bag up with a sigh.

"You're sure about this? I mean you can stay here for a bit longer...if you feel like it will help you." He said glancing at me, he almost sounded guilty about something.

"No, Pa' I want to go home..." I looked directly at the floor.

"Okay..." He said picking up my bag. I followed him out of my room; he said that Mz Lowe (my psychiatrist) wanted to talk to me. I just followed him happily...Black circles tinted my eyes and my hair was a giant, ball of...random messiness. I was fully dressed...I couldn't be bothered to try and make myself looks presentable. You know one of those feelings you get...the ones that is buried deep into your stomach...a searing pain that makes you feel like there must be something about to happen...

_**Well, when you go**_

_**Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay**_

_**And maybe when you get back**_

_**I'll be off to find another way**_

_**And after all this time that you still owe**_

_**You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know**_

_**So take your gloves and get out**_

_**Better get out**_

_**While you can**_

_**When you go**_

_**Would you even turn to say**_

_**"I don't love you**_

_**Like I did**_

_**Yesterday"**_

_**Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading**_

_**So sick and tired of all the needless beating**_

_**But baby when they knock you**_

_**Down and out**_

_**It's where you oughta stay**_

_**And after all the blood that you still owe**_

_**Another dollar's just another blow**_

_**So fix your eyes and get up**_

_**Better get up**_

_**While you can**_

_**Whoa, whooa**_

_**When you go**_

_**Would you even turn to say**_

_**"I don't love you**_

_**Like I did**_

_**Yesterday"**_

_**Well come on, come on**_

_**When you go**_

_**Would you have the guts to say**_

_**"I don't love you**_

_**Like I loved you**_

_**Yesterday"**_

_**I don't love you**_

_**Like I loved you**_

_**Yesterday**_

_**I don't love you**_

_**Like I loved you**_

_**Yesterday**_

Soon as dad opened the door and walked in I knew something was wrong. I followed him in...chairs were laid out In a semi circle on the other side of the room...everyone was there Lindsey, Bandit, Mikey, Alicia, Bob, Kaitlin, Jamia, Frank, Ray, Christa, Sammy, Kitty, Joe and Dylan. He went and sat down on the only empty seat after locking the door behind me with a click. I looked at them...a not tightened in my throat. Lyn held my dads hand tightly, and I could hear Mikey sob quietly...my eyes flickered onto Mz Lowe...Oh god...fear rose up in me...I turned to the large, wood door and started banging on it, my fist stung and so did my eyes.

"Oh god, let me out! Fuck! Help, let me out!" I cried, still thumping the door with my red fist. No one came to my side, no one said anything. Tears blinded my vision...I gave it a final ditch effort, I pushed my shoulder against the door. Pain seared through it making me weep more.

"Holy crap..." I whimpered as I fell to the ground...I thudded to the ground...my back leaned against the door, painfully. I whimpered...looking around the room at all the people I loved. Mz Lowe, the evil, devilish glare that she held and her poised stance that reminded me painfully of my late grandma; sat opposite me, as if this was some movie.

"'Elena, we are truly sorry we had to go to this method, but I need to know what's wrong with you, so I can help you, before you go." Her voice sounded like a thousand snakes, slivering through her body and soul.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" I screamed, pulling my legs up to my chest. I could hear crying coming from someone else but me...I just couldn't tell who.

"Well there obviously is, since you tried to kill yourself." She told me again like some sort of prayer.

"Nooo..." I moaned burying my head in my knees.

"'Elena why don't you tell us what you were thinking when you tried to kill yourself?" she asked. I didn't look up...I just buried my head...

"What about the saddest moment in your life." She asked. I didn't look up, how could I? They couldn't comprehend the depths of sadness.

"Okay...if you're not going to talk...then I'm going to ask your friends and family the saddest they have ever seen you." I looked up immediately.

"So Mikey, you're starting." My head twisted to my uncle...he stared at Mz Lowe...

"I...Um...Probably the day I met her..." Mikey said looking down.

"Jamia?"

"There was this day...yeah, the first day she went to school. She came back early...because she fainted...she came to my house and she was just crying..." She stopped there...I could feel my eyes burning...

"Kitty, you're her friend, you must have seen her upset..."

"Yeah...I guess there was this one time, we were in town and...she just stopped and stared at this baby, that was crying in it's mothers arms...and she looked so lost..." Sammy put his arm around her tightly and she rubbed her eyes...this was killing me inside...they were hurting, it wasn't fake; I could see it

"What about you Frank..."

"Shit I don't know! I mean...it's her eyes. Even when she's laughing or...fuck I don't know...her eyes are always worn, like she's just given up." Frank said, I myself go very weak as I heard him say that.

"Ger..." I interrupted Mz Lowe before she could say any more.

"Please don't, don't please..." I whimpered, it actually hurt hearing them speak about me this way...memories flooded my mind.

"Then why don't you tell us the answerer?" She asked, so seriously, I wanted to laugh...who can be serious in a game? A game of tongue tide monsters and hidden rules.

"What can I say?" I asked jumping up to everyone else's alarm, "You know...it's so dark...it's so deep and so lonely...and everything hurts, you don't know what you're fighting for any more. Then it's so light...You have so much energy, you can't sit still...you become paranoid and manic and it kills you..." tears rolled down y cheeks...they had got it out of me...my big secret still to come.

"It's okay...you can feel like this..."

"No I can't because it's tearing me apart! It's killing me! I can't sleep, I'm dying in the shallow interpretation of a body and a life...oh god, it's so pitiful."

"Do you know when this could have started...any particular thing that could have set this off?" She said scribbling on her notepad. Words and memories flew through my mind.

"When my baby died." I said still in the memories...Everyone stared at me.

"What?" I heard Mz Lowe say amongst the confused looks.

_**----------------------Now I was curled up beside her newly laid grave weeping for all I had lost. The single lily that I had placed on her grave was swept away by the wind...away, away...deep into the depths of the looming graveyard. My grandmother would be ashamed of my hopeless weeping...she was a woman with poise and expectations...I was one with smashed hopes and fading dreams. I would have to face my father whom neglected me all these years soon, whom let me grow up without his kind words and comforts except for in letters.-------------------------**_

_**----------------------Tears burned my cheeks...I was kneeling on the floor, I screamed...begging...I looked up, his feet dangled above my face...His face was so pale, his sandy blond hair washed over his face..."God No...HELP! SOME ONE HELP!" I screamed. The next thing I knew Adams brother was holding me as he rang the police..."Yeah...I think he's..." he coughed and spluttered tears drowning his face..."Dead..."---------------------------------- **_

_**----------------------"Adam call the ambulance!"...hospitals...nurses...I screamed and screamed...Adam held me tightly...the first time in ages...sleep...I sat on a seat waiting for the doctors...they came out eventually...machinery bleeped and doors swung... "I'm so sorry...she died..."----------------------**_

"My baby; my beautiful, baby, boy died." I said pulling myself out of my memories and pulling my hands over my face...shadows danced on walls like flames as my dad walked slowly over to me and put his arms around me.

_Thank you for reading the 9__th__ instalment...I'm really pleased with the acceptance of this story and I hope you stay and read the rest of the story...because this...IS NOT THE END!_

_You Put The Hate In My Heart xox_


	10. All alone and I remember now

Bipolar. That's what they called it or Manic Depression. They say that that's why I have the mood swings; I'm on a fast cycle... so I'm very temperamental, but they say I could get better. They put me on a dose of lithium; they said that it'll make me feel pretty bad, that I'll feel constantly bad for the next couple of months, but if I have the right dosage, I could get better. Dad did ask me about my baby, asked me who the father was, when he was born, his name...I guess he was intrigued by the fact he was a grandpa and he didn't even know it, but he didn't push too much.

"So did Adam...you know kill himself before or after Jessie died?" he asked. I rubbed my head sorely, I felt sluggish and slow at the minute.

"He killed himself afterwards." I said fiddling with my thumbs.

"You mean...he left you after that?" He asked sounding astounded.

"I guess."

"Ass hole..." My dad whispered.

"Yeah I know." I stroked my arm sleepily."I'm going to bed." I said getting up and walking upstairs...

I couldn't go to sleep so I pulled out my IPod and started listening to some music, Evanescence- Lithium, kind of ironic really, but it just felt right. All of the sudden I felt my stomach lurch; I jumped up and ran to the can, covering my moth with my hand until I threw up into the toilette.

"Holy crap..." I moaned as I wiped my mouth...this was going to be a shitty couple of months. I threw up for about thirty minutes straight, before gasping and landing on my bed...My chest was heaving and I had a cold sweat. I looked at the magazines on my bed...they all had something about me in them, lies and rumours and all those shitty things that just make me want to cut some one open with a scalpel and scoop up there insides and make a broth with 'em. Sorry...I'm trying to tell you a story, I must be freaking you out with thoughts of Genocide; please let me get back onto my story of suicide, homicide, jealousy, adultery and sloth...not long 'till we have all the deadly sins, huh?

_**Yeah!**_

_**And if your heart stops beating**_

_**I'll be here wondering**_

_**Did you get what you deserve?**_

_**The ending of your life**_

_**And if you get to heaven**_

_**I'll be here waiting, babe**_

_**Did you get what you deserve?**_

_**The end, and if your life won't wait**_

_**Then your heart can't take this**_

_**Have you heard the news that you're dead?**_

_**No one ever had much nice to say**_

_**I think they never liked you anyway**_

_**Oh take me from the hospital bed**_

_**Wouldn't it be grand? It ain't exactly what you planned.**_

_**And wouldn't it be great If we were dead?**_

_**Ohh dead.**_

_**Tongue-tied and oh so squeamish**_

_**You never fell in love**_

_**Did you get what you deserve?**_

_**The ending of your life**_

_**And if you get to heaven**_

_**I'll be here waiting, babe**_

_**Did you get what you deserve?**_

_**The end, and if your life won't wait**_

_**Then your heart can't take this**_

_**Have you heard the news that you're dead?**_

_**No one ever had much nice to say**_

_**I think they never liked you anyway**_

_**Oh take me from the hospital bed**_

_**Wouldn't it be grand to take a pistol by the hand?**_

_**And wouldn't it be great if we were dead?**_

_**And in my honest observation**_

_**During this operation**_

_**Found a complication in your heart**_

_**So long, 'Cause now you've got (now you've got)**_

_**Maybe just two weeks to live**_

_**Is that the most the both of you can give?**_

_**One, two, one two three four!**_

_**LA LA LA LA LA!**_

_**LA LA LA LA LA LA!**_

_**LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!**_

_**Well come on,**_

_**LA LA LA LA LA!**_

_**LA LA LA LA LA LA!**_

_**LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!**_

_**Oh motherfucker,**_

_**If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA!)**_

_**Then why are we laughing? (LA LA LA LA LA LA!)**_

_**If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!)**_

_**Then why are we laughing?**_

_**If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA!)**_

_**Then why are we laughing? (LA LA LA LA LA LA!)**_

_**If life ain't just a joke (LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!)**_

_**Then why am I dead?**_

_**DEAD!**_

"Ray! Stop it! NOW!" I screamed/giggled as ray tickled me. He laughed and carried on tickling me Christa tried to pull him off, failing... It was a month since I had been let out hospital, I still felt like shit...actually not much had changed, at all...

"C'mon babes, we gotta go to the studio!" Christa laughed giving a final ditch effort and pulling Ray of me.

"Thank god..." I said sitting up trying to tame my hair.

"Oh god, your hair looks like Ray-asaurus hair!" She said in hysterics, pulling me up.

"Oh thanks..." Ray and I said together. I pulled a hair band in my hair and pulled my hair up.

"Holy crap..." I said, my head burned, I grabbed my stomach.

"'Elena are you okay?" Ray asked jumping forward to me.

"Um...I just...Oh crap, gimme a sec!" I said running to the bathroom. I lurched over to the toilette, I grabbed the rim and opened my mouth, nothing came out but a painful feeling cut through my stomach. I sighed and coughed and spluttered.

"'Kay...I'm coming..." I snivelled and jogged out of the bathroom.

"Hun, you don't look to good..." Christa told me as we followed Ray out of the door.

"Well, I can't can I? I mean the 'fro suits Ray...but it's just a bit far out for me..." I choked with laughter.

"HEY, I HEARD THAT!" Ray said from the car. Car rides are nice, well if you are with the right people. I had my computer out, playing My Chemical Romance, Drowning Lessons. You have no idea how much that freaked Ray out, but Christa just laughed.

"Y'no when you are your band go somewhere you'll freak out when you hear your music."

"Band?" Christa asked.

"Oh yeah...For the last couple of months me and my friends started this band...it's kind of crappy really." I laughed dimming down my music.

"SERIOUSLY? That is so cool, genre, name, member's V instruments." She said extremely over zealously, her head flipping around to see me.

"Punk Rock, We're not sure on the name...we're thinking Our Deadly Temptations and Kitty bass, Sammy drums, Dylan lead guitar, Joe rhythmic and I'm vocals." I said trying to cram it all in during one breath.

"Oh sweet, I thought you would be playing guitar." Ray said.

"Yeah well, no one else wanted to sing and I'm still pretty crappy at guitar."

"You singing...ever heard of a medical negligence lawyer and deafness?" Christa said in hysterics. I just up my music pretending I didn't hear that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3 days later---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I pulled my legs up and giggled into them, trying to stop myself from laughing.

"Oh god, please stop it!" Frank said grabbing his chest.

"Okay, Okay I'm sorry...But just imagine Bob in an apron and cooks hat? Oh god...Just an apron and a cooks hat!" I snorted with laughter.

"What about your dad?" Frank asked. I started to feel sick...I pretended to throw up.

"Eewww!" I screamed.

"Hey, I'm part of Frerard right? I can't help it...it just pops into my head..." Frank screamed with laughter...

"Oh god, don't remind me!" I choked...There was a second then where Frank sort just looked at me funny...like...he was checking if...this was fake...the smiles...that's what got me, it reminded me of what he said back in the hospital: _**"Shit I don't know! I mean...it's her eyes. Even when she's laughing or...fuck I don't know...her eyes are always worn, like she's just given up."**_

Then things started whizzing around my head...I was paralyzed by the flashing memories: _**"Yeah...I guess there was this one time, we were in town and...she just stopped and stared at this baby, that was crying in it's mothers arms...and she looked so lost..." Sammy put his arm around her tightly and she rubbed her eyes...this was killing me inside...they were hurting, it wasn't fake; I could see it**_

"_**What about you Frank..."**_

"_**Shit I don't know! I mean...it's her eyes. Even when she's laughing or...fuck I don't know...her eyes are always worn, like she's just given up." Frank said, I myself go very weak as I heard him say that.**_

"_**Ger..." I interrupted Mz Lowe before she could say any more.**_

"_**Please don't, don't please..." I whimpered, it actually hurt hearing them speak about me this way...memories flooded my mind.**_

"_**Then why don't you tell us the answerer?" She asked, so seriously, I wanted to laugh...who can be serious in a game? A game of tongue tide monsters and hidden rules.---------------**_

_**-------------------------------- I contemplated the fragility of life, which you and I both know is inexplicable...not deplorable...it gives us far too much momentum and reasoning to be deplorable, as I in somewhat in a solitary style found my way from the church to my Grandmothers grave. The July weather was mellowed by the approaching grasp of night. Grass crumpled under my feet as I walked solemnly; trying to hold back the mournful tears that strained my eyesight. The recently unsettled earth at my grandmothers' grave was soft I saw leaned on the side of her grey, new grave for comfort. She was all I had...my mom dying at what was a feeble age of 3 for me; yes except for the undependable letters from my father whom I have never known except for a name. My grandmother and I had lived in Dallas for as long as I can remember...but she wanted to be buried in her home state of Ohio...so I found myself alone in an unknown place grieving the death of my grandmother.---------------------------------------------------------**_

_**------------------------------Walking into a room full of people who are going to share your future with you in the most intimate and personal and comforting ways as possible (even if you not conscious to the fact) is a hard thing to do. They all stared, gob smacked at me; my dad smiled and walked up behind me and put his arm around me proudly.**_

"_**Okay people, this is My Daughter...'Elena,"-------------------------------------**_

"'Elena are you okay?" Frank asked...he sounded almost worried.

"Yeah...Yeah...I think so..." I said...I tried to sound fine...but I just wasn't...Frank put his hand on my shoulder.

"Let's go and get a coffee and vedgie burger and we can talk." He said...

"Frank...you ever wonder how things could have been if...you know, things had turned out differently?" I asked. Frank screwed up his eyes in thought for a seconds.

"I try not too...my life...it's near enough the way I could have dreamed for." He told me seriously. I felt myself hug my arms.

"I always kind of wondered what would have happened if Jessie hadn't died, neither mom nor Adam...and we were a big family..." I said looking down.

"Don't look to the past baby...your futures to bright..."

_**GERARD**_

_**Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.  
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.  
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?**_

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?  
(I'm not okay)  
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means  
(I'm not okay)  
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks  
The photographs your boyfriend took  
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay  
I'm okay!  
I'm okay, now  
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me  
Because I'm telling you the truth  
I mean this, I'm okay!  
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
Well, I'm not okay  
I'm not o-fucking-kay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
(Okay)

_**I threw done the remote control and leaned against the bottoms of my palms...my forehead sweated against it. All I could think about was 'Elena...I loved her so much...but...I guess just being her dad was kind of crappy...I wanted it to be more like a friend sort of thing...I mean everyone else got to be her friend...but I had to be her dad, I felt deprived...I mean I wanted to get to know my daughter better, maybe that's why what happened...happened...because I don't know my daughter...I mean I could of... **_My train of thought was stopped when I heard Lyn shout from the kitchen.

"Gee can you come and help please?" She asked frustrated. I jumped up and jogged to the kitchen. She was rocking Bandit buggy (whom was crying) with one hand and ironing with the other. I ran over and picked up Bandit.

"Shit Gee...I mean I can't do everything." She shouted at me.

"Sorry...I was a bit preoccupied..." I said trying to rock Bandit to sleep.

"I mean that's the problem at the minute...Look, I love 'Elena and Bandit...but you know, with all that's happened to 'Elena and with Bandit crying...you're always PREOCCUPIED with something, and worrying about 'Elena...I just feel like I'm running this whole house myself. You should stop worrying about them so much, it was guaranteed the 'Elena literally the perfect kid whom washes, cleans, doesn't like pop and doesn't scream that much was going to have some problems...but she's getting help now...Okay?" She asked...By the end her voice started becoming less rigid and angry.

"Okay...I'll try and stop worrying so much..." I cradled Bandit whom just fell to sleep "But she's still my teenage daughter who I need to show somewhat amounts of concern for...I mean he had a baby...I can't help it..."

"I know...look go and take Bandit and put her in her cot..." I walked out the door...

'**ELENA**

**I opened the door to hear voices, I closed it gently behind me and sat on the couch. The remote was lying on the ground...but my attention was on Lyn and Dads voices...it sounded like they were arguing. I hated people rowing...it made me feel sick...I used to apathetic...like most things towards it...but now, it hurt.**

"Shit Gee...I mean I can't do everything." Lyn shouted sending curdles up my lowering spine.

"Sorry...I was a bit preoccupied..."

"I mean that's the problem at the minute...Look, I love 'Elena and Bandit...but you know, with all that's happened to 'Elena and with Bandit crying...you're always PREOCCUPIED with something, and worrying about 'Elena...I just feel like I'm running this whole house myself. You should stop worrying about them so much, it was guaranteed the 'Elena literally the perfect kid whom washes, cleans, doesn't like pop and doesn't scream that much was going to have some problems...but she's getting help now...Okay?" Lyn started to tone down by now...I started to wonder how long this had been going on for...

"Okay...I'll try and stop worrying so much, But she's still my teenage daughter who I need to show somewhat amounts of concern for...I mean he had a baby...I can't help it..."

"I know...look go and take Bandit and put her in her cot..." A couple of seconds later dad walked out of the door to see me.

"I agree with her dad...you should stop worrying about me..." I said standing up.

"Yeah...I'm sorry you heard that."

"Pa' I think you should just treat me like...you know a friend as well as a daughter." I said, he raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Because...I don't want just a father...I want a father who...I know..."

"It's my job to be your dad, not friend..." he sighed.

"Just tell me what's on your mind..." I said...this convocation was twisting a bit, huh? He looked down at Bandit.

"I want you to go back to school..."

"No...it's horrible...people just know me as BIPOLAR girl...I can't, please..." I grinded my teeth.

"I know I was 16 too...I was the lonely drunk guy...but I know you want to have a career in art...and it may surprise you but, you need to go to school to get into the SVA..."

"Dad please don't..." I begged...but the look in his eye told me there was no getting out of this.


	11. Love is the red the rose on your coffin

Expectations. That's what gets some people; they expect me to be a snivelling wreck on the floor, they expect me to be a spoiled brat, they expect me to be drugged up. Well I'm not.

Walking up the steps to school, was one of the hardest things to do...ever. People sniggered and started...I hadn't compromised my outfit to fit in...Nor my makeup. Dylan was with me holding my hand tightly. I walked slowly along the corridor, I was kind of humming Aces High to myself...that cool intro...Y'kno? _**There goes the siren that warns of the air raid. Then comes the sound of the guns sending flak. Out for the scramble we've got to get airborne. Got to get up for the coming attack.**_

"'Elena?" Dylan asked breaking the Maiden spell.

"Yeah..." I asked, I followed his eyes to see the guys leaning on some lockers at the end of the hall. A smile jumped onto my pale face.

"C'mon..." Dylan tightened his grip on my hand and pulled me down the hall...

_**----------------------------"You asked to speak to me?" I said standing up. He turned around...**_

"_**Yeah..." He walked slowly over to me...h was staring at me and creeping me out...**_

"_**Is this about me missing the lesson last week? I'm sorry... I was feeling ill." I said trying to fill the silence.**_

"_**Unfortunately...this is not about that..." He seemed to be staring at me now...manically...**_

"_**Okay...I hate to say this, but you're kind of freaki..." I didn't get any further since he leaned forward and kissed me...I pulled back.**_

"_**Oh...shit...I've got to go..." I stuttered tears were forming behind my eyes. I tried to turn around, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him and kissed me...wrapping his arms around me and forcing his tongue down my throat... I lifted my knee up and hit him in the balls frantically...tears burning my eyes.**_

"_**Get the hell of me!" I screamed as I shook away his hands and ran out the door...The others were waiting for me...I ran past them...still crying...----------------------------------No one knew...know one but Frank knew...**_

"Holy crap, 'Elena!" Kitty pulled her arms around me.

"Oh god!"I squealed with surprise. Kitty jumped back and in a second I was literally being attacked by Joe!

"I missed you so much!" He laughed.

"Yeah, I missed you guys too! Sammy hugs time!" I said hugging Sammy tightly...he pulled back.

"You forgive us, right? We wer..." I interrupted him.

"You were trying to help, just being there you did...of course I forgive you." I told them. I heard the bell ring.

"Look, I've got English...I gotta go..."

"Me too...C'mon..." Kitty said pulling me away, her arm linked with mine.

"You Okay?" she asked.

"No...everyone is talking about me..." I sighed.

"Well, we've been killing anyone who said anything bad about you..." She laughed, I looked at her touched.

"Really?"

"We're sisters...of course..." She smiled leading me to English.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------In English--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**------------------...rriiinnnggg.....rriiiinnnggg....rrriiinnngggg....**_

"_**Hello?" Frank answered his phone.**_

"_**Oh god Frank...I'm so glad you answered..." I wept...**_

"_**What's wrong?" His voice becoming urgent...**_

"_**Where are you?" I asked...more tears spilled out of my eyes...**_

"_**In the studio..."**_

"_**Can you make an excuse and go outside so no one can hear you...and don't say my name..."I told him...my voice still weak...**_

"_**Okay...okay..." There was a silence...I choked on my tears...I held the phone tightly...**_

"_**Okay...'Elena...I'm outside the studio...What happened? Why are you crying?" He asked very seriously...------------------------**_ My phone rang through the memories...I immediately flushed at the sound of The Trooper, Iron Maiden...I had probably the strictest teacher...ever for English, I could see her looking up through her thick rimmed glasses as I quickly turned my phone of (stupid Sammy ringing me) but she just smiled when she saw it was me.

"I expect it's a doctor appointment or something?" She asked, her fake, sweet voice made me feel uncomfortable, everyone looked up and at me from their essays.

"Urgg...It's an alarm...I have to go and take my medication..." I lied.

"Oh okay, take as long as you want...I know how that stuff makes you feel iffy." She said as I got up. How the hell did she know what I was taking? When I got outside I realised, I had another 4 hours 'till I had to take my lithium. I sighed and went into the can and leaned against the walls of my locked cubicle. I heard the door swing open after a while of solitude, two girls voices drifted into the bathroom.

"-eah I heard about her...she's the rockstars daughter..." The girls voice drifted off, my ears tingled.

"Yep...she goes to this school! I know right...had a total melt down and tried to kill herself...all over buzznet!" I felt my hands clench.

"Complete emo, wreck....heard she was pretty though...whacked, but pretty." One of them laughed. I opened the door to see them...like I guessed, preps, putting on lip gloss and smiling in there teeny skirts and smiling. One of them saw me and smiled.

"He..."

"I'm not an emo...I'm not whacked and I didn't have a _total meltdown_!" I almost screamed at them. The honesty looked scared...I huffed and ran out of the t can to go back to English...anything was better than here.

_**It's the tearing sound of love-notes  
Drowning out these gray stained windows  
And the view outside is sterile  
And I'm only two cubes down  
I'd photocopy all the things that we could be  
If you took the time to notice me  
But you can't now, I don't blame you  
And it's not your fault that no one ever does**_

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
But you don't work here anymore  
It's just a vacant three by four  
And they might fill your place  
A temporary stand-in for your face  
This happens all the time  
And I can't help but think I'll die alone**_

So I'll spend my time with strangers  
A condition and it's terminal  
In this water-cooler romance  
And it's coming to a close  
We could be in the park and dancing by a tree  
Kicking over blades we see  
Or a dark beach with a black view  
And pin-pricks in the velvet catch our fall

_**[Chorus]**__****_

I know you don't work here anymore _**[x6]**__****_

Sometimes I think I'll die alone, sometimes I think I'll die alone  
Sometimes I think I'll die alone, live and breathe and die alone  
Sometimes I think I'll die alone, sometimes I think I'll die alone  
Sometimes I think I'll die alone, I'd think I'd love to die alone

Just take  
I think I'd love to die  
Me down  
I think I'd love to die  
Just take  
I think I'd love to die  
Me down  
I think I'd love to die alone _**[x4]**__**  
Live and breathe and die alone  
I think I'd love to die alone **__**[x2]**__****_

I think I'd love to die alone

"We're almost done here, so you may as well just start packing up." The teacher told me as I entered the room. This was annoying me, not getting in trouble.

"Okay...thanks." I said making my way back to my seat. Kitty gave me a jealous stare than turned over her paper and leaned back on her chair happily.

"Band practise, lunch?" she said phonically. I smiled and nodded before looking down at the desk and twiddling my thumbs. You can guess that just walking through the hall to the next lesson was trouble, I had chemistry with Joe...so like usual e met up at our lockers...He nearly beat up some kid when he head them say some remark about me. I had to pull him of and lead him to chemistry whilst he muttered cursives. I liked our chemistry teacher; she was a rather flaky woman. She sat and rambled on about nothing...but she had a nice voice...soothing and quite comfortable.

"Emo." A girl coughed next to me. I looked towards her narrowing my eyes.

"Sorry baby slip..." she whispered "Filthy sonuvabitch!" she said even quieter. I turned to her again, ignoring the teachers prattling.

"Say that again, bitch?" I asked.

"Like I said baby slip..." she laughed under her breath. I clutched my pencil and looked back at the teacher...it snapped in half. _I wanted it to be lunch. I wanted itto be lunch. I needed to get out of here._

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lunch---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat in the music room, adjusting the Mic so it was my height. Dylan, Kitty and Joe tuned up and Sammy sat lazily on his stool.

"Okay, so what do you wan to play to warm up?" Joe asked, still looking down at his jagged tuning peg. I pulled of my bag and looked in it, full of tabs that I had found and done myself.

"Well, I was thinking Misfits - Dig Up Her Bones..." I said pulling out the tabs for kitty, Joe and Dylan.

"I'm not sure on the beat for that..." Sammy whined.

"Oh come on...please?" I asked bating my eye lashes. He rolled his eyes and smiled jokily.

"Yes!" laughed handing them out to the others. I love this song...I really LOVED this song.

"Okay so we all tuned up?" Kitty asked.

"Yep...I guess so..." Dylan mumbled...

"Take it from the top!" Joe laughed... Joe and Dylan started playing and Kitty and Sammy started a split second afterwards. I sounded...great.

"_**Anything is what she is  
Anywhere is where she's from  
Anything is what she'll be  
Anything as long as it's mine**_

And the door it opens is the way back in  
Or is it the way back out?" I stopped singing hearing it go of beat. The music stopped too.

"That sounded pretty good, but Joe I think 'ya got at least two notes wrong on the last chord." I told him, he nodded.

"Yeah, I felt it too..." He said... OKAY ONE, TWO THREE...

"_**Anything is what she is  
Anywhere is where she's from  
Anything is what she'll be  
Anything as long as it's mine**_

And the door it opens is the way back in  
Or is it the way back out?

Anyplace is where she'll be  
Anyplace, she'll see you from  
Lies and secrets become your world  
Anytime, anywhere she takes me away

And death climbs up the steps one by one  
To give you the rose that's been burnt by her son

Point me to the sky above  
I can't get there on my own  
Walk me through the graveyard  
Dig up her bones

I have seen the demon's face  
I have heard of her death place  
I fall down on my knees in praise of the  
Horrible things that took her away

And death climbs up the steps one by one  
To give you the rose that's been burnt by her son

Point me to the sky above  
I can't get there on my own  
Walk me through the graveyard  
Dig up her bones"

"Omiiggood that sounded awesome!" Kitty squelled...

"I know right...I'm stolked..." I said caught up in the moment...

"You know what...I think we should start jamming and try and make a couple more songs of our own...who knows...we could even start making some demos..." Dylan saind pulling back his hair from his face. I felt myself smile, my dmream when I was a kid was to be in a working band...I think it's coming true...

"Well I kind of had this Riff in my head..." Joe said starting to play this 70's-80's rock style thing. I felt good...

"Holy crap, that's so Black Sabbath..." Dylan said completely enthused. "Maybe I could play this underneath it..." Soon enough we had our first verse and chorus down for the others.

"What about lyrics?"

"Just play..." I told them. They looked confused, but they did as I said. I closed my eyes and leaned towards the mic.

"_**Our solitude connects us,**_

_**Our hopes and dream deny us,**_

_**Shall we dance together,**_

_**Shall we allow our lust?**_

_**Lithium, Cyanide, **_

_**Hold me so close,**_

_**Lithium, Cyanide,**_

_**Without you,**_

_**I shall die..**_

_**Our solitude connects us,**_

_**Our hopes and dream deny us,**_

_**Shall we dance together,**_

_**Shall we allow our lust?" **_I opened my eyes and turned around the others stopped playing with a smile.

"I think...we've got a song..." Kitty gasped.


	12. Get me the hell out of here!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Day Later-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, my second day at school is over. I'm walking down the hall...by this time my friends had beaten up half the school for taking the piss out of me and I had barely managed to stop the other half from getting beaten up. I'm going to start this chapter with blood and I'm going to end it with a hug, it's about the contrast you see:

The boy wiped his nose, blood covered his hand.

"Now run along you ass!" Joe shouted at the boy. He jumped up and ran along the hall, a group of people stared at us. I grabbed Joes arm tightly and pulled him along.

"Babes, I love the fact you care, but you can't kill everyone who says something." I whispered at him pulling him to the entrance.

"Sorry, it just pisses me of so much...look Kitty told me to remind you to ask your dad if you and she could go out tomorrow, okay?" He told me.

"Yeah..." I sighed and gave him a hug... I walked home by myself that night...I walked home by myself a lot recently... walked a lot...I liked the solitude.

_**Hear the sound  
The angels come screaming  
Down your voice  
I hear you've been bleeding**_

Make your choice  
They say you've been pleading  
Someone save us

Heaven help us now  
Come crashing down  
We'll hear the sound  
As you're falling down

I'm at this old hotel  
But can't tell if I've been breathing or sleeping  
Or screaming or waiting for the man to call  
And maybe all of the above  
Cause mostly I've been sprawled on these cathedral steps  
While spitting out the blood and screaming  
"Someone save us!"

Heaven help us now  
Come crashing down  
We'll hear the sound  
As you're falling down

And will you pray for me?  
Or make a saint of me?  
And will you lay for me?  
Or make a saint of?

Cause I'll give you all the nails you need  
Cover me in gasoline  
Wipe away those tears of blood again  
And the punchline to the joke is asking  
Someone save us

Heaven help us now  
Come crashing down  
We'll hear the sound  
As you fall

And would you pray for me?  
(You don't know a thing about my sins  
How the misery begins)  
Or make a saint of me?  
(You don't know  
So I'm burning, I'm burning)  
And will you lay for me?  
(You don't know a thing about my sins  
How the misery begins)  
Or make a saint?  
(You don't know  
Cause I'm burning, I'm burning)

Cause I'll give you all the nails you need  
(I'm burning, I'm burning again)  
Cover me in gasoline again

"No!" My dad told me sitting down on the couch. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh come on...one night...I'm not going to get drunk, wear a skirt, eye up guys nor do anything else stupid nor inappropriate." I pleaded

"Uhuh...Still no..." My dad said turning on the T.V. Lyn came and sat down next to him.

"I think you should let her go." I heard her whisperer into his ear. He stared at her.

"Look, she needs some time out...look at her! She's not going to get drunk and if anything happens you can kill her and Kitty..." She said slightly louder. My dad looked over at me.

"Fine...but if anything happends...you are going to be grounded 'till...fuck knows." He said folding his arms, trying to look serious. I just burst out laughing and gave him and Lyn and hug before running upstairs and onto my computer...Twitter...a god sent.

_**LifeASTheMurderScene: **__KittyKatSnap Dad said yes! (With a li'l help from Lyn!) Discuss 2mrrw?_ I sent Kitty quickly...I knew she would be on...she's always on twitter.

_**KittKatSnap**__: LifeASTheMurderScene Hell yeah! I'm guessing that means no fun (boys, alcohol, gigs) then? LMAO..._ I got__back quickly...I sat tapping my foot to Misery business and checked my other "" I had a load from fangirls...I hate you..you ruined mcr...suicidal bitch...You know what I mean? Another appeared quickly.

_**Sammy_Monster: **__KittyKatSnap LifeASTheMurderScene RT "I'm guessing that means no fun (boys, alcohol, gigs) then?" OMFG/WATTABT ME? ROFL!_

_**LifeASTheMurderScene: **__Sammy_Monster girls need variety to feel and look good hun! LMFAO!! XOX_

_**DforDamned: **__KittyKatSnap Sammy_Monster LifeASTheMurderScene Stop teasing, 'y'know we'll find out on buzznet later...O.o_

_**JoeLikesChainsaws:**__ KittyKatSnap Sammy_Monster LifeASTheMurderScene DforDamned forgetting me girlies?Huh...offended.._

_**LifeASTheMurderScene:**__ KittyKatSnap Sammy_Monster DforDamned JoeLikesChainsaws This WAS a private convo...lmho&a BYE _ I logged of quickly and checked my emails...lots of fangirls, die hards, subs...kind of boring....until I got to one...

_**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

_To: __.uk_

_From: _

_Subject: You didn't say goodbye..._

_Email:_

_Hey, you may remember me...I was your old best friend...Sapphire? I guess fame caught up with you. You promised to say goodbye when your (then anon) dad came; you didn't. Why didn't you call? Email? I mean...why didn't you even tell me he was your 'Pa. You could have trusted me. With Adam and Jessie...you see... I'm not a bad person. So I'm not going to hold a grudge and tell the press about what happened, but I do hope this may wake you up a bit. I hope you're okay, I hope you're not going to try and top yourself again...now it makes sense; 'Elena Way, huh?_

_Sapphire Simmons._

_**REPLY?**_

_**DELETE?**_

_**IGNORE?**_

_**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- **_

I stared at the letter, I felt like a bitch. Sapphire used to be my friend...and I just left her... I pressed reply and started typing frantically.

_**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

_To: ___

_From: __.uk_

_Subject: You didn't say goodbye...RT_

_Email:_

_Sapph...I feel like such a bitch. I know if I try and explain you're just going to get madder, but I'm just going to say that I'm very sorry. Everything happened so fast, after Jessie, Adam then my dad...I well...you read Buzznet still don't you? I'm so, so sorry if I worried you and I would love if we could talk. I know I should have rang you when my dad picked me up...but it was...well it was like meeting Gerard Way...haha. I hope your mom and Snuffles (shuffle) are okay and that you eventually got your hair dye cherry red and black. I'm just sorry I didn't get to do it for you..._

'_Elena (Wheale) Way_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

SEND?

I sent it without pausing and breathed out slowly. Sapphire was the girl who I had confided everything in since I was 11. I had told first that I was pregnant, Adam was abusing me and that I was seriously depressed. I used to hug her when she cried about her boy friend and how much of a twat her father was and she did the same for me. Sapphire Simmons was and still is my friend.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Next Day------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had called Dylan and told him not to wait for me and that I needed to have some solitude whilst walking to school today. I now sat there tapping my finger against the desk in my form room. My desk was completely covered in marks, scratches, stickers and pieces of paper with comments for the person who had a lesson whith it to write on. It collected a lot of comments and was notorious in our school. I pulled out my pen and scratched in a bit of free wood on the desk...CYANIDE, LITHIUM. That song we had jammed two days ago was stuck in my head. I had added another to verses on and a bridge...but it still sounded very similar to the original...

"'Ellie?" I heard Joe ask from the door.

"Yeah..." I murmured as h walked in.

"Y'kay? Dee (Dylan) Rang and told me you said you wanted to walk to school by yourself..." He said. I opened my bag silently as pulled out some pieces of paper. I had printed out the email that Sapphire had sent me. I handed it to him. He read it quickly like the clever, shit Joe-y was.

"Who's this?" He asked.

"My old friend..." I said.

"'Elena what's wrong?" He asked. I turned to him from my bag, my eyes burning.

"Doesn't it show you? I'm a bitch! A complete bitch! We were best friends for 4 years then I just fly off to my dad!" I screamed. My arms were flying around the air, frantically. Joe took the and pulled me into a giant bear hug.

"You're not a bitch! You're one of my best friends who's just going through a bit of a crisis!" He told me.

"Yeah...I guess..." I chocked as he let go...He stared at me for a split seconds...like the way Frank had done before...like he was checking if I was really okay.

"So do you really like chainsaws?" I asked. His eyes pierced through the glaze on top of them and he looked confused for a second before a smile broke on his face.

"It wouldn't be my Twitter name if I didn't!" He laughing. I giggled too...it was nice giggling...it was nice forgetting about all the shit...and just laughing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------That Night--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I ran my hand nervously through my hair, I hadn't went all out like usual; I was just wearing skinny jeans, a band t-shirt and some high tops converse...I pressed the door bell quickly, I looked around at the sky which the moon had started to confirm it's titan hold on. Kittys mom answered...

"Beautiful moon, isn't it?" yeah, that wads the first thing she said...can't I get a HI?

"Yeah, stunning. Nice to see you Mrs Wood." I smiled. She smiled and let me in. Kitty was sitting on the steps that lead down into her basement.

"Hey!" I said sitting next to her.

"So what are we going to do?" she asked. I really had no idea...I actually didn't really want to be here. I know it sounds bad, but at the minute all I felt like doing was sleeping...

"I have no idea Kitty Kat your the one who's good at this stuff..."I laughed, rubbing my arm. The stair stuck painfully into my back.

"Oh my god...Okay why don't we go down to the sk..." I gave her a look, I was sure she stilled remembered Tony.

"Okay what about we got to the cinema, sneak into an 18 then we have a sleep over here and eat loads of pop tarts, hohos, twizlers and red bull cola!" She laughed... I smiled and agreed, we may as well do what she wanted because I was here for her.

"Ellie Belly what's wrong?" She asked.

"Am I a bad person?" I tilted my head and stared at her.

"No, of course not." She said confused.

"I mean I listen and smiled and try and be nice...but I feel like I've screwed up everyone's life, especially my dads." I said running my hands through my hair.

"'Elena, you're just a bit messed up and the minute; you're medicated and sleepy and pissed of, but you're NOT a bad person." She told me sternly taking my hand.

"Okay...you want to go and try and get into a x rated horror movie?" I asked. She smiled broadly showing her white teeth.

"Oh alright!" She laughed. We got up and walked straight out of the house.

"Oh shit, gimme a sec!" I pulled some sunglasses out of my pocket and pushed them on.

"Okay...I'm ready." All of the sudden she grabbed me into a hug.

"You're my best friend 'Elena. You're not a bad person and you're going to have a great night and life." She told me. I pulled away smiling.

"Thanks, I really needed that...I really do love hugs." I smiled.

_**Turn away,  
If you could get me a drink  
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded  
Call my aunt Marie  
Help her gather all my things  
And bury me in all my favorite colors,  
My sisters and my brothers, still,  
I will not kiss you,  
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.**_

Now turn away,  
'Cause I'm awful just to see  
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,  
Oh, my agony,  
Know that I will never marry,  
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo  
But counting down the days to go  
It just ain't living  
And I just hope you know

That if you say (if you say)  
Goodbye today (goodbye today)  
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you  
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you


	13. I stared as this moment was held for me

_**This chapter is rather diverse..and out there...please don't read if you don't like most things in this story and please don't bash in comments...I'm only telling a story...**_

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2 days later----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

School finished hours ago. I bunked of half way through; no one cared. I sat on the bench in the park swigging back cans of bitter. I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to drink with my medication, but it made me feel better. My phone beeped, I looked at the message from Jamia: _**Gone on trip, wish you would have come...girls weekend aint the same without you! xox**_

_**------------------- RIIIINNNGGG...RRIIIINNNNGGG! The bell chimed distinctively through my music. I pulled out my headphone and turned my IPod off. I stayed sitting down through... Mr Rankin wanted to speak with me...**_

"_**I'll go and find the others...we'll wait outside for you." Dylan told me as he got up. The class emptied...Mr Rankin stood on the over side of the class room.**_

"_**You asked to speak to me?" I said standing up. He turned around...**_

"_**Yeah..." He walked slowly over to me...he was staring at me and creeping me out...**_

"_**Is this about me missing the lesson last week? I'm sorry... I was feeling ill." I said trying to fill the silence.**_

"_**Unfortunately...this is not about that..." He seemed to be staring at me now...manically...**_

"_**Okay...I hate to say this, but you're kind of freaki..." I didn't get any further since he leaned forward and kissed me...I pulled back.**_

"_**Oh...shit...I've got to go..." I stuttered tears were forming behind my eyes. I tried to turn around, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him and kissed me...wrapping his arms around me and forcing his tongue down my throat... I lifted my knee up and hit him in the balls frantically...tears burning my eyes.-----------------------------------------**_

I didn't hate Mr Rankin, I was shocked and appalled at him, but I didn't hate him. Turned out he had quit after he found out who I was and what I had done; Dylan had told me that it had been this mystery, Handed in his 2 week notice and left, he said that due to certain things that had happened he was going to take a new direction in life. Career suicide, quit and announced a break from teaching, needed to take a trip. I only found out today when I went to art and a young woman had took his place. She was a bitch, didn't care about teaching us, just the money. I had been shocked and relived, I almost had a breakdown with nerves when I saw that it was art next on my time able, I didn't want to face him, but I didn't hate him.

I missed my baby. I remember holding him in my arms for the first time, I was so tired and so weak, but she made it worth it. She already had a mop of brown hair when she came out. With her cute little button nose and hazel eyes...I adored her. Grandma didn't think it was suitable for a girl my age to have a baby, so I moved into Adams house and was accepted quickly by the family. We had Jessie for 2 amazing months of sleepless nights and puke and poop filled days. She grew really quickly, no one thought anything was going to happen to her, but one night I was bathing him and she got the tiniest bit of water in her mouth, she stopped breathing, her eyes rolled back in his head and he went blue. I screamed for Adam and tried to empty her mouth...I tried everything to get her breathing again by the time the ambulance came. I knew that things were sorting themselves out to well, the fact Adam had stopped drinking and we had a beautiful baby girl...one of them had to go, actually both did.

_**----------------------"Adam call the ambulance!"...hospitals...nurses...I screamed and screamed...Adam held me tightly...the first time in ages...sleep...I sat on a seat waiting for the doctors...they came out eventually...machinery bleeped and doors swung... "I'm so sorry...she died..."----------------------**_

_**----------------------Tears burned my cheeks...I was kneeling on the floor, I screamed...begging...I looked up, his feet dangled above my face...His face was so pale, his sandy blond hair washed over his face..."God No...HELP! SOME ONE HELP!" I screamed. The next thing I knew Adams brother was holding me as he rang the police..."Yeah...I think he's..." he coughed and spluttered tears drowning his face..."Dead..."---------------------------------- **_

It had all went downhill then, after Adam had killed himself my grandma had said it best if I moved back in with her and for once she wasn't too pushy. I went to pay my respects and his cremation. Adams brother, Doug, wept bitterly then. I stood next to him shivery in my black dress so he gave me his jacket as we watched Adams body been taken into the morgue. Adam was clever, Adam was talented. Adam and I had met at a skate park; we had hit it off immediately. He had been BMX-ing (or whatever I can call it) and I was skating. We had clashed into each toer as we went down the ramp and had to go to hospital together, not very romantic, but was fitting for the relationship which we would be formed later.

I did tell you at the begging at this story that I was apathetic right? I think that spell of apathy was broken after Adam died, I was a nervous fool afterwards...I was just starting to get my shield back when all this happened.

When I got home my dad was sitting, waiting for me.

"Hi..." I said groggily. I had stopped off and bought loads of chewing gum before I had got home.

"Where the hell have you been?" He asked jumping of the couch.

"Where's Lyn?" I asked ignoring his question.

"She took Bandit to a mom and kid swimming thing...that's not the point; what took you so long?" He asked sharply.

"I went to the park and lost track of time..." I said sitting down.

"Oh and you couldn't ring me? Hey what's that smell?" He asked sniffing strongly.

"Um...my chewing gum..." I said pulling out the packet from my pocket.

"It doesn't smell like mint..." My dad said curiously.

"Definitely mint!" I told him jumping up.

"Is that alcohol?" He asked.

"Well, just because you can't drink, don't mean I can't." I said grabbing my bag that I had just thrown on the ground.

"So it is! You're not supposed to be drinking with lithium!" He told me.

"I know I'm not a complete dumb ass! I'm going out!" I screamed walking to the door.

"Where?"

" Uncle Mikeys..." I said swinging the door open and slamming it closed behind me.

_**Now come one come all to this tragic affair**_

_**Wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair**_

_**So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot**_

_**You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not**_

_**If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see**_

_**You can find out firsthand what it's like to be me**_

_**So gather 'round piggies and kiss this goodbye**_

_**I'd encourage your smiles I'll expect you won't cry**_

_**Another contusion, my funeral jag**_

_**Here's my resignation, I'll serve it in drag**_

_**You've got front row seats to the penitence ball**_

_**When I grow up I want to be nothing at all!**_

_**I said yeah, yeah!**_

_**I said yeah, yeah!**_

_**C'mon C'mon C'mon I said**_

_**(Save me!) Get me the hell out of here**_

_**(Save me!) Too young to die and my dear**_

_**(You can't!) If you can hear me just walk away and**_

_**(Take me!)**_

I walked along the street, everything was grey. My hands were cold and red. I pulled my hood over my head. It was near enough to spring...but it was still raining.I finally got to Mikeys house and knocked on the door impatient. Alicia opened it, she had her coat on.

"Oh hell! 'Elena you're soaking!" She said pulling me in. Mikey was just behind the door zipping up his coat.

"Sorry, was this a bad time?" I shivered.

"It's never a bad time, we're just going to Franks, you know since Jamias gone on that girl's weekend with some of her friend for their birthdays" she told me.

"Oh right...I just thought I'd come and see you..." I said pulling my hood down.

"Dad being a pain, huh? You should come with us to see Frank, he's always happy to see you..." Mikey laughed.

"Oh, okay." I ran my cold, shaking fingers through my drenched hair.

"Yeah, well before we go...I gotta get you a coat. You'll die if you don't get something warm on you!" Alicia said running upstairs. She ran down stair a second later with black, thick coat. I put it on and it fitted nicely.

"Girl you look hot!" Alicia laughed. Mikey gave her a dirty look.

"Please, she's my niece!" he moaned.

"Mine too!" Alicia laughed taking my arm and pulling me out the door and into her car, Mikey followed. I wrapped my arms around myself trying to warm myself up. When the car pulled up outside Franks I got out and followed Alicia and Mikey to the front door. Mikey knocked on the door then titled his head down and took a deep breath in to my confusion. The door opened and Frankie stood on the other side smiling, Alicia and Mikey came in first...I followed them in.

"'Elena, I didn't know you were coming!"He said giving me a cheerful hug.

"Yeah well 'Pa was getting on my nerves!" I laughed. I pulled of my coat showing my saturated school outfit and bouncing souls hoody.

"Okay, I've got popcorn and blankets in the kitchen for the movies!" Frank laughed.

"Oh we'll go and get them!" Mikey and Alicia said running into the kitchen. I looked through the racks of DVDs.

"So what we watching?" I asked.

"No idea...you pick." Frank said. I looked through the racks...horror...action...romance...thriller... I pulled out The Goonies...I had watched it god knows how many time, but I still loved it.

"Okay, we're watching The Goonies!" I said turning around too see Frank looking at CDs. I rolled my eyes.

"You want movie and music?" I laughed. He looked at me with a grin.

"It's a OCD thing." He laughed. I looked through my bag...I had way to many Cds...there was a Misfits one, American Psycho... it had Dig Up Her Bones on...all I could think about was how amazing we sounded playing it.

"Play this." I handed him it.

"I already have it..."

"Yeah well...mines better!" I laughed. Frank stuck it on very quietly as I put on the movie. I heard giggles from the kitchen. I raised an eyebrow at Frank smugly before walking in on Alicia and Mikey having a complete make out session...

"Dudes! Eeeww!" I whined whilst running out of the room. Frank was bright red in the other room, laughing his head off.

"It's not funny, it's disgusting!" I moaned. Alicia and Mikey came out sheepishly their hands tied around each others waists.

" 'Kay sit down and stop it, you're making me want to hurl!" I told them sternly. They just smiled and sat down holding the popcorn and pulling the blankets over them. I got snuggled up next to Mikey and Frank came and sat next to me. The movie flicked on and the bright light danced around and music played in the background nicely; I devoured a hand full of popcorn greedily and titled my head to the window...it was getting dark...I wondered if my dad was worried about me for a split second...I could hear the voices from the movie clearly as I stared at the window...

_**Lunchtime!**_

_**The longer you animals bark,**_

_**the colder your lunch gets.**_

_**Come on, move it out.**_

_**You too, down there!**_

_**Hey, turkey!**_

_**"You schmuck. Do you think**_

_**I'd be stupid enough to kill myself?"**_

_**Kill myself?**_

_**Come on!**_

_**Here he comes... **_The voices started to blur, my head lopped onto Franks shoulder and I felt the whole word start slipping away, but I was happy...I was in the best place possible...

**[Voice recording rewinds and plays certain parts, speeds up and slows down:]****  
"...Like last night, they are not like tremors, they are worse than tremors,  
they are these terrors. And it's like, it feels like as if somebody  
was gripping my throat and squeezing and..."**

**Some say, now suffer all the children  
And walk away a savoir,  
Or a madman and polluted  
From gutter institutions.  
Don't you breathe for me,  
Undeserving of your sympathy,  
Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did.**

**And through it all  
How could you cry for me?  
Cause I don't feel bad about it.  
So shut your eyes,  
Kiss me goodbye,  
And sleep.  
Just sleep.**

**The hardest part is letting go of your dreams.**

**A drink for the horror that I'm in,  
For the good guys, and the bad guys,  
For the monsters that I've been.  
Three cheers for tyranny,  
Unapologetic apathy,  
Cause there ain't no way that I'm coming back again.**

**And through it all  
How could you cry for me?  
Cause I don't feel bad about it.  
So shut your eyes,  
Kiss me goodbye,  
And sleep.  
Just sleep.**

**The hardest part's the awful things that I've seen.**

**[Voice recording:]****  
"...Sometimes I see flames. And sometimes  
I see people that I love dying and... it's always..."**

**Just sleep.  
Just sleep.  
Just sleep.  
Just sleep.  
Just sleep.  
Just sleep.**

**[Screaming:]**** Wake up!**

**[Voice recording:]****  
"And I can't... I can't ever wake up."**

I woke up, I was half wrapped in blankets and lying on Franks couch. I sat up, Frank was asleep on the other side. The movie credits played in the background.

"Frankie!" I said pocking him cruelly. His eyes snapped open and he sat up straight. I burst out with laughter.

"Huh, what? Where?" Frank mumbled, confusion masking his face.

"Where's Mikey and Alicia?" I asked; taking note of our current solitude. He rubbed his face groggily.

"They went just after you fell asleep...I must have done so too..." He yawned...stretching out. I felt something vibrate in my pocket...it was my phone; I looked through my messages:

----'Elena where are you? Mikey and Alicia aren't home...call!----

-------'ELENA WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!---------------------------

-------------Dylan or any of your friends know where you are...----- This list could go on, all from dad...Oh shit he had contacted my friends...yikes... I rang him quickly, he answered immediately.

"'Elena is that you?" He asked, stiffening a yawn.

"Yeah, sorry I fell asleep at Franks..." I yawned.

"Oh god, I was so worried...it's half 2!" By my calculations the movie repeated itself twice.

"Sorry Pa..." I said trying to sound sincere.

"You want me to come pick you up?" He asked. I put the phone on my chest, blocking out the sound and looked towards Frankie.

"Would you mind if I stay here the rest of the night?" I mouthed to him; He nodded and smiled, so I guessed it was a yes.

"No...I'll walk home tomorrow! Just go to bed!" I told my dad.

"Oh okay." He said. I hung up and stuffed my phone in my pocket. Frank was looking down at the ground, an unhappy expression on his face.

"Hun, what wrong?" I asked, reaching my arm out to his shoulder.

"Nothing."

"Oh come on, you can tell me..." I said softly, moving myself closer to him.

"It's just...you know this girls weekend Jamias on? There's this guy there...and they've been spending a lot of time together..." He trailed off.

"What...you think Jamia likes him?" I asked astounded.

"I don't know..."

"Look, Jamia is lucky to have you...you're funny, sweet, caring and...Hell you're in MCR!" I laughed, elbowing Frank jokily. He smiled, our eyes caught.

"I guess...thanks you're a...really mate." He smiled sweetly.

"Not really..." I said, he frowned...just before I jumped on him and tickled him.

"Oh fuck no! Arrghh El get off!" He half snorted half laughed.

"Nope!" I said my hands moving from his neck to his leg...he was most ticklish there...

"Nooo!" Frank laughed pulling me of.

"Damn you and your Anti-Fun regime!" I laughed. All of the sudde something clicked in my mind, my dad had contacted Dylan...I should ring him and say I was okay.

"Crap, I better ring Dylan...I've barely seen him all day...he might be worried" I mumbled dialling his number on my phone.

"You so looovvveee him." I heard Frank mutter. I snap my phone shut.

"Huh?" I grunted.

"You like him...admit it!" He said a devilish smile on his face...his brown hair hung down over his eyes mysteriously.

"I do not!" I giggled.

"Prove it..." right then everything became really serious, I stared into his eyes. I had to win this fight...and there as only one way too...I leaned forward and kissed Frank, but to my surprise I felt him kiss me back very gently, his tongue tracing my lips. My arms wrapped around him as I felt him kiss my jawbone...he stopped and pulled back, but my senses were completely thrown out the window by this time.

"This is so wrong..." he stuttered, still staring at me.

"Do you honestly care at this moment in time?" I asked raising my eyebrow like this was some normal convocation. When Frank pulled me back close to him, I took his answerer was NO. Blankets surrpunded us as we pealed each others clothes of...I lay timidly below Frank on the couch. Our kisses becoming deeper, we tumbled of the couch pulling the blankets with us. I giggled frantically as I pulled them other us...this was where I was meant to me...I'm not going to lie...at this moment in time; I had never been happier.


	14. A night in paris

I woke up in a daze, my head layed on Franks chest; I could feel it rise and fall, gently. That's when I looked up and saw Franks surreal face above mine, his eyes tightly shut in sleep. I jumped up in shock. A blanket covered us...what had happened last night? I remembered coming to Franks house...Goonies...sleep...NO! Holy crap, I didn't... did I? I checked under the blankets, I was naked...I caught my breath...crap. Franks eyes napped open at my movement and he sat straight, bolt right up.

"What the hell?" H e said his eyes wincing as well looked between each other and grabbed for the sheets...

"We didn't do that...Um...did we?" He asked... I looked around the room, everything was everywhere, scattered around in our daze...my clothes lay in a messy pile...so did Franks...I guessed that we had by that time.

"I think so..." I whispered.

"Oh shit...umm...we better get changed..." Frank said pulling the blanket tightly around him, his brown eyes skimming over me.

"Yeah....why don't you face that way...and I face this way..." I said going bright red. He nodded so I got up quickly and pulled on my clothes...my make up was smeared over my face. When I was done I turned around to see Frank pulling on his t-shirt, had I ever notice how amazing his toned body was before. I looked down that back at him feeling guilty, I couldn't look at Frank the same...After he pulled his top on h stayed looking at the other side, like he had said...wasn't he such a sweetie?

"Frank...you can look at me..." I whispered...my breath, my voice...the only sounds filling the room. Frank turned around very slowly...he still looked at the ground...

"Frank, look at me..." I said feeling my cheeks burn. I walked forward slowly...I took his hand.

"What happened last night...it was a mistake, right?" I told him...He looked up, he looked like he was going to answerer at first but his mouth closed...he looked down again, then up and answered.

"Yeah..." He said his voice almost apathetic.

"Then we're not going to tell any one...we're just going to act like normal...like best friends..." I said, unsure of my words...

"Yeah, yeah...ph shit 'Elena...I just cheated on my wife...I just slept with one of my best friends daughter and my best friend in one!" He said pulling his hands over his face.

"Frankie...oh god I know...I just did it with...You...y'know? My uncles and dads pal...my friend...my best friends husband..." I felt myself moving back and sitting on the couch. Just saying it made everything feel so much...realer...

"'Elena you've got..." He pointed to my neck. I touched it...it stung...fuck a stupid hickey.

"Oh fuck! I better go and cover it up.." I sighed... that's when something hit me.

"Frank...did we use a condom?" I asked. He face changed...

"Shit I don't think so..." he whispered. That's when I felt that deep feeling in my stomach, burrowing it's way deep into me.

"Oh god 'Elena I'm so sorry...you don't need..." I interrupted him before he got any further, our eyes stuck together.

"No...Frank don't say sorry...I'm not sorry about what happened. I'm just going to go and get the day after pill..." I sighed, getting up, my hands brushing through my hair.

"But I'm the eldest...I should be the adult about this..." He said betting up and walking towards me. I jumped back...anger flared through me.

"Oh that's what you think of me as? A 16 year old kid?" I asked insulted.

"Oh god know...of course I don't...I just mean after everything that happened..." he stopped, straight away you could see in his eyes that he had said the wrong thing.

"Oh of course you don't think of me as a 16 year old...I'm the 16 year old Bipolar freak! Oh that's so much better!" I screamed walking towards the door.

"'Elena, please don't..." He whispered...pain in his voice made me feel sick.

"NO! You're as bad as the kids at school!" I screamed opening the door and running out. I pulled on my sunglasses over my eyes. I ran down the street...I could hear Franks voice from behind...He shouted after me...but he didn't peruse me...When I looked back he was sitting at his door, his hands over his face...Oh god how could I have let this happen? HOW? Why did I feel like this? What was this feeling...Oh shit...I had promised myself that I would never let anything like this happen, not after everything...I would let myself have a one night stand, but how could I call this a one night stand? It was Frank... I ran along the road, down the street...past all the happy little houses where people played happy families behind fake smiles. When I got to the pharmacy I found some Ebony concealer and walked sheepishly to the counter. The woman looked at my hickey disapprovingly.

"Can I have this and a early conception pill please..." I said looking through my sunglasses, burning red...

"Yeah...I need to see some ID..." she said. I huffed as I pulled out my passport and showed her it from my bag.

"16, huh? A bit young to be having one night stands..." she laughed to herself.

"It wasn't a one night stand..."I said handing her the money...It was even her business. She stopped; looking at me after I handed her my money.

"You're THE 'Elena Way, aren't you? She smiled to herself.

"Um...who? I'm just 'Elena Way..." I said nervously.

"No, no...you're that rock star dudes daughter!" She said proudly.

"No, I don't know who she is, but she's definitely not me..." I said grabbing the pill and concealer and stuffed them in my bag. She huffed as I walked out of the store. I quickly put a blob of concealer over my hickey and made my way home.

_**Gonna take off all my skin,  
Tear apart all of my insides,  
When they rifle in,  
Mom and Dad think you'll be saved,  
They never had the time,  
They're gonna medicate your lives,  
You were always born a crime,  
We salute you in your grave.**_

Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms,  
Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms.

_**[Spoken in background]**__**  
(Well my gun fires  
seven different shades of shit,  
So what's your favorite color, punk?)**_

Do you wanna hold my hand?  
Could you sign this photograph,  
'Cause I'm your biggest fan,  
Would you leave me lying here?

We're not here to pay a compliment,  
Or sing about the government,  
Oxycontin genocide,  
Adolescent suicide,  
I'll give you my sincerity,  
{Don't give} a fuck about a Kennedy,  
Here's what I've got to say.

Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms,  
Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms.

No way home why  
_**[x4]**__**  
**__**[in background]**__**  
We've got to go  
**__**[x7]**__****_

Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back in her arms,  
Can't find my way home,  
But it's through you and I know,  
What I'd do just to get back, well, in her arms.

I can't find the way  
_**[x6]**__****_

Come on angel, don't you cry  
_**[x4]**_

My dad stared at my suspiciously as I got in, I ran straight upstairs and into my room. I got changed first...just into some jeans and a tee...I felt seriously ill... I then looked at the instructions on the back of the box for the day after pill...Like everything I was sure I couldn't take it with lithium, but I just swallowed it dry and forgot about it. I had to find some way to get it into the trash...I walked down stairs, the packet stuffed in my bag.

"So what was that all about?" My dad yawned sleepily.

"What?" I asked

"The running upstairs..." he said stretching out and turning of the TV.

"Nothing...I needed to can..." I lied. I sat down next to him hoping Lyn would get home soon and entertain him so I could put this in the trash.

"What's that on your neck?" My dad asked staring at my roughly covered love bite. I blushed fiercly...

"Nothing, I burnt myself with the strengtheners..."

"Oh...you should put some cold water on it...it looks quite bad..." my dad told me...Thanks Frank!

"Oh, Okay!" I said seizing the chance and running into the kitchen and closing the door. I turned the tap on for effect and then squashed the packet down into the depths of the garbage. I splashed my face with some water before retreating upstairs into my room for a snooze.

**GERARD**

"So what was that all about?" I yawned.

"What?" She sounded very defensive...

"The running upstairs..." I turned of the TV sensing something behind this convocation...

"Nothing...I needed to can..." She sat down next to me...she kept twitching about...

"What's that on your neck?" I had noticed a red, fierce mark on her neck...was it a hickey?

"Nothing, I burnt myself with the strengtheners..."

"Oh...you should put some cold water on it...it looks quite bad..." I said cautiously.

"Oh, Okay!" She jumped up over zealously...running into the kitchen and closed the door. I heard the tap go on...maybe it was just a burn. A matter of seconds later she sneaked out of the kitchen and upstairs...I turned on the TV and tried to concentrate on the countdown of Americas favourite 40 music videos...

"Honey, I'm home!" Lyn laughed as she came in with Bandit, thank god she was home. I jumped up and took Bandit out of her push chair lovingly.

"'Elena back yet?" She asked taking of her coat.

"Yeah...I think she went to bed..." I cooed as I played with Bandit. Lyn smiled and went into the kitchen, probably making coffee. A couple of seconds later Lyn came out holding a day after contraception packet...

"Um...Lyn?" I asked as she stared at me.

"Yeah..."

"Why are you holding that..." I asked presuming it was hers.

"Gee, this isn't mine...I found it when I was putting Bandit diapers in the trash..." She said sounding slightly scared...that must mean...it was... 'Elenas.

"Hell no..." I said getting up. No, she wasn't going onto this stage...after everything I thought she was getting better...

"I'll go and get her..." Lyn through me the packet then ran upstairs. I looked down at it, lying in my hands...this was crazy.

"Dad what's this about?" I heard 'Elena say sleepily. I looked up to see her face...I couldn't believe it...there must be a mistake.

"Do you recognise this?" I asked handing it too her. She looked down at it...tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Pa'...oh god, It was a massive mistake..." She burst out crying, she wept into her hands...I wanted to hug her, but I didn't know how to.

"Who was it?" I asked... She looked up.

"No one...a stupid guy from my school, I'm so sorry..." She said through her tears...


	15. Do you wanna hold my hand?

_Let me tell ya' a little story,_

_About this girlie,_

_The doctor said she was gonna die,_

"_Thank you for the news,_

_I shall die in glory,_

_Please tell me there aint enough time to say,_

_Goodbye..."_

_The doctor asked her why..._

_But she stayed painfully silent,_

_Until the end of the day._

_I sang the words of a thousand depths,_

_And with her last breath,_

_she said:_

"_Because Romeo never met Juliet..."_

_Don't you see,_

_This wasn't meant to be!_

_You and me..._

_Our lives a twisted trees,_

_I thank you for being my chemical reaction..._

_But don't you see..._

_There's never going to be..._

_You and me... _

"'Elena?" I heard Kitty say.

"Hmm..." I said still looking at my hands. All I could think about was Frank, Frank...Frank. OH god, I even liked saying his name now. I hadn't spoken to him since Saturday morning and it was Monday morning now. Kitty and I were sitting in the class room waiting for the others to come.

"I don't know how to say this, but...why did your dad ring up asking why I let you cop of with some guy when we went clubbing." My attention was fully focused on her now.

"What?" I asked staring at her, my mouth dropped down in amazement.

"Well... yeah, he ran gm up asking why I let you cop of with some guy when we went clubbing..." She said looking at me sternly.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry."

"Cut the bullshit...Explain NOW!" She told me. Kitty really cared, I knew she did, but I couldn't tell her about Frank.

"Oh god I did something stupid...on Friday when I cut class...I kinda screwed this random guy...I know it was stupid, but I was drunk and my dad found my day after pill packaging!" I exclaimed. She stared at me.

"Wow this is a lot of information to take in at once..." She sat back on her chair.

"I'm sorry I used Wednesday to get out of it...I just couldn't tell him I cut class as well..." I moaned.

"Shit 'Elena, who was it?" she asked.

"I don't know...it was just the guy..." I hated lying to her...I sounded like such a slut too.

"Oh fuck! Come and give me a hug, I can't stay mad with you for long..." She said. I gave her a hug and found myself crying.

"What's wrong hun?" She asked.

"Do you know how it feel to feel something that you know is so wrong...but..." I trailed off.

"Of course I do hun and this is coming from a girl who hasn't told her mom she's going out with the love of her life." She laughed, I laughed too...maybe this was okay, I mean maybe I was still clearing up my emotions from the drugs and shit.

"Oh okay..You know let's just drop this whole subject..." I laughed.

"I can't agree more...Oh yeah, the guys and I were talking on webcam yesterday and we thought, obviously if you want too, we could go up to my holiday house down by the coast like we used to this weekend, since we have next week of for revision or that bull." She told me. Her mom had bought this holiday home by the coast years ago with money she had inherited, but she hardly ever used it so the guys and I used to go for the weekend.

"What for the whole week?" I asked.

"Yeah...you need your dads consent of course..." she laughed. This was exactly what I needed, some time away...to clear my head...

"You know...if your sure...I'm going to ring my Pa now..." I smiled....she looked quite shocked but she just smiled. I pulled out my phone and called my house. Lyn picked up.

"Hey?" She asked.

"Hi! Is my dad in, I want to ask him something?"

"Oh yeah...here you go..." There was a silence, then the phone went onto my dad. I gave Kitty and quick smile.

"Hey, hun! Aren't you at school?"

"Oh yeah...but the bell hasn't rung yet..." People started filling into the class, "Look maybe it has...umm...I wanted to ask you if the guys and I could go too Kittys holiday house for a week starting this weekend?" I asked.

"Umm...can we talk about this at home?"

"Come on please! I think it'll really help..."

"Okay, okay...but we'll settle the ground rules at home!" He told me

"Yes! YEESS!" I said

"Okay bye!"

"Bye" I hung up excitedly. The teacher walked in...

"I'm aloud to go!" I mouthed at Kitty. She pulled out a piece of paper and wrote: _FUCK YEAH!_

_**We hold in our hearts the sword and the faith  
Swelled up from the rain, clouds move like a wraith  
Well after all, we'll lie another day  
And through it all, we'll find some other way  
To carry on through cartilage and fluid  
And did you come to stare or wash away the blood?**_

Well tonight, well tonight  
Will it ever come?  
Spend the rest of your days rocking out  
Just for the dead  
Well tonight  
Will it ever come?  
I can see you awake anytime, in my head

Did we all fall down?  
Did we all fall down?  
Did we all fall down?  
Did we all fall down?  
From the lights to the pavement  
From the van to the floor  
From backstage to the doctor  
From the Earth to the morgue, morgue, morgue, morgue

Well tonight  
Will it ever come?  
Spend the rest of your days rocking out  
Just for the dead  
Well tonight  
Will it ever come?  
I can see you awake anytime in my head

All fall down  
Well after all...

_Let me tell ya' a little story,_

_About this girlie,_

_The doctor said she was gonna die,_

"_Thank you for the news,_

_I shall die in glory,_

_Please tell me there aint enough time to say,_

_Goodbye..."_

_The doctor asked her why..._

_But she stayed painfully silent,_

_Until the end of the day._

_I sang the words of a thousand depths,_

_And with her last breath,_

_she said:_

"_Because Romeo never met Juliet..."_

_Don't you see,_

_This wasn't meant to be!_

_You and me..._

_Our lives a twisted trees,_

_I thank you for being my chemical reaction..._

_But don't you see..._

_There's never going to be..._

_You and me... _

I sat through most of the lesson writing in my sketch pad...songs...names...ideas...

_**-------------------I lay timidly below Frank on the couch. Our kisses becoming deeper, we tumbled of the couch pulling the blankets with us. I giggled frantically as I pulled them other us...this was where I was meant to me...I'm not going to lie...at this moment in time; I had never been happier.-------------------**__**---------------------"Adam call the ambulance!"...hospitals...nurses...I screamed and screamed...Adam held me tightly...the first time in ages...sleep...I sat on a seat waiting for the doctors...they came out eventually...machinery bleeped and doors swung... "I'm so sorry...she died..."----------------------**_

**She died...she really died...she was so beautiful...but death touched her pale sing with a song of the ages and centuries...it pained her mind and stole her breath...**

The teacher looked over at my piece of paper, we were supposed to be taking notes on this movie...she sighed and looked away...

"'Elena, I need to talk to you outside..."

"Yeah..." I got up and followed her outside, my paper tight in my hand.

"I know a lot has happened to you in the last few months...but I need you to pay some attention in my lesson..." She said. I looked to the floor. She took my piece of paper of me.

"**She died...she really died...she was so beautiful...but death touched her pale sing with a song of the ages and centuries...it pained her mind and stole her breath...** 'Elena, this is very poetic...I swear to god it is...but I need you to try..." She gave me the paper back.

"You don't know...no one does...you don't even know the half of it..." I said tears burned my eyes...

"Sshhh honey...you should go to the school councillor. Just talk to her and tell her what's on your mind."

"I don't want too..." I looked down.

"I know honey...I know... Please just..." I looked at her...

"Try..." She smiled. I sighed and walked down to the hall...the fuck did she know...no one does.


	16. And when the lights all went out

Walking out is the hardest part...

"So you've got everything...phone?" My dad asked urgently. I pulled my bag onto my back.

"Yeah..." I smiled between the two nervous looking adults...Lyn held Bandit tightly.

"So Dylan picking you up around the corner like normal?" Lyn asked.

"No...he's picking me up at Jamias..." I said... Oh I felt awful for Jamia considering what had happened...but it wasn't like Frank and I were anything more than friends still, Jamia held his heart.

"Oh why?" My dad asked.

"I left my camera at hers...I better get going..." I said giving them and hug and Bandit a kiss on the forehead.

"Look after yourself, okay?" My dad said as I hugged him.

"Of course..." I said turning around and walking out...Walking out is the hardest part; did I know something like this could possibly happen? I don't think in my wildest imagination that what would happen in the following days could ever occur, but it did...I know too well, it did... Walking along the hot streets in full black listening to Muse...an amazing feeling. When I got to Jamias...and Franks I knocked on the door nervously too see Jamia tumble out with a coat on.

"Oh thank god you got here, I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye!" She said hugging me.

"What where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm not sure...it's my friend...he's well..umm..."

"It doesn't matter I'm just glad I saw you."

"Okay, Franks got your camera, bye!" she smiled and ran to her car, I watched her drive of before turning to the house. I walked in slowly, My creep boots were shamefully muddy so I tuck them off, leaving just my fishnets.

"Hey..." I said coming into the living room were Frank was sitting. I sat down on the couch too...it was painfully silent.

"You want one?" Frank asked, I turned to see he was smoking...I agreed and took it gratefully, I tuck a deep breath of my dependence death stick and breath out a puff of smoke.

"Smoke alarms?" I asked.

"They kept going off, so I took 'em out..." Frank chuckled to himself.

"Safety before comfort, huh?" I laughed.

"It always has been..." He laughed too...but it came to an end like most things. I took another breath of my cigarette.

"Haven't spoken to you all week." Frank said looking down.

"Yeah...Well I've been clearing my head..." I sighed turning the cigarette between my hand.

"They're going to kill us both..." I said...

"What?" Frank said sitting up straight.

"The cigarettes..." I smiled cruelly... not the nicest of things to do...

"Oh right...yeah...I guess..." He ran a hand through his hair.

"I remember when you had it red...looked so cool..." I smiled... Looking at his hair, taking another puff in.

"I know...hard to maintain though..." He looked down.

"But that's what it always is..,it's always how hard it is to get it, or how hard it is to maintain or keep...no one thinks of IT." I looked away from him, blushing from my babbling, he stared at me...

"The guys should be here soon..."

"Cut the crap...we need to talk..." Frank sighed still staring at me.

"You seem to be good at it." I said getting up and walking into the passage and pulling my boots on and sticking the cigarette between my lips.

"Look what happened was a b-i-g mistake..." Frank started, I cut him off...

"A mistake, huh...that's what you think it was?" I jumped up and pushed through him to the door, I took the cigarette back into my hand. He through his hand on it so I couldn't get out.

"What else can I call it 'Elena? I want us to be friends...and I don't see how we can if we don't clear this mess up..." I pushed his arm of and opened the door.

"Why don't you call it history?" I said walking out the door to see Dylans car.

"Bye Frank..." I whispered turning to him...his eyes looked worn...war worn...Bury me in black style, huh?

"Don't say bye..."

"Then what?" I asked sharply.

"Here's your camera..." He handed it to me after pulling it out of his pocket...

"See ya...later..." He turned around and walked into the house. I watched him, anger twisting inside of me like a venomous snake. I turned to Dylans car/van and got in the very back and sat next to Kitty. Sammy sat in the middle row and Joe and Dylan sat in the front.

"What's wrong?" Kitty whispered to me as the van started.

"Nothing...nothing..." I said wiping my eyes. I had all of the sudden started feeling really bad about Frank...

"Hey Joe-Joe turn up the radio, huh?" Kitty said as the radio blasted up and the car boomed with punk-rock.

"C'mon...I've got something I need to tell you...come on...just tell me what's wrong..." She whispered to me.

"I just think I need to call someone..." I told her. The car was pulling onto the high way...wind swept through the open windows. I pulled out my phone and rang Frank...Beep...beep...beep...

"Hello?" I heard Frank say softly.

"It's me..."

"Oh, hey...you left something?" He asked.

"No...I wanted to say...umm...sorry?" I looked around, Kitty looked pretty bemused at the idea that I said sorry.

"What?"

"I'm sorry...okay...I shouldn't have reacted the way I did...I just want us to be friends..."

"Me too...okay 'Elena, you should go...enjoy your week, see you honey..." We both hung up and I put my phone away.

I did tell you before that I hate travelling right? I really hate it...

_**Oh, all I want to know  
All I want**_

With just a touch of my burning hand  
I send my astro zombies to rape the land  
Prime directive, exterminate  
The whole human race

And your face drops in a pile of flesh  
And then your heart, heart pounds  
Till it pumps in death  
Prime directive, exterminate  
Whatever stands left

All I wanna say  
And all I gotta do  
Who'd I do this for  
Hey, me or you

And all I wanna say  
And all I gotta do  
Who'd I do this for  
Hey, me or you

Oh, all I want to know  
All I want

With just a touch of my burning hand  
I'm gonna live my life to destroy your world  
Prime directive, exterminate  
The whole fuckin' race

And your face drops in a pile of flesh  
And then your heart, heart pounds  
Till it pumps in death  
Prime directive, exterminate  
The whole fuckin' place

Well, all I wanna say  
And all I gotta do  
Who'd I do this for  
Hey, me or you

And all I wanna say  
And all I gotta do  
Who'd I do this for  
Hey, me or you

Oh, all I want to know  
All I want to know  
All I want to know  
All I want  
Go

"Okay, everybody out!" Dylan said slamming the door. I got out of the car lazily...I pulled my rucksack over my back as I waited for Kitty to unlock the door.

"Okay people...put your stuff down...but please, I don't want as much mess as last time..." Oh yes...last time, we had come just before my "incident" By the end of the weekend the house just smelled of booze, smoke and feet. I went into what was now known as my room and put my bag down...I had packed a bikini since there was an open commune pool for the block next to the house. I would normally go during the night...no one else went any ways. We got there at about 10...I lay on my bed, my eyelids started drooping and I fell into a fragile sleep.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------LATER ON--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"'Elena..." someone poked me.

"'Elena...come on wake up!" They poked me harder...I groaned and sat up to see Dylan with his swimming shorts and tee on.

"Wh-aa-t?" I moaned.

"Come on it's half 1...it's swimming time!" He laughed. I lay down again...

"Later..." I mumbled.

"No; now..." he pulled me up "Get changed..." he grinned. I rolled my eyes and pushed him out of my room before getting changed into my black and green striped bikini. I pulled a hoody over my shoulder and stomped out of my room into the black hall to see Dylan waiting for me...His eyes were bright with mischief.

"C'mon!" He pulled me along the hall and outside the door. My feet were saw as I walked along the cobles to the pool.

"Ouch..." I laughed. He kept a tight hold on my wrist as he pulled me to the side of the pool. I sighed and pulled of my hoody. Sitting on the side I put my legs in and watched as Dylan pulled of his tee and dived in the icy waters. He surfaced gasping.

"Oh god, that's cold..." he shivered, I giggled. I looked down at my legs, my arms tilted behind me and propping me up. I felt like I should burst into tears and weep and weep all night. What did frank mean my _"don't say bye?"_

_**----------------------------"What else can I call it 'Elena? I want us to be friends...and I don't see how we can if we don't clear this mess up..." I pushed his arm of and opened the door.**_

"_**Why don't you call it history?" I said walking out the door to see Dylans car.**_

"_**Bye Frank..." I whispered turning to him...his eyes looked worn...war worn...Bury me in black style, huh?**_

"_**Don't say bye..."**_

"_**Then what?" I asked sharply.**_

"_**Here's your camera..." He handed it to me after pulling it out of his pocket...**_

"_**See you...later..."------------------------------**_

"'Elena?" I heard Dylan sharp voice cut through my memories like a murderers blade.

"Huh?"

"Come in..." He smiled...I felt myself propel myself into the water...the cold water elated me and I thrashed my way to the surface...a pool of the dead, a pool of death. When I got to the surface I felt beaded tears roll down my cheeks. I stood opposite Dylan, his wet hair stuck to his face as he stared at the tears o my cheeks.

"You're crying..." He whispered.

"Oh god Dylan..." I whimpered stepping forward towards him.

"What's wrong?" We stood there in the waters, engulfing us with their cold and detrimental secrets.

"I did something bad Dylan..." I choked.

"It's okay...you can tell me..."

"Please, please don't judge me for what I did..." I cried...

"I wouldn't...I swear to god I wouldn't..."

"Dylan...last Friday I slept with Frank...and I think I'm in love with him..."

"What Frank Iero?" Dylan gasped... I nodded.

_**---------------"This is so wrong..." he stuttered, still staring at me.**_

"_**Do you honestly care at this moment in time?" I asked raising my eyebrow like this was some normal convocation. When Frank pulled me back close to him, I took his answerer was NO. Blankets surrounded us as we pealed each other's clothes of...I lay timidly below Frank on the couch. Our kisses becoming deeper, we tumbled of the couch pulling the blankets with us. I giggled frantically as I pulled them other us...this was where I was meant to me...I'm not going to lie...at this moment in time; I had never been happier.----------------------**_

"It's okay 'Elena...It's okay..." Dylan held me close and hugged me as I wept in the pool...Darkness surrounded us...And I had surrendered my heart to it...

_Thank you for reading the 16__th__ instalment! I must admit that we're actually only...maybe...a third of the way through...there is still sooo much more to tell..._

_You Put The Hate In My Heart xox_


	17. Awake and unafraid, Asleep or dead?

I woke up in Dylans bed, dripping wet; I wasn't sure if it was from tears or the midnights swim. I had wept so much last night; Dylan had told me I could come and stay with him because he hadn't wanted to leave me by myself. I had cried a bit more and fell asleep in his bed. I just wanted to clear that up; just in case you thought I was some slut after what had happened with Frank and I had done it again; with Dylan...No offence, but Dylans Way too much like a brother to me...for THAT to happen.

"Hey, you awake?" Dylan asked from the stool in his bedroom. I yawned stiffly and rigidly pulled myself up. He was flicking through a comic book; Fell.

"Yeah...just about..." I rubbed my eyes. He opened his mouth to say something-Dylan does this a lot-and then closed it again.

"Do you want to talk about what you told me last night?" Dylan asked.

"No...It hurts too much..." I said, calmly as possible, getting up, but then flopping down on the bed again.

"Okay...American psycho..." Dylan laughed putting down his comic.

"What?" I asked...

"No...nothing...just something I was thinking about..." He laughed. The door opened Kitty came in.

"Oh guys...sorry?" She said doing a complete 180 and literally running out.

"What the fuck?" I giggled. Dylan raised an eye brow at me...then it clicked in my head.

"Holy crap; she didn't think...we?" I said busting into hysterical laughter.

"Yeah I think she did..." Dylan grinned and pulled me up.

"You go...get changed...try and stop the carnage that Kitty is about to shed." He laughed.

"Hey. What about you?" I asked.

"I'm a guy...I need to sleep..." Dylan burst out laughed before he collapsed into his bed. I rolled my eyes and walked out leaving Dylan to his precious dreams. I closed the door softly and walked along the cold corridor to the small kitchen to see the others up and dressed.

"Oh hi..." I smiled grabbing a mug from the side and pouring myself some coffee from machine-thingy.

"Soo...what did you get up to last night?" Sammy asked. I would have broke down into laughter right then...but I didn't...

"Nothing...I went for a swim with Dylan..." I said sipping the coffee.

"Oh you did...cool..." I heard Kitty say, obviously restraining herself from laughed.

"Anything else? Joe asked rigidly...I flashed a grin.

"Oh yeah...Dylan and I got a bit busy..." I said casually...I heard the others take a sharp breath in. I burst out laughed.

"Oh fuck no...you didn't really think we did? Oh god that's hilarious!" I said sitting in-between Joe and Sammy on the brown couch.

"So what did happen?" Joe asked.

"I got upset, Dylan comforted me, I fell asleep in his bed...very simple." I smiled...

"ahuh..." Kitty giggled.

"Okay...I'm going to get changed..." I grinned getting up and swaying my hips cheekily as I walked to my room. This is what I needed; I needed some time to clear my thought and have some time...I was sure I was too...Sure, huh?

_**I said, we'll drown ourselves in misery tonight  
White lies, you've worn out all your dancing shoes this time**_

Just give us war-worn lipstick by the door if I inflame

These eyes have had too much to drink again tonight  
Black skies, we'll douse ourselves in high explosive light

Just give us war-worn, I've been calling you all week  
for my shotgun

Pick up the phone  
Pick up the phone, fucker

I wanna see what your insides look like (I wanna see what your insides look like)  
I bet you're not fucking pretty on the inside (Not so pretty)  
I wanna see what your insides look like (Not so pretty baby)  
I wanna see 'em (Not so)

Well you don't say  
And well I can explain what happened to my faith  
Late last night  
I sleep in empty pools and vacant alleyways  
And what I'm going through, shot lipgloss through my veins  
And when I can't complain  
With the falling rain

C'mon

I wanna save your heart  
I wanna see what your insides may be

So that day I spent the whole day fooling around, eating ordered Chinese food, attempting to push Joe into the pool and having a good time...I fell asleep that night smiling... I didn't cry in my sleep, I felt it's cool embrace and felt glee as I allowed it's grasp...night air circulated through my room and I started to think thing were going to be okay. 1 day gone- 4 (1/2) days to go until we had to start making our way back...

I think by the time you read this...you really should know I'm a skipper...so let's skip to the third day...

Kitty and I walked through the small little town. There was a dodgy, little store on the other side of the road. It smelled of...my dads feet. My phone rang...I answered it to hear my uncles voice...

"Hey honey...how you doing?" He asked.

"Oh I'm fine...I'm shopping for food." I laughed.

"Really? Okay...I'll go..I was just checking that you were okay..." I could imagine his cheesy smile.

"Well I am...and you?"

"Good, good...Franks been so worried about you...I thought I'd check up..." Frank had been worried about me?

"I've got to go..."

"Bye..." Uncle Mikey said.

"Bye...Bye..." I said haning up and pushing my phone into my pocket...I took another breath in...Definitely my dads feet.

"Okay...we were sent to get some stuff for our last night barbeque tonight..." She said looking through the yellow, stained cleaners. I felt myself drift as she put (questionable) meat products into the basket, tomatoes and god knows what else... The sound of the radio drifted through the desolate ails...only to be accompanied by our shallow foot steps. It sounded like the Jonas Brothers...or something like that shit. The song switched to an MCR one, making me smile: I don't love you. Funny, huh? Not really...it just depressed me even more as my dads voice serenaded us and riffs blossomed in the background. I loved Frank...and this...this was always going to be his answerer "I don't love you..." the awkward words from a friend...

"'Elena! You're dropping the basket!" Kitty laughed, I looked at her for a second then lowered my gaze and steadied the basket that was slanting to a side. I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the beef burger and sausages in the basket...unlike me the others...loved...meat.

"I really have no idea what you're going to eat tonight except for fried corn and tomatoes." She laughed. I looked at her.

"We could always get some Ding Dongs..." I said faking a suggestive voice.

"I hope you mean the chocolate one..." She giggled...that made me laugh even harder...

"Well what did you think I had in mind?" I said in hysterics.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------That Night-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The smell of dead animals drifted through the air as I lay lazily on the sun lounger waiting for the food. It made me feel sick. Sammy was cooking, Kitty preparing so Joe, Dylan and I had nothing to do. Joe was looking at me from the other side of the pool, disapprovingly...in some manor...had I upset him? All of the sudden I felt hands I around my shoulder and under my legs. Lifitng my up in a "marital" style. My eyes flicked back on Joe face before I started screaming...Dylan was the culprit...I was going to kill him. He looked down at me and my thrashing body as he steadily neared the pool with a cheeky grin. I thrashed around my arms.

"No...no! Please Dylan! NOO!" I screamed. He smiled cheekily leaned forward and kissed me on the lips...

"Farewell Juliet..." He smile becoming manic...he flung me into the icy pool. I surfaced gasping, everyone was laughing hysterically; except Joe; I must have done something to upset him. I dismissed that and set and sights on killing Dyland.

"You twat!" I screamed as I pulled myself out of the pool, I decided right there that my bikini was w-a-y to revealing.

"Come and get me then!" Dylan said running of around Kitty.

"Oh god, not around the barbeque..." Kitty said in her motherly ways.

"Don't worry hun..." Sammy smiled and kissed her gently on the lips...Kitty had never got around to tell me what her secret was...

"Dylan you're dead..." I said grabbing at him fiercely... He stopped and pushed his tongue out at me... I gasped and cannoned at him pushing him and I into the pool. I clung onto him as we got to the surface...

"Okay...we're even?" He smiled.

"No..." I slapped him, "That's for kissing me..." I burst out laughed. I titled back, onto my back and started floating about...I was going to let the world slip by as my friends giggled and laughed and Dylans red cheek and sheepish smile. There was something about the water...and the sky and the feeling of complete contentment...that somehow started to make me feel contempt... Did I ever tell you...that above all my over fears over dying, spiders, small spaces, vast amounts of water, loneliness and perturb... The thing that scared me most...was not getting to make a difference...not doing something that was going to connect with the world...I'm not afraid to keep on living...but I am afraid of living a shitty ass life...

"Ellie...Ellie?" Joe asked through the slur of the water. I looked up at him...hovering over the pool. I did a backwards roll in the water so I was standing up, I smiled at him...hoping he wasn't still angry at me.

"I was just...It doesn't matter..." He smiled. He turned away and walked into the house...I pulled myself out...still looking at the now closed door which Joe had walked through. The food was almost done...I could hear Sammy telling me that...Dylan was fooling about with Kitty and trying to push her in the pool now...but I ignored that; something was going to happen...something big. I walked solemnly past them...along the side of the pool and through the door.

"Joe?" I asked bleakness staining my voice... I could hear crying, sobering tears...

"I'm so...sorry..." I heard some one whisperer before something heavy hit the side of my head; knocking me to the ground...I felt something wet around my head and the cool floor stung my pained face...

_**-----**__**Darkness**__**: It's harder to describe...Without life, Evil, Lonely, Natural, Without light...darkness can be a metaphor for so many things...but I think the most redeeming quality of darkness...is the fact that you don't know what's going to pop up and surprise you...or when I was a kid...pop up and tear your face of with their blood stained teeth...Darkness: Inexplicable...--------**_

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------After The End Was Pulled Away From Me--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wake Up!" I heard some ones voice rattle through me... Something hit my hard on the cheek...but my eyes stayed firmly shut...

"Wake up slut!" I heard the same familiar voice cry... The same pain...cold, stinging, hard pain started in my cheek after again something metal hit it. My eyes snapped open then to see Joes face... He held a gun in his hand...He hit my face with the side of it again... I was over whelmed...tears rolled down my cheeks...as my head jerked to the right...Dylan; he was sitting a meter away from me...his hands tied and mouth taped...below me lay a puddle of blood. I tried to speak but my voice cracked.

"Bet Ya' wondering what this is all about..." Joe laughed harshly...I tried to sit up...I was in Dylans room, the door was lcoked and the room trashed. There was thuds at the door...scream...barely comprehendible; Kitty and Sammy.

"Joe...please don't do anything stupid..." I heard Kitty cry...

"Shut up!" Joe screamed...I was so confused...

"Let's take the tap of your little boy friend, huh?" Joe asked pealing back the tape on Dylans mouth...He screamed with anger...

"Let us go you freak!" Dylans voice pierced my ears...

"No...but this will be over very soon..." Joe smiled... I felt myself try and drag myself further towards Dylan.

"Not so fast babe!" Joe said slapping the gun again the side of my head knocking me down...but I was in reaching distance from Dylan...my hand went out and touched his tied up one...

"I picked this place...out of so many because this is the place...you broke my heart..." Joe said looking at me. I whimpered softly...Sammy and Kitty were still shouting from outside...

"You see...'Elena I love you...I've always loved you and I was going to tell you that...the very night we got here, the very night you and...Him get together..." He said staring at Dylan...hatred in his eyes...

"Joe...nothing happened...I swear to god..." I whimpered...

"Shut up!" He screamed pointing the gun at me...his hand tightening around the triggering...I pushed myself back...he smiled cruelly...

"There are two bullets in here...I intend to use both of them..." He smiled lowering the gun. I could hear Dylan cry bitterly.

"Joe the police are coming...you don't have time..." I heard Sammy say strongly...

"I know...such a shame...so I'm cutting this short..." He smiled. I moved closer to Dylan, his eyes tried to comfort me...

"Stop it!" Joe screamed...tears burning his red cheeks. He stamped down on my leg...it cracked...snapped and tore...blood gushed out of it and I screamed...

"You ass!" Dylan screamed.

"'Elena...If I can't have you...neither can he..." He smiled.

" No...please don't..." I whimpered...Dylan squeezed my hand.

"'Elena...wha ever he does...he's never going to get the better of us...promise me you'll be okay? Promise!" I heard Dylan choke...I started to feel faint from the loss of blood...my leg hurt so bad...

"I promise..." I whispered... I closed my eyes...there was a band...a shot...screams from outside...pain. My eyes opened, tears burning them. A bullet lay directly in Dylan stomach... He started coughing up blood, his eyes glazed.

"No! Oh god no! Please...Dylan don't go!" I screamed.

"You see that...that hurt...that scream. I want you to do the same for me..." My eyes glanced up to Joe...He had the gun held to his temple.

"No..." I whispered.

"Yes...You tore my heart out...I'm running your life..." He smiled. "I love you..." He whispered...BANG! The bullet went straight through his head and he stood there for a second...blood and brans oozing out...then he fell; on top of me...I screamed, a scream of regret and hate and...and...everything went dark again...

"Dylan don't go..." I cried as I was somothered in Joes blood...There were screams from outside the door...inexplicable words...but they were dimming down...dimming...dimming...it was dark now...and all I felt was pain...

"Good bye..." Frank had told me never to say that...well, I just had...I was going...going...dead?


	18. Do what it takes to survive

**FRANK**

Sitting in the hospital, alone, watching over 'Elena...Memories flooded back towards me...Pencey Prep...high school, meeting Jamia...it was depressing the shit out of me...even more. I hated that Joe...I hated him; you were supposed to honour the dead, but I still fucking hated his god damn guts. We were rung about what happened and we drove straight down to this shit hole since none of them were in a fit state too be moved hospital. We were supposed to be doing a signing and meet and great at the minute...but because of that twat we were staying in a motel and worried shitless about 'Elena and Dylan. I hated Joe...I really did. Jamia should be here with me...but she was back at the motel comforting the guys...she had always been good at soothing and calming people down. It had been about a week since that sonuvabitch did that to them...Kitty and Sammy were in hysterics when we saw them; crying, babbling...they're never going to be the same again, those kids...never. The doctors weren't sure on 'Elena nor Dylans conditions...but it couldn't have been good...I saw the x-ray for 'Elenas leg...it wasn't just broke it was physically snapped in half, like you see in those horror flics. Dylan had also lost of blood, his stomach had been punctured and he has suffered internal bleeding. I remember seeing his parents faces when they saw him lying in that bed...being moved from 'Elenas ward too intensive care. I mean I didn't love the kid, but he was a good guy, he really cared...this shit never deserved to happen to anyone. _**I have this reoccurring dream: You make it hard for me to breathe. I gave you everything I could; I gave up everything I owned and when you smile it's not for me. You offer little sympathy. Your grasp so far exceeds your reach. I wake up. This is not a dream**_

Gerard and whoever should be coming soon. 'Elenas almost jet black hair smothered the pillow... Her eyes were closed in what seemed like a near permanent stretch of slumber...they weren't firmly closed...Eyes can't be firmly closed. 'Elena hated that expression like she hated meat. I looked around at the other bed...'Elena had been put in a semi private room which was shared with another girl, she looked at 9 and was in a coma. I saw her grandma come in and sit next to her for hours. It made me feel even worse, the fact that she was only 9...and I had already overheard doctors asking her grandma about pulling the plug. I moved closer to 'Elena on my chair. On the table beside her bed was a vase of flowers that I had brought her today. They were a mix of black, red and white roses. I would have got her black orchards, which were her favourite, but there was a very small selection at the crappy little shop next to our motel. I touched the roses; the petals of one of them fell of under my touch. I closed my eyes and took a breath in. My hand dropped from the flowers too 'Elenas hand...she couldn't leave me, she meant too much to me...I couldn't let her go...I felt tears burn through my eyes...

_**It's the tearing sound of love-notes**_

_**Drowning out these gray stained windows**_

_**And the view outside is sterile**_

_**And I'm only two cubes down**_

_**I'd photocopy all the things that we could be**_

_**If you took the time to notice me**_

_**But you can't now, I don't blame you**_

_**And it's not your fault that no one ever does**_

_**[Chorus:]**_

_**But you don't work here anymore**_

_**It's just a vacant three by four**_

_**And they might fill your place**_

_**A temporary stand-in for your face**_

_**This happens all the time**_

_**And I can't help but think I'll die alone**_

_**So I'll spend my time with strangers**_

_**A condition and it's terminal**_

_**In this water-cooler romance**_

_**And it's coming to a close**_

_**We could be in the park and dancing by a tree**_

_**Kicking over blades we see**_

_**Or a dark beach with a black view**_

_**And pin-pricks in the velvet catch our fall**_

_**[Chorus]**_

_**I know you don't work here anymore [x6]**_

_**Sometimes I think I'll die alone, sometimes I think I'll die alone**_

_**Sometimes I think I'll die alone, live and breathe and die alone**_

_**Sometimes I think I'll die alone, sometimes I think I'll die alone**_

_**Sometimes I think I'll die alone, I'd think I'd love to die alone**_

_**Just take**_

_**I think I'd love to die**_

_**Me down**_

_**I think I'd love to die**_

_**Just take**_

_**I think I'd love to die**_

_**Me down**_

_**I think I'd love to die alone [x4]**_

_**Live and breathe and die alone**_

_**I think I'd love to die alone [x2]**_

_**I think I'd love to die alone**_

I wasn't sure what was going to happen when or if 'Elena woke up. Wouldn't she have wanted to stay near to Dylan? Anyways her leg was so bad...but her psychiatrist needed to speak to her. I remember the last time I saw that woman...my chain of thought was broken by a splutter. I opened my still closed eyes, my hold on 'Elenas hand becoming tighter...please of god, please...The splutters were coming from 'Elenas mouth...I leaned over her...her eyes flickered open and she burst into coughing.

"Oh god 'Elena you're awake! Do you feel okay?" I asked...she was awake...she was really awake. She leaned forward her eyes blinking rapidly...

"Where am I... Oh god Dylan..." She said, her face going paler than normal. All of the sudden she grabbed her head...

**ELENA**

I was in that state...just before you wake up...but you're not completely conscious yet. I felt something squeeze tightly on my hand...someone was crying, I couldn't tell who. I felt a tickiling sensation in my throat before I started...I don't know coughing and spluttering. My eyes opened and the first thing I saw was an angel...it was Frank....

"Oh god 'Elena you're awake! Do you feel okay?" Was this a dream? I sat up a little too fast...my head felt so light...head rush...head rush, oh my god.

"Where am I... Oh god Dylan..." Dylan? Was he okay? I grabbed my head...it was pounding so hard now...I fell back onto my pillow and shut my eyes.

"Oh my god 'Elena...what's wrong?" Frank sounded shocked.

"My head..." I whined...light burst through my eyes when I opened them again.

"Oh okay...you want me to get someone..." I didn't get anymore...I felt myself choke with tears.

"Oh my god...Dylan...Joe? Joe!" I sat up again. Frank was shaking his head...my eyes rolled over to the other bed in my room. A young girl occupied it...but her eyes were closed...definitely not firmly though...never firmly..I hate that fucking expression.

"'Elena, Joe's dead and Dylans in a coma...but there's a real chance he can wake up..." Frank whispered. I stared at him, my mouth dropped.

"He...he said he loved me...he...he, My leg...and the gun...and Sammy and...Kitty..." I stuttered at him. He shook his head and pulled me into a hug.

"'Elena I know...your dad knows...we're all here for you...all of us...Jamia and...Lyn and Ray and Kaitlin and Mi..." He stopped there, my hand were firmly locked into his hair. I wasn't going back into the darkness; he was something to hold onto...to stop me from going back...or maybe I was holding him because...because... I pushed him astounded by my thought.

"I can't do this Frank..." I stuttered.

"Do what? I'm just being your frie-." I cut him off before he could explain and kissed him, so very softly, like the touch of an angel o the lips. I felt him kiss back...My hands went onto his shoulders...I pushed back...tears burnt my eyes...

"That's why Frank...we obviously aren't over what happened..." I said looking down.

"'Elena I..." He looked shocked, ashamed, annoyed, upset...dismayed?

"Frankie...you should go..." I said crying...I was crying...I had woke up, found out my best friend was in a coma and the guy that put him there was dead...but I was crying because of...I don't know...I never really knew why.

"'Elena you just woke up...dude, I'm not goi-." The door opened cutting him of.

"Hey Franki- Holy crap 'Ellie!" I heard my dads voice...I looked over to see that my dad and Ray had just entered the room.

"Hi...Paps..." I said tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Oh my god...I should go and call the others..."

"No...I will...I was going already..." Frank said getting up and giving me a look.

"You sure?" Ray asked...as big grin on his face.

"Yes...he is..." I answered Rays question for him. Frank looked down at his feet before walking out...

"Oh god 'Elena I never---." I didn't hear any more of my dads rambles...How could I? I had just sent away the person I love...Joe was dead...Dylan in a coma, Sammy and Kitty? I guess they would be scarred...wrecked...completely and utterly...ruined...Like me. I remember Pencey Prep...they were a good band...I loved them...Trying To Escape The Inevitable was my favourite song...I guess that's because...That was my favourite hobby when I was back at my grans house...

_**I have this reoccurring dream  
You make it hard for me to breathe  
I gave you everything I could  
I gave up everything I owned  
And when you smile it's not for me  
You offer little sympathy  
Your grasp so far exceeds your reach  
I wake up  
This is not a dream**_

I almost can't believe  
You're the same person who can  
Straight-faced with a smile  
Tell me that you love me

Crawl, but I don't get too far  
I know I should run  
But I just keep running back  
I know I should run  
I know I should...[x2]

I have this reoccurring dream  
Where you admit that you're not happy  
I know that you will never leave  
You're here just to torment me

I almost can't believe  
You're the same person that can  
Straight-faced with a smile

I know I should run  
I know I should run  
I know I should...[x2]

Tell me you love me

I have a new dream  
And everything is perfect  
The sky is pink, yellow, green, blue and orange  
And all the past has been forgotten  
And we fell in love  
And we fell in love  
And we fell in love...  
And I fell into your trap!

I almost can't believe  
You're the same person who can  
Straight-faced with a smile

I know I should run  
I know I should run  
I know I should...[x4]

I don't know how you don't choke  
On every lie you've ever told to me  
You kept me sick  
You took it all  
You kept me complacent  
But not for long

_**So...You liking the story? I am...LMAO. Yeah Frank and 'Elena just kissed...'Elena woke up and I had a spazz out whilst writing this...Oh yeah...I'm allowed to do all those things...LMFAO...I hope you enjoyed this chapter...**_

_**You Put The Hate In My Heart xoxoxoxoxxo **_

_**(Special thanks for Georgia and Tilly who make me laugh with their randomness and awesome stories!!)**_


	19. Undeserving of your sympathy

_**This chapter is for all the people who said I could, all the people who reviewed and all the people who refined themselves from spitting in my face and calling me a loser. Thank you, so very, very much.**_

"_**Because we fell out words as we fell out of love, to show our distaste for the hopelessly lost..."**_

I'm kind of scared. I'm scared of myself. It's all my fault...I could have talked to Joe and found out how he felt...but I didn't. I've screwed everything up, it's all my fault...all my fault.

So here's a list of things that happened throughout the next couple of days:

I was forced to abandon Dylan and go back to Belleville, even though I had a massive fucking splint on my leg. I only saw Sammy and Kitty once; they were so sorry, so apologetic, so fucking screwed up...It was my fault...mine...I didn't talk to Frank much; normally I called him up and had chats with him and laughed...had fun. I couldn't because he held my heart...but Jamia held his. Perfect Jamia; Jamia my best friend, Jamia who was clever and pretty and not fucked up like me...and didn't have a big fucking splint on her leg. Getting back home was completely shit, shit, shit, shit. I would sit in my bed and cry and...I really missed normality. Normality was your grandparents coming to see you because they missed you...not because they were worried that you were coming to die...Normality was that your friends didn't choke with embarrassment when they came to your house. I was spread all over the press...I mean they thought my scandalous birth and cover up of my heritage was good dirt, so was my attempted suicide... Well just imagine how they felt when they received the tip that I had been held hostage, beat up, watched my best friend be shot by my other best friend then him shoot himself...all because I was a slut. It was candy-land for the press...Candy-fucking-land.

_**Love**__** is the red the rose on your coffin door**_

_**It may have been brought to your attention rather recently due to speculation that Gerard Way (My Chemical romance, Vocals) has scandalously concealed the birth of his first child, 'Elena Way (16,) until recently when press received a tip of her identity and that she had attempted suicide. Well, it's been a troubling couple of months in the Way household. During a trip that 'Elena made with friends (Sammy Clark, Kitty Moore, Dylan Young and Joe Tillman-deceased) 'Elena and Dylan (16) were taken hostage by Joe (16,) where they were brutally tortured. Joe claimed this in the name of love for 'Elena. Sammy (16) and Kitty (15,) called the police who got there only minutes after Joe shot himself and Dylan and snapped 'Elenas leg in half. Police got to the scene to see that Joe was dead, Dylan unconscious and 'Elena trapped between Joe and Dylans bodies, bleeding to death too. We can only wish the Ways the best in the upcoming days and weeks and wish those who were involved in this terrible, terrible incident health and a fast recovery. **_

_**In the middle of a gun fight...  
In the centre of a restaurant...  
They say, "Come with your arms raised high!"  
Well, they're never gonna get me,  
Like a bullet through a flock of doves...  
To wage this war against your faith in me,  
Your life...will never be the same.  
On your mother's eyes, say a prayer...say a prayer!**_

_**[Chorus]**__**  
Now, but I can't  
And I don't know  
How we're just two men as God had made us,  
Well, I can't...well, I can!  
Too much, too late, or just not enough of this  
Pain in my heart for your dying wish,  
I'll kiss your lips again.**_

They all cheat at cards and the checkers are lost,  
My cellmate's a killer, they make me do push-ups (in drag)  
But nobody cares if you're losing yourself...am I losing myself?!  
Well, I miss my mom,  
Will they give me the chair,  
Or lethal injection, or swing from a rope if you dare;  
Ah, nobody knows...all the trouble I've seen!

_**[Chorus]**__****_

To your room...  
What they ask of you  
Will make you want to say, "So long..."  
Well, I don't remember,  
Why remember...YOU?!

Do you have the keys to the hotel?!  
'Cause I'm g5onna string this motherfucker on fire! (FIRE!!)

Life is but a dream for the dead,  
And well I, I won't go down by myself,  
But I'll go down with my friends.  
Now now now now... (I can't explain)  
Now now now... (I can't complain)  
Now now, yeah!

I sat staring at my computer...my throat was dry. I just logged into twitter. It had been a week since I had got back from the hospital. A week of solitude. A week of mourning and a week of complete agony. I had been shamefully invited to Joes funeral, but I don't think his mom minded when I declined. Today was the day of the funeral. I looked at my account on twitter...my last post was from 2 weeks ago...just before I set off with Dylan and the guys to go to Kittys holiday house. It read:

_**A week of fun, a week of memories and a week of friends...not like I deserved it...okay, maybe a little LMAO! **_People had sent me a lot of () unlike usual they were...sympathetic...I'm so sorry- I hope you get better...all that sort of stuff... I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in. I had to think what I was going to write through...or did I? I wrote the first thing I could think of...

_**Hello. My names 'Elena...I'm sorry I'm alive. **_I pressed update...and there...that was my status. I got up and found my way to my CD player and put on Muse- the Small Print on before I collapsed onto my bed and cried.

**FRANK**

Jamia and I sat watching TV. Her head rested on my shoulder...I held the remote tightly...I was so worried about 'Elena, she hadn't spoken to me since she had told me to go out of her room in hospital. I remembered kissing her, the way I kissed her back. Her lips against mine in a battle of...of... I was racked with guilt. Jamia hugged me as we sat and watched re runs of Paris Hiltons Best Friend. My phone bleeped. I pulled it out of my pocket, probably just an update from twitter. It was...an update from 'Elena...I read it my mouth opening slightly._** Hello. My names 'Elena...I'm sorry I'm alive. **_Something started twisting in the bottom of my stomach.

"Jamie-Je I got to go..." jumping up...her nick name came automatically out of my mouth.

"What, why? Since the albums been released this is the first real brake we've both got..." She sighed. I looked down at my phone, the update that I had just got..._** Hello. My names 'Elena...I'm sorry I'm alive. **_I had to go. I had to make sure she was alright.

"Honey, I've got to go...I'm worried about 'Elena...I need to see her..." I said grabbing my Paul Frank _Bite me_ hoody.

"What? Why? Should I come?" Jamia said jumping up in her PJS.

"No...no...I need to speak to her privately..." I trailed of running out of the door and jumping into my car... It started with a roar...I speed down the road tapping the wheel nervously. I turned on the radio...One of 'Elenas turned on...My Alcoholic Friends, Dresden Dolls. I felt my chest become tight. When I got to Gees house I pulled up quickly and knocked on his door. Gees opened it, a sort of annoyance on his face until he saw my face.

"Hi, dude come in! What do you want?" He asked as I came in....I could hear the sound of 1979, smashing pumpkins flood out of his speakers...

"Um...I actually wanted to speak to 'Elena..." I smiled. He bit his lip.

"Thank god...she really needs someone to talk to...she's upstairs in her room." I clambered up the stairs and waited outside 'Elenas room for a second. I turned the handle and opened the door into the dark room. The blinds were closed...I couldn't see anything for a second because it was so dark; I could just hear Muse playing and someone whimpering. My eyes adjusted to see 'Elena sitting on her bed crying. I closed the door and sat down on the bed next o her. I didn't touch her, I just stared at her...her hair mopped over her tear strained face and her hand were clamped onto her head like she was in pain.

"'Elena..." I whispered...

"Frank..." She sniffled.

"What's wrong?" I asked nearing her slightly. She looked at me for a second, her eyes shining.

"I'm what's wrong. I'm the problem. I'm a murderer. It's my entire fault..." She said breaking down into tears.

"No it isn't! Don't you dare say that, Ellie...You didn't do anything wrong..." I hushed her...

"Well how come every one else is paying for it. All I do is fuck up..." She whimpered again.

"No you don't Ellie...It'll feel like that at time...but it's not the truth..." I said touching her arm. She seemed the shiver under my touch.

"Something better bound to come around sometime, huh?" She laughed reciting Leathermouth lyrics...

"Yeah, it is. You won't feel like this forever. Dylan will get better..." She cut me off.

"How can you say that Frank? I was supposed to get better after I started taking my lithium...but I still feel like shit...My baby died! Little babies die in this world! How do you know Dylan will ever wake up, huh? Nothing's guaranteed..." She pushed her hair back and sniffled.

"You're right...I can't guarantee anything...but you got to hope...there has to be some hope..." I whispered... She leaned her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her. We sat there for a couple of seconds...she looked up at me...something very different gleamed in her eyes...but then they snapped back to the hopeless pair I was used to... She jumped up...She looked disgusted with herself. Her hand going over her mouth.

"Frankie you should...should go..." She whispered. I jumped up.

"No...I'm not going again..." I whispered... She shook her head.

"You don't understand...you just don't understand..." She whimpered.

"I don't 'Elena...so you're going to have to explain it to me..." I said walking toward her. She jumped back.

"No! Frank I can't do this! I can't be around you anymore because as much as I want to forget...I can't forget the fact we slept together..." She said looking down at her bare feet.

"Please...I can't lose you..." I gasped...

"Frank I-." She stopped as a beam of light burst into her room...

**GERARD**

I sat listening to music in the lounge. Smashing Pumpkins really...They always seemed to sooth me...My parents had came up yesterday to see 'Elena, they were so worried about her from all the news and crap sprouted from the press. It was nice seeing them, we've been so busy recreantly that we haven't really seen much of 'Elenas grandparents...The bell rung. I rolled my eyes and got up and opened it. I hated when people interrupted my music time. But I kinda forgave them when I saw it was Frankie...

"Hi, dude come in! What do you want?" He stepped in, his eyes resting on the speakers booming out music.

"Um...I actually wanted to speak to 'Elena..." I bit my lip...I wasn't sure 'Elena was really in the mood to talk to anyone, but I figured if anyone was going to get through to her, it would be Frank...

"Thank god...she really needs someone to talk to...she's upstairs in her room." I pointed up the stairs. He smiled shakily and jumped up the stairs. After a while I heard He door close. Curiosity hit me very suddenly. What did Frank have to talk to 'Elena about that I couldn't hear? Hmm... the next thing I knew I was outside 'Elenas room, listening into her and Franks convocation. It was hard to do over the loud music 'Elena was playing...but I managed too:

"What's wrong?" I heard Frank say ever so softly...

"I'm what's wrong. I'm the problem. I'm a murderer. It's all my fault..." At first she sounded like she was laughing...but then her laughter turned into tears...I felt so bad...I hated hearing her cry.

"No it isn't! Don't you dare say that, Ellie...You didn't do anything wrong..." I couldn't barely hear Franks voice...but he said it so lovingly...

"Well how come every one else is paying for it. All I do is fuck up..." He voice was almost as quiet as Franks.

"No you don't Ellie...It'll feel like that at time...but it's not the truth..."

"Something better bound to come around sometime, huh?" She just about managed to laugh...

"Yeah, it is. You won't feel like this forever. Dylan will get better..." Frank didn't get to finish his sentence...

"How can you say that Frank? I was supposed to get better after I started taking my lithium...but I still feel like shit...My baby died! Little babies die in the world! How do you know Dylan will ever wake up, huh? Nothing's guaranteed..." That cut deep into me...like a dagger. I hated thinking about the fact that my granddaughter died...It wracked me with pain...

"You're right...I can't guarantee anything...but you got to hope...there has to be some hope..." I whispered... There was a silence...A painful silence. Broken by a thud...like some one had been jumping around in the room. I leaned in to hear more...

"Frankie you should...should go..." 'Elena said quite sternly...but very, very, quietly...

"No...I'm not going again..." I'm not sure if there was any more...he had said it so pathetically quietly...

"You don't understand...you just don't understand..."

"I don't 'Elena...so you're going to have to explain it to me..." Frank started to sound desperate...

"No! Frank I can't do this! I can't be around you anymore because as much as I want to forget...I can't forget the fact we slept together..." My mouth dropped in shock...I hadn't heard that right? Had I?

"Please...I can't lose you..." I gasped...I had heard it right... I opened the door without a seconds thought to see Frank and 'Elena staring at each other in shock. Their heads turned to me...I growled...I hated Frank...I hated him, I hated him, I absolutely hated his goddamn guts.

"You filthy pedo!" I screamed making my way for him in a split second. I pushed him against the wall and punched his pretty little face... I spat on him...'Elena was creaming...trying to pull me grip tightened around Franks neck. He tried to pull it of...

"This si what you get you filthy pedo...I thought you were my fucking friend!" I screamed. 'Elena was crying now...

"Please dad don't...please dad don't..." She said trying to pull me off again... I looked from her to the choking Frank... I spat at him before dropping him to the ground. I looked at 'Elena enraged...she was supposed to be my daughter and she had slept with my best friend...

"Dad..." She cried pathetically...

"No! I'm going downstairs and when you two come down...I want a fucking explanation, okay?" I screamed before turning around and making my way out. I was so glad that Lindsey had taken Bandit out...

I sat downstairs...I rubbed my forehead...I nearly killed Frank there...I hated violence...Yet I had nearly killed Frank.

'**ELENA**

My dad slammed the door... I turned desperately to the bleeding and gasping Frank on the ground. I jumped down to his side and took his hand...

"Oh god Frankie...are you okay?" I asked... His breathing started to regulate...His hand touched the blood pouring out his nose tenderly.

"No...Oh fuck...fuck..." He moaned...

"Okay wait here..." I went on got him some tissue paper... he held it up too his nose stiffly...

"You should go downstairs and sweeten him up before I try and make my escape..." He laughed... I sighed...smiling down at him though...

"Okay...I'm so glad you're not hurt..." Oh god I love him, I loved him more than anything I could think of...Even with a bust lip he was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek...in a totally friend way, but I lingered there a couple of seconds later, my nose touching my cheek. I breathed out very softly...whispered words following them "I'm glad you didn't go though Frankie...you're the best friend ever..." I said at the end trying to not let him onto the fact I was completely in love with him. Being so near to him hurt so much. I got up and made my way out of the door and downstairs to see my dad sitting on the couch his head buried in his hands...

"Hi dad..." I said very quietly sitting next to him...

"Hey..." He sniffed. A silence...a long, awkward one...

"I'm sorry dad...I'm sorry it happened and you found out this way..." I said looking at my feat.

"Did it mean anything?" He asked...his face out of his hands now...but he still looked down...

"I don't know...I mean I don't just sleep with people..."

"What about that guy at your school a couple of weeks ago?" My dad asked almost as if he was trying to get under my skin.

"There was no guy...I made that up to cover up what Frank and I did..." I told him truthfully.

"What you lied to my face?" He asked almost shocked...

"Yeah...and I said I was sorry..." I said getting up.

"Where are you going missy?" He asked.

"To get Frank..."

_**Oh, all I want to know**_

_**All I want**_

_**With just a touch of my burning hand**_

_**I send my astro zombies to rape the land**_

_**Prime directive, exterminate**_

_**The whole human race**_

_**And your face drops in a pile of flesh**_

_**And then your heart, heart pounds**_

_**Till it pumps in death**_

_**Prime directive, exterminate**_

_**Whatever stands left**_

_**All I wanna say**_

_**And all I gotta do**_

_**Who'd I do this for**_

_**Hey, me or you**_

_**And all I wanna say**_

_**And all I gotta do**_

_**Who'd I do this for**_

_**Hey, me or you**_

_**Oh, all I want to know**_

_**All I want**_

_**With just a touch of my burning hand**_

_**I'm gonna live my life to destroy your world**_

_**Prime directive, exterminate**_

_**The whole fuckin' race**_

_**And your face drops in a pile of flesh**_

_**And then your heart, heart pounds**_

_**Till it pumps in death**_

_**Prime directive, exterminate**_

_**The whole fuckin' place**_

_**Well, all I wanna say**_

_**And all I gotta do**_

_**Who'd I do this for**_

_**Hey, me or you**_

_**And all I wanna say**_

_**And all I gotta do**_

_**Who'd I do this for**_

_**Hey, me or you**_

_**Oh, all I want to know**_

_**All I want to know**_

_**All I want to know**_

_**All I want**_

_**Go**_

I sat on the couch opposite my dad. Frank sat next to me...His fists were clenched; I guessed it was from the stinging in his face. My dad stared at Frank, his eyes filled with distaste.

"I'm sorry it wa-." Frank was cut off by my dad:

"Okay...I'm going to be the one asking the questions...When, where...why?!" He said taking a deep breath in. I glanced at Frank; he was biting his lip...nervously.

"It was the weekend when Jamia was away...The week before I left to go to Kittys..." I stuttered, this integration was going to kill me.

"What so you just get busy when you wife's away Frank, huh?" My dad spat. Frank arm tensed. I grabbed it and stopped him from jumping up.

"It wasn't like that..." He said, his jaw stiffening.

"It happened at Franks house...Just after I rang you telling you where I was...we were just goofing around and I..." I trailed off...

"Oh just goofing around?" My dad sounded like he was going to kill some on...This time is was Franks turn to restrain me...he grabbed my shoulder...I glared at my dad angrily...Frank gave my shoulder a little squeeze...I huffed and leaned back...

"And...why?" My dad stared between us. Frank and I glanced between each other. I opened my mouth...

"I...don't know?" I said still staring at Frank...

"You don't know?" My dad said enraged...My head turned to him...He buried his head in his hands and breathed out. He looked up...

"Did you even use a condom?" He asked. I grimaced...

"Gee we're not kids..." Frank said stiffly.

"Well did you?" My dad asked again...

"Um...no?" I said nervously...Questioning what I was saying. His eyes bulged.

"Oh you're not kids...but you forgot to use a condom?"

"Dad I got the pill..." I mumbled...

"Oh, oh...That okay! Isn't it? Shit 'Elena I thought you out of any one would no better! Geez... After everything? Seriously..." my dad got up and turned around. His whole arms wrapped around his face...I could hear him breath out angrily. He walked into the kitchen. I looked down through my knees, tears dripped of my cheeks onto the ground. He was right, after everything...after everything I've went through; I should know better...I wiped my eyes. I felt someone take my hand. I looked up to see Frank.

"Don't cry..." He whispered.

"He's right...I should know better. I'm a slut." I wiped my eyes again...my hand was cold.

"You're not a slut..." He said his face was nearer to mine. I could feel his breath against my neck. He wrapped his arm around me.

"You're perfect...you're not a slut..." He whispered again. My dad came out of the kitchen. He was biting his lip...playing with his hands...

"Lindsey will be back soon. Frank, you should go. I'm not going to tell anyone..." He turned around and went back into the kitchen. I got up...Frank stared at me...his eyes red and huge. I walked straight up to him and gave him a hug. This time he kissed my cheek, he hovered over my ear.

"I can't lose you..." He whispered in my ear, making my heart beat faster. He turned away and walked out of the door. I sucked my breath into my body again. My head was going light. I walked upstairs. I turned my music back on and took out my song book and started writing...

"_**Because we fell out words as we fell out of love, to show our distaste for the hopelessly lost..."**_ I sang the words that meant everything to me... There had to be a happy ending..there had to be one...

_**----------------**_

_**Okay...that was the 19**__**th**__** instalment! This was a fill up chapter for sure...but a weird one at that. Feel free to write any comments or suggestion on the "comments" (or whatever) page-thing... I hope you're enjoying this story...I know I sure am!**_

_**You Put The Hate In My Heart xoxox...**_

_**This chapter is for all the people who said I could, all the people who reviewed and all the people who refined themselves from spitting in my face and calling me a loser. Thank you, so very, very much.**_


	20. There's a dozen reasons in this gun

I pulled on my thick, red and black stripy tights, black mini skirt, back to the Future tee and a pair of Creep Biker Boots, well on one foot...the other foot just had a stupid mother fucking splint on it. I tied my hair up into pig tails with Nightmare Before Christmas clips and put on some red lipstick and a hell of a lot of eyeliner. I stared at myself in the mirror. I hated my self...I was sick of seeing my fucking face. I hated my black hair, I hated my red lips, I hated my hazel eyes, I hated my cheekbones, I hated my nose and I hated my almost albino skin. I looked just like my dad...I'm not trying to get at my dad by saying I hated it though...I just hated myself. The only thing that was anything like my mom...was her smile. I only had one picture of her...and we had the same smile; a large red, truthful smile. I looked down at my wrist... SLUT...SLUT...SLUT... carved into my arm, it was always going to be a part of me...I remembered the way Frank had traced the words with his lips...That night I loved everything about me, I loved my black hair, I loved my red lips, I loved my hazel eyes, I loved my cheekbones, I loved my nose and I loved my almost albino skin...it was all because of Frank.

Stripy tights are perfect for a hospital visit. I decided that. Red and black especially. That's why I dressed in them today... I walked slowly down the stairs. My dad and Lyn were fighting. I hated when people fought. It made me feel ill...I wasn't noticed as I walked out of the door... it had been 3 days since my dad had found out about Frank and I...3 days of completely hellish looks and awkward pauses. I checked my phone...the screen saver made me smile. It was the guys and I at the recording studio...No messages. I sighed and put ti back into my pocket before trying to call a cab. Eventually one pulled over and let me in. A woman was in it...around late thirties with a broad smile.

"So what did you do to your leg?" She asked halfway through the journey...My head turned to her from the window...I stared at her from the passenger seat.

"A psycho snapped it in half..." I smiled with fake merriment. She didn't seem fazed.

"Oh...nasty. Do I know you from somewhere?" She asked.

"Probably...I'm 'Elena Way..." I said. I was in one of those moods where you just can't be bothered to lie...I was too nervous to...

"Wow, really? I thought you were familiar. Your dad's an awesome singer..." She said still looking at the road. I looked at her confused...

"Don't worry, I'm not going to harass you with questions...You probably get that enough. Besides you're going through a rough time..." There was another silence...I was starting to worry about how long it was going to take to get back to that shitty little towns hospital. I let myself sink into some memories to pass the time; a dangerous hobby:

_**---------------------"Okay...I'm so glad you're not hurt..." Oh god I love him, I loved him more than anything I could think of...Even with a bust lip he was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek...in a totally friend way, but I lingered there a couple of seconds later, my nose touching my cheek. I breathed out very softly...whispered words following them "I'm glad you didn't go though Frankie...you're the best friend ever..." I said at the end trying to not let him onto the fact I was completely in love with him. Being so near to him hurt so much. I got up and made my way out of the door and downstairs to see my dad sitting on the couch his head buried in his hands...---------------------------- ----------------------**_

_**---------------------Now I was curled up beside her newly laid grave weeping for all I had lost. The single lily that I had placed on her grave was swept away by the wind...away, away...deep into the depths of the looming graveyard. My grandmother would be ashamed of my hopeless weeping...she was a woman with poise and expectations...I was one with smashed hopes and fading dreams. I would have to face my father whom neglected me all these years soon, whom let me grow up without his kind words and comforts except for in letters.-------------------------**_

_**-----------------Tears burned my cheeks...I was kneeling on the floor, I screamed...begging...I looked up, his feet dangled above my face...His face was so pale, his sandy blond hair washed over his face..."God No...HELP! SOME ONE HELP!" I screamed. The next thing I knew Adams brother was holding me as he rang the police..."Yeah...I think he's..." he coughed and spluttered tears drowning his face..."Dead..."----------------------------------**_

_**---------------------------Frank stared at me...his eyes red and huge. I walked straight up to him and gave him a hug. This time he kissed my cheek, he hovered over my ear.**_

"_**I can't lose you..." He whispered in my ear, making my heart beat faster. He turned away and walked out of the door.---------------------------------------------------------**_

I glanced out of the window again...tears threatened to break out... All I could think about was Frank...but that's completely hellish when you know that he can never be yours...we should be there soon...the taxi stopped outside the big, grey, depressing hospital. I handed the cab driver a couple of crisp greens before jumping our out the cab...okay, not jumping...for obvious reason. I stumbles through the doors to the hospital and to the front desk.

"Hello...I'm looking for Dylan Youngs room..." I said to the young male nurse at the desk. He smiled ...his teeth were...w-a-y to white to be natural.

"Yeah, he's in the intensive care ward...Room B345." He smiled again. He sighed as I turned around to my amusement. I wobbled down the halls...people were sitting outside rooms, people were crying and people were rejoicing. I walked along the halls, unlike the one back I Bellville they weren't crammed...they were reasonably empty...I was sure that I was close to Dylans room when I saw him mom run out a room. She was crying, her husband was with her...hugging her tightly...I opened my mouth. No...it wasn't true... She saw me...I could see her trying to compose herself. She walked over to me...her make up smeared with tears...

"What's wrong? He's alright isn't he? He's alright!" I said sharply...I was ready to start crying.

"I'm so sorry...Dylan just passed away..." She said...I could see her bubbling away inside...she wanted to break down in tears. I stood there...apathy hitting me...she turned away and walked back to her husband. This was my entire fault. Dylan was dead. I was never going to see him again, I wasn't going to be able to hug him, nor tell him my secrets whilst watching movies...I collapsed onto the ground, my leg hitting a funny angle. I lay on the ground crying...people walked around me...not stopping nor trying to help. I clenched my fist against the cold floor...spilling my soul out with my salty tears.

_**Well it rains and it pours**_

_**When you're out on your own**_

_**If I crash on the couch**_

_**Can I sleep in my clothes?**_

_**'Cause I've spent the night dancing**_

_**I'm drunk, I suppose**_

_**If it looks like I'm laughing**_

_**I'm really just asking to leave**_

_**This alone, you're in time for the show**_

_**You're the one that I need**_

_**I'm the one that you loathe**_

_**You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose**_

_**'Cause I love all the poison**_

_**Away with the boys in the band**_

_**I've really been on a bender and it shows**_

_**So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?**_

_**Give me a shot to remember**_

_**And you can take all the pain away from me**_

_**A kiss and I will surrender**_

_**The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead**_

_**A light to burn all the empires**_

_**So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be**_

_**In love with all of these vampires**_

_**So you can leave like the sane abandoned me**_

_**There's a place in the dark where the animals go**_

_**You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow**_

_**Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands**_

_**Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo**_

_**I've really been on a bender and it shows**_

_**So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?**_

_**Give me a shot to remember**_

_**And you can take all the pain away from me**_

_**A kiss and I will surrender**_

_**The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead**_

_**A light to burn all the empires**_

_**So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be**_

_**In love with all of these vampires**_

_**So you can leave like the sane abandoned me**_

_**[x2]**_

"Honey...it's okay...shhh..." I heard my dad comfort me...I was still lying in the halls...but I wasn't crying any more...I was just choking words out. I wasn't sure how my dad knew where I was or that Dylan ha died...but was thankful he was here.

"It's not okay dad, he's dead..." I moaned...

"I know...I know...you want to try and get up?" He asked. I shook my head miserably, still lying on the ground.

"Alright then..." My dad hushed. He lifted me up and walked slowly down the hall... My eyes closed as he held me tightly...the last thing I said?

"Why?" said with a single tear...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up in my bed at home. My eyes were red and sore and puffed up. I was shaking violently...This was my life...this was me: A girl who ruined lives, a girl who burnt down families, a girl who depends on everyone else for comforting, a girl...who will never be loved.

_**------------"Bye Frank..." I whispered turning to him...his eyes looked worn...war worn...Bury me in black style, huh?**_

"_**Don't say bye..."**_

"_**Then what?" I asked sharply.--------------**_

I could hear mellow voices downstairs, footsteps...I sat up and looked around. This world was filthy; the world was harsh and was rained by death. The world cut people hopes into a multitude of pieces and then threw them to the wolves. I hated this world, I didn't want to live in such a bitter place were serendipity was such a lost cause. I got up...my head was so heavy. There was only one thing I could do, I knew it too... I felt my breath catch in the back of my throat as I pulled a black box out from under my bed. I couldn't believe I was going to do this, Adam had gave it to me one day when some of these guys where coming around to get money of him. He had told me to carry it and if any one did anything suggestive, violent or anything of that sort of bullshit I could use it; I hadn't though. I opened the black box with a key out of my purse. I had kept it hidden away...all these years. I looked inside the old box to see the silver, small gun. I took the ammo out of it and put it into my pocket and the bullets in the other. I took a breath in as I heard my dad and Lindsey come up the stairs. They halted outside my room before walked of, I figured into their room. I walked out of the door and down the stairs as quietly as possible. Bandit was asleep in her pram in the hall...I couldn't look at her...I just couldn't. I loved them all so much...but it wasn't worth it. I pulled out a piece of paper and pen from the draw and wrote my final words, cryptic:

_**I'll say good bye,**_

_**A final time,**_

_**To this evil world,**_

_**In the place where I:**_

_**Found, **_

_**Loved,**_

_**Laughed,**_

_**Lost,**_

_**And broke my heart.**_

_**To the last parade,**_

_**And I'll fade,**_

_**Like the setting sun...**_

_**Under the pressure of this gun.**_

'_**Elena Way...**_

I took a deep breath in, this was it...I wasn't going to endure living any more. Everything hurt, everything pained me...but I wasn't going to have to endure this hell any more...this was my way out. I ran along the road...I knew exactly where I was going and I knew no once was going tom be there.

**GERARD**

I stood outside 'Elenas room for a second, Lyn stood next to me...I felt so bad, I couldn't believe Dylan had died...he was a good kid...a real good kid.

"You should let her sleep..." Lyn whispered to me. I sighed and agreed with her, making my way to our room. I pulled my shoes of and lay on my bed, I took a deep breath out and closed my eyes...something wasn't right...I didn't know what, but something was about to happen. I lay on my bed for about 10 minutes before giving up and getting up...I pulled my Vanz back on and sighed. Lyn rolled over and smacked right into me in her sleep. She woke up with a gasp.

"Oh, crap sorry." She laughed I laughed to, uneasily.

"I'm going downstairs to make myself some coffee..." I told her before walking down stairs. Bandit was still asleep, I put a cup under the coffee maker, yawning. That's when I noticed the piece of paper... a crumpled piece of white paper on the side board. I picked it up and scanned it:

_**I'll say good bye,**_

_**A final time,**_

_**To this evil world,**_

_**In the place where I:**_

_**Found, **_

_**Loved,**_

_**Laughed,**_

_**Lost,**_

_**And broke my heart.**_

_**To the last parade,**_

_**And I'll fade,**_

_**Like the setting sun...**_

_**Under the pressure of this gun.**_

'_**Elena Way...**_

My mouth opened with shock. I crumpled the paper up between my fist as I ran up the stairs to 'Elenas room, she was gone...it was empty... I ran into my room and woke Lyn up.

"Up...up! 'Elena gone to do something stupid! Get your shoes on, I'll get bandit. Explain in car!" I screamed. Lindsey jumped up immediately. I ran downstairs and pulled a now screaming Bandit out of her Pram and put her in her car seat. Lyn jumped in the drivers seat and sped off.

"Lyn...this is the note 'Elena left: _**I'll say good bye, A final time, To this evil world, In the place where I: Found, Loved, Laughed, Lost and broke my heart. To the last parade and I'll fade, like the setting sun...Under the pressure of this gun .'Elena Way...**_ where do you think she'll have went?" I asked reading out the note through Bandits screams.

"Shit! I don' know...umm fuck, school?" She said concentrating on driving...somewhere.

"School? School! Yeah!" I said. I needed to find 'Elena before she did anything.

"Ring Mikey...he'll have some idea..." She said. I agreed and phone Mikey quickly, I had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down. Frank answered, he was probably hanging around with Mikey.

"Hello?"

"Fuck...Frank. Dylan died and I think 'Elenas going to kill herself and she left the really cryptic message, but I can't figure out what she means and I need Mikeys help!" I screamed at him...

"Shit, calm down...read the note..." Frank said very seriously.

"No! I need to talk to Mikey!" I said, I didn't want to talk to Frank...I hated Frank.

"Gee...Trust me, I need to know..." Frank said enraging me... I read out the note.

"We think it's at the high school. Get yours and Mikeys ass into the car and get to the high school." I shouted.

"Gee...turn around..."

"What...why?"

"Gee I just have this feeling you need to go to my house..."Frank trailed of...

"Bu-."

"No, just go to my fucking house okay? Bye!" He screamed urgently down the phone before hanging up. I turned to Lyn.

"Turn around, we're going to Franks..." I told her rubbing my forehead.

'**ELENA**

I stood facing Franks house, all the lights were off and it was empty. Just looking at the house reminded me that Frank could never be mine. This was Fran and Jamias house. This was their home. They were probably thinking about having babies...oh god. I felt myself fingers tighten around the trigger of the gun...

"'Elea, don't do anything...please..." I heard my dads timid voice behind me. I turned around...Lyn was next to him, cradling Bandit...she looked worried.

"Hey 'pa...Lyn..." I laughed...manically. My dad looked down to the gun pressed against my stomach and gasped.

"'Elena...where did you get that?" He stammered.

"Adam..." I said... A wave of sadness ran through me. My dad looked like her was going to cry...Another car pulled up beside them... Mikey and Frank jumped out. Mikey walked up slightly behind Gee...whilst Frank walked forward very slowly...his arms rising...

"'Elena please don't do this..." His voice was so pained. It made me want to cry, his beautiful face strained. I whimpered and shook my head and pressed the gun against my stomach harder.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." I cried.

"Please...Frank...do something..." Mikey said crying... I closed my eyes...memories flashing through me...

_**---------------------------------------------------I had to win this fight...and there as only one way too...I leaned forward and kissed Frank, but to my surprise I felt him kiss me back very gently, his tongue tracing my lips. My arms wrapped around him as I felt him kiss my jawbone...he stopped and pulled back, but my senses were completely thrown out the window by this time.**_

"_**This is so wrong..." he stuttered, still staring at me.**_

"_**Do you honestly care at this moment in time?" I asked raising my eyebrow like this was some normal convocation. When Frank pulled me back close to him, I took his answerer was NO. Blankets surrounded us as we pealed each others clothes of...I lay timidly below Frank on the couch. Our kisses becoming deeper, we tumbled of the couch pulling the blankets with us. I giggled frantically as I pulled them other us...this was where I was meant to me...I'm not going to lie...at this moment in time; I had never been happier.--------------------------------------------**_

_**--------------------"Okay...I'm so glad you're not hurt..." Oh god I love him, I loved him more than anything I could think of...Even with a bust lip he was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek...in a totally friend way, but I lingered there a couple of seconds later, my nose touching my cheek. I breathed out very softly...whispered words following them "I'm glad you didn't go though Frankie...you're the best friend ever..." I said at the end trying to not let him onto the fact I was completely in love with him. Being so near to him hurt so much. I got up and made my way out of the door and downstairs to see my dad sitting on the couch his head buried in his hands...---------------------------- ----------------------**_

"'Elena please...please don't..."My dad said...but my eyes were focused on Frank...Frank...Frank. I was shaking with tears.

"Ellie...please, please...I can't do this..." Frank said, tears burning his eyes.

"Frank...I...I..." I wanted to tell him how I felt... He walked closer to me...

"I can't lose you...

_**---------------------------Frank stared at me...his eyes red and huge. I walked straight up to him and gave him a hug. This time he kissed my cheek, he hovered over my ear.**_

"_**I can't lose you..." He whispered in my ear, making my heart beat faster. He turned away and walked out of the door.--------------------------------------------------------- **_

But he was Jamias and Jamia was his... He didn't love me, he didn't need me...I couldn't have him...

"I love you guys..." Was the nearest I got...I tightened my fingers on the trigger and...BANG!

**GERARD**

She fell to the ground as Frank and I jumped towards her. She grabbed her stomach. Tears burning her eyes. Frank had his arms around her, as her eyes closed.

"No! No! NO!" I screamed kneeling next to her. I took her weight of Frank...she was bleeding over me now...Mikey and Lyn were next to me in a second.

"Frank. I need you to put her on her side so she doesn't choke on blood if it comes up...Gee press your hoodie firmly against the wound...Mikey have you got your mobile?" She asked...I did as she asked, so did Frank to my annoyance...None of us had a phone so she ran of to find a phone box. Blood soaked my hoodie now and Franks hands which were placed on her hips keeping her on her side...

"Mikey take over from Frank..." I told him sternly... Frank loosed at me in shock.

"This isn't the time nor place!" He wept.

"Mikey get over here right now..." I told Mikey who scurried next to Frank in a panic. Mikey put his hand on her hips too, but Frank didn't let go...

"Get off her now..." I growled...He shouted touch her...

"Gee what has Frank done that's so bad that it's preoccupying your thoughts when your daughters bleeding to death?" Mikey asked his voices filled with tears.

"That he slept with her!" I shouted...everything stopped then...the whole world went quiet...Mikey stared at Frank...

"No..." He gasped. He looked down at 'Elena.

"I hate you..." He whispered...tears dripped of his face onto 'Elena...I felt myself start crying to...

"Please...you've got to pull through this..." I heard Frank whisperer into her ear.

------------------

_I'm sorry for leaving you on such a cliff hanger...I know it's mean...but...So, so fun... __**Can 'Elena live through this? AND WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN BETWEEN HER AND FRANK?**__ Yeah...I can read your thoughts...LMAO, I hope you're enjoying this..._

_You Put The Hate In My Heart xoxox_


	21. Your life will never be the same

**GERARD**

July...July was the month in which 'Elena had shot herself...it was 8 months later now. It was February. 8 months of doctors telling me to pull the plug. 8 months of getting drunk because I could. 8 months of walking around shallowly because I had no idea what had happened to my life; I couldn't comprehend it. I'm not going to say 'Elena was the best kid, but she was by far the sweetest, prettiest and creative... I loved 'Elena...I still do. This was 8 months of not caring any more. She missed her 17th birthday, no one mentioned it when it came to the day. Mikey had been a great brother, like always, but after eight months I couldn't even expect him to be constantly with me like he used to be. Frank and Jamia broke up, mutual decision, around 2 months ago. It's not that Jamia found out about him and 'Elena...they just broke up. I must say, I never saw that coming. Mikey let Frank stay at his and Alicias place whilst he was finding a place. Mikey was still enraged by Frank, but I think he's started to forgive him now. I think they're slowly, becoming friends again. Had I forgiven Frank? I think I had. Loosing 'Elena to the grasp of the coma had made me bitter at first, but I slowly realised that I had to be a father and a husband to the rest of my family. So once again, I found myself getting of alcohol, wiping my eyes and telling myself to get a grip...get a goddamn grip. We haven't been on tour...that was one of the few things that changed...I couldn't bear to leave 'Elena... People visited a lot at first. A lot. Eventually people stopped coming so much though...I came regularly, the only other person who came as regularly as me was Frank.

Frank was here today. Being usual Frank? No...not really. He just sat there and stared at her...his eyes were so lost; they actually reminded me of 'Elenas. Why was Frank here though? Everyone else had went back to their old lives in some manor...yet Frank was still here. Even a guy who broke up with his wife and had no real home has better things to be doing. So I waited outside...he didn't notice me. I watched outside the window going into her now private room. I had planned to confront him, I had planned to ask him why he was still here, but I just didn't know how. I walked into the room, me hands clenched. I sat on the chair opposite Frank. My eyes were on 'Elena. She looked like she was asleep...asleep...I only wish. I felt myself cough trying to clear my voice...

"Frank..."

"Yes Gee..." Frank said..his voice completely undemonstrative, bleak, indifferent...just...bland.

"Do you love my daughter?" I said still looking at 'Elena.

"Yeah...we all do..." He said. I still didn't look at him.

"Frankie...You know what I'm asking isn't the same..." I said in a whisperer. I could hear him get up, I didn't look at him though. Only until he got to the door did he say something that made me look at him.

"I don't know..." He opened the door and slammed out of it. My mouth dropped open...I was completely and utterly shocked, amazed and what ever emotion you couldn't think of that... I jumped up and followed him out into the hall. He was half way down it.

"What the hell does that mean?" I shouted. This time he didn't look at me. I just heard a very quiet...

"Squash it!" I turned back and went into 'Elenas room...Squash it? FUCKING SQUASH IT? That's what he gives me? Shitty ass motherfucker...

**FRANK**

I ran outside the hospital...People stared at me...I didn't care though. I leaned against the wall and shrank to the ground. Bitter tears of disbelief rolled out of my eyes...Squash it? That's what I fucking gave him? SQUASH IT? I pulled out my IPod and turned on the first song I could find before sticking my ear phone into my ears and drowning out my crying with music.

Pencey Prep- Trying To Escape The Inevitable... flashed across the screen. Ironic, huh? You probable think I'm a stupid ass too... 'Elena always liked this song...

_**I have this reoccurring dream  
You make it hard for me to breathe  
I gave you everything I could  
I gave up everything I owned  
And when you smile it's not for me  
You offer little sympathy  
Your grasp so far exceeds your reach  
I wake up  
This is not a dream**_

I almost can't believe  
You're the same person who can  
Straight-faced with a smile  
Tell me that you love me

Crawl, but I don't get too far  
I know I should run  
But I just keep running back  
I know I should run  
I know I should...[x2]

I have this reoccurring dream  
Where you admit that you're not happy  
I know that you will never leave  
You're here just to torment me

I almost can't believe  
You're the same person that can  
Straight-faced with a smile

I know I should run  
I know I should run  
I know I should...[x2]

Tell me you love me

I have a new dream  
And everything is perfect  
The sky is pink, yellow, green, blue and orange  
And all the past has been forgotten  
And we fell in love  
And we fell in love  
And we fell in love...  
And I fell into your trap!

I almost can't believe  
You're the same person who can  
Straight-faced with a smile

I know I should run  
I know I should run  
I know I should...[x4]

I don't know how you don't choke  
On every lie you've ever told to me  
You kept me sick  
You took it all  
You kept me complacent  
But not for long


	22. Life is but a dream for the dead,

**FRANK**

It was around 2 weeks after Gee had asked me if I loved 'Elena. Two weeks since the whole _**Squash It **_fiasco. Two weeks since I finally figure it out...since I realised...Two weeks since I found my reason to keep on living...Or was it? Have I known it unconsciously...have I known how I felt for months now? Or has it just dawned on me? Sorry, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about, but I promise you will get it soon...

This morning I woke up in a numb state or apathy. I sat in my bed looking around the pale guest room. I could hear Mikey and Jamia giggle downstairs. I looked at the clock on the wall. 12:29 read on its face. I fell back into my pillow. Tears burning my eyes, I pulled the blanket over my head. I took a deep breath in, my stomach rumbling. I climbed out of bed and got changed into some skinny jeans and my Jawbreaker tee... I attempted styling m hair then put on some eyeliner before going downstairs. Alicia and Mikey sat on the couch Mikey was jumping on top of Alicia tickling her.

"Hi..." I said sorely as I walked through to the kitchen. I grabbed a mug of coffee and went back into the lounge. Mikey and Alicia were sitting straight up on the couch. Smiling cheekily at each other...

"Dude do you know where my jacket is? You know the one with the gas mask on?" I asked. Mikey looked up at me, ever since I moved in when Jamia and I split up he's started to be more civil towards me. 8 months ago, just after 'Elena...shot herself, Mikey wouldn't speak to me...there was one time were he almost beat me up...when we were all at the hospital...Gerard had to pull him out and make up some lie that Mikey was pissed. No one else knew though.

"Umm...It's slumped over the washing basket I think." I ran upstairs to the restroom. True to his words my hoodie was draped over the tin washing basket. I ran downstairs, still with the mug of coffee in my hand. I downed the coffee, pulled on my hoodie and ran out of the house. My car was parked outside. I got in..My hands firm on the wheel. I looked around the car...Memories hit me like a fucking chainsaw (sorry for that hideous simile) thrashing through me and halting me from turning on my car.

_**----------------------------------- I chocked when 'Elena first kissed me...she parted my lips with hers. Then something happened...I can't explain it...but it just felt so right, so perfect. I kissed her back; I felt my body press against her as my tongue danced along her lips. She pulled me closer by putting her hands around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her...My mouthed moved to her jawbone, my tongue circling her flesh. Everything was seemed so perfect...the air seemed to thicken and gravities pull on us faded away. All of the sudden Jamia popped in my head...she didn't deserve this... I pulled away,**_

"_**This is so wrong..." I stared into her eyes. So full of lust, so bright...so alive.**_

"_**Do you honestly care at this moment in time?" I didn't. Not anymore. Not with those eyes. And her skin. I needed to kiss her pale flesh... I pulled her closer to me again...our lips tied...we fell of the couch...'Elena giggled through our kisses as the blankets came with us... I moved my hands down to her hips...----------------------------**_

_**---------------------------------"I didn't mean it to happen...he just kissed me...oh god...he tried to force himself on me... shit...Frank I don't know what to do..."My eyes widened.**_

"_**Who? One of those stupid Jocks?" I asked automatically defensively...**_

"_**No..oh god know..." She sniffed.**_

"_**Oh my god...was it Dylan?"**_

"_**No Frankie...it was my art teacher..." Everything changed then...I couldn't believe what I was hearing...this was crazy...All I wanted to do was kill him...**_

"_**Okay...'Elena...I'm going to come and get you...where are you...of fuck 'Elena calm down!"-------------------------------------**_

_**-----------------------------------"Frank you're not going to do anything stupid? Are you?" She asked cautiously...**_

"_**No...I'm just going to sign you out...go get in the car..."I lied...she ran of...I took a deep breath... I knew what her art teacher looked like...I'd seen a class picture of him when 'Elena showed me the project they had all been working on...he was young...unshaven and a shitty ass teacher... I walked around...some people were staring at me...I'm not sure if it was because the recognised me or because I looked like I was going to kill someone...I turned around... I couldn't have missed h...ahhah...there he was...he had his hands on his head and he was leant against the wall. I walked briskly up to him and punched him.**_

"_**That's what you get for touching her you ass! I'm going to give you some advice that I've gave some of her friends...don't upset her...because if you do...I'm going to get a little chainsaw happy...then we'll see who can be the total ass!" I screamed at him...-------------------------------------------------**_

I started up my car...the images still flashing behind my glazed up eyes... I drove silently along the road...I was going to see 'Elena...

_**And we can run, from the backdrop of these gears and scalpels  
At every hour goes the tick-tock bang of monitors as  
They stared us down when we met in the emergency room  
And in our beds, I could hear you breathe with help from cold machines**_

Every hour, on the hour, they drew blood

Well I felt I couldn't take, another day inside this place  
From silent dreams we never wake, and in this promise that we'll make  
Starless eyes for heaven's sake, but I hear you anyway  
Well I thought I heard you  
Say I like you, we can get out  
We don't have to stay, stay inside this place

Someday, this day, we kept falling down  
Someday, this day, set the ferris wheel ablaze  
You left my heart an open wound  
And I love you for  
This day, someday we kept falling down  
One day, this day all we had to keep us safe  
And if we never sleep again, it would never end  
Well I thought I heard you say to me  
We'll go so far, far as we can  
And I just can't stay, one day we'll run away

Sitting on a chair in 'Elenas room...her skin was so pale, her hair like a ravens wing and her lips where red, like the blossoming rose. I held her hand for a while, but it was so cold...it just reminded me that she was in a coma...I ended up looking at my wedding ring...I still had it on for some reason. I guess it still hadn't hit me that Jamia and I were going to be officially divorced in 4 weeks time. I took it of, put it on, took it off, put it on, took it off...put it on...I Eventually managed to keep it off for more than a minute. I looked at it carefully; the gold band meant nothing any more...It made bollocks. I threw it on the ground, it pinged as it hit the ground and circled around a bit... I put my head in my hands...more memories flooded back painfully, I had a bad migraine too...they sure weren't helping...

_**--------------------The splutters were coming from 'Elenas mouth...I leaned over her...her eyes flickered open and she burst into coughing.**_

"_**Oh god 'Elena you're awake! Do you feel okay?" I asked...she was awake...she was really awake. She leaned forward her eyes blinking rapidly...**_

"_**Where am I... Oh god Dylan..." She said, her face going paler than normal. All of the sudden she grabbed her head...--------------------------------------**_

If only she was awake now...so she could smile and call me a stupid, old, heroin whore...or maybe a fucktard. I looked up and took her icy hand again...

"Wake up..." I cooed.

"Wake up...for me." I said fighting back tears. Gee came in...it was uncomfortable when he did. He didn't sit down like before, he just leaned against the wall ...watching 'Elena with teary eyes.

"We need to talk Frank...so fuck _Squash It_ and fucking listen!" He said...his voice rising slightly with anger...I nodded.

"Do you love my daughter?" He asked.

"Why are you asking me that?" I spat at him...still holding 'Elenas hand.

"Because I know what happened between you two. I know that you come here as frequently as me. I know you and Jamia split up...and I also remember the things you were whispering into her ear all those months ago...when you were begging her not to die: _Please...you've got to pull through this... Please don't leave me here alone; I don't want to wake up when you're not waiting for me in my day..."_

I stopped as he had recited some of the things I had said before the ambulance got there...I had said a lot more...but I had said it so quietly, that they couldn't hear.

"Stop it Gee...please..." I let a tear roll down my cheek. I stood up, letting go of 'Elenas limp hand..

"No I'm not fucking stopping it!"he screamed.

"What you want me to say Gee? That I can't stop thinking about her? That at the minute the hope that she'll wake up is the only thing that's keeping me alive? I don't know how...but...but ...I'm completely and utterly enchanted by her...and I can' think of or see anyone or anything else!" I told him...his mouth dropped open in shock. I heard a gasp...and a muffled thud...My head turned to 'Elena...

'**ELENA**

A near constant cloak of darkness and numbness consumed my mind ad body. It wasn't like the blackness was before; before it was like sleeping...I had dreams and memories...now it was black. _***Oh dear god, am I dead? Holy crap...I always though death would be more interesting than this...***_ If I wasn't so numb to everything, I was sure I would have been appalled at the fact that I was pissed of that death wasn't interesting...not that I was actually dead. It was just my thoughts and the blackness...Like when you're in your room...alone and you're just sitting there not really doing anything because for a second you forget how to...and the lights switch of. Okay...maybe you don't know what that's like...but I sure as hell do now...

I remember when I died (?) Just before darkness had overwhelmed me completely...They say when you die (?!) he last thing to go is your hearing...I think they're true because as the world was dimming out and the blood faded away...I could hear Franks voice in my ear...or was I just imagining things? I could hear Frank telling me things that I only secretly wished he would...some were hushed, some were desperate, some were comforting, some were pleading, but they all were him...they were all his voice. The screams and weeping in the background dimed, just leaving Frank. Then it all want black. It all went quiet. It all became bland. It all became scentless.

_**----------"Please...you've got to pull through this..." I heard Frank whisperer into my ear. I wanted to speak to him, but I couldn't.**_

"_**Please don't leave me here alone; I don't want to wake up when you're not waiting for me in my day..." He cooed into my ear, quieter and it made my heart break even more... Everything became dimmer around then...**_

"_**I can't lose you, God...I don't know how many time I've told you that...and I really mean it..." his trailed off for a second, but then it returned almost completely incomprehensible though "it just took me a real long time to figure out..." His voice trailed of again. What was he saying? Why was everything so cold? The darkness scared me...it loomed and engulfed and strangled my life.**_

"'_**Elena wake up...please...I swear to god I will do anything to make you happy. What evers wrong, I can fix it...I'll make sure everything fucking peachy as a fucking pumpkin...shit..." He trailed off again...All sound was going now...**_

"'_**Ellie...I need you in my life...I NEED YOU!" The sound went then...I wanted to believe the voice, I wanted to believe it was real and telling the truth...but I couldn't. So I fell.------------------------------**_

I couldn't be dead. I couldn't be dead because I swear to god I could see some light_. ***Holy crap...was that the light to take me away? Fuck no! You're a fucking atheist dumb ass...you don't believe in that bull!*** _ The light widened...widened...widened. It turned into shapes, a room, a desk, to figures, flowers...TWO FUCKING FIGURES, YES! I can't be dead! _***why do you sound so enthusiastic dumbo you're the one who wanted to die!***_ The figure became more distinct in the white room, bleeping burst through my ear...then did their convocation...eventually I made out their faces...My dad and Frank...Frank? Yes...FRANK! I had no idea where I was, but if it wasn't earth then I've been wrong most of my life and there is a fucking heaven...I listened, dumb struck too their convocation as they stood on the other side of the room staring at each other..

"...I don't know how...but...but ...I'm completely and utterly enchanted by her...and I can' think of or see anyone or anything else!" Frank exclaimed...

What the hell? It was too much to take in. He was in my room and he was talking about some girl he had fallen in love with! He had forgotten about me...and possibly even Jamia and he was in love with some one else...I gasped in horror. Frank froze...I didn't catch any more though because I blacked out from the shock, but this wasn't the lethargic blackness that I had before...Like I had shut my eyes. No this was like a dreamy bleakness...**----------------------------**

"'Elena...wake up, fuck...Wake up dammit, please wake up..." I could hear my dad beg, pulling at my arm...but I didn't want too. There was a silence...I heard a shuffle then I felt a breath on my cheek...the breath moved up slowly to my ear...words started to form out of it...

"_I have this reoccurring dream: You make it hard for me to breathe. I gave you everything I could; I gave up everything I owned and when you smile it's not for me. You offer little sympathy. Your grasp so far exceeds your reach. I wake up. This is not a dream"_ I knew that voice, I knew that song. It was Frank...singing/whispering this song to me...Trying To Escape The Inevitable...I wanted to wake up now...I wanted to will myself up...and I wanted to kiss Frank...

"_I almost can't believe, You're the same person who can straight-faced with a smile...tell me that you love me" _He sangslightly louder now...His breath tingling my neck...Was my dad watching this? I sure hope not...

"_Crawl, but I don't get too far. I know I should run, but I just keep running back....I know I should run...I know I should..."_ His singing turned into sobs...This was it...I had to fucking wake up...I told myself to wake up...I screamed to wake up...I had only fainted this time...I wasn't in some god damn coma (?) any more!

"_I have this reoccurring dream where you admit that you're not happy. I know that you will never leave..." _Frank didn't get to finish the verse because I burst up...bolt upright...Sitting up...Frank jumped back quickly...but then he lowered himself back down next to me even quicker.

"_You're here just to torment me..."_ I finished of his verse...His face changed from a look of sadness, horror, shock to merriment...He wrapped his arms around me...tightly...

"You're fucking awake!" He screamed. He pulled back...I could see my dad behind him staring at me god smacked...Frank moved out of the way , letting my father come and smother me in hugs.

"Oh god...honey...I've missed you so much..." I looked around. I was in a hospital for sure, the bleeping on the machine attached to me sort of gave that away immediately...then there was the fact that I was in a fucking robe.

"How long have I been here?" I croaked.

"8 months sugar...Oh I miss- Shit...I should leave you two...I mean! Um...I need to ring the others on the pay phone...I'll be right back! I love you, y'know that?" He said suspiciously before running out...I read the sentence through in my mind...My dad was definitely trying to hide something. Frank sat down on the stool next to me, his eyes watery. He looked down...I leaned back. All of the sudden memories of the convocation and his new love sprang into my mind...I looked down, biting my lip.

"'Elena...I'm so, so fucking stolked that your back but..." He stopped...frowning...I could see him trying to think of the words...

"But...Why? Why the fucking hell did you try and kill yourself again? I mean...You shot yourself and Your dad...you fucking dad had to weep and hold his hoodie on your wound at the same time...He had to watch you almost die...And Mikey! Fucking hell...and me! I got your fucking blood over my god damn hands...I got you blood-..." He stopped tears pouring out of eyes. I got it though. I had been so selfish, I never thought about what I did having an effect on others.

"I had to hold you and whisperer into your ear that everything was going to be okay when I wanted to die myself...When I wanted to shrink down and fucking disappear...when I had no hope myself..." He buried his face in his hands...Weeping. I pushed myself up...my whole body stiff. I put my hand on his shoulder...he seemed to shiver as I did so...

"Please don't cry Frankie...I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it. I just--..." I stopped he looked up...his eyes red and he wiped them...

"What?" He stuttered... I stared into his deep eyes...flecks of amber danced in the hazel and swam together.

"I...I...lost something very important Frankie...I...Just didn't think that there was any hope in this world...and I was destined to have nothing and be nothing and endure pain and..." He stopped me.

"Di you ever think...that when you died if you did...I would have lost something very important too..." He asked....My eyes widened in anticipation to what he was going to saw next.

"Fra-."

"'Elena I've waited the last eight an a half months to tell you something that I think I realised...a long time ago..." He suddenly whispered. His face leaned closer to mine...so our lips were barley apart.

"What..." I asked...Coming closer... His head titled so his lips brushed against my ear.

"I love you...I always have and I always will..." He whispered. I had to be dead. No way could he really be saying any of this.

"I—I...holy crap..." I leaned back and stared at him...the girl he was talking about? Was he talking about...me? He leaned forward very slowly again...to the point in which I could taste his sweet...minty breath. I leaned forward the rest...our eyes connected...Our lips gently brushed against each others...I felt him part my lips with his...so very gently...I felt my hands grasp onto and run through his hair. I forgot I was 17. I forgot I was in a hospital. I forgot my dad could walk in at any second. I just...I just... I pulled away...Frank kissed me...and I was fucking pulling away! This better be good...

"Frank I can't do this..." I shook my head...

"Wh-why?" He stuttered...His eyebrows arching...

"Because of Jamia... she doesn't deserve this..." I told him. His lifted up his hand...as if it was real special, but then I noticed something. He didn't have his wedding band on. My mouth opened...

"Jamia and I split up...2 months ago..." He said, staring at his finger. I was completely speechless. I stared at him...I didn't say anything... Frank fucking loved me... His eyes filled with pain as I glanced away nervously...

"'Elena please..." He mouthed... I wanted to tell him how I felt...The door opened...My dad jumped in.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything!" He mumbled...

"No...you aren't..." Frank said...Tears silently spilled out of his...falling of the curve of his cheeks to the ground. He got up and walked to the door.

"I better. I better..go and make sure everyone got the news..." He lied... I never saw him look so heartbroken nor pained.

"Frank...I -I..." He stared at me... My dad felt the awkwardness in the room.

"Forget it 'Ellie..." He whispered with a sob... He turned and walked out of the room...My dad stared between me and the door. Before telling me he'd be right back and running out of the door.

FRANK

I was almost safe and away from this dreaded hospital when Gee ran down the hall to me...

"Dude, what the hell did you an her talk about?" He asked...he had obviously felt the tension.

"Nothing, man...Nothing of any importance..." I looked down at the ground...He opened his mouth to say something...But I cut him off...

"Gee...I know what you want to ask and NO. I don't love 'Ellie...I guess I was just upset and confused about the divorce and 'Elenas coma and shit...it was nothing..." I lied to his face...

"Oh right..." He seemed almost relieved.

"Look I'm going..." I said turning around without another word. 'Ellie was alive. I was thankful for that, but she didn't love me. I was a fool. A fool in love. I walked out of the hospital and too my car without another glance. When I got home Mikey and Alicia were drinking champagne to celebrate. They asked me if I wanted any, I declined and told them I didn't feel well and I wanted to get some sleep. I walked up into the guest room, which I was living in for free because I was pathetic and divorced and hadn't got myself together enough to get a new flat, and I sat on my bed and sang a low out of tune song which I knew from years ago...

"_I have this reoccurring dream: You make it hard for me to breathe. I gave you everything I could; I gave up everything I owned and when you smile it's not for me. You offer little sympathy. Your grasp so far exceeds your reach. I wake up. This is not a dream... I almost can't believe, You're the same person who can straight-faced with a smile...tell me that you love me. "I have this reoccurring dream where you admit that you're not happy. I know that you will never leave..."_ I slipped into a tormented state called sleep... a tormented state full of picture and ghost and bad...bad memories of neglect.

_Okay...did you enjoy this chapter...I hope you fucking did...My computer kept crashing so it took me near enough...for ever to finish! There is (to your disappointment...) a lot more to go. I normally do like to keep torture sweet and simple...but torture in the likes of this story is being d-r-a-g-g-e-d out...maximum pain you see..._

_I really love you guys,_

_Dudes,_

_And _

_Dudesses, _

_Yout Put The Hate In my Heart xox _


	23. I mean this forever

**This chapter is for the people I love. For Ty...For Gi, Tilly and all the people who reviewed...it's also for MCR, for their music and for their inspirational attitude. I love all of you guys because you really care. This one is for you...**

**FRANK**

The next morning I sat in the kitchen a sipped at some boiling fucking hot coffee. Mikey and Alicia were getting ready to go out and see 'Elena. I was still in my bat man tee and grey pj bottoms though. My hair stuck up unevenly and my eyes had big bags framing them. I sighed and hit m head of the table below me before resting my head on it.

"Fuck Frankie. Get fucking changed visiting hours are soon!" Mikey yelled at me. I sat there staring that the table...my nose pressed against it.

"Come on Frank..." I felt Alicia pull me up. Why were they doing this to me? They had no idea how this felt...

"Noo..." I moaned as she pulled me to the stairs.

"Fuck I feel like I've got a kid! Changed now!" She told me sternly. I sighed and marched upstairs like a 16 years old kid and got changed. It took me longer to brush down my hair than it did to pick out my skinny jeans, Vanz and Nada Surf tee... Mikey and Alicia were shouting at me from downstairs as I pulled on my misfits skeleton gloves. I jumped down the stairs, dreading the forth coming hours. Alicia was already in the car and Mikey was waiting for me, an annoyed expression on his face.

"Hurry the fuck up you moron!" He told me getting pissed off. I trudged into the car and sat in the back.

"You did put Piglet and Bunny in the kitchen right?" Alicia asked Mikey he nodded and drove off to the hospital. The radio came on...some shitty ass pop...I leaned my head against the window...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------at the hospital----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay...this was awkward. I was in a hospital room filled with my friends, my ex- wife and the girl who had turned me down...Jamia was on the other side of the room...leaning against the wall smiling at 'Elena... People were being really positive, trying not to think how 'Elena was put here. I'm pretty sure 'Elena was to... She kept glancing over to me...A sad smile on her face...her eyes were very soft.

"So how are you feeling?" Mikey asked her protectively.

"Umm...good, I think. I've got think fucking awful headache and my leg keeps spazzing out..." She laughed... The others laughed too.

"So...have I really missed much?" 'Elena asked yawning.

"Um...accept from your 17th birthday...not much..." Christa told her. She looked confused for a second.

"What about the tour?" She asked. We all looked at each other.

"It was postponed..." Lindsey told 'Elena...her ace changed, she looked horrified, then guilty...She rubbed her eyes and muttered something...

"Do you want to hold...Bandit...or something...She's really big now though..." Alicia said as she got her niece of her shoulder. It was true Bandit was almost two now...I think or maybe even two... She was tall and adorable, with brown hair and big brown eyes...She heard started to learn how to talk now...but she was really shy.

"Ummm yeah..." 'Elena said making space on her bed for Bandit to sit next to her. Alicia put her down and Bandit looked up at 'Elena with her big eyes smiling.

"Hello..." 'Elena said unsure of what to do...

"Whelooo..." She smiled. 'I could see 'Elenas heart literally melt. Tears formed in her eyes...

"Do you know who I am?" she asked.

"El—El..." she stopped trying to pronounce the word "-Ana...Ele--na" She said with much difficulty.

"Yep. You're spot on!" 'Elena said...a tear rolling on the curve of her cheek. She put her arm around Bandit and gave her a hug.

"I remember when you were really small...I could sit you on my knee..." Everyone stared at the emotional 'Elena as she stared down at Bandit...

"Baby..." Bandit said proudly... 'Elena nodded her head. She would be a great mom wouldn't she...I wonder who with...Lyn was hugging Gee with a big smile on her face... I heard he whisperer something about how adorable they looked together. Bandit was real cute, I swear to god she was cute...but 'Elena was beautiful...

"Would you like to sit on my knee?" 'Elena croaked through tears... Bandit nodded so 'Elena picked her up and put her on her knee...I rubbed my eye... 'Elena wrapped her arms around her and tilted her head to the side so she could see all of us...

"What about you guys...are you okay? You're so old now..." She giggled... Bob put on fake tears...

"How very dare you!" Bob laughed.

"Hey, I only speak the truth..." 'Elena said trying to hold down her laughter whilst holding Bandit.

"Hey you're not so young yourself missy!" Jamia laughed too. I hadn't seen her in a while, I'd like to say it was good seeing her...but I just felt guilty and bad...

"Yeah...we're all good!" Christa smiled...She glanced towards me...biting her lip.

"What about you Frank? You okay?" She asked...

"Yeah...I'm okay...y'know..." I mumbled looking down.

"Good..." 'Elena said...I looked up to see she was still looking at me. Everyone was actually...

"Y'know I got to go..." I said slightly louder.

"Really? Why?" 'Elena asked shocked.

"Um...it's this flat thing. I need to go and speak to this guy about putting a thing in for it...urghh...yeah..." I lied... 'Elena looked pretty upset...when I mean upset...I mean upset.

"Oh...okay...Bye-" She halted...Something flashed through her eyes, "No...see you later..." She smiled... I smiled too, turning around I walked to the door. Just before I got there Jamia jumped over to me and hushed something to me so no one else could hear.

"Frankie, if it's me...I'll go...I know how much 'Elena means to you..." She said. I can't believe we were getting divorced and she was still being so nice to me...

"No...it's okay..." I whispered before walking out of the door. This time no one came out and ran into the hall...I walked down it and out of the hospital. I had a dilemma soon as I got out. I had no car. I had took Mikeys and A's... I ended up walking down the highway to the turn of the lead to their place. My feet hurt after a while, but really didn't care. I found myself at a all too familiar park. I used to walk past here when I was a kid coming from school. There was also a corner shop...no one ever went in it any more...I was surprised it was open when I went inside. I ginger haired, bright, chatty girl stood at the counter smiling.

"Is there anything I can get you today?" She asked.

"Um...a lighter, Malboro red lights and the strongest and cheapest liquor you have.." I said pulling out my wallet...

"Oh and give me two bottles of it..."I smiled. The girl turned around the shelves and pulled out what I had asked her for. She handed me a bottle of vodka and whiskey.

"Varieties good..." She laughed. She then handed me the lighter and cigarettes, I gave her the money and turned around.

"Suffering from a broken heart?" She asked. I turned around a smiled.

"Something like that." I turned back to the door and walked out to the park. I sat on the swing and lit the cigarette and took a drag. Holding the cigarette between my pursed lips I opened the bottle o Vodka and took a quick swig before having another drag. Fuck...today was going to be the shits.

_**The amount of pills I'm taking, counteracts the booze I'm drinking  
and this vanity I'm breaking, lets me live my life like this  
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
Well I'll choose the life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making  
and the beauty that I'm faking lets me live my life like this  
And well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in**_

_**And you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much  
You'll invest yourself in me, we're not working out (we're not working out)  
We're not working out (we're not working out)  
And you can't touch my brother and you can't keep my friends  
and we're not working out, we're not working out  
This time I mean it, never mind the times I've seen it**_

_**Well I hope I'm not mistaken by the news I heard from waking  
and it's hard to say I'm shaken, by the choices that I make  
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
Well I'll choose this life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making  
And I get a little shaken, because I live my life like this  
And well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in**_

_**And you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much  
You'll invest yourself in me, we're not working out,  
We're not working out  
And you can't keep my brother, and you won't fuck my friends  
and we're not working out, we're not working out  
This time I mean it, never mind the times I've seen it**_

_**Never again, never, never again**_

_**(and you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much you'll invest yourself in me)  
ne.. never... never... never again  
(and you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much you'll invest yourself)  
ne.. never... never... oh baby let me.. oh baby... oh baby  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
I'm knocking let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
I'm knocking let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in**_

**Okay...2 bottle of liquor, a pack of cigarettes later and a lot of dangerous games with a lighter later---**

I swung on the swing lazily. I had no idea how long I had been here...but It must have been a while because the sky was turning black. I was crying bitterly.

"Haha, stupid faggot!" Some teenager shouted at me. I put the lighter closer to my mouth; I set it alight then breathed on it. Fire burst out for a second from the alcohol in my breath. The kids jumped back.

"You fucking sociopath!" They screamed before running of... I kicked the bottles and as I swung...They shattered over the floor...I jumped of the swings and started walking home... I still wasn't sure what time it was...

I crashed through the front door and stomped up the stairs to my room. I landed on my bed with a thud and pulled my Vanz of...I was hoping my dreams would be sweeter than my life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Next Morning---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wake up!" I heard Mikey moan...just before the cold icy water hit me. I sat up...my head throbbing. Mikey was holding a bucket and a towel. He through my the towel and put down the bucket before sitting next to me.

"Okay...you leave whislt visiting 'Elena...come home at 3 in the morning completely wasted and cry in your sleep...What the fucks wrong with you?" Mikey asked...Putting his arm around me...I dried my hair and face with the towel...I had a really bad hangover...

"Oh fuck 'Elena..." I said trying to jump up...Mikey pushed me down.

"No...later...Now we gotta have a chat." He told me as if he was my dad.

"I'm...almost 29...I'm divorces...I have no home and...and..." I stopped...putting my head in my hands...

"That's okay...y'know you and Jamia just weren't meant to be...you'll find a new home soon, but you're always welcome here..." He told me...

"I don't want to impose...I hate having to live of you at the moment..." I sighed...

"Look...you're going through a hard patch...it's okay...but so is 'Elena...so I got to ask why you lied and left her when we all damn well know you are one of the closest people to 'Elena and she needs to right now..." I stared at him...my mouth opened...but I closed it again and looked down.

"Look...I want to clear this up. Gee told me a couple of weeks ago that you told him that you loved 'Elena...then yesterday he told me you didn't...and I'm getting really confused. Y'know with you history with 'Elena and all...I just need to know...do you love her?" He asked. Mikey was like my brother...I wanted to tell him the truth...but it would cause to much pain explaining it to him.

"No.." I lied.

"Okay then...Alicias making pancakes downstairs...get washed. Have some pancakes...Then- you can go and see 'Elena..." He told me...I nodded in agreement as he left the room leaving me alone. Sunlight streamed through the window...stinging my red eyes... sighed and went into the guest bathroom...I splashed my tender face with water...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------At Breakfast----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I ate my breakfast quietly. Alicia was smiling and chatting to me like normal, but the way she kept looking at me told me that Mikey had told her something. Of course he had...Alicia and Mikey were so close they didn't keep anything from each other...I wished I had that...some one who loved me...who I could tell all my secrets and trouble too... I drank down my orange juice and washed my plates eagerly.

"Okay...Mikey...Now can I go and see 'Elena?" I asked in a babyish voice...Mikey laughed and told me I could...I ran out the house and into my car quickly...I was going to speak to 'Elena...I needed to...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------At The Hospital--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I ran up the stairs into the hospital and to the desk. A old woman was at it...she scorned at me...

"Hello...I need to see 'Elena Way...I'm a close friend..." I told her.

"Yeah...Frank Iero isn't it? Sorry honey, but visiting hour aint for another 2 hours..." She nodded her head rhythmically.

"No...No...I've got to see her..." I protested her.

"Only partners, siblings and parents can see them before or after visiting hour." She smiled. Damn...this would have been so much easier if Mikey had come and sat outside the fucking room.

"Look...this is inexplicably important..." My voice sounded a lot more confident than I really was.

"Look sugar...You look like a man who needs a break. I'm letting you in...but only because that girl needs some cheering up..." She said in a very southern accent. I thanked her before running into her ward and looking frantically for her room. When I got to her 'Elena was lying on her side...he hands over her face...I could hear her crying. My heart dropped...it dropped from the 100th floor on a fucking tall building a landed on a sharp, wooden stake. I tip toed to the chair next to her bed and sat on it... I put my hand on her icy back. She shivered and jumped up...

"Oh fuck Frankie..how long have you been here?" She asked...

"Not long..." I whispered... She positioned herself so she was looking right at me with the incredible eyes...

Frank I-." I stopped her before she said anymore.

"No E...I need to talk..." I hushed...

"I love you...I'm completely, 100% sure of it...and not having you in my life hurts...it physically hurts, but if you don't want to be...y'know...like that with me...then I'll make myself...somehow suppress those urges...because I vale you very deeply as a friend and I know you need friends to help you through this shit at the moment..." I took a deep breath in when I finished...She stared at me...her red lips hanging slightly open...

"Frank I don't know what to say..." She stopped...my heart pounded...

"It's oka-." She interrupted me though.

"No...I need to talk now...I don't know what to say...but I'm pretty damn sure what I want to do..." She leaned forward and kissed me. My heart fluttered as she did so...she wrapped her arms around my back...I kissed her back...our mouths and tongues dancing in union...She pulled back and put her face to the side of mine...her breath cooled my cheek...

"Be mine..." She whispered.

"Forever..." I whispered back to her...my voice catching in my throat.

"I mean this forever..." She tightened he hands around me and embraced me into a hug...I did s o to...my hand stroking her head...I kissed her cheeks gently...Anticipation shone in my eyes...what was going to happen next?

_**Hand in mine, into your icy blues  
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway  
With this trunk of ammunition too  
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets**_

_**I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know just how much you mean to me  
And after all the things we put each other through and**_

_**I would drive on to the end with you  
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full  
And I feel like there's nothing left to do  
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running**_

_**But this time, I mean it  
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me  
As snow falls on desert sky  
Until the end of everything  
I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know how much you mean  
As days fade, and nights grow  
And we go cold**_

_**Until the end, until this pool of blood  
Until this, I mean this, I mean this  
Until the end of...**_

_**I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know how much you mean  
As days fade, and nights grow  
And we go cold**_

_**But this time, we'll show them  
We'll show them all how much we mean  
As snow falls on desert sky  
Until the end of every...**_

_**All we are, all we are  
Is bullets I mean this  
**__**[x4]**___

_**As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms  
Forever, forever  
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning  
Forever, and ever  
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one  
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun**_

_**And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood  
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down  
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down  
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood  
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever**_

_**Thank you for reading the 23rd chapter of Because You're Breaking Our Black, Little Hearts...(23rd..I know!) here is still a story to tell...so sit back, buckle up your belts and hope that this path isn't to rocky for young love...  
**_


	24. I'll Be Your Lloyd Dobler

_**A good friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.**_

_**A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" **_

_**A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, "You will die in seven days..." **_

_**A good friend picks up your papers in the hallways at school when you drop them. A best friend stands there and laughs while you scramble to pick them up.**_

_**A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run bitch, run!" **_

_**A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. **_

_**A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be sitting next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" **_

**- From Georgias and Tillys page...You see I don't write stories...I try and make a fucking point...Thank you too my BFFLs....**

'**ELENA**

People came and visited me a lot. Sammy and Kitty came in the following days and brought me grapes. They seemed happy, in their relationship that is. Hell, they still haven't told Kittys mom which made me fucking laugh my ass off. They had at on the little seat together...arms wrapped around each other smiling. Turned out my dad had gone to Dylans funeral for me...My dad, Lyn and Bandit... I loved seeing the guys, but there was only one persons visits who I really looked forward for...

Today Frank had came (like usual) to visit me. He'd brought the paper, pens and pencils like I had asked for...He sat on the stool on the other side of the room, like I had told him to and stared at me. I glanced at him before looking down at my paper and started sketching. I ended up drawing a cartoon picture of Frank...

"Okay..what the hell are you doing?" He asked...

"I'm drawing...you..." I flipped around the unfinished piece of art...He jumped up to get a better look at it...

"Oh my fucking god...that's so awesome...dude..." He stared at it.

"Yeah and when it's done...it's for you..."I smiled putting it on the bed... He put his hand on his heart then with a really high, girly voice he said...

"For me?" I giggled and nodded. He glanced around before leaning forward and kissing me...He pulled back...He smiled at first...but then it changed into a more serious look. He sat on the side of my bed and looked down.

"Actually...I need to talk to you about something..." He said...My eyes widened...Oh please god...I knew everything was turning out to good to be true...I just hoped he wasn't going to tell me he was gay and in love with my dad.

"It's about us...I mean I love...Us, if you get me. I love you too. I was just wondering how the hell we are going to tell the others... Like your parents? I knew the answerer...I had spent the last 5 days thinking about it. Yes the last 5 days have been awesome with Frank and I...but I was getting worried about the same thing...

"Okay Frank...you are going to get pissed...I mean you've waited 8 months...which is a fucking shitty ass amount of time...but...umm..." I stopped...Frank started to look really worried.

"What Ellie?" He said really seriously.

"I want this to work out between us. So I was hoping we could postpone telling everyone for a while...Y'know find the perfect time to tell my Pa...so he doesn't freak and kill you..." I looked down.

"How long are we talking about?" He asked...

"I...don't know...It could range between weeks...too months..." I said, smiling sheepishly... Frank bit down on his tongue...

"So I'm literally the secret boy friend?" Frank asked smiling...

"Umm...yeah..." I said, confused at his reaction.

"Y'know...that's really hot..." He giggled. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him before pulling away.

"Okay...I'm in charge now...Sit down at the stool over there and sit there until I'm done!" I laughed... He sighed and sat down on the other chair as I finished his cartoon.

The next few days were great. When I got (eventually) released from hospital I made sure only my dad came...I didn't want loads of people making a fuss. I went to be and fell asleep...smiling manically as I did so...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2 weeks later----------------------------------------------------------------

I looked at myself in the mirror, checking myself. I smiled and ran out of my room and down the stair. I was about to open the door when I heard Lyn tut.

"Okay...I know your dads not here at the moment...but seriously you're already sneaking out?" She laughed. I put on my angelic smile and turned around.

"I'm not sneaking out...I'm going to look at flats with Frank." I smiled. She raised her eyebrow.

"Really? Wow...you are sad..." She said in hysterics. I hit her on the shoulder friendlily.

"Stop it! You're such a meanie! He needs my help...He's a guy, he doesn't know what to look for...look he's waiting outside; I've got to go!" I leaned forward and gave her a hug before opening the door and running to Franks car and getting in. I waved and Lyn, who was standing at the door, she rolled her eyes and waved too. I turned to Frank, he was staring at me with a puzzled expression.

"Okay...why are did you look at me like that...And hello..." He chuckled and turned on the car and drove away...

"No reason..." He said his eyes on the road.

"Oh come on, I want to know..."

"I dunno...You just amuse me..." He said pursing his lips whilst glancing at me.

"I'm glad I do...so where are we going?" I asked, giggling to my self.

"Umm...this one flat...not too far away from that lake...what's it called?"

"Hudson...I think...There's a lot of lakes..." I laughed.

"Yeah, hon, that's it Hudson... We're going to meet the estate agent there and he's then going to show us this over flat too..." He told me thinking hard.

"Sweet," I linked my finger together

"Okay what's wrong; you only do that with your hands when you're pissed..." Fuck...he knew me too well.

"No...it's nothing...I'm just tired." I tried to assure him.

"Ahuh, ahuh...now the truth?" He asked...I opened my mouth...I closed it and thought for a second.

"I'm not sure...I just don't feel right..." His eyes glanced down at me from the road, full of concern.

"What do you mean you don't feel right? You feel ill or something?" He asked...his eyes now back on the road...I stared at his angelic face full of worry and concern.

"No...no, I'm good...I'm okay..." I lies...His features softened.

"You sure?" He asked again.

"Yeah...yeah..." We eventually got to the flat, Frank and I got out and walked into the building. A old-ish looking man with a bold head was waiting for us, he had a miserable air to him...his brown clothes looked wet and he was sweating. He smiled when he saw us. He leaned forward and shook hands with Frank.

"Hello, you're Mr Iero, right? I'm Tod Rowell." He looked at him sternly as he shook his hand... Frank wiped it on his trousers after he had shock hand. Tod didn't notice because now his attentions were focused on me. Tod didn't notice because now his attentions were focused on me.

"You are?" He asked... He even had wet accent. I don't like judging people, but this guy was creeping me out.

"'Elena...'Elena Way..." I stammered as he took my hand and kissed it, when he let go, I wiped it like Frank had.

"Oh I should have recognised you; my daughter's quite a fan you see..." He smiled... I put on a fake smile, bearing my teeth.

"Okay, so this is the first flat...If you would like to follow me?" He turned away. I looked at Frank; he was biting his tongue trying not to laugh. My hands were over my mouth...It hurt suppressing so much laughter. A snort came out of my mouth...I bit my tongue harder as Frank pulled me along. He strode up and four flairs of fucking stairs until he pulled out some keys and opened a large brown door into the apartment. Frank and I followed him in. It was one of those horrible of yellows. The furniture was a greeny brown colours and there were oil paintings all over the wall. I looked at Frank, raising an eyebrow. He just shrugged and followed me in. This apartment looked like the kind of place, old Tod would live in.

"Obviously it needs a little word, but it's a good investment! Don't you agree?" He said...urrgh...

"I'm not looking for an investment, I'm looking for a home..." Frank said, his arm wrapped around my waist loosely.

"Well, yes..." Tod mumbled...I snorted trying to keep back my fits of laughter.

"What about we look around the flat then?" He asked.

"Great, you lead..." I smiled... He looked around this front lounge.

"There are two bedrooms, a bathroom, the lounge/kitchen dining area and store room." He said...He lead of too the other side of the room.

"The first bedroom, the currently guest bedroom. Cosy, comfy and...ummm...Yellow?" I brought my arm up to my mouth and pressed it hard against it....I wasn't going to laugh...I wasn't going to fucking laugh...A massive attack of the giggles hit me and I almost fell to the ground with laughter... Frank literally had to keep me up, he kissed the back of my neck and then pressed his face against it, suppressing his laughter.

"What's so funny?" Tod asked sounded incredibly pissed off...

"Okay...I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I mean, I'm sure you're amazing estate agent...but seriously? How could you make this place sound good...it's got damp!" I laughed...His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"No it doesn't..." He said confused...Frankie gave me a look.

"Hell yeah it does..." I walked over the wall nearest to me...at the bottom the paint was bubbling...I looked directly above it to see a picture.

"You don't mind If I?" I said about to pull the picture down... He shook his head. I took down the picture to see a brown, bubbling patch....the paint coming of it.

"I rest my case." I laughed walking over to Frank.

"Okay, do you want to go and see the other one?" Tod asked.

"Yeah...Please..."Frank said. We walked out of the flat and out of the building...Frank held my hand tightly.

"So how do you know it had damp?" He asked.

"Look, I've just woke up from a coma with a over protective dad. The last couple of week all I've been allowed to do is: sit in front of the fucking set and watch DIY and Interior Design shows..." I laughed...

"Oh...does make sense..." Frank giggled. We followed the estate agent to the next building. We took the elevator up to the top floor of the building and walked along the hall and then into the apartment. Soon as I opened the door you could see Frank loved it. The whole thing was white, except the furniture which was brown. Massive windows welcomed us, light streamed through them.

"Okay, listen up and don't laugh his time. This is the lounge. The door through there leads into the kitchen diner; there are 3 bedrooms and two bathrooms." H showed us around...it was supposed to be a fucking apartment, this was massive. Frank was amazed, looking around wide eyed.

"Okay this would be my room..." Frank said as her entered the biggest of the bedrooms... I had a single massive window overlooking the bed...there was canvases of modern art of the walls, everything was very simplistic.

"You sound like you're really serious about this. I mean you've picked your room, guitar room, guest room and you've already made comments on how you'd lay out the dining room..." I laughed.

"I know...I really like it though! What about you?" Tod had left us to look around ourselves and he went and sat in the lounge.

"I love it Frank, I think it's awesome, but you're the one who would be living here..." I told him, in my motherly voice.

"Yeah...I want you to be spending a lot of time here...I mean I wouldn't just be getting one set of keys if I bought this place..." He ended with a cheeky grin.

"Are you trying to say...we've been going out about 3 weeks and you want to give me the key to your (maybe) flat?" I asked, a smile spreading across my face...

"Well...yes..." I put my index finger on his lip then dragged it down, on his neck down, on his chest and landing on his leg. I replaced my lips were my finger had been...I rubbed my tongue against his lip and lip ring...I felt him tug on mine...He pulled back...our eyes directly peering each others.

"You're my hot Lloyd Dobler..." I giggled.

"I'm really not sure if that's a compliment or if I should be offended..." He laughed leaning forward and kissing me again before pulling me up and taking me into the lounge where Tod was. I had my hand linked with Franks...I had no idea what he was going to say...

"I would like to make an offer on the flat." He smiled.

"Great! Great...sit down so we can discuss the details..." Tod said...

_**The the world is ugly,  
But you're beautiful to me.  
Are you thinking of me?  
Like I'm thinking of you.**_

I would say I'm sorry  
but I really need to go.

I just wanted you to know  
That the world is ugly,  
But you're beautiful to me.

Are you thinking of me?  
Are you thinking of him?

You could say you're sorry  
but I think you both should go  
I just wanted you to know,

There's an aching in my heart  
And there's a burden in my eyes.  
I could get a new start  
But I'd rather learn not try.  
I could find a new place  
Maybe no one knows my name  
But I think it's just the thing.  
Oh are you happy now  
Now that you got  
What you came for  
Are you  
Are you happy now  
Now that you got  
What you came for  
Are you happy now?  
Now that you got what you came for  
Are you happy  
Now!  
Are you happy now?  
Now that you got what you came for.

By the next month Frank found out he had got the house. He moved out of Mikeys and faced the challenge of un packing all his stuff. I came over a lot and helped. Painting, hanging, organizing, touching...smiling...kissing. Sorry, sorry...I sort of just wondered of there...My dad ended up forcing me into getting Kitty to send me the home work and stuff they covered in the lessons we shared so I didn't fall to far behind. Eventually I went back to school, people generally didn't talk to me at all, only Kitty and Sammy ever did. We re-grouped the band, the free of us. The same setup as Greenday; I was Vocals and ended up having to play guitar, Kitty bass and Sammy drums. We got a new name, a name that summed us up in one: Dear As Death.

--------------------------------------------------------2 months later---------------------------------------------------------

I sat on my bed, my legs crossed and my Modern Philosophy: Hypothesis- book. My eyes were red from reading almost all 756 pages in size 8. I rubbed my eyes before rubbing my hand through my hair. I sighed and closed the book, throwing it on the ground. The door opened, Frank walked in smiling.

"Hey, I thought I'd help you revise!" He said walking in and dropping his plastic bag on the floor.

"Hey, HI!" I smiled...My voice dimmed to a whisperer.

"I missed you..." I whispered into his ear.

"I love you too..." Frank followed me to the bed but before sitting on it he bent over and picked up the philosophy book/

"Modern Philosophy: Hypothesis....hmm...very...Interesting?" He laughed. I pulled it off him...

"Shut up...it's school work..." I moaned.

"Wow...and I almost forgot how boring high school is..." Frank laughed, leaning forward and kissing me. I brushed the book of my lap and back on the floor. I kissed Frank back. You might be surprise, but at this time Frank and I had never actually...y'know...as a couple...I mean there had been heavy sessions and some screwed up stuff, but we never got to that stage. Every time we were about too something happens like a shelf falls down or some on rings or the whole fucking world ends just to piss me off...I was starting to worry in case he was ready and even more so that he thought that I wasn't ready. I held onto Frank dark brown hair tightly...His kisses moved from my lips, Jaw to chest...My eyes flickered to the door, hoping no one would come in... I felt him gently push me back onto my back. He was on top of me now...straddling me. His lips searching around my body. I wanted to moan but I was scared of my dad hearing. I felt him flick the band of my skirt with his thumb...I sat up quickly then.

"Shit, I'm so sorry...I can't..." I trailed off. His face changed...

"Oh, hon...that's okay...if you're not ready, it do-" he whispered very gently, but I interrupted him confused.

"No it's not that...I actually can't." I told him, still keeping my voice down . Now it was his turn to be confused, he raised his eyebrow.

"It' my time of the month doofus..." I laughed...

"OOhh...right..." Frank laughed...He picked up the book.

"So since we're here...we could always actually revise..." Frank laughed.

"Yeah well..."I leaned forward and kissed him. He pulled back.

"I thought you were on your..umm...blob?" He laughed... I whispered a reply.

"Just because I can't do anything doesn't mean I can't make you do anything..." I smiled leaning forward to kiss him...He leaned back.

"No...it's about us being together...not you just satisfying me manhood..." He told me...

"Frank we hardly ever get anytime to ourselves...I just want to enjoy myself when we do...and I'm happy when you're happy..." He opened his mouth to protect, but I ignored him. I leaned over to his ear.

"And I know something that will definitely make you happy..." I whispered...my breath skimming his cheek...I saw him go bright red, I leaned in to kiss him again, but he didn't lean back. I pushed him back on the bed and started kissing his ear...I sucked on his lobe. I had to put my hand over his mouth to stop the moans coming out... I trailed my lips gently down his chest...

"Oh hell..." I heard a familiar voice say. I turned around to see Kitty standing at the door staring at us....She closed the door...I jumped up and ran to the door and opened it as Frankie tried to smooth himself down. I pulled Kitty inside the room.

"Please, please don't scream..." I begged.

"But- you- him...arrr...no...NO!" She said trying to turn around. I grabbed her arm stopping her...

"Please Kitty you can't tell any one..." I heard Frank whisperer behind me. Kitty looked between Frank and I.

"Only if you tell me exactly what the hell's going on..." She mouthed. I smiled and closed the door before my dad could hear anything...


	25. But I will go down with my friends

**FRANK**

So I'm sitting there on the bed next to 'Elena facing Kittys who's leaning against the wall, her mouth hanging slightly open. I literally didn't speak. 'Elena whispered the story to Kitty, the FULL story. My eyes were stuck on the door. No way was I letting Gee walk in as well.

"...So Frankie and I have been sort of going out almost since straight after I woke up..." 'Elena finished up. Kitty stared between us.

"No...NO! That's...that's...holy mother FU-." I put my index finger on my lips signalling her to quiet down. She stared between us.

"So...you're going to say good for you?" 'Elena asked, half laughed. A smile spread on Kittys face.

"Yeah, guys...I'm just fucking happy you too are...well happy." 'Elena jumped up and gave Kitty a hug, a tight one. I didn't want Kitty to be pissed with me, she meant a lot to 'Elena and I can see she's a pretty good kid. She pulled back from 'Elena and stared at me.

"But if you do anything to hurt her, anything at all...I'm going to kill you, okay?" Her voice low, serious and harsh. I just nodded.

"But besides from that we're good..." Her face changed into a big cheesy grin. 'Elena turned around so she was facing me, she was smiling sheepishly. She came closer to me, so I put my hands on her hips, smiling and staring into her eyes.

"I better not do anything to hurt you then..." I smiled...Her grin became bigger.

"I don't know...I'm sure there are some things that might hurt...that we could make a couple of exceptions for, if you get what I mean?" She asked...not really asked, it was more of a cheeky question. I moved my hands around her waster and around her back, pulling her tighter into me.

"Hmmm...I think we could make do with th-." I heard Kitty interrupt me,

"Umm...Hate to spoil the moment...but I am still here." She giggled. 'Elena rolled her eyes as I leaned in and planted a small kiss on her lips.

"I better leave you girls to revise or something..." I smiled before leaving. I hoped to god Kitty wasn't going to tell any one...fuck I hoped she wouldn't. Later on that night I got a call from 'Elena; she sounded like she had been crying. She told me she was coming around; I hung up and about 10 minutes later I answered the door to see 'Elena. I asked her what was wrong, but she claimed she was fine. She fell asleep in my bed that night, after sitting and watching lame tv. She sat under arms, she kept squirming about, but it was just nice having her body under my arm, her heat radiating of her and warming me up. It's nice having 'Elena. It's really nice having 'Elena, it's not even nice...it's amazing...because I love her and...and...I just love her. Thinking about it the next couple of weeks I had seen 'Elena cry and sound upset a lot; a couple of days later Gee asked me if I could come and walk Peppers with him whilst he was talking Bandit out for a bit to give Lyn some peace. I came, with Peppers. Bandit absolutely loved Peppers, she was completely entranced by him. After a while Gee asked me if I wanted to come back to his for a drink or something. I did, when I got there I went upstairs to check on 'Elena, I found her in her room crying. I sat with her and hugged her, but when I asked her what was wrong, she just sniffled a very solemn reply of:  
"The past."

'**ELENA**

I closed my locker at school, after pulling out my chemistry notes and binder. I turned around to see Josh Summers standing behind me, if you knew Josh, you would know this was a complete shocker. I mean Josh wasn't one of those, Jocky- sex maniacs, but he was one of, if not THE coolest guys in school...Kinda indie, very suburban cool and almost all the girls were crushing (eww I hate that expression) on him.

"Hey, 'Elena..." Since when did he know my name? Oh yeah...since I was flashed all over the tabloids...

"Hey...Josh." I said confused. He ran his hand through his jelled, spiky hair, which were not even Jimmy Urine spikes. Cringe.

"Look, I heard you didn't have a date for the Go Green, mask parade ball and I was wondering if you would like to go with me...So would you?" He asked. Okay, this was very sudden.

"Urrgh. Yeah, I guess." I smiled

"Great! Do you want me to pick you up or something?" He asked. I would have said yeah, but I definitely did not want Josh knowing where I lived.

"What about we meet before the ball, at the Hudson park? Umm...6-ish?" I asked him. He nodded, turned and briskly walked away. I looked around, people were staring at me in amazement. Did I really just say I would go to the stupid mask parade ball? Damn it! Soon as he had left, I started worrying, what if Frank got pissed or he tried something on. I mean, he probably only wanted to go with me because I was sort of _famous_ now and he wanted a little slice of the action. The night when I got home, I saw all the guys, for some reason, in my living room and the girls. I dropped my bag and jumped onto the couch next to Frank. I regretted this almost immediately after our arms brushed together and I felt a strong sensation to forget about the others and kiss Frank. I blushed and moved slightly further away from him. The convocation they were holding broke and they all stared at me, every single fucking one.

"Okay, what happened?" Alicia asked, a smug look on her face. I was completely confused.

"Yeah. We know you Ellie Belly, you've got some news to tell us, that's why your cheeks are going red." I touched my red hot cheeks...I had thought that was from Frank. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Alright, I kind of do." I said. I didn't want to tell Frank that Josh had asked me to the ball and I had said yeah, but I mean, it's not like he could of went with me, so me and Josh were only going as friends...Shit did I tell josh that...FUCK- My chain of thought was interrupted by Christa.

"C'mon! We're waiting here!"

"I was asked to this really stupid go green, mask parade, black tie...shitty ass ball thing by Josh Summers..." I sighed. I could feel Franks eyes burning into me.

"Josh Summers?" My dad asked.

"Urrgh, one of those really cool, popular guys at school."

"Pl-eeeaaa-se say you said no." I heard Mikey say. I winced and looked at all the faces staring at me, except for Franks...I was trying to avoid his gaze.

"Well...I had no one else to go with, so I kind of said yes." I sighed. I heard a moan come from the guys, but for some reason squeaks of excitement came from the girls.

"So what are you wearing?" Kaitlin asked.

"Umm...I was thinking of rebelling and just wearing some jeans and a tee or something." I laughed. I could hear my dad chuckle as the girls tut tut.

"No way, okay. I'm organizing all the girl to come around here on the day and we are going to dress you up." Lyn squealed. All the girls looked so excited, I really didn't want to say no.

"Okay..."

"Yes! Oh and I'm getting the dress." Lyn smiled. I moaned.

"Look, I'm tired, I'm going to bed." I said, un sure of how much more I could stomach. I neglected my bag and jumped up before running up the stairs. A second after I got into my room Frank followed me in closing the door.

"Okay...when the hell were you going to tell me about this?" Frank asked.

"Umm...Right now?" I laughed. Frank stiffened his jaw as he walked over to me.

"What's the problem Frank? It's not like you could have came? I'm just going with him as a friend..." I told him.

"But boys only want on-" I interrupted him.

"Only friends." I said sternly. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him.

"Are you jealous or something?" I asked. He looked down. I pecked him on the cheek.

"I don't know...I just wish I could do all these things with you." He sighed.

"And you will soon, just be a little bit patient..." He didn't look up.

"For me?" I asked. He looked up and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"If you weren't so god damn adorable..." He mumbled as I chucked him out of my room before getting changed into my new BAT PJS and slipping into bed...at YES around 5 o'clock...but hell, I was tired!

_**Say, the lights are really low enough to play,  
Would you cast yourself so solitary?  
All alone you prove that I was,  
Broken down to move and alright,  
Battling the loss you live for,  
Meant the world to you,**_

_**And would you stay right here?  
When I tell you,  
That someone out there loves you.  
Would you stay right here?  
Well I'd tell you,  
That someone out there loves you after all.**_

_**Sometimes it's though it's easier to fall,  
Would you catch this and then pick this off the floor,  
and in a moment,  
if you're walking out the door I'd stop you,  
And i'll let you burn,  
and if you'd turn to me I'd say this,**_

_**would you stay right here?  
When I tell you,  
That someone out there loves you.  
If you stay right here,  
Keep attacking you,  
That someone out there loves you.**_

_**Is there no one, no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?  
And if no one. no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?**_

_**And would you decimate the stars then,  
When you go?**_

_**And if you stay right here,  
When I tell you,  
That someone out there loves you.  
Stay right here,  
Keep attacking you,  
That someone out there loves you.**_

_**No one, no one out there,  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?  
And if no one, no one out there,  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?**_

The mask parade, cheesy ass school ball was on a Friday night, after hours at school. Sigh. By now everyone had heard who I was going with, including Sammy and Kitty. Sammy kept going on about how I was just the cherry on his suburban, cool perfect life. AKA the fucked up girl. I was just the girl he wanted to add onto a list, he also made a lot of remarks how Frank was going to get annoyed as hell; oh yeah, Kitty kind of told him about that. I wasn't sure if Sammy was right or wrong, but I was sure to keep that in my head.

When Friday came along and school finished, the last thing on earth I wanted to do, is go home and be made up by my friends. I had asked Kitty if she wanted to come over, but she just laughed and said that she wouldn't endure that sort of attention for anything. So, this was it. Die or Fly time. Be all End All.

I sat in the chair, laid back whilst Lyn was doing my makeup. I hadn't seen my makeup yet, nor my hair, nor my dress that I was supposed to be putting on. This was stupid, why the hell was I getting dressed up when I didn't even like the guy I was going with?

When Lyn was done, I still wasn't allowed to see my make up nor hair, but I was sat up, looking directly at the dress Lyn had picked me out and mask. They hung of my closet on hangers, I gasped...where the fuck did Lyn get this from? The dress was almost Victorian style, with a tight bodice and corset built into the dress. It was black, with a chain of roses on the corset. Black lace, long almost clear sleeves, a red bodice underneath, a red under skirt and a netted over skirt. I gasped, it was like something out of Sweeney Todd (which is a very good thing, by the way) The mask was black with red lace around the sides of it, very simple but it fucking matched perfectly and I had high heeled simple black patent leather, shoes. It took god knows how fucking long to get me into the dress, Christa, Kaitlin, Alicia and Lyn had their work cut out for them, I kind of felt bad Jamia couldn't come. When I was all done, mask and all I got to look in the mirror. My hair was curled very loosely, so ringlets fell over my face, Lyn had dyed streaks of my hair red too. My lips were a deep red and I was covered in white powder that actually didn't make much of a difference to my skin colour at all. The dress clung to my chest tightly, I almost felt like I was fucking popping out of it. My mask, somehow was my favourite thing because it really made me think that I wasn't...me. I felt like some vampire, prostotute... or something. The girl all clapped their hands merrily and announced their work was done.

I walked downstairs to see my dad and Frank (who has somewhat ironically insisted that he had to drive me to Hudson) sitting on the couch. I stifled a cough, they both looked up at me, my dad looked surprised...Frank looks gobsmacked.

"Is that you?" Frank said getting up and walking slowly towards me.

"Ahuh...I think so at least." I laughed.

"For a guy you don't like, you've dressed up pretty fucking well for him." My dad said raising an eyebrow.

"THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING SAID!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, we better get going, huh?" Frank chocked. I gave the girls hugs and thanked them and said bye to my dad before running to the car. I didn't take my mask of when I got to the car. My chest rose and fell in anticipation for the night ahead.

"You look...beautiful." Frank said as he drove.

"Thanks...I feel like someone from Sweeny Todd, somehow." I laughed.

"No, No...you're to amazing to be from JUST Sweeny Todd." Frank laughed. I tilted my head to the side and looked at him funny.

"You think so?"

"I KNOW so." He told me, his voice rang with something.

"I wish you could come. It would make all this worth something." I said looking down at my outfit. He parked around the corner from Hudson lake/park for a second.

"A kiss before we get there?" He smiled. I leaned forward and kiss he lips, as gently as I could. So they barely brushed together. My finger ran along his chest. I could feel his arm entwine around my, pulled in, waist.

"Amazing." I said as I pulled away.

"Always is." He giggled before driving again to Hudson. When I got out of the car I gave Frank a little wave before cautiously approaching the shadowy figure near the edge. When I got to Josh, he was throwing pebbles into the lake, he wasn't skimming them, just throwing them. He was wearing a tux and for once with hair wasn't jelled up or something, it was just lying casually, it was ear length and sort of stuck out all over, like he had just got out of bed.

"I like your hair..." I said behind him. He turned around, I could see his breath in the night air. I glanced back to where Franks car was...he wasn't there any more...I caught my breath before glancing back at Josh who was staring at me.

"Is that you?" He asked. I took of my mask.

"100% me, not some hooker form Moulin Rouge." I laughed. He laughed too as I played with my mask.

"You look, really, really amazing." He said. I pursed my lips.

"I god hope so, this fucking dress took so long to get into." I laughed, be bared his teeth. He put his arm out in an old fashion.

"Shall we make hast to the car?" he asked I took his arm.

"I do not hast, I hasten." I giggled. I got into his car in the passenger seat and put my mask back on. His pulled a mask out of his tray in his car and put it on, it was black with a gold framing.

"I still don't get why guys have to wear these..." He said annoyed.

"I still don't get why girls have to wear these." I sighed too. Was it just me, or was Josh not being a complete jerk like most of his friends where? He was actually being genuinely nice...I narrowed my eyes in confusion as I looked forward. We eventually got to the school; you could hear the music pound from blocks away. It was all popular music, like Lady Gaga, Black Eyes Pees, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry...and all the other shit like that. I'm not saying they were the actual artist playing; I just have no idea about that sort of music, so I'm throwing down all the names I can think of. The party was in full swing by the time we got there.

We sat on a table with Kitty, Sammy, one of Joshs friend and his date called Lucy. Kitty looked amazing, I swear to god amazing. She had on this tight black mini dress the hugged her god damn near perfect curves amazing. It had a swooping neck line and a VERY low back. Around the neck and back line it was framed with blue sequins and diamonds. Her was blue with black sequins and diamonds on to contrast he dress and it had to black feathers coming out of it.

"OH MY FUCKING...WOW!" I said hugging Kitty tightly when I first saw her.

"What do you think?" She said stepping back.

"I think you're going to be breaking some hearts tonight, girl!" I giggled hysterically.

"Well what about you? The girls did an awesome job. I mean where the fuck did Lindsey get that fucking sweet dress?" She asked.

"I have no idea. I just know Lyn has her means, connections and methods." I laughed. Yeah this was supposed to be a school organised event, meaning no liquor, but you could bet that every punch, every soda, every water and everything over liquid people could find had been spiked. Even if that wasn't enough, students were walking around shoving flasks into other people faces. I was getting a lot of funny stares, but I just ignored them. Getting drunk was my mission.

Poppy songs played relentlessly and a load of crazy looking drunks crowded the dance floor. I sat at my table talking to Kity and trying to make convocation with the rapidly becoming drunk Josh. After a while, I kind of wanted to escape from the streamers, beams, lights music and crowd and disappear into Franks arms.

I went up to the DJ, if you could call him that and asked him to put on: Trying To Escape The Inevitable- Pencey Prep, you might have guessed by now, that was our (mine and Franks) song. I sat at the table, my hands buried in my head listening to the song, I had the feeling that I may have been, just a little, bit drunk.

"Hey, c'mon. This is like the last song, we've got to dance!" Josh said pulling me up. I moaned as he pulled me into he middle of the dance floor. I didn't feel like dancing, never mind to me and my amazing boyfriends song with an almost stranger. He took my right hand with his and put his other hand firmly on my waist and started to move slowly around. I put my free hand onto his shoulder and followed him. I was a crap dancer and having an offbeat song didn't help.

"I want to get to know you. I mean, it's almost like you have a mask on most of the time." Josh told me. I stopped and pulled of my mask.

"Does that help?" I asked, resuming my original position.

"No...not really." He giggled to, his cheeks burning red.

"Okay, what will help?" I asked.

"I'll ask you questions...you answerer as quick as possible."

"'Kay and cool." I giggle losing my mind.

"Right. Favourite colour?" He asked as we danced very slowly.

"Red and black." I said straight away.

"Favourite bands?" He asked.

"MCR _of course_, Leather Mouths, MSI, GreenDay, Misfits, Iron Maiden and the Bouncing Souls."

"Meat or rabbit food?" He asked.

"I'm a vegetarian..." Memoried started to play behind the glaze of my eyes, hazes becoming pictures and faces:

_**------------------------------------------------------- "Favourite colour?" Ray asked.**_

"_**Umm...Black and Red." I smiled.**_

"_**Favourite bands?" Frank asked smiling sheepishly.**_

"_**MCR **__**of course**__**, Leather Mouths, MSI, GreenDay, Misfits, Iron Maiden and the Bouncing Souls." I laughed**_

"_**Hell YEAH!" Bob boomed from the passenger seat. Ray lay across the whole of the seconds row.**_

"_**Okay, seriously ...favourite movies?" Mikey asked.**_

"_**X-men, Goonies, Watchmen and Jaws." I told them thinking hard about that answerer.**_

"_**Video Games?"**_

"_**Dudgeons and Dragons, Halo, War Hammer and PAC-MAN."**_

"_**Anything else we need to know about?" **__**Oh there were so many things...**_

"_**I'm a vegetarian."**_

"_**YEESS!" Frank exclaimed.**_

"_**Damn...not another Frankie!" My Dad laughed.---------------------------------------**_

I felt a mixture of emotions, but only one thought. I needed to get the hell out of here.

"Hey...you think we can go now? I feel kind of ill." I lied to Josh. He smiled and said he was going to get his jacket. I said goodbye to the VERY much drunk Kitty and Sammy before making my way to Joshs car. He didn't speak much, he was concentrating on trying to drive. I directed him to the spot where Dylan and I used to meet. Dylan, a sharp dagger was stabbed into my heart and twisted around when I thought about him. I could see Josh glancing at me shakily.

"Josh?"

"Huh?" He asked, he eyes suddenly snapping on me. I just smiled. He leaned forward and brushed the ringlet that had fallen over my eye behind my ear before leaning in to kiss me. I can't even say I kissed back because I didn't I really didn't. I tried to push him away but his grasp was tight on me.

"Josh, get off!" I screamed through his kisses. He jumped back.

"Shit. I'm sorry." He muttered.

"No, it's okay." I sighed, brushing back my hair.

"Josh, I don't want to be like...that... with you." I told him.

"Wha- Oh god, this was a fucking pity date wasn't it, dude!?" He sounded really pissed now.

"No, of course it fucking wasn't. I mean, You're Josh Summers, every other girl in our school LOVES you. How could it ever, possibly be a pity date?" I persuaded him.

"Right..." He sighed.

"I'm sorry, I should have made my intentions clear. I just want us to be friends..." I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"What was that for?" He asked, blushing.

"For a really great night...until about 3 minutes ago." I laughed before getting out of the car. He waved goodbye and I walked down my street. When I got in my dad was sitting on the couch on his laptop.

"Hey, how was the thingy?" He asked.

"Okay..." I muttered, pulling my mask and shoes.

"Ahuh, ahuh..." I heard Lyn laugh. I looked at her in confusion. My dad turned around showing me his computer screen. It was a picture of Josh and I dancing.

"I got tweeted this." My dad said, almost as if it was funny.

"WHAT?" I asked with sudden attitude.

"So, you and Josh-still just friends?" He giggled.

"Yeah, Josh knows that. Now..." I said storming upstairs and getting changed into my PJS with great difficulty. Lyn came in just as I was dozing off.

"Sorry about your dad. He can be a bit OTT." She smiled sitting on my bed.

"Ahuh? Yeah...I know." I lauhed, wiping my eyes.

"So...what did you mean and ...Yeah Josh knows that...NOW..." She said clearly defining the NOW.

"Josh tried to kiss me in his car. I turned him down." I sighed. Lyn looked at me confused.

"Umm...why? He looks kind of cute in that picture." She asked.

"Eww...Because not all things are about how cute someone is, Lynniiee- Wynniie." I laughed.

"Seriously?"

"Because I like someone else." I said lying down. I wasn't lying, I did like Frank. I loved Frank.

"Oh...Right. Y'know, I'll tell your dad to lay of the whole teasing thing okay? Get your sleep. Goodnight." She said leaning over and kissing my cheek before she left. That was the nice thing about Lyn, she never tried to replace my mom. She just tried to be my friend, an awesome one at that and it's really hard doing that. I think that's why I accepted Lyn so easily, she was more of a best friend than anything else. I felt my eyes close as my head touched the pillow, I pulled the blankets up and faded into a haze of memories.


	26. And these words changing nothing?

The first thing I thought when I woke up was: Thank fuck it's Saturday. My dad pocked me awake... I rubbed my arm sorely.

"Wakey, wakey, grumpy guts!" He laughed. I rolled my eyes and sat up.

"I'm awake!" I moaned.

"Good, get up and get changed." My dad said as if he was a sergeant in the fucking army. I moaned again.

"UP!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------Downstairs---------------------------------------------------------------------------

He said get changed, he didn't say what into. I put on the shortest skirt I had, which happened to be one Lyn had bought me, which was tartan; I had a black vest on, a Greenday hoody, fishnet tights and black biker boots. I played with my hair sadly as my dad scowled at my outfit choice.

"You ever heard of a thing called a skirt? It a bit of an innovation compared to that belt you're wearing." My dad sighed.

"Oh leave the poor girl alone; she looks hot. You're just jealous because you couldn't pull it off." Lyn giggled as she leaned over and poured me some coffee in my mug. I smiled graciously.

"Thank you!" I laughed.

"I could so totally pull of that outfit!" Dad exclaimed in a high pitch girly voice. I stared at him, my eyebrow raised...so fucking high it could have become one with my hair.

"Ahuh, ahuh. Just...please don't try, ya promise?" I laughed. I heard Lyn giggle hysterically as she tried to get Bandit to eat her breakfast.

"Oh okay...Look, hon. Let me do that...you have something to eat." My dad said blushing and getting up taking Lyns place beside Bandit. Lyn sat down in my dads place and started to drink the rest of his coffee before pouring herself out another cup, I swear to god...No one else would get away with drinking my dad's coffee...only Lyn.

"God, my head hurts..." I moaned...rubbing my forehead sorely.

"Really? How come?" Lyn asked confused.

"Ever heard of a thing called a hang over?" I laughed.

"Wasn't that thing supposed to be a School run event?" My dad chuckled.

"Well...rules are there to be broke?" I said unsure of myself. I took another sip of coffee.

"So when are you heading out?" Lyn asked.

"Um...soon as dad manages to get Bandit to eat her breakfast..." I said looking over her shoulder to see me dad whisperer something to Bandit along the lines of _"...you eat your breakfast, then I will get you candy." _I laughed and looked down at the table as Bandit gobbled down her food happily.

"C'mon then!" Dad said pulling me up by my limp arm.

"Arrgg...Okay. See you Bandit, Bye Lynniiie." I laughed before making my way to my dads car... I looked at the compact mirror in my hand. My eyes were bag, red and watery. Oh well... When I got to the mall I parted from my dad and made my way to Hot Topic. You'd think Hot Topic would be one of the few places I could actually hang out without getting weird looks, but since people found out about me...I even get them from the people in Hot Topic. I sighed and looked through the piles of clothes whilst listening to Demolition Lovers through my old school ear phones.

"Umm...excuse me?" I felt some one tap my shoulder. I pulled my head phone of...music flooding into the store from them and looked at the person to my side. A maybe 16 years old girl, bright green, short pixie like hair and a picture of tattoos and piercings stood there.

"Hi." I said checking out her massive cob web tattoos on the side of her neck.

"Oh wow. Hey, I'm Jess. I was wondering, if you didn't mind, if you would give me your autograph." She said holding out a thick black pen.

"Oh yeah, of course." I smiled and took the pen. She held out her arm and I signed it. I was kind of confused why she wanted my autograph, but I did so any way. She looked at it proudly.

"Thank you, so much. By the way, I just wanted to say that I admire the way you've came through all the shit that's happened to you and I support you 100% unlike those bitch ass fangirls." She smiled, tucking her fringe behind her ear.

"No, thank you. It's really nice to hear some one say that." I said before she turned away, smiling brightly and retreated to the other side of the store, where it seemed everyone else was. I slipped my head phones on before picking out a t-shirt and taking it to the 'till. It was a Silverstein tee. God I love that band...I bought it before walking out the store in a hurry. I got a matter of footsteps before I literally knocked into some one I jumped back to see a very tired looking Josh. I pulled of my headphone with a smile.

"Sorry, shit. I'm so clumsy." I laughed.

"No..No, it's okay. Hey..." He laughed too.

"Yeah hi...Wow, you look pretty rough..." I said noticing the massive black circles around his eyes. He nodded and looked down.

"Yeah...I had considerably more to drink than you, huh?" He said nervously... I opened my mouth to say something...but Josh did too.

"Oh, you go first." He said blushing.

"No...no, you."

"Okay...I was wondering if you'd like to help me pick out some video games for my younger brother. I mean I'm a complete newb, if that's what you call them, I really need some help." He grinned. I would have said yeah, but I needed to get some art supplies, I laos felt it would be a tad awkward between Josh and I after last night.

"Sorry, I would love to...but I've got to go and get some art supplies. Another time maybe?" I said trying not to be too eager.

"Oh, okay. Another time. I better get going then." He grinned and walked of in the other direction, but by that time my focus was on something else, something that was just behind where he had been standing. Starbucks, more importantly; the two figures sitting at the table at the front staring at me...Ray and Frank. Cringe. I walked up to them briskly and sat down at the spare seat, they were both still staring at me.

"Hey." I said putting my headphone and IPod into my bag.

"Hi...how was last night?" Ray asked. My eyes fluttered to Frank, he was staring at me...His jaw tight.

"Yeah...it was um...okay." I said quietly avoiding Franks gaze.

"Yeah...so what was that back there?" Frank asked.

"What?" I said, pretending to not know what he was talking about.

"You and....what his name...Josh..."

"Oh, right, that. I just bumped into him." I said stiffly, now staring at Frank. He looked down at his coffee.

"Ahuh, whatever you say..." He mumbled. My eyes widened. I jumped up.

"I got to go, by Ray." I said before turning around and walking briskly off, back off home.

_**Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favourite scenes  
Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen  
And the whole time while always giving  
Counting your face among the living**_

Up and down escalators, pennies and colder fountains  
Elevators and half price sales, trapped in by all these mountains  
Running away and hiding with you  
I never thought they'd get me here  
Not knowing you'd change from just one bite  
I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight

But does anyone notice?  
But does anyone care?  
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...  
But would anything matter if you're already dead?  
And well should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?  
Before I pull this trigger,  
Your eyes vacant and stained...

But does anyone notice?  
But does anyone care?  
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...  
And would anything matter if you're already dead?  
And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said?  
Before I pull this trigger,  
Your eyes vacant and stained...  
And in saying you loved me,  
Made things harder at best,  
And these words changing nothing  
As your body remains,  
And there's no room in this hell,  
There's no room in the next,  
And our memories defeat us,  
And I'll end this direst.

But does anyone notice?  
But does anyone care?  
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...  
But does anything matter if you're already dead?  
And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?  
Before I pull this trigger,  
Your eyes vacant and stained...  
And in saying you loved me,  
Made things harder at best,  
And these words changing nothing  
As your body remains,  
And there's no room in this hell,  
There's no room in the next,  
But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?

I didn't see Frank that day nor the next. Soon it was Monday and I was back at my hellish school.

"Wow, you look pretty shitty." Sammy told me as we walked along to art.

"Oh thanks." I laughed. He looked at me seriously though. I sighed and took a breath in.

"Frank and I sort of had a fight." I said letting it out all in one.

"Really? When?" He asked.

"Saturday morning, I haven't spoken to him since. I'm not sure if it was a fight, it's just..." I trailed of and ran my hands through my greasy hair.

"Oh, look...I'm sorry. I'll tell you this though. You may be mad at him or he may be mad at you, but he'd still love to see you. He's just not letting you onto it." Sammy told me as we sat down at the table, the art teacher wasn't here yet. I still felt kinda creeped out whenever I had art, but I kind of got over the whole Mr Rankin fiasco. Josh came in the room and without looking at his jocky friends sat next to me to the confusion of the rest of the class. Cringe. He put down his green rucksack and straightened out his creamy, ¾ length sleeved tee.

"Look, someone should go sit next to Molly." Sammy said getting up and sitting next to Molly, who stared at him with confusion through her thick rimmed glasses and plates. No offence, but people like Sammy and people like Molly...just don't talk.

"Soo..." I said looking down at the hellish project I was supposed to do today. Moulding fucking clay into a useful fucking object. Sigh. I started to rub it up roughly into a rigid shape of a vase.

"'Elena..."

"Hmm..." I said looking up at Josh briefly.

"You didn't finish all of my questions." He smiled. I sighed.

"Shoot." I said, my tongue hanging out in concentration.

"I know we're not...y'know, but why not?" He asked. I looked at him in confusion until I puzzled out what he meant. I looked around the class, everyone else was talking and chatting.

"How do I know, I can trust you?" I asked.

"Because I haven't spurted some shit about you on twitter and claimed you told me on Friday yet have I?" He said his face bright. He was right, anyone else would have done that.

"I guess..." I sighed. I sort of felt I owed it to Josh to tell him partly the truth.

"I'm already going out with someone." Josh looked up surprised from his, what I am guessing, tray.

"Oh...does he go to our school? What's his name?" He asked.

"No...no he doesn't and I'm not telling you Josh." I sighed.

"Age?"

"Shut it!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After School--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I texted my dad as I ran out of the school gates:

_**Going to Franks,**_

_**Be back late.**_

_**X**_

I pulled my Sliverstein _Reels Black_, hoody tighter around me. I hated my school uniform, but it was just going to have to do. I walked along the road, my feet getting sorer with each step I took. Past a group of kids setting pieces of paper alight. Past a dog growling angrily. Past cars honking viciously. Nail board scratches and whispered clogged up my ear. I shook my head before entering Franks building and taking the elevator to his floor. I knocked on his door. I hoped he wasn't too pissed off with me. I hoped I wasn't too pissed off with him. The door opened, Frank stood at it looking almost as bad as I did. I smiled sheepishly.

"Hi?"

"Hey. C'mon in." He said stepping to the side letting me in. I walked into his flat, turning towards him and looking him straight into the eye.

"Frankie we need to talk." I told him.

"Yeah. We do actually." His voice sounded very rough.

"You go first then." I said intrigued. His mouth opened slightly, I could guess what...or whom this was going to be about.

"'Elena...I don't know how to say th-."

"Say it already." He stared at me...

"Did you are have you slept or done anything of an intimate nature with Josh?" He asked. My mouth dropped open. INTIMATE NATURE? WTF?

"No way did you just say that..." I said backing to the door.

"'Elena...I just need to know..." His voice softening.

"Of course I fucking didn't! What do you think I am? Some whore of the street? You know what happened, huh? Josh tried to kiss me on Friday night and I fucking pushed him away." Tears burnt me eyes...I wiped them fiercely. I couldn't believe Frank had to ask that question.

"Aw man, 'Elena, I'm sorry. That was a shitty ass thing to say." He put a hand out to me. I shrugged it of.

"Frankie...You say you love me and a big part of love is trust...so if you don't trust me, then I don't think I can do this anymore..." I said, my back now against the door. He took a step away from me, shocked.

"No..."

"What? So you just thought you could ask me that and then return to normal."

"I don't know what I'm thinking or what I was. I just know that I'm old and ugly and pathetic and he's young and bright and...fucking _cute_." He said, tears rolled of the curve of his cheek and he backed off and slumped again the opposite wall. I looked up at him...

"You're not ugly...you're not fat and you are definitely not pathetic. What does that have anything to do with it, anyway?"

"Because, I know who' I'd pick if I was in your position." I walked slowly over to him and pulled him into a hug.

"Look...I don't WANT him, nor his jocky friends. I want my sexy, talented, genius boyfriend." I sighed, my head buried in the arch of his neck.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay...I'm sorry too."

"Kiss and makeup?" He asked.

"Okay..." I said timidly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Next Day---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So having to ring your dad and tell him that you're not dead, you just fell asleep at his best friends house is kind of embarrassing, walking into your SECOND lesson late and stiffening a yawn is kind of humiliating, but looking like a fucking racoon...with your dark circles, messed up hair and odd jewellery including a missing earring...is just not even funny. Frank had dropped me of at school and gave me a kiss before turning away and driving of. Last night had been horrible, I hated fighting with Frank...but I hated the idea he didn't trust me more. I turned around from waving Frank goodbye to see Josh there.

"Was that you boyfriend?" He asked. I hoped to god he hadn't recognised him.

"Hey Josh."

"Oh and your late because you spent the night at his?"

"You're smarter than you look."

"So he is you boyfriend." Josh said looking at the spot Franks car had been.

"Yep."

"Recently graduated I'm guessing...I could take him on." He smiled to himself. I looked Josh up and down. Yeah, Frank was small...but he could beat Josh in a fight any day,

"I'm not sure actually." I laughed before walking away. I smiled to myself. The way last night had started had been hellish, but the way it had ended. Well...that was going down in the record books.


	27. Call her black Mariah

---------------------------------------------------5 months later-------------------------------------------------------

"Okay dad, I'll have my phone on...I promise." I leaned forward and kissed my dad on the cheek. He ran a hand through his dark hair, another thing I inherited from him.

"Alright. Have a nice time." He smiled.

"Bye Lindsey! See you tomorrow!" I shouted up the stairs. Before I got a reply and walked out of the door excitedly. My cover story was that I was sleeping at Kittys house tonight. Reality? Hell, I'm staying over at Franks. It's not like I like lying or anything, but, well it's just that it was hard having time together without lying since no one but Sammy and Kitty knew about us. It's not like Kittys didn't get something out of it too, she STILL hadn't told her mom about her and Sammy, so when her mom thought I was over at her house, the reality was Sammy was. Shh...Keep it quiet, okay?

It wasn't long 'till I got to Kittys. Her mom answered the door with one of her big, fake smiles on her face. I knew she didn't like me too much.

"Hi Ms Moore. Ooh, your hair looks nice, did you change it?" I asked politely as I walked in. She touched the back of her hair blushing.

"Oh, not really, I just got it cut a bit, but thank you 'Elena." She smiled.

"Well, you really do look great." I smiled, it was hard being so nice to a woman you could tell hated your guts.

"Kittys upstairs in her room." She pointed to the stair. I smiled and ran up them quickly. I loved not having that splinter on my leg. I got it off ages ago, but I stiff managed to notice how lucky I was not to have that sonuvabitch stuck on my leg. I opened Kitty's door to the MOST disgusting site ever.

"Eww, guys. Keep it PG 13?" I laughed as I saw Sammy literally straddling Kitty on her bed. Sammy jumped of her in shock and flew to the ground. I walked over and helped him up.

"Dopey, ass." I laughed. Kitty was blushing brightly.

"So when's Frank getting here?" She asked. I stopped looked at my watch then out of her window to see his car.

"Now." I smiled.

"Okay have a good time." Kitty smiled giving me a hug.

"I would say the same to you guys, but I'm sure you will." I laughed. Kitty glanced at the now rapidly turning red Sammy, smiling.

"Aww. Why don't you just tell your 'pa?" Sammy asked as he gave me a hug.

"Okay, I'll tell my dad when you tell Kittys mom." I said raising an eyebrow.

"Not fair." He laughed letting go of our embrace. I made my way to the window which had a ladder cleverly put under it. I blew a kiss to the guys before climbing down the ladder. This was not good, miniskirts and ladders never went. I eventually got to the bottom where Frank was waiting for me.

"Wow, I wish that ladder was longer because that was a pretty good sight." I hit him playfully.

"Perv." I laughed as I climbed into his car.

"Ouch. That hurt." Frank laughed.

"It was meant to." I flashed a smile on anticipation for the rest of the night.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------at Franks------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Hand in mine, into your icy blues  
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway  
With this trunk of ammunition too  
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets**_

I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know just how much you mean to me  
And after all the things we put each other through and

I would drive on to the end with you  
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full  
And I feel like there's nothing left to do  
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running

But this time, I mean it  
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me  
As snow falls on desert sky  
Until the end of everything  
I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know how much you mean  
As days fade, and nights grow  
And we go cold

Until the end, until this pool of blood  
Until this, I mean this, I mean this  
Until the end of...

I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know how much you mean  
As days fade, and nights grow  
And we go cold

But this time, we'll show them  
We'll show them all how much we mean  
As snow falls on desert sky  
Until the end of every...

All we are, all we are  
Is bullets I mean this  
_**[x4]**__****_

As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms  
Forever, forever  
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning  
Forever, and ever  
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one  
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun

And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood  
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down  
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down  
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood  
_**I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever**_

"Oh god what's that smell?" I asked into the flat. It smelt like something was on fire...

"Oh shit, shit, shit..." Frank ran into the kitchen. I followed him to see him staring over what looked like something that was meant to be a curry.

"Cajun?" Frank laughed timidly. I just giggled. I pushed him out of the way and started trying to fix the vegetable curry.

"I'm so sorry, tonight was meant to be nice and I fucking burnt our dinner!" He exclaimed behind me. I stirred it around, it was...glop?

"It's okay Frankie..." I laughed, feeling his arms around my waist and his head resting on the crook of my neck.

"No it isn't..." he sighed whilst swaying me gently side to side. I turned the gas of and put the lid on the curry.

"I'm sorry but I can't save it..." I laughed.

"So what we going to eat now?" He asked.

"Pizza?"

"Pizza!" He exclaimed running around excitedly. I laughed.

"Okay, I'll order pizza you pick out the DVD...oh and the CD?" Frank laughed.

"Oh okay." Normally I didn't let people pick my pizza, but Frank knew my favourite.

_**-----------------------------"So what we watching?" I asked.**_

"_**No idea...you pick." Frank said. I looked through the racks...horror...action...romance...thriller... I pulled out The Goonies...I had watched it god knows how many time, but I still loved it.**_

"_**Okay, we're watching The Goonies!" I said turning around too see Frank looking at CDs. I rolled my eyes.**_

"_**You want movie and music?" I laughed. He looked at me with a grin.**_

"_**It's a OCD thing." He laughed. I looked through my bag...I had way to many Cds...there was a Misfits one, American Psycho... it had Dig Up Her Bones on...all I could think about was how amazing we sounded playing it.**_

"_**Play this." I handed him it.---------------------------------**_

I smiled, I knew exactly what we were watching. I pulled out the Goonies and put it on and then put on "Dig Up Her Bones." In the background.

"**Okay pizza ord- s it just me or is there a strong sense on Deja Vu?" Frank laughed as he walked into the room.** "**Ahuh..." I smiled wrapping my arms around him. He leaned back slightly looking around the room.** "**Oh wow...it's like that night again, except without Mikey and Alicia." He remembered, he actually remembered after of this time.**

_**--------------------- I stared into his eyes. I had to win this fight...and there as only one way too...I leaned forward and kissed Frank, but to my surprise I felt him kiss me back very gently, his tongue tracing my lips. My arms wrapped around him as I felt him kiss my jawbone...he stopped and pulled back, but my senses were completely thrown out the window by this time.**_

"_**This is so wrong..." he stuttered, still staring at me.**_

"_**Do you honestly care at this moment in time?" I asked raising my eyebrow like this was some normal convocation. When Frank pulled me back close to him, I took his answerer was NO. Blankets surrpunded us as we pealed each others clothes of...I lay timidly below Frank on the couch. Our kisses becoming deeper, we tumbled of the couch pulling the blankets with us. I giggled frantically as I pulled them other us...this was where I was meant to me...I'm not going to lie...at this moment in time; I had never been happier.---------------------------**_

Our kisses were interrupted by a ring at the door. Frank sighed as we parted, his hands still around my waist we answered the door. A spotty young guy stood outside holding Pizza.

"That was fast." I glanced over smiling at Frank.

"Thanks, how much will it be?" Frank said as I took the TWO boxes of mushroom, peppers and...wait for it... twizzler pizza. Okay, it didn't have the twizzlers on yet, but I was definitely going to put them on soon as we got back inside.

"Umm...14 bucks 25 cent. You're Frank Iero aren't you?" The guy stammered as Frank handed him his money. I sighed, he sure was.

"Urr..Yeah?" Frank said.

"Oh dude, can I have your signature or something...I mean if it isn't too much..." The guy stammered. Frank looked at me.

"Yeah...I'll just go and find some twizzlers from the depth of your kitchen." I laughed. I put the pizza on the couch in front of the TV and went into the kitchen. I opened a cupboard as sure as hell a bag of twizzlers fell out.

_**------------------------- "You asked to speak to me?" I said standing up. He turned around...**_

"_**Yeah..." He walked slowly over to me...he was staring at me and creeping me out...**_

"_**Is this about me missing the lesson last week? I'm sorry... I was feeling ill." I said trying to fill the silence.**_

"_**Unfortunately...this is not about that..." He seemed to be staring at me now...manically...**_

"_**Okay...I hate to say this, but you're kind of freaki..." I didn't get any further since he leaned forward and kissed me...I pulled back.**_

"_**Oh...shit...I've got to go..." I stuttered tears were forming behind my eyes. I tried to turn around, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him and kissed me...wrapping his arms around me and forcing his tongue down my throat... I lifted my knee up and hit him in the balls frantically...tears burning my eyes.**_

"_**Get the hell of me!" I screamed as I shook away his hands and ran out the door...The others were waiting for me...I ran past them...still crying...----------------------------**_

I put the Twizzlers on the counter, wincing...I propped myself up. I shook my head...I was with Frank now...I've been with rank months, I'm happy; stop thinking about this stuff.

_**--------------------------Yeah...I guess there was this one time, we were in town and...she just stopped and stared at this baby, that was crying in it's mothers arms...and she looked so lost..." Sammy put his arm around her tightly and she rubbed her eyes...this was killing me inside...they were hurting, it wasn't fake; I could see it**_

"_**What about you Frank..."**_

"_**Shit I don't know! I mean...it's her eyes. Even when she's laughing or...fuck I don't know...her eyes are always worn, like she's just given up." Frank said, I myself go very weak as I heard him say that.**_

"_**Ger..." I interrupted Mz Lowe before she could say any more.**_

"_**Please don't, don't please..." I whimpered, it actually hurt hearing them speak about me this way...memories flooded my mind.**_

"_**Then why don't you tell us the answerer?" She asked, so seriously, I wanted to laugh...who can be serious in a game? A game of tongue tide monsters and hidden rules.---------------**_

_**--------------------------------------------- I sat in the music room, adjusting the Mic so it was my height. Dylan, Kitty and Joe tuned up and Sammy sat lazily on his stool.**_

"_**Okay, so what do you wan to play to warm up?" Joe asked, still looking down at his jagged tuning peg. I pulled of my bag and looked in it, full of tabs that I had found and done myself.**_

"_**Well, I was thinking Misfits - Dig Up Her Bones..." I said pulling out the tabs for kitty, Joe and Dylan.**_

"_**I'm not sure on the beat for that..." Sammy whined.**_

"_**Oh come on...please?" I asked bating my eye lashes. He rolled his eyes and smiled jokily.**_

"_**Yes!" laughed handing them out to the others. I love this song...I really LOVED this song.**_

"_**Okay so we all tuned up?" Kitty asked.**_

"_**Yep...I guess so..." Dylan mumbled...**_

"_**Take it from the top!" Joe laughed... Joe and Dylan started playing and Kitty and Sammy started a split second afterwards. -------------------------------------**_

I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"What ya' doing?"

"Nothing, just thinking..." I turned around holding the bag of twizzlers.

"Oh, okay."

"So you going to trust me and put the twizzlers on you pizza?" I asked, trying to shake of the feeling of despair.

"I guess..." Frank laughed taking my hand and pulling me into the living room.

"Okay...so where were we any ways?" I asked, smiling manically.

"I'm not sure...but I'm pretty sure it was good." Frank laughed. I placed my hands gently on the side of his face. Our noses brushed together. His hand hovered over my hips.

"Do you want me?" I asked...lust completely taking over me.

"No...I need you." He whispered back...Our lips locked for a second before he pulled back.

"You want to know want I want?" Has asked. I nodded.

"I want, smiles and tears and moving boxes. I want bloody and bruised knees and cravings and houses and toys. I want escalators and white and confetti and holidays...I want our future..." He hushed into my ear. My head became light with the sensation of complete love and lust.

"Bloody and bruised knees?" I asked laughing.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, huh?" He smiled. What did that mean? What did he want...I was sure of it...I knew the answerer...I just couldn't dare think it.

"I'm looking forward to it..." My lips tingled as they danced along Franks. His eyes widened.

"I got to ask how far this is going..."

"Oh dude, what happened to spontaneity?" I laughed.

"I don't know...It hid under a rock?" I leaned forward and kissed him again.

"It's going to go far enough."

------------------------------------------------The Next Morning-------------------------------------------------------

Frank and I were awoke by the sound of my phone ringing. I moaned and opened it up to hear Kittys voice at the other end.

"Kitty...it's like 7 am!" I screamed down the phone grumpily.

"Yeah I know, but your dad rang up and said he needed to pick you up early..." She said sleepily.

"Oh shit, I'll be right there." I put the phone there. I couldn't take Franks car in case dad saw it, but if I walked back I'd definitely not be there before dad.

"What was that about?" Frank yawned after he sat up in his massive bed.

"My dads coming to pick me up early for some reason." I said jumping up and quickly getting changed. Frank did the same, worry lines creasing his for head.

"I'm going to have to drive you back, or you'll never make it."

"What is Gee sees?" I asked. I never used my dad nickname, I sometimes called him Gerard...never Gee though.

"Well, then we got to fucking cross our fingers and hope he doesn't kill us when he finds out." Franks shrugged. I sighed and agreed with him. In the car we both fell silent. Nerves shook through me. We pulled up outside Kittys house. I looked around. No others cars. No lights. I sighed.

"Thank god." I heard Frank whisperer. I leaned forward and gave him a kiss before clambering out of the car.

"Love you, sorry about today. See you soon." I whispered, looking around cautiously.

"Bye." I ran around the back after Frank drove of and started to climb up the ladder. When I got to the top I knocked onto the window. Kitty was sitting on her bed, no Sammy.

"Oh shit..." She laughed as she opened the window. I jumped in, thankful to get out of the chilly air.

"So how was last night?" I asked as I sat on her bed straightening myself up.

"Great!- I mean...yeah...umm...good..." She blushed.

"I'm guessing it got hot and HEAVY then?" I laughed.

"Arrghh... Why can you read me so well?"

"You're very demonstrative. Like a big purple dinosaur bitch." I said randomly falling onto the bed.

"Big purple dinosaurs? 'Ellie...are you high?"

"Yes...High on loovee." I laughed jumping up as I heard someone at the door. We both stared at it, the handle turned at it opened; it was Mrs Moore...just Mrs Moore, that's it. Phew. She looked between us.

"'Elena, you're dad is here." She said before turning around and walking. I turned to Kitty, laughter burning my side evilly.

"High, high, high." I muttered onto her shoulder as I gave her a hug goodbye.

"Love you 'Ellie-Jelly-Belly-Beans."

"I love you too..." I laughed before walking downstairs to see my dad waiting with the very uncomfortable looking Ms Moore.

"Thank you for letting me stay, Ms Moore. It was pretty darn awesome of you." Ms Moore looked rather taken back but she just smiled and told me I was welcome any time. I followed my dad out to the car and sat in it sternly looking at him.

"What happened then?" I asked.

"What?"

"Well someone must have died for you to ring up at 7 am and pick me up." I told him.

"Nothing. I have something very important to tell you."

"No one's dead?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nope..." He drove the car silently for a while, questions bubbled deep in me.

"Fuck it, tell me what you want to fucking say."

"You want to get ice cream?" I raised my eyebrow. I would have said something, but I smiled.

"Only if it's over processed and shitty." I smiled. He chuckled and swerved around in a different direction.

--------------------------------------- At the ice cream parlour.---------------------------

"So what's the deal then?" I asked, liking m Hunky Dorey ice cream cattishly.

"I'm not sure if I'm going to tell you yet..."

"What?! You mean you got me up at 7 not to tell me?" I exclaimed.

"You got ice cream out of it didn't you?" He chuckled. I huffed and looked around at the deserted ice cream shop.

"Yeah..." I huffed.

"Look. Band meeting later on today. I'll tell you there... No we'll tell you."

I stared at my dad, what was so important, that he had to sweeten me up before hand to tell me? I was starting the get nervous. I bit down on my nails...I wonder if Frank knows...

---------------------------------------------------a/c

_**Proud purple, horny monkey making sweet love to your mom.**_

Hahaha. I got you attention now, so suck it!  
Truth is...

I love you guys. XD

Give me another day and the chapter will be out! Okay?

I hate cliff hangers too...But pissing you guys of is worth it, right?

Dude... I'm telling you this because I love you.

DON'T GOOGLE YOURSELF.


	28. Slip into the tragedy

I waited in the practise room for the rest of the guys to show up. I took deep breathes in... I had spent so much time today thinking about what my dad had to tell me that I had managed to convince myself that I was about to get hung drawn and quartered, great!

Frank was second to get here, getting here just after Bob.

"Getoffammee!" Bob screamed as I jumped on Bobs back. Gee was half toppled over onto the ground bursting out with laughter. His normally pale cheeks red and his hair untamed and all over his face. That's about when Frank walked in. He stood there for a second staring between all 3 of us, not even a smirk on his face. He was completely serious.

"Hey, umm...E, I really need to speak to you." He said walking briskly and pulling me into a different room...he looked around cautiously.

"Fuck Frank what the hell's this about?" I asked. He bit his lip nervously.

"Last night. I think, well...urrr...the condom split." He stared at me very seriously. I didn't say anything.

"I mean...you might be pregnant. Then what are we going to do? We'll have to tell your dad and..." I cut him off, his big cheeks red and his forehead creased with worry.

"Aww. You're so cute when you're worried. Geez, relax Frankie. I've got it under control." I told him. The idea of being pregnant though was crippling me. I was going have to get ANOTHER day after pill, this time I was sure to dispose of it properly though.

"What?"

"Frank stop it! You're just going to fucking worry me and I have enough on my fucking mind." I snapped. He looked taken back.

"Sorry...I didn't mean to be bitchy." I sighed.

"It's okay..." He fumbled...

No it isn't. I'm sorry." I said pulling him into a hug.

"So what's on your mind then?" Frank asked.

"Urrgh...My dad has some news to tell me or something..." I sighed.

"News?" Frank said innocently. He was biting his lip though, that was NOT a god sign. I knew Frank well enought to know that you have to be worried when he bites his motherfucking lip.

"Frank...What do you know?" I asked...

"I know nothing!" he said taking a step back...

"Frank!"

"Nope. Nope. He has to tell you." He did a zipping action over his mouth with his hand. I jumped on him reselling him to the ground...

"Tell me, fucking tell me!" I screamed. Oh yeah, that's when the door opened and a very bemused looking Bob stared between us.

"Okay, please stop killing Frank. The others are here." He said, spinning on his heels, stiffiling a laugh and walking out. I got of Frank and stared at him...he was lying on the ground in shock.

"Oh get up power puff girl." I laughed pulling him up tiredly.

"You attacked me." He said blankly.

"You've done worse to me." I giggled. I flash of red burned he cheeks. I pulled his arm and dragged him out. Mikey, Ray, Bob and My dad sat there staring at us as we walked in.

"Sorry...just a little misunderstanding." I blushed as I pushed the now almost android Frank down on a seat and sat down on one myself.

"Oh...umm...okay?" Mikey laughed.

"So are you all going to cut the shit and tell me what's going on?" I asked. They looked between themselves.

"I'm waiting..." I tapped my foot.

"Yeah...well..." Mikey muttered...they all looked at my dad. He rolled his eyes.

"The truth is...we're going on tour. MCR are going on tour."

_**For what you did to me,  
and what I'll do to you,  
you get, what everyone else gets,  
you get a lifetime**_

_**Let's go!**_

_**Do you remember that day when we met  
you told me this gets harder  
well it did  
been holding on forever,  
promise me that when I'm gone you'll kill my enemies,  
the damage you've inflicted, temporary wounds  
I'm coming back from the dead and I'll take you home with me  
I'm taking back the life you stole**_

_**We never got that far,  
this helps me to think all through the night  
bright lights that won't kill me now, or tell me how  
just you and I, your starless eyes remain.**_

_**Hip Hip Hooray for me, you talk to me, but would you kill me in my sleep  
lay still like the dead  
from the razor to the rosary  
we could lose ourselves  
and paint these walls in pitchfork red**_

_**I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take  
I'm coming back from the dead and I'll take you home with me  
I'm taking back the life you stole**_

_**This hole you put me in  
wasn't deep enough  
and I'm climbing out right now  
you're running out of places to hide from me  
when you go  
just know that I will remember you  
if living was the hardest part  
we'll then one day be together  
and in the end we'll fall apart  
just like the leaves change in colors  
and then I will be with you  
I will be there one last time now**_

_**when you go  
just know that I will remember you**_

_**I lost my fear of falling  
I will be with you  
I will be with you**_

**FRANK**

"You wha-aaaa-t?" 'Elena asked...Her voice becoming fierce. My throat dried up. I god, I felt so bad.

"MCR are going on tour..." Ray mumbled.

"Yeah...I got that part...Y'mean you're leaving me don't you. You're going to go off and I'm not going to see you..." She stood up...Glancing briefly at me then back at her dad. Gee stood up and walked slowly towards her.

"No! No! I mean every month we're going to meet up...somehow. We'll make it work. We've got net now and sidekicks..."

"You guys are leaving me...And it's going to be for months...I mean no tour and a platinum selling album. The tour's going to be as big if not bigger than The Black Parade..." Her eyes were now firmly on me. I could see her trying to breathe in and out slowly.

"I know it seems like that now, but MCR needs us and we need it. We couldn't just not tour the album..." I told her... Something changed in her eyes then.

"Okay...alright, then..."

"What?"

"Okay in one condition."

"Anything." Bob said as we all nodded in agreement.

"I'm coming with you."

--------------------------------------------------------

I had dragged her back into the room. It was like some cycle. I stared at her angrily.

"What the hell?" I said sharply.

"Frank don't do the whole Mojo thing now..." She sighed.

"You think this is a mojo thing 'Elena? I don't you coming on the tour, that's it."

"What are you my dad or something?" She asked. I glared at her.

"I'm supposed to be your partner and we're supposed to actually discuss stuff before we do it." I told her firmly.

"Exactly! So why didn't you tell me about the tour?" She asked.

"Actually why don't you start of WHY YOU DON'T WANT ME TO COME?" Her voice rang around the room. I looked around and lowered my voice.

"Because I don't want anything happening to you...I couldn't stand it if something did. I mean tours are stressful and hot and sticky and some of the people are tough and mean and..."

"You don't think I can handle myself?"

"No...I mean yes...Shit I mean of course you can! It's just not the same..."

"No what's not the same is having a relationship with your SK or computer instead of your boyfriend." She whispered back harshly.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Have you ever thought about us in all this, really? Or how I felt?! I mean...I can't be your telephone girlfriend. I don't want to only see my uncles and dad only one a month if I'm lucky. I've just got them and I can't lose them now. I definitely can't se you only 1 a month..."

"We can make it work..." I wasn't even convinced myself by that.

"Frank, you can be as protective of me as you want, but I'm going."

"Okay..." I whispered. Her expression changed.

"What?"

"OKAY!" I told her sharply. She wrapped her arms around me...making my (excuse the saying) knees weak.

"I love you..." she whispered into my ear. My heart pounded.

"you too..." The door opened again...Bob again...

_**'ELENA**_

"Okay...that's enough of your secret conferences now...BACK!" This time he dragged us out instead of one dragging the other. I sat back on my chair and starred at the others.

"So what do you say? Can I come?" Silence after that...a loooonnnngg pause.

"Well...It's great with me." Ray smiled.

"Me too..." Mikey laughed.

"Me three, haha, beat cha Mikkeeyy!" Bob giggled and tickled Mikey. I looked between the two most important men in my life.

"Dad?"

"I'd love you to come!"

"Frankie?" I said now looking at him.

"Welcome aboard?"


	29. And never be afraid again

---------------------------1 week later--------------------------------

I sat on the desk, my head in my hands.

"You mean...you're really going...Really?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah...I guess I am." I told them, tears breaking out of my eyes.

"Oh man, I'm going to miss you so much." Sammy said pulling me into a hug.

"I'm going to miss you too." I whispered/cried. I pulled away and gave Kitty a hug.

"I'll be back soon, I promise. You can't get rid of me that easily." I sniffed.

"I hope you are. Things really aren't going to be the same without you. You know tours though; it may take you up like 2 fucking years to finish. By then you'll have all these rockstar friends."

"I won't. I promise. You guys are always going to be my best friends. No matter what." I said wiping my eyes.

"Good. We wouldn't want you any other way." Sammy said...his voice weak.

-------------------------3 weeks later--------------------------------

Okay, I'm sorry for skipping so much. I'm just highlighting to important events, you know...the ones that WON'T send you to sleep.

The tour had been organized, the van had been prepped and tickets had been sold. We're starting the night before we leave. Frank and I are out, at a bar. You'd think that now people know who I am and how old I am they wouldn't let me in, but it's surprising what a pair of sunglasses, a short skirt and Frank having his arm tightly around you can do. I sat at the bar, sipping beers whilst watching hordes of drunken people wiggle around on the crowded dance floor.

"C'mon kill joy, let's dance. Celebration, huh?" Frank asked, downing his beer.

"I'm clumsy, a little drunk and love sick. Wow this is a good combo." I laughed as he pulled me to the squashed dance floor.

"Love sick?" He asked as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"Infectious. I must say." I laughed.

"Explains why I've got it then." He smiled wrapping his arms around my hips. We swayed slowly to the music. Our eyes locked.

"You're way too much of a romantic." I smiled a toothy smile. I looked down for a split second, but by then Frank knew something was up.

"Okay. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Seriously. Nothing." I lied.

"Ahuh, ahuh. And the truth?"

"I'm going to miss Kitty and Sammy...I mean; I've been through so much with them. I almost feel like I'm deserting them." I sighed. I could feel Frank staring at my carefully.

"I know you are, but...you're not deserting them at all. They can come and see us all the time. It's just natural to split and depart a little bit. You and them...well you've went through to much for this to be the end. Right?" Frank said.

"I guess..."

"You guess...well. I guess too..." Frank chuckled. I looked up at him and kissed him lightly on the lips... He tasted like liquor and cigarettes, I wouldn't be surprised if I did to. I like Franks taste, it was our taste.

"I'm going to go and have a quick puff, okay? If you haven't had another 3 beers by the time a get back. I will, be ashamed that my partner is such a lightweight." I giggled.

"You see, most girlfriends try to stop you from drinking. But I'm fine either way." Frank laughed. I walked outside and pulled out my pack of cigs and lit one up. I took a deep breath in. I was supposed to be leaving around 5 o'clock tomorrow. I had a plan set in place. Kitty was in on it. I took another drag of my cigarette.

"'Elena?" I heard a familiar voice ring through me. I looked up.

"Mr Rankin?" I said shocked at the shadowed figure that had been leaning against the wall. I took a step back. Dropping my cigarette and grinding it with my foot.

"'Elena I need to talk to you."

"No you don't...you need to stay away from me...for EVER!" I said backing of even more. He jerked up of the wall and a fast as lightening ended up right beside me.

"I never intended you to get hurt 'Elena..."

"Please...stop it." I said as he put a hand on the wall behind me, trapping me in.

"I only wanted you. I still want you. I love you." He babbled. He was drunk, drunk as hell. I wriggled around.

"No you don't..." I moaned moving my head so I was looking away from him. The next thing I felt was him kissing my neck. Shock burned through me. I tried to move.

"C'mon! Get of me! You don't love me!" I screamed thrashing my arm around.

"Y'know you like it..." He whispered into my ear. I looked around. People could see this happening but no one stopped to help.

"Get of me you drunk bum!" I screamed. His arms entwined around me as if I was some sort of baby.

"I would never hurt you. I would never make you sad. Don't you see?" He carried on babbling. I looked desperately around; some one had to be here. He was too strong for me to subdue.

"Stop it!" I screamed tears burning my eyes. That's when I saw the familiar figure.

"Frank!" I screamed. His head turned to see me. I thrashed harder trying to get the now shocked looking Mr Rankin of me!

"Frank, help!" I screamed as he ran over and pulling Mr Rankin of me. Throwing him to the ground.

"'Elena are you okay." He asked quickly.

"Yeah..." I whispered. Frank kicked him viciously.

"You dare come near her. You dare and I'll do everything in my power to make you disappear." I had never seen Frank like this before. He had always been gentle and kind, now he was vicious and lusting blood.

"Frank, c'mon. We need to go." I moaned pulling him away. Frank looked at me a split second before turning back to Mr Rankin.

"You got that? Stay away." He said. I could see tears in his eyes... I pulled him away. His arms around my tightly.

"What did he do?" He asked...

"He...told me he loved me and kissed me." I stuttered.

"It's okay. We're going to go home. Okay." Frank sounded like he was reassuring himself.

"You're not going to hurt yourself are you?" He said all of the sudden as we got into the car. I stared at him.

"No...Never."

"It's just last time..." I cut him off.

"Last time I didn't have you." I said strongly.

"You always had me."

_**Far from this return  
I fall out of grace  
I live my whole life motherfucker babe  
By this everyday  
You can't take this life  
Take it back from me  
I live my whole life baby  
I live this everyday**_

You see your life in my hands  
Your love is covered in blood  
and piss, clean me off  
I'm so dirty babe  
You know the money and it ain't for the taunt where do you go  
You feel the hurt in my head  
Let's go

And go so far  
And we'll bury them  
In a hole so deep

Life from this return  
I fall out of grace  
I live my whole life motherfucker babe  
By this everyday  
I see your life in my hands  
And now it's covered in blood  
and piss, clean me off  
I'm so dirty babe

It ain't for money, baby  
Baby, I just do it for fame  
It's for the glory, baby  
When this ends

And go so far  
And we'll bury them  
So hard and deep we'll go through

I tried, well  
I tried, well

And we'll all dance along to the tune of your death  
And we'll laugh again, we'll cry again  
And it's better off this way

And never again, and never again  
They gave us two shots to the back of the head  
And we're all dead now

Well never again, and never again  
They gave us two shots to the back of the head  
And we're all dead now

I tried  
One more night, well...  
I tried  
I tried  
Well, I tried  
I tried!  
I tried!  
I tried!  
Well...

And we'll love again,  
we'll laugh again  
We'll cry again  
and we'll dance again  
And it's better off this way  
It's so much better off this way  
And I'm trying to see that you wanted to die

And never again  
And never again  
They gave us two shots to the back of the head  
And we're all dead now

Frank dropped me off around the corner from my house. I got out of the car quickly and kissed him goodbye. I ran to my house and made some excuse to my dad about being back early.

"Yeah...Kitty didn't feel to good, so we called it of half way through." I lied again. I hated lying, but it's all I ever seemed to do these days.

The next morning Kitty picked me up like we planned. I ended up dressing actually okay with messy bunches, purple and black stripy jeans, a beetle juice tee-shirt and converse.

"Nice sunnys." Kitty laughed as she saw my geeky black framed sunglasses with purple lenses.

"Don't laugh at me!" I chuckled as I climbed into her car. We eventually got to the tattoo parlour. Did I forget to mention that to you? Oh yeah. Kitty and I were going to try and blag our way into getting matching tattoos. Obviously her mom nor my dad knew about this...actually no one else did. I just hoped the tattoo artist didn't realise that I wasn't 21.

"Excited?" Kitty asked as we entered the store.

"Yeah. You?" I asked.

"Scared shitless." She laughed. This was her first tattoo...

"So the plan is...I get: And well I, I won't go down by myself..."

"And I get: But I'll go down with my friends." I finished of her sentence. We walked up the desk were this heavily tattooed woman stared us up and down.

"What can I help you with today?" She asked smiling.

"We both want to get tattoos...obviously. As a band on our arm." Kitty smiled...she tapped her fingers nervously.

"Cool, cool. Writing I'm guessing...any particular font you want to use?" She asked whilst getting tattoo paper to draw up the designs. Kitty and I looked between each other.

"Not really...something quite Victorian style would be cool though..." I said. Kitty nodded.

"Oh...this is some sort of friendship tatt or something." We both nodded.

"So can you tell me what you want and we can get to work."

"Umm... I want And well I, I won't go down by myself..."

"and I want... But I'll go down with my friends." We said laughing shakily. The lady took Kitty over first and got to work on her. It barely took her any time until she was finished. Kitty looked down at her tattoo.

"Oh wow. It's awesome." She smiled at it. Okay my turn. I get fidgeting about so it took a little longer for me, but I did get done. On my arm was my proud new tattoo that we bond me and Kitty as friends forever.

"Hell yeah! That's amazing. Thanks." I said jumping up and paying.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Kitty dropping me of at the house----------------------------------------------

"Okay, you look after yourself right?"

"I will. I promise. You too!"

"Phone me every day!" We went on like this for about half an hour until we tearfully parted ways. I couldn't believe this would be the last time I saw her in months. I walked into my house to find every one there. Packed and ready to go. The girls were there to tearfully saying goodbye to their partners. I didn't want my dad to see my tatt yet so I ran upstairs to get my suitcase and lugged it downstairs. Dad and Lyn were hugging tightly. I felt my heart drop. It must be so hard for him leaving his family. Bandit was crawling around on the floor so I picked her up and gave her a hug.

"Next time I see you you're going to be so big. I mean. MASSIVE. Never stop growing though, just...not to fast." I whispered into her ear.

"'Elen-a where are yooo gowing?" She asked.

"I'm going..." I didn't know what to tell her "I have no idea, hon."

"Me gonna miss you." She chirped.

"I'm going to miss you too." I smiled down, watery eyes cursing me. I put her down to see Frank behind me.

"You're really going to miss this aren't you." He said looking around. I glanced around at then preoccupied others. I nodded. Tears rolling of the curve of my cheek as I gave Frank a hug.

"It's natural, honey. Don't worry. This tour is going to be a blast. I swear." He looked around before kissing the top of my head and taking a breath in.

"This is it. MCR are back in business!" Ray shouted from the over side of the room.

"Let's go."

"Umm...'Elena is that a new tattoo?" I heard my dad say from behind me. I bit my lip. SHIT.

---------a/c-

Dude, what do you think?

This was a kind of kill in/starter chapter...I promise the next one will be better...

You hate it don't you!

ARRGHH.

Oh wel...




	30. I'll be here waiting, babe

I was hustled into the van before my dad said anything else. I waved tearfully at Lyn, Bandit, Alicia, Christa and Kaitlin. So did the others. The first gig was later on tonight and you could see anticipation gleaming in the bands eyes.

"Okay, goodbyes over... What the hell 'Elena?" My dad shouted at me. I sighed. I would have made an excuse about packing away my suitcase in my bunk, but Mikey had already put it on my bed.

"What the hell, what?" I asked sitting down next to Frank at the little side chairs.

"Well...It may have something to do with another tattoo just appearing on your arm..."

"Huh?" Frank asked.

"Oh didn't I tell you about it?" I smiled devilishly getting up.

"When and where did you get it done?"

"This morning. That little tattoo shop next to the cinema in the mall." I told him. My dads jaw dropped.

"This morning?" Gee asked.

"Ahuh. Kitty and I got matching ones." I said.

"What? Did you even think it through...I mean. What does it say?"

"Hers says And well I, I won't go down by myself... and mine says But I'll go down with my friends." I told him.

"You got an MCR tattoo?" Bob asked.

"Yeppers." I smiled at him.

"Wow, that's awe-." My dad interrupted him before he could say anything else.

"Bob, not helping. 'Ellie. I would have let you have the Tatt is you asked, why didn't you tell me?" He asked.

"Because...Because it was the last thing Kitty and I get and got to do together for a long time and I didn't want people in on it because it was about us and the fact we're always going to be there for each other."I said tears burning my eyes. I walked into the bunk room and sat on my bunk which was under Franks. I wiped my eyes. I heard someone come in; Mikey... He sat on the bed next to me.

"I know you're going to miss them." He said. I looked at him soberly.

"I am..."

"and I get that the tattoo was important and I understand why you didn't tell him."

"But?" I asked

"But...you still should have told him. I mean, tattoos are for life. He's just doesn't want you making a big mistake.

"I know..."

"Do you?" He said sternly.

"Yeah..." I sighed. I pulled him into a hug.

"When I decided to come on tour...I didn't think about everything I was going to give up..." I told him truthfully.

"None, of us do. Look, we're going to be at the stadium soon. So why don't you come and help me with my makeup so when we get there I'm done and we can go straight to sound check?"

"Okay, but you've got to actually let me do your make up, NO complaining!" I told him sternly. He nodded. Straight away I unbuckled my suitcase an pulled out my massive makeup bag.

"Wo-ow." Mikey stuttered.

"They say diamonds are a girl's best friend...I'd say it would actually be Mac Foundation." I laughed.

"Oh god I'm going to look like Jack the Pumpkin king..." Mikey moaned.

"Well I was thinking more Ziggy Pop, but it's your call." I giggled.

-----------------------half an hour later----------------------

"C'mon Mikey, you gotta get dressed!"I heard Ray shout from the main room. The bunks had now become populated with people putting on makeup.

"He'll be right there!" I said. I checked over his makeup. I had went crazy, I admit. I had actually made him into a clown. An EVIL clown. With black sad lips, big black circles eyes and the stars on the cheeks...Oh did I forget to mention the scarily pale skin? Yeah... Mikey jumped up after I declared I was finished and looked in the mirror.

"I'm...a clown?" He chuckled.

"Ahuh." I said proudly. He rolled his eyes.

"Well...I can't say I didn't see this coming." Frank said smugly as he saw Mikeys makeup.

"Oh shut up, you're just jealous because Mikey looks amazing and your just average Joe with your guyliner and nail polish." I laughed.

"Y'know what. I think I kinda like this look." Mikey said still looking in the mirror.

"Mikey, you gotta get changed!"

"Gimme a second..."

"NOW!"

_**Yeah!**_

_**Well let's go back to the middle of the day that starts it all  
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling  
And now the red ones make me fly  
And the blue ones help me fall  
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling  
And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall  
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust just think happy thoughts**_

___**[Chorus]**__**  
And we'll fly home  
We'll fly home  
You and I  
We'll fly home**_

_**Come on!**_

_**Well now I'm back in the middle of the day that starts it all.  
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling.  
And now these red ones make me fly,  
And the blue ones help me fall.  
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling.**_

___**[Chorus]**__**  
And we'll fly home,  
You and I,  
We'll fly home.**_

_**Now honestly that's what I said to her, what I said to her**_

_**Think happy thoughts **__**[x8]**__**  
Think ha... wooo!**_

"Okay motherfuckers! This is our very first official show for a long fucking time, so I want you guys to put those shitty ass hands of yours together and start clapping!" I heard my dad below into the mic. I stood at the side of the stage watching the band. True to his word, Mikey was on stage with his clown makeup.

"Now before we start I want you to give a massive cheer for my daughter, 'Elena who is standing backstage watching us. Can you ass holes do that?" There was a massive cheer.

"We love you!" I heard someone say. My dad turned to me and gave me a wink.

"So we're gonna start now with a little bit of history, a little memories, a little bit of revenge and a little bit of...I'm not okay!"

-----------------------------------------------------

Okay, I was never the homophobe, but you have to admit watching your dad and boyfriend make out on stage it just a little weird. Euurghh. I turned around to see Worm staring over me.

"Y'know. I'm going to go take a shower...or something." I said.

"You want me to escort you?"

"No. I-." I looked towards the stage, Frank was staring at me sheepishly "I think I'll be fine." I walked passed him, past makeup artists, designers and other musicians. I walked back to the backdoor, I looked out of it, making sure there were no hordes of screaming fangirls waiting outside. None, just some bands and the trailers. I walked out of the stadium sleepily, I yawned and ran my finger through my hair. Ouuch! I bumped into some one. I jumped back.

"Oh, sorry!" I said, staring at the face of the person I had almost knocked to the ground. Adam Lazzara...oh my god. Had I just knocked the singer for Taking Back Sunday. You see, I may be the daughter of Gerard Way, girlfriend of Frank Iero and step daughter of Lindsey Way, but I still have my fangirl moments.

"Oh wow. I'm so, so, sorry."

"Dude, it's—umm—okay." He smiled, blushing.

"Well, good...okay." I mumbled looking down at me feet. I loved Taking Back Sunday.

"Right...I'm Adam...Adam Lazzara." He said putting out his hand for me to shake it. I did so.

"Yeah, I know. I'm 'Elena Way." He looked quite surprised.

"'Elena? Gerards daughter? Wow. It's great to finally meet you." He smiled, shaking my hand wildly. I took it back.

"Oh you too. I'm a big fan."

"Shouldn't you be at the show?"

"I was...but the sight of my dad and Frank Iero making out was making me contemplate suicide." I laughed.

"Right...I'm on the same page."  
"Yeah. I better get going." I said blushing.

"Oh umm...okay. Maybe we'll see each other later? I mean if you don't have anyone else to see..."

"That would be awesome." I nodded brightly. I walked away then. Oh wow. I just met. Adam. Lazzara. Fan girl. Moment...not over.

-----------------------------------------------later on that day ---------------------------------------------

I sat in the trailer brushing out my wet hair. After washing my hair in the sink I had realised that, that probably wasn't the best of idea since my clothes were soaking. I pulled out a new t-shirt and slipped it on. The trailer door opened, the guys ran in, sweating like hell.

"Oh god, I can't believe how old and un healthy I am..." Mikey moaned. I ran up and gave him a hug.

"How was the show?"

"Umm...Okay?" He laughed. I pulled back.

"Eww...get changed, you're all sweaty..."

I had to wait another 4 hours until the others all went to bed or fell asleep in the painfully small chairs. Just Frank and I were awake.

"You left the show." He said blandly putting down his side kick.

"Yeah..."

"Why?"

"It's was grossing me out watching you and my pa' kiss." I laughed.

"Ooh...Frerard."

Yeppers...Do you want to go somewhere?" I asked all of the sudden. Frank looked confused.

"Umm...Where?"

"I don't know. I just heard walking was good for you." I laughed. Frank sighed grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the trailer. He looked around before leaning down and giving me quick kiss.

"I've been dying to do that all day." He said. He went behind me at put his arm around me, walking slowly.

"Y'know. Walking like that makes you look like a dick face." I laughed.

"I know. I know. I just like being so close to you." Frank laughed into the crook of my neck. We walked VERY slowly around the trailers.

"Soo...it's you birthday in 3 wee-." Frank was caught off with a dry little cough coming from behind us. I spun on my heals to see the last person I expected.

"Frank!" He ran up and smiled between me and Frank...

"Adam...Hey. Have you met, umm... 'Elena?" Frank chocked nervously. I could feel myself blushing.

"Actually, we have." Adam smiled sheepishly.

"Right. Right." I babbled.

"Adam...'Ele-." Adam interrupted Frank before he got any further.

"Why didn't you just tell me you two were going out? You make a cute couple!" He said enthusiastically. I felt myself blush even brighter. Frank gave me a look.

"Umm...we're no actually going out..." I mumble.

"Really? Sorry, you just seemed so..." Adam stopped.

"Look. It's late..." Frank trailed off.

"Oh, okay mate! See you soon. And you too!" Adam said flashing me a grin. Soon as he was out of sight I let out a massive sigh.

"Close..."

"WAY to close." Frank finished of my sentence. I giggled as he put his arm around me and directed me back to the trailer.

--------------------------------2 weeks later-----------------------------

Dad, Bob, Mikey and I were squashed into a tight little taxi. I waved at Fran and Bob as they jumped into the other. TONIGHT. Was the first night that I'd actually get to SHOWER and SLEEP in an actual bed! Hotels are blissful. We all had a room to ourselves! A WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING ROOM! And for once, Frank and I could do more than snuggle, if you get my drift.

I pulled on my Mario (yeassh, I'm a complete geek, I know) pjs on, ontop of my uncomfortably tight underwear. Okay, I wasn't for the whole lace, silk and braces thing, but after weeks of not being able to do more than kiss in the back of halls and out of sight, I was desperate .

--------------------------------1 weeks later--------------------------

_**It's my birthday. It's my 18 birthday! YEAH! I'M FUCKING 18! **_Lyn, Bandit and Alicia were flying out to see us and we were going to spend the night in a hotel. A HOTEL! I COULD GET WASHED! When you are on tour, you start to notice the simple things in life...like cleanliness and not having people faint when around you because you smell, yes, that bad. So let's set the scene, we're all sitting in my dads room:

I was saying goodbye the Sammy, after an hour convocation with him and Kitty my dad was starting to get concerned about phone bills.

"Bye. BYE. BYYEEE. Okay...1,2,3...Okay, I know I didn't go but neither did you!" I laughed down the phone.

"Okay...BYE!" Sammy said loudly as we both slammed down our phone. I stared at it for a second after putting it down. My hand very slowly went out to it.

"You dare..." I heard my dad say from the other side of the room. I sighed and slumped across my seat.

"E...have you taken your pills?" Frank whispered from behind me.

"Um..." I looked away from the others to Frank.

"E!"

"Okay. Okay. I'll go and take them..." I sighed jumping up. What happened to good old birthday merriment? I went into the bathroom, propping myself up on the side of the sink I stared into the mirror. Black circles framed my eyes from sleepless night due to Franks motherfucking presence. Why did he HAVE to get the bunk on top of me? Sigh. We couldn't do anything really, we had to wait until everyone was asleep then I could climb into his bunk for a hug. Damn. The other nights were full of lust, insomnia and tears. I gripped the rim of the sink tighter as I felt myself through up in the sink. My hand went automatically to my saw stomach. I coughed a bit before finding myself through up harder. This was weird, the side effects of the lithium should have worn of months ago...

"Geez 'Elena, didn't you learn the whole...not to overdo the alcohol thing a while back?" I heard a familiar voice tell me. I jumped up. Clenching my stomach. Turning around my mouth opened.

"LINDSEY!" I actually screamed.

"The ONE and only!" She said pulling me close into hug.

"Oh my god! You still look amazing!" I giggled pulling away.

"And you look a year older." She laughed too.

"Where's Bandit and A?" I asked.

"Oh, they're in your dads...umm...not bathroom?" Lyn giggled again.

"Well c'mon then!" I smiled, trying to ignore the lurching feeling in my stomach. After running into my bedroom and pulling Bandit in a hug, I would have immediately hugged Alicia too...but she was too busy having a tongue bath from my UUUNNNCCLLE!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"All right, like always you asked us NOT to get you a birthday present, but...We didn't listen!" Alicia smiled. I opened my mouth to say something, but I was halted there...

"Oh c'mon they're only smmaalll!" Bob moaned...

"Yeah and we're starting with mine and Christa's!" Aww...I missed the other girls, Kaitlin, Christa...Jamia.

"I told you not to get me anything..." I moaned.

"Ahuh...ahuh..." Gee/Dad laughed whilst Ray pushed forward a neatly wrapped present.

"I know it's not much, but y'know..." Ray mumbled. Rocket To Russia and To Tough To Die! [Ramones Albums for those WHO DON'T KNOW]

"How did you know these were the only ones I didn't have?" I asked jumping up and giving him a hug.

"Because we must have went through your vvassssttt record collection around 1 billlliiiooonnn times." Ray laughed.

Okay I know this sound all tight up but I want to get onto the exciting stuff reealllyy bad. Bobby-bob-bobleton and Kaitlin-kitty-cat gave me Zombieworld: Champion of the Worms and the whole (I KNOW!!!) Doom Patrol saga. Mikey and Alicia gave me (okay, prepare to be shocked!) Alex Toth, orginal artwork! That they managed to talk him into selling them!

"Dude...wow, my gift is going to look...pretty bad compared to those...geez. Well, I have another thing to give you but umm...it's kinda private." Frank stopped, I felt myself blush. No one else knew about us yet, sooo...private may not have been a good word to use.

"OOhhh, how private?" Alicia laughed. I saw Frank blush brightly and when I saw brightly...I mean: So red you'd think someone had just slapped him, I mean a proper backhander.

"So, this is the main gift..." Frank handed me a small box, I quickly un wrapped it, to find a small brown box inside. I opened it quickly to find one of THE most beautiful necklaces...EVER. It was three strands of black silk, the bottom one had three pearl droplets hanging of it, followed by an old rusty key with a sort of cartoon skull in the middle of it **_(SEE ON MY PROFILE PAGE)_**

"Frank...this is..." I stopped not knowing what to say. I took it out of the box and put it on. "Amazing..."

---------------------------------------- "Okay firstly this is from Bandit!" Lyn handed me a card. Inside was a card with loads of scribbles on it. I opened it and in it had Lyns handwriting saying "Bandit" then underneath hand random scribbles and stuff.

"Bandit, did, try her best...in her language it says...Suck it, you're old and I'm yoounngg!" Lyn laughed.

"Awww that's adorable! I can't believe she's so...talented?" I giggled. Leaning forward and giving Bandit a hug.

"C'mon, c'mon our presents now!" My dad and Lyn both glanced at each other nervously before handing me an envelope. I opened it apprehensively.

"Oh...my god." Inside where a set of keys.

"2000 Chevrolet Mark III Conversion Van, all yours." Gee said.

"NNOOO way...that is...the...most amazing...wow." I said, a little lump in my throat rising. I didn't deserve this, not after all the lying I've done.

"It's waiting in the drive way at home. Black, just like you always wanted." Lindsey giggled excitedly. My eyes widened. The lump turned into a giant fucking ball stopping me from breathing.

"Geez guys. Now you've made all of our presents look amateur..." I heard Ray giggle. I jumped up. I could feel tears burning through my eyes. Oh god, DON'T LET THEM COME OUT!

"Thank you so mu-." I didn't manage to say any more before jumping up and running out of my dads room down the clean hotel hall and into mine. The first thing I saw was the wooden closet, I jumped in it, closed the door and condemned myself to hell.

**FRANK**

Okay, she just ran of crying...I'm motherfucking socially retarded and I know that's bad.

"I'll go." I said getting up and jogging out of the door. Okay, she would have went to her room? Right. She wouldn't go anywhere else; it would feel like intruding. I ran to her room and opened the door. I looked under her bed. In the bathroom. Behind the curtains. In the bath and finally in the closet, where I found her. She was squished up in the far corner of the (I must say MASSIVE) closet. I bit my lip before getting in it and closing the door. The only light was the light peering in from the long join between the doors.

"I don't deserve all of this Frank. I mean, if they knew...they'd hate me..." She whimpered. I pulled her into a loose hug.

"No one could hate you! You're way to embarrassingly adorable...trust me, I have tried and failed to hate you." I laughed whilst telling her. She shook her head.

"And now I'm ruining the day for every one..." She pulled out the choker Dylan had bought her and gently stroked it.

"You're not."

"Thank you Frankie. For everything." She partly smiled.

"Oh geez, I need to show you the private thing!" I laughed at how stupid that sounded. She raised her eyebrow and smiled smugly.

"Well, y'know...the Pencey Prep song I had...attempted...singing to you when I was trying to wake you up; the day, I told you I loved you?"

"Trying to escape the inevitable." I solemn look took over her face.

_**------------------------------------------"**__**I have this reoccurring dream: You make it hard for me to breathe. I gave you everything I could; I gave up everything I owned and when you smile it's not for me. You offer little sympathy. Your grasp so far exceeds your reach. I wake up. This is not a dream"**__** I felt like a knob singing in front of Gee to his un conscious daughter, but I needed 'Elena to wake up...and if anything was going to aggravate her slumber...**_

"_**I almost can't believe, You're the same person who can straight-faced with a smile...tell me that you love me" **_

"_**Crawl, but I don't get too far. I know I should run, but I just keep running back....I know I should run...I know I should..."**__** I was crying now. Gee stood behind me, ready to cry too.**_

"_**I have this reoccurring dream where you admit that you're not happy. I know that you will never leave..."I didn't even get to finish as she literally sat up right then.**_

"_**You're here just to torment me..."**__** She choked out. My mouth opened. Oh my...fucking...god.------------------------------------------------**_

"Well..." I lifted up the sleeve on my right arm (a.k.a the less tattooed one) showing her the new tattoo I got. It was a band around my upper arm, with thick black writing in clearly said: "_I have this reoccurring dream: You make it hard for me to breathe."_

"No...way." She stopped and stared at it.

"Ahuh, 100% real and 100% for us."

"It's amazing. You're amazing...Have I ever told you that?" She whispered. I didn't she had before that. My eyes danced along her lips before I gently pushed away a strand of hair that had fallen over her face and parted her lips with mine. Our lip ring clunked together as I stroked her back soothingly. Our lips still fighting for control as our tongues explored each others. The beam of light from the joint became increasingly larger until I realised the door was open. I pulled away to see Gee standing and staring at us.

"Again? You...you...traitor..." Gee said backing away slightly. Why wasn't he hitting me? I got out slowly followed by 'Elena.

"YOU ASS!" He screamed.


	31. And it's better off this way

_**-------------a/c I KNOW I NORMALLY DON'T DO RECAPS, BUT THIS UPDATE AND THE ONE BEFORE HAVE BEEN DELAYED, SO I WANTED THE REFRESH YOUR MEMORIES. I ALSO WANTED TO THANK YOU GUYS FOR WAITING, READING AND REVIEWING. You have no idea how much this means to me, I mean it's phenomenal how many life long friendships I have started through Fanfiction. So umm...thanks.**_

_**Recap: (Frank)**_

_My eyes danced along her lips before I gently pushed away a strand of hair that had fallen over her face and parted her lips with mine. Our lip ring clunked together as I stroked her back soothingly. Our lips still fighting for control as our tongues explored each others. The beam of light from the joint became increasingly larger until I realised the door was open. I pulled away to see Gee standing and staring at us._

"_Again? You...you...traitor..." Gee said backing away slightly. Why wasn't he hitting me? I got out slowly followed by 'Elena._

"_YOU ASS!" He screamed._

_------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_**End of recap.**_

"Gee don't do this!" I said very quietly... My hand going out defensively. I could hear 'Elena taking deep breathes in. I took a step forward towards Gee, he took a step back, as if he was trying to refine himself from killing me.

"Dad..." 'Elena whimpered so softly that I doubted her dad heard.

"Gee..." I said quietly, eyeing up the door.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE CALL ME THAT!" Gee shouted. That's about when everyone else tumbled in the room, but that didn't stop Gee, he was already worked up.

"You fucking ass hole. You perverted, fucktard. I hate you! I HATE YOU!" He screamed like a three year old.

"Gee stop shouting! What the hell's happened?" Ray asked.

"Oh, what happened? What happened, huh? Well I'll tell you what happened..." Oh god...he wasn't going to tell, was he? 'Elena was crying really hard now...oh god I wanted to run to her and cradle her and make sure she would never cry again, "I just found Frank fucking Iero kissing my daughter."

'**ELENA**

I stared at everyone who just filled up my room. Tears were choking out of me. Oh god, I brought this on myself. It's all because I had to go and keep it secret and...arrrghh.

"You fucking ass hole. You perverted, fucktard. I hate you! I HATE YOU!" He directed at Frank. Why was Frank getting the blame? This was all my fault! It's always my fault, with Jesse, Adam, my mom, Joe...DYLAN!

"Gee stop shouting! What the hell happened?" Ray asked.

"Oh, what happened? What happened, huh? Well I'll tell you what happened...I just found Frank fucking Iero kissing my daughter." There was a silence from everyone else. Just my sobs retained...

"You're going to die!" Was the next thing I heard. My head had turned to my uncle Mikey who was bright red. Mikey wasn't a violent guy, so you can imagine how him getting worked up could freak you out. He lunged towards Frank. Pushed him against the wall by his throat.

"STOP IT, STOP IT!" I screamed. My dad just watched them, didn't do anything. Ray and Bob literally pounced on the two of them and pulled them apart. My eyes wondered to Bandit who was now crawling on the floor. I bent down and picked her up then sat down on the bed and pulled her close into me. I could feel Lyn's eyes burning deep into me. The others carried on though.

"Mikey, honey...calm down." I heard Alicia whisperer into Mikey's ear.

"No! He's supposed to be my-." The next thing I know Mikey's stopped talking. I look up from the confused looking Bandit. Frank has shaken free of Ray and was now walking very slowly to me, he then sat down. He was staring at the sobbing me, cradling Bandit.

**FRANK**

"Mikey, honey...calm down." Alicia told Mikey. I'm shaking my head...trying to escape from 'Fro Man whilst doing so. My eyes are on 'Elena. In the middle of this chaos. In the middle of this angst. No one else saw her. She was sitting on the bed, pressing Bandit close to her and crying. I shook Ray off. I starecd at 'Elena...my mouth opened.

"No! He's supposed to be my-." Mikey trailed of...he looked from me to 'Elena. The sobbing 'Elena. Geez, I hated hearing her cry. I very slowly went and sat down next to her. Everyone had gone quiet. They were all staring at 'Elena holding Bandit.

"'Ellie...stop crying.." I whispered.

"No. No..."

"Maybe you should give Lyn, Bandit." She didn't say anything after that. She started singing. Very. Very. Softly. A nursery rhythm.

"_London bridge is broken down, Dance over my Lady Lee, London bridge is broken down, With a gay ladye."_ She choked out the end. Stroking Bandit hair.

"'Ellie...wots wong?" Bandit asked innocently. I knew 'Elena missed Jesse; I just didn't know she missed her this much.

**GERARD**

_**Stay out of the light  
Or the photograph that I gave you  
You can say a prayer if you need to  
Or just get in line and I'll grieve you  
Can I meet you, alone  
Another night and I'll see you  
Another night and I'll be you  
Some other way to continue  
To hide my face**_

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
Another knife in my hands  
A stain that never comes off the sheets  
Clean me off  
I'm so dirty babe  
The kind of dirty where the water never cleans off the clothes  
I keep a book of the names and those**_

Only go so far 'til you bury them  
So deep and down we go

Touched by angels, though I fall out of grace  
I did it all so maybe I'd live this every day

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
Another knife in my hands  
A stain that never comes off the sheets  
Clean me off  
I'm so dirty babe  
It ain't the money and it sure as hell ain't just for the fame  
It's for the bodies I claim and lose**_

Only go so far 'til you bury them  
So deep and down we go

Down

And down we go  
And down we go  
And down we go  
And we all fall down

I tried  
I tried

And we'll all dance alone to the tune of your death  
We'll love again, we'll laugh again  
And it's better off this way

And never again, and never again  
They gave us two shots to the back of the head  
And we're all dead now.

Well never again, and never again  
They gave us two shots to the back of the head  
And we're all dead now.

Well I tried  
One more night  
One more night  
well I'm laughin' out, cryin' out, laughin' out loud  
I tried, well I tried, well I tried,  
'Cause I tried, but I lied  
I lied

I tried  
I tried  
I tried, well

And we'll love again, we'll laugh again  
We'll cry again and we'll dance again  
And it's better off this way  
So much better off this way  
I can't clean the blood off the sheets in my bed

And never again, and never again  
They gave us two shots to the back of the head  
And we're all dead now

Alicia pulled Mikey out of the door. Ray followed and Bob pulled me along to. Before I went I took a quick glance at Frank and 'Elena. Lyn had taken Bandit, now 'Elena was crying on Franks shoulder whilst Frank simply stroked her cheeks. Was there more to this than I had thought? Could it possibly...be...more?

**FRANK**

"Is someone going to explain what's happening between you two to me?" Lyn asked soon as the door had been shut. 'Elena was still sobbing uncontrollably, so I guessed it was up to me.

"The whole story?" I asked.

"The WHOLE story. Don't leave anything out."

"Well...then it kind of started 2 years ago..." I heard 'Elena whimper. Wow, 2 whole years ago. 2 year ago since 'Elena was 16 and we...umm...slept together.

"What happened 2 years ago?"

"We slept together." I said as matter of factly I could. Lindsey's jaw dropped.

"Ahuh..." Wow, this was going to take a while.

--------------------------------------

**Mikey**

It was silent in Gees room. We all looked between each other. Scattered presents lying at our feet. I clenched my hands into fists. I couldn't believe this was happening.

"What's taking them so long?" I growled. Alicia tightened her hand around mine.

"Mikey just be patient!" Gee muttered in a pissed of tone.

"Why the hell should I be patient Gee? I'm fucking anxious as hell! You said it yourself. You saw them KISSING!"

"Mikey. Maybe you should just sit...down." Bob said pushing me down dramatically.

"Yeah I know I saw them kissing...but...shit...have you ever stopped and thought it may be more...than just..."

"What? Taking in account what happened between them before?" I felt bad soon as I shot my mouth of.

"What happened between them?" Alicia asked.

"Nothing."

"What happened, c'mon you can tell us!"

"Nothing happened!" Gee said strongly.

"They slept together!" I said jumping up and putting my head against the wall...I took a deep soothing breath in.

"No...way." Ray gasped

"Thanks Mikey. Great now my daughter is going to HHAATTE me." Gee growled.

"Oh well...they needed to know." I spat.

"Wait. Wait. Frank and 'Elena?" Bob said trying to make sense out of it.

"Yeah...Look when they come back in...just act normal. I don't want this day becoming any more fucked up."Gee said. The door opened and Lyn came in, she handed Bandit to Gee. I stared at her. What had she found out?

"Well..." She said solemnly sitting down. I nodded.

"Ahhhuuhh..." I tried to make her say something whilst everyone else just stared.

"Well...well..." **DAMMIT WOMAN STOP SAY WELL!**

"It seems they've been seeing each other for around 8-9 months..." She sighed. I stared at her. My best friend was seeing my niece.

"What?" Gee said jumping up.

"They're seeing each other, okay?" Lyn snapped. Gee almost looked hurt. Ray, bob and Alicia just sat there looking dumbly at the ground.

"But...but..." Gee mumbled.

"Look Gee, they're serious. Real serious. 'Elena went to sleep and Frank told me he was taking a cab to the stadium since he needs to do some checks and get changed for the gigs...which happens to be in an HOUR!" Lyn said looking at her watch. We all jumped up quickly. An hour? Wow...time flies.

"Don't. Kill. Him." Alicia whispered into my ear before I ran out of the door to get a cab.

**FRANK**

I sat in my room. I was supposed to get a cab around ten minutes ago. I just didn't. They knew. They must by now. I got up stiffly and went to 'Elenas door. I opened it slowly. 'Elena was asleep on the bed. Her arm limply fallen of the bed.

"_And we'll love again, we'll laugh again .We'll cry again and we'll dance again and it's better off this way .So much better off this way..."_ I half cried of laughed. I wish I knew what was wrong with 'Elena. I just wish I did.

-------------------

_**At the stadium**_

--------------------  
When I got there the guys ignored me. They were ready, makeup, clothes and they had done there sound checks. Mikey stood on the other side of the room from me. Grasping his Bass tightly, so his knuckles went white. I waited nervously to go on stage. I just hope Gee wouldn't motherfucking kick ME in the balls. When we got up the crowd roared and Gee laughed and teased them like normal. I stood there looking around. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"I hate to interrupt your awesomeness and all, but I have a little...umm...note...no, announcement to make. My daughter and Frank Iero are currently in a realationship," He stopped and glanced at me, crookedly smiling, "and I want to wish them all the luck in the world. That's it." There were screams from fangirls.

"NNOOOO FRANNKIIESSS MIINNNEE!" One of them screeched. I just chuckled. No, I was 'Elena's.


	32. But I'd rather learn not try

**1 week later----**

"Eww. Eww. Eww. Dear God eeewwww!" Mikey cringed. I pulled away from Frank and wiped my mouth with the side of my hand sheepishly. Frank sighed and lowered his gaze.

"Thank you!" Mikey huffed before walking out of the bunk area.

"We're the ones who should be mad! Pervs always watching!" I giggled. Frank laughed too, before guiding my face toward his, with his silky hands.

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

"Y'know it's just nice being able to say that." I laughed before leaning in and kissing Frank.

"love you. Love you. Love you." Frank smiled. He pressed me against him and kissed my neck tenderly. I squirmed under his touch. This didn't feel right. I pushed back. Frank stopped and loosened his grip.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah...yeah..." I said, moving along the small bed.

"You sure?"

"No...sorry, it's just...didn't feel right..." I said, instinctively putting my hand on my stomach. Frank followed my hand.

"No..."

"What?"

"You don't have anything to tell me do you?" He asked seriously. I looked around in confusion.

"Urrghh...no. Should I?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Geez Frank, I'm not keeping anything from you that I consciously know off!" I told him stiffly. I got up and went to the bathroom, where I had been spending the majority of my time at the moment. I took my tablets quickly. Bipolar was a bummer, hahaha. Wow. That was not funny.

"BOB SHUT THE FUCK UP AND Mikey GIMME MY EYELINER...NOOOWW!" My dad shouted from the other side of the tour bus. Wow, 5 hours before the gig and they're already getting ready. I touched my stomach, my bloated, saw, unsettled stomach. I wanted to through up sooo bad. And that was bad. Anything, in any context containing throwing up was bad...especially when you're clutching your stomach...and...and... I stopped. I didn't want to break this train of thought. I did some sums on my finger... Especially when you're clutching your stomach...and LATE. I batted my lashes in disbelief. Rather bewildered. I got up, grabbed my purse and ran straight out of the bus and into the cold air. I needed to know for sure...I needed to know.

_**Say, the lights are really low enough to play,  
Would you cast yourself so solitary?  
All alone you prove that I was,  
Broken down to move and alright,  
Battling the loss you live for,  
Meant the world to you,**_

And would you stay right here?  
When I tell you,  
That someone out there loves you.  
Would you stay right here?  
Well I'd tell you,  
That someone out there loves you after all.

Sometimes it's though it's easier to fall,  
Would you catch this and then pick this off the floor,  
and in a moment,  
if you're walking out the door I'd stop you,  
And i'll let you burn,  
and if you'd turn to me I'd say this,

would you stay right here?  
When I tell you,  
That someone out there loves you.  
If you stay right here,  
Keep attacking you,  
That someone out there loves you.

Is there no one, no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?  
And if no one. no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?

And would you decimate the stars then,  
When you go?

And if you stay right here,  
When I tell you,  
That someone out there loves you.  
Stay right here,  
Keep attacking you,  
That someone out there loves you.

No one, no one out there,  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?  
And if no one, no one out there,  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?

--------------------------------

I had decided I was no longer apathetic on this type of blue, I now hated it. No. I didn't hate it, I loved it. I didn't know. I looked at it again. It was definite. I stroked my stomach gently, a tear rolling of the curve of my cheek and onto the packet of the test. I got up from the toilette seat. The guys had went outside with the other bands, including Taking Back Sunday, whilst they got psyched up to go and play. I shoved the test in my pocket. Three hours 'till the gig. It couldn't effect Frank to dramatically for three hours could it? Of course it could! I was still crying! I ran out of the trailer to find the guys outside...actually kicking around cans of soda. I gulped back a sob as I strode over to Frank.

"Hey Ell- Oh god, what happened? Are you okay?" He asked staring at my red, puffy eyes.

"Frank...I'm...I'm sorry..." I gulped. Everyone was looking. Frank was still staring at me.

"What?"

"I'm...I'm..." I pulled out the test from my back pocket and waved it around manically. Frank followed it with his eyes...his mouth opening wider.

"Pregnant." I collapsed into his arms. His tee becoming saturated with my tears.

"Oh...god...Frank what are we going to do?" I cried. No one else said anything. They just stared at me...

"We'll get through this, hon. I swear, we'll be okay..." He hushed into my ear. Everything went black then.

---------------------------------

Frank lay next to me on my small little bed. He traced his hand along my hip and onto my stomach, which he started stroking rhythmically.

"How do you feel?" He asked. His arms still cocooning me.

"Like shit." There was a silence. We both lay there, on our sides. Together.

"You want to keep it, don't you?"

"Yes." I sighed.

"I never expected you to want to get rid of it." I turned around so I was facing him.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"You. A family. A future." He told me. I look down...all of the sudden things were flashing through my head.

"How did the guys seem to take it?" I asked.

"Well...they're still outside, nerding out and kicking cans."

"Well?"

"No. They're freaking out." Silence. Painful silence.

"We're going to be parents." I stared into his hazel, swimming globs.

"Scary, huh?" He chucked as we linked our finger. We sat there staring at each other for a while. In a universe un touched by doubt and worry.

"This kids going to be fucked up." Frank laughed. I laughed too, this was it. We had decided. Light soothed itself into the bunks through the small down onto my face, it's warmth making me sleep.

"I have to go, sound check and all...but you just stay here and sleep." Frank told me sternly.

"Yepp...when you come back...could you bring some nerds please?" I asked innocently. He chuckled.

"Anything for you."

**FRANK**

I wondered out of the bus, completely unaware of everything going on around me. I walked to where the gig was tonight. The guys where in the back, all sitting on stools and tuning up.

"So?" Gee asked soon as I got there.

"So...what?"

"What are you going to do about the fact you got my daughter pregnant?" I blushed soon as he said that.

"Stop being so immature, I'm not going to kill you."

"We're are keeping it." All the others tuned in about then. The stayed where they were, but you could tell they were listening.

"What? Huh? I mean, are you not thinking about practicalities? I mean, in around 9 months you'll have a BABY! We'll only be half way through the tour! What will we do then? What about check ups and scans and hormones and cravings and...and..." Gee trailed of about there in a big, blob of angry.

"I know...okay, it's going to be hard. BUT 'Elena wants this baby and I love 'Elena too much to deny her the baby. Okay, so just...stop freaking out and leave that to me." I huffed before picking up my guitar and quickly tuning it. Gee stood over me.

"I'm going to be a granddad...34 and I'm a granddad..."

"I know. It's sccarryy." I chuckled before looking solemnly back down to my guitar. I was going to be a dad. A dad. A dad. A dad. A dad. A dad. A dad...A dad.


	33. Dreams only cut deeper

-----------------4 weeks later---------------------------

**Tell me if you like this chapter! I'm sorry it's taking me so long to update. School is being a bitch. Y'know what I mean...A GOOD SONG TO LISTEN TO WHILST READING THIS IS EXO-POLITICS BY MUSE.**

'**ELENA**

I pulled Frank close up to me as we waited for Taking Back Sunday to go on first. Frank stroked my stomach gently, kissing my neck, whispering into my ear that he loved me.

"Oh shut up you romantic, doof, who so cute and adorable and..and..." I leaned forward and kissed him.

"Where the hell are they?" I heard Ray shout in the background into his phone. I pulled away from Frank and listened into Ray's conversation.

"Geez...okay, but we have no one to open!" Ray hung up. Mikey, Bob, Gee, Frank and I were all listening in now. Ray rubbed his head.

"Okay, I've got good and bad news..." Ray sighed.

"BAD NEWS FIRST!" shouted. Everyone stared at me.

"It's a superstition. Stop STARING!" I said wildly. They all shuffled around. I don't think anyone had got used to Frank and I, never mind that I was pregnant...and on top of that, my mood swings!

"Bad news, the guys from Taking Back Sunday are all suffering from salmonella and can't open, good news, they're not dead and should be better soon-ish." Ray told us.

"Well what the hell are we going to do? We can't go on yet we're not ready!" Bob exclaimed.

"We can always just get ready as quickly as possible and stay on extra time." Frank shrugged.

"Like hell am I going to be able to do that!" Gee told us. I bit my lip.

"I could go on." I said very quietly. Everyone stared at me.

"What?" Mikey asked. Even Frank looked surprised.

"I mean. I could go on. Play some songs. Deafen some fans." I laughed. Gee raised his eyebrow.

"Are you sure, y'know, with your...condition and all."

"No! No! I want to! My guitars all tuned up and all I need to do is plug it in, really, since there's only me."

"It does make sense..." My dad mumbled...

"So?" I asked, eagerly.

"Go on." Mikey told me. YES! I ran and got my guitar. I'm going to skip the boring, getting ready bit...okay...so we're going to start soon as I walk onto the stage...1...2...3...4...go!

The crowd cheered as I walked on blushing. They all looked confused though.

"Hey, umm... I'm here covering for Taking Back Sunday, who have all got salmonella poisoning, unfortunately. Urgghh, yeah. My names 'Elena Way, some of you my know me, some may not..." I mumbled into the microphone in front of me. I heard a whoop.

"So, this is the first time I've done anything like this, so I need you all to be jumping around like psychos, clapping and going a little crazy." They all started doing that.

"Yeah...the only reason I asked you to do that was so I could laugh at you...soo...HAHAHAHA." I giggled into the microphone. I glanced over to the side of the stage where my dad, Frank, Bob, Mikey and Ray where all tuning up whilst starring at me.

"Okay. I'm going to warm up with a song called...well...it doesn't have a name so I'm going to call it untitled. This is in memory to Dylan, Adam, Joe, Grandma, Mom and Jesse..." I looked up to the roof on the stadium.

"It's for you guys..." I whispered before strumming the notes on my guitar.

"_**Our solitude connects us,**_

_**Our hopes and dream deny us,**_

_**Shall we dance together,**_

_**Shall we allow our lust?**_

_**Lithium, Cyanide, **_

_**Hold me so close,**_

_**Lithium, Cyanide,**_

_**Without you,**_

_**I shall die...**_

_**When you serenaded my heart,**_

_**With the pain that is drowning yours,**_

_**You broke apart my soul,,**_

_**Leaving but a deep, black, hole.**_

_**Lithium, Cyanide, **_

_**Hold me so close,**_

_**Lithium, Cyanide,**_

_**Without you,**_

_**I shall die...**_

_**As I run, as I fucking run.**_

_**From the heat of the sun,**_

_**From the heat of this gun.**_

_**I'm showing up,**_

_**I'm proving myself,**_

_**To you.**_

_**Lithium, Cyanide, **_

_**Hold me so close,**_

_**Lithium, Cyanide,**_

_**Without you,**_

_**I shall die...**_

_**Please tell me I'm not in this alone,**_

_**Tell me you can't feel the force of gravity.**_

_**Skylines are crashing and the others are climbing  
And we're fighting against humanity,  
We're fighting so hard.  
In a war against ourselves.  
Lacerations on our souls,  
Defeat comes bitterly,  
In a war of perspicacity."**_

I closed my eyes as I had finished. The crowd was cheering. An overwhelming feeling of merriment was now controlling me.

"Honey, the next song is Trying To Escape The Inevitable, this is for a VERY special person, you know who you are!"

--------------------------------10 weeks later--------------------------

I stared at the starry sky above me. The elatingly cold air smothered me, freezing my finger and sobering my mind. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, my massive black hoody barely kept me warm. I shivered, partly due to the fact I was freezing...but also because I was so nervous. I let out a sigh, followed by tears. Dammit 'Elena. PULL IT TOGETHER GIRL! Oh good, my breathing was becoming irregular. Something wasn't right! I knew it! I could feel the blood in my body telling me it...

"Open the skies over me, I am waiting patiently, I'll wait for a sign." I sobbed...falling onto the muddy floor.

_**Open the skies over me,  
I am waiting patiently,  
I'll wait for a sign.**_

As conspiracies unwind,  
Will you slam shut,  
Or free your mind,  
or stay hypnotised.

When the Zetas fill the skies,  
Will our leaders tell us why,  
Fully loaded satellites,  
will conquer nothing but our minds.

And I've waited patiently,  
And I wait for the sign.

Carried through the centuries,  
Secrets locked up,  
And loaded on my back,  
and it weighs me down.

When the Zetas fill the skies,  
It's just our leaders in disguise,  
Fully loaded satellites,  
will conquer nothing but our minds.

And I am waiting patiently,  
And I'll wait for the sign. (Yeah).  
And I am waiting patiently,  
I'll wait for the sign  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------the next morning------------------------------------------------------

**FRANK**

I knew something was wrong. It was her eyes. They never met mine. Not when we packed our bags, not when we ate breakfast, not when we called the cab, not when we hugged the others goodbye, not even when I pulled her into a hug before jumping into the cab.

"I don't know what we're going to do without you two..." Ray

"We're only going to be gone a couple of days. Jersey and back." She smiled shakily.

"Well soon as you find out the sex of the baby, you call right?" Gee smiled.

"Yeah..." I yawned. Bob pulled from his leaning position as Mikey waved solemnly. I closed the door and Gee hit the bonnet, sending us of at full speed.

"Back to jersey..." I played softly.

"Oh, is that where ya going?" The bad driver said with a thick Canadian accent. 'elena seem to jump out of her day dream as he said that.

"Yep..."

"Any occasion? Birthdays..." DAMN this cab driver was nosey.

"Actually, we're going to get a scan...my girlfriend's pregnant." He raised his eyes brow and checked out 'Elena throw his mirror.

"Well, you look stunning for it, doll."

"Umm...thanks. You think we can change the subject..." This was going to a long drive...even if it WAS just to the Airport.

THE check in took forever. We had to wear sunglasses and scarves...and all sorts of shit. When we finally got onto the airoplane, 'Ellie still had barely said anything to me. I pulled my arm around her.

"What's wrong Jelly Belly?" I asked, using her new found nick name. She stared into my eyes.

"I'm not sure." She shivered. As if a ghost had walked through her. She twiddled her NBC necklace before connecting our eyes together again, sending love filled chills up my back.

"Maybe...maybe...we should change the subject." She glanced away. He hand stroking her slightly bloated belly.

"Yeah..." We sort of stared at each other for a second.

"Truth or dare?" I asked childishly. 'Elena burst out laughing.

"We're going to be crazy parents..."

"Good parents though, well you are." She smiled as I said that.

"I hope so...so..who goes first?"

"What?"

"Truth or dare? Y'know..." she laughed.

"Me! Okay... ask AWAY!!" I said like a three year old.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth!"

"Chicken. Okay. Who did you lose your virginity too?" I bit down on my tongue...this was unfair.

"Not saying."

"What? We're a couple, you have too!" She laughed.

"Promise...you're not going to go all weird..."

"I promise..."

"Jamia." I said quietly, blushing. 'Elena raised her eyebrow.

"Serious?"

"Well, I was with her since juniors..."

"I guess...wow." She looked down to the floor. I pulled her close to me.

"I love you though. I LOVE you."

"I know...it's just...sometimes. Just sometimes. I find it hard to believe all of this has happened..." I nodded. I knew the feeling. I felt it every morning I woke up with 'Elena in my arms.

"Do you remember...when...I shot myself...outside your house..."

"'Elena...don't..."

"No...Please...I...I...remember falling to the ground and the only thing going through my head...was that...I, couldn't..."

_**----------------------------------- I chocked when 'Elena first kissed me...she parted my lips with hers. Then something happened...I can't explain it...but it just felt so right, so perfect. I kissed her back; I felt my body press against her as my tongue danced along her lips. She pulled me closer by putting her hands around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her...My mouthed moved to her jawbone, my tongue circling her flesh. Everything was seemed so perfect...the air seemed to thicken and gravities pull on us faded away. All of the sudden Jamia popped in my head...she didn't deserve this... I pulled away,**_

"_**This is so wrong..." I stared into her eyes. So full of lust, so bright...so alive.**_

"_**Do you honestly care at this moment in time?" I didn't. Not anymore. Not with those eyes. And her skin. I needed to kiss her pale flesh... I pulled her closer to me again...our lips tied...we fell of the couch...'Elena giggled through our kisses as the blankets came with us... I moved my hands down to her hips...----------------------------**_

"Live without you. Because. You're...the only one...I've ever truly...trusted...and loved." She was almost crying now. I was so glad that most people head there head phones on and where watching there on board TVS, but there was still people starring, did I care? Not really. I leant my forehead against hers and starred into her eyes. Memories were flashing back to me...

"I love you too honey...okay? I effin love you." Maybe it was just nerves but I felt like

"And this makes what I'm about to say...harder..."

"You can tell me...anything. I swear."

"God...frank, I'm so sorry...but..."

"What?"

"I think there is something wrong...with the baby." She said, tears making her jolt. I stared at her. My mouth hung open.

_**-----------------------------------"Frank you're not going to do anything stupid? Are you?" She asked cautiously...**_

"_**No...I'm just going to sign you out...go get in the car..."I lied...she ran of...I took a deep breath... I knew what her art teacher looked like...I'd seen a class picture of him when 'Elena showed me the project they had all been working on...he was young...unshaven and a shitty ass teacher... I walked around...some people were staring at me...I'm not sure if it was because the recognised me or because I looked like I was going to kill someone...I turned around... I couldn't have missed h...ahhah...there he was...he had his hands on his head and he was leant against the wall. I walked briskly up to him and punched him.**_

"_**That's what you get for touching her you ass! I'm going to give you some advice that I've gave some of her friends...don't upset her...because if you do...I'm going to get a little chainsaw happy...then we'll see who can be the total ass!" I screamed at him...-------------------------------------------------**_


	34. This Hopless feeling

**GERARD**

Lying on my bunk, I couldn't contemplate how my life had turned the way it had. I had just finished on webcam with Bandit and Lyn. God, I missed them, but the thing that got me most...was how in the space of a couple of months I had found of my suicidal daughter was going out with my best friend and was pregnant... I turned my head to the side. Mikey was eagerly typing away to Alicia on his side kick, Ray was staring at the picture stuck to the ceiling of his wife and Bob was gently practising drums. I drummed my finger of the bed...my phone rang. Thank god. I picked it up quickly to see it was Frank.

"Hey Frankie. Is 'Elena okay? Any hold ups? Did you get your ba..." I didn't get any further because He interrupted me.

"'Elena thinks there is something wrong with the baby." I sat up immediately. Hitting my head on the bunk bed. They guys all quickly turned to see me.

"What?" I said sharply.

"I don't know Gee! We were on the plane and then she just started crying...and she told me that something wasn't right...and...Oh god. We've just got off now and I've jsut calmed her down, but...fuck...What if she's right?" He literally screamed down the phone.

"Okay. Calm. Down. Can I speak to her?"

"NO! You can't mention a word of this to anyone. She at the effin toilette any way." My mind whizzed about...Everyone else in the room had seemed to disappear and my fatherly affection kicked in.

"Is she okay? Oh god...did she seem like she was going to do something stupid?"

"I'm not sure. Look. I have to go. Don't tell anyone." Franks voice rang soberly...

_**-----------------------------------------"'Mikey stop the god damn car!" I ordered.**_

"_**DON'T YOU DARE!"**_

"_**What the hell's happening?" Bob asked.**_

"_**Gee stop shouting." Frank whispered. Mikey pulled over. I felt like everything was happening so fast...al I could feel was worry for...my baby...**_

" '_**Elena when did you do that to yourself?" I grabbed at her arm, but she pulled it away.**_

"_**I didn't do it to my self!" My eyes widened as she said that.**_

"_**What...wh-." She interrupted me before I could say anything.**_

"_**my ex did it to me! Okay? Are you happy?" **_

"'_**Elena...I..." I stuttered out all the world I could think of...**_

"_**One night I went over to his house and he was really drunk and he accused me of cheating on him...he pulled out this night and...started carving this in my arm...I was just bleeding...I thought I was going to dye...his brother walked in just as he was finished and getting ready to bash my god damn head of the wall and pulled him of me and took me to hospital!" My expression must have change so violently I was scared that I might have scared her.**_

"_**I'm going to fucking kill him." Franks voice rang out like the bells or a lowly church, calling its last. --------------------------------------------------------**_

I hung up my phone, shaking my head. Before the guys could say anything, I jumped up and ran into the main room. Into the pitch dark and closed the door. Everything seemed to start pounding on me. I was so worried for 'Elena, I just had to keep telling myself that Frank could look after her...like he always has.

'**ELENA.**

I stared at the mirror in the toilettes. Woman were applying makeup quietly. Smacking their lips and batting their lashes. I sighed heavily I looked down at my bloated belly...stroking it gently.

"Excuse me?" A woman said. I smiled and turned to her.

"You probably get this all the time, but my son love MCR and he adores you and it would really make his day if he could get your autograph!"

"Oh right...yeah!" I said with fake enthusiasm. She handed me a pen and a piece of paper and I quickly scribbled down a little message and my autograph 'Never give up on immortality, 'Elena Way xo.' She smiled and folded it neatly before putting it in her bag.

"Thank you so much. It's his 15th birthday in a week and this'll make his...life?" She laughed before returning back to her original position in front of the mirror. I liked the idea I had just made some kid happier on his birthday, but getting this attention...even through the years...still freaked me out. I walked out of the bathroom, to see Frank waiting for me, with his cheeky little smile. He had been so great on the plane. He had calmed me down. Bough a gazzilion-million bars of chocolate because wanted them and never freaked out...even after what I told him. Maybe I was just being a little rash...I hoped I was anyway. So we made our way to the hospital. It was midday here in NJ and I was shaking rapidly.

_**I said, we'll drown ourselves in misery tonight  
White lies, you've worn out all your dancing shoes this time**_

Just give us war-worn lipstick by the door if I inflame

These eyes have had too much to drink again tonight  
Black skies, we'll douse ourselves in high explosive light

Just give us war-worn, I've been calling you all week  
for my shotgun

Pick up the phone  
Pick up the phone, fucker

I wanna see what your insides look like (I wanna see what your insides look like)  
I bet you're not fucking pretty on the inside (Not so pretty)  
I wanna see what your insides look like (Not so pretty baby)  
I wanna see 'em (Not so)

Well you don't say  
And well I can explain what happened to my faith  
Late last night  
I sleep in empty pools and vacant alleyways  
And what I'm going through, shot lipgloss through my veins  
And when I can't complain  
With the falling rain

C'mon

I wanna save your heart  
I wanna see what your insides may be


	35. One way to resolution?

_**Yeah  
Everybody pay attention to me  
I got the answer  
I got the answer  
We'll rock it to ya with a capital D/G/T  
So get your hands up  
So get your hands up**_

Ain't nobody gonna dance tonight  
Ain't nobody gonna get the best of me  
Saint Peter come and save my soul  
I've come to show you how we rock and roll  
Come and see what sinks and floats  
Jumping up cause everybody knows

Wanna party  
Get on the dance floor  
You wanna dance yeah  
Up on the catwalk  
You do it alright  
You got the answer  
And all the good times  
Will give you cancer

Alright do it again  
Or maybe kill ourselves but live again  
With the lights off do it again  
Cause it's always, always the same old trend  
Blown away

How does it feel to be outclassed  
So get your hands up  
So get your hands up  
Right after me you want to kick up you're dead (?)  
So play a 5th note  
Play a 5th note

Ain't nobody gonna take my life  
Ain't nobody gonna get the best of me  
Saint Peter come and save me now  
Saint Peter gonna show you how  
Everybody do the party theme  
I am gonna  
Show you what we've got

Party  
Get on the dance floor  
You wanna dance now  
Up on the catwalk  
You do it alright  
You got the answer  
And all the good times  
Will give you cancer

Alright do it again  
Or maybe kill ourselves but live again  
With the lights off do it again  
Oh my god, oh my god, it's the same old trend  
Run away  
Run away  
Run away

Oh oh oh

Alright  
Kill the party kill the party tonight  
We'll kill the party kill the party tonight  
Let's go!

It's a party  
Get on the dance floor  
You wanna dance now  
Up on the catwalk  
You do it alright  
I got the answer  
You have a good time  
Get it get it go

Alright  
Get on the dance floor  
You want to dance now  
Up on the catwalk

Alright do it again  
When we kill ourselves but live again  
With the lights off do it again  
Come everybody get down (everybody get down)  
Till the party breaks down (till the party breaks down)  
Everybody get down (everybody get down)  
Till the party breaks down  
Till the party breaks down tonight

Before getting to the Hospital Frank and I got ice cream. I dipped my finger into it a let Frank suck it off. He smiled sheepishly as her let his lips move from my finger to hand.

"Y'know I'd call you horny old fucktard...but I'm one too." I laughed. Frank took a massive scoop of his tiramisu ice cream and jammed it in his mouth. I burst out laughing when he starting jumping up and down complaing of brain freeze.

"Yeah...you're 18 year old, pretty and smart...you're definitely a old, horny, fucktard!" Frank laughed.

"I remember it distinctly being a horny, old, fucktard!" I smiled. Frank looked around at the deserted ice cream parlour then leaned forward and kissed me, his hand cupping my face. I pulled away and looked at my all star watch.

"Geez, we better get going!" I said quickly and I jumped up.

"You ready?" Frank asked, a twinkle in his eye.

"Readier than ever."

* * *

At the hospital

* * *

**FRANK**

The taste of tiramisu mixed with nerves don't go down well. I tapped my feet impatiently as we waited outside the DR's room. 'Elena gripped my hand tightly in her's. KI couldn't help but think back through all the shit we've been through together...from her killing herself, my marriage falling apart, me getting jealous, her getting held hostage...when I first met her...I remember the fact that I could stop staring at her...I just couldn't...she had enchanted me. I think that's when I fell for her...It just took me a while...through stubbornness and shit...My thoughts where interrupted by a nurse calling out. We followed her and went into the room.

"Take a seat." She nodded to 'Elena then to the large white chair.

"Sure..." 'Ellie smiled. I pulled out a chair and sat next to her, our hands gripped together. The nurse glanced at a clipboard as she pulled a chair out for herself.

"So...you're 18 years old...no severe allergies to medicine...suffer from Bipolar and is on a 3- course of lithium...okay...This all seems good..." She mumbled to herself.

"Let's see this baby!" She announced. 'Elena and I looked between each other nervously before the nurse ordered 'Elena to lift up the bottom of her top s she could put some jell on 'Elenas bump.

"It's cold..." 'Elliegiggled as the metal devise rubbed against her belly and we stared at the moniter. The nurses eyebrows where burrowed as she moved the machine around agitatedly. Something wasn't right...

"I'm going to go and get the DR to see if he'll come and find your baby..." She left and a few seconds later returning with an older looking, African American. He smiled sweetly at us...He had one of those charming faces...

"Okay...let's see if we can find your baby..." I glanced at 'Elena. Her eyes were vacant but her finger where tightly gripping mine...the edges of her mouth twitching DR stared up at the screen before putting the machine down...he sighed, shaking his head...Oh god...it was happening...I knew it. I gulped.

"I'm sorry...I really don't know how to tell you this bu..." 'Elena interrupted him.

"The babies dead isn't it..." She said...her voice bland and un demonstrative.

"Yes. I'm sorry. It looks like it's only just died. The bloating should go down in a couple of days and in a couple of months you can try again...I'm truly sorry." He walked out of the room leaving us alone. I expected 'Elena to burst into tears...but she didn't...she just sat there...staring it the monitor. I was sure I was going to cry...but I didn't...I couldn't. I needed to stay strong for 'Elena. However bad this was for me...it must be ten times worse for her.

"He's lying." She stated...

"What?" I asked astonished. She jumped up and started shaking the monitor.

"It's lying Frankie! It's lying! I swear to god it is! It's not dead! IT CAN'T BE!" She screamed. Not a single tear falling. I grabbed her wrist and subdued her...but she still struggled.

"You believe me Frankie, don't you?" She stared me straight in the eye. Oh god...it hurt so much. She was almost insane at this second. I swear.

"I'm sorry...I just...can't." I stuttered. Her mouth opened and her hands dropped. She just stared at me. Before jumping up. Grabbing her jacket and walking out of the room. I followed her...

------------------

In the cab

----------------

'Elena jsut sat and stared out of the window...I had just picked up the phone and explained to he grandparents why we weren't going to go over and see them...but go straight to Lyns house and go to bed. They were so sympathetic... but their comforts did little to help. I stared at 'Elena. She had now fallen asleep. The cab stopped outside Lyns house. I got out and paid the driver before picking up 'Ellie and carrying her to the house. I rang the doorbell. Lyn answered with a smile. I put my index finger over my mouth, indicating her to be quiet, She understood immediately and I went up and put 'Elena down on her bed, in her old room. I walked down stairs solemnly...

"So?" Lyn said excitedly. I looked up at her.

"The baby...Lindsey...the baby died..."I said, shaking my head as I fell onto the couch.

"No..."

"It did...Oh god... 'Ellies...shit; she's so torn up. She just kept shouting they the DR was lying...but I saw that screen...there was nothing on it..."  
"I'm so sorry..."

"It doesn't matter if you are ror aren't...it's not gonna bring it back." I sighed. She nodded solemnly.

"You better go to bed. Bandit will be jumping all over you in the morning. She hasn't stop talking about seeing you guys again." She told me in her motherly ways.

"Yeah...I better..." When I walked upstairs, back into 'Elenas room...I couldn't help but take it all in again...I let a few tear escape...but I couldn't break down into flood of tears like my heart told me too...I just simply couldn't . I found myself going through 'Elenas stuff. I don't know how long I did...but I ended up going through photos, necklaces, trinkets...everything you could thing of until I ended up at the bottom of the deepest part of the last draw...It pulled out a dried blood covered razor...I look down at it...'Elena may have used this countless of time... I let my finger examine it...ouch...it cut myself on it...It only looked like a paper cut...but the blood drew out of it. I stared as a little trickled of blood journeyed down my finger...That's when it started. I brought the razor to the top of my arm...and slashed...I held my arm up and blood trickled down it and onto my clothes. So I slashed again. And again. And again. Until my arm was covered in blood...I was relived...calm...soothed. I was so light headed I could barely remember my name...never mind the tragedies of the day. I lay down on the bed 'Elena was on. I hugged into her and let myself fall asleep as I hugged her. I wasn't sure if I was going to get through this...but what ever happened...I was going to go through it with her.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------the morning after----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Welcome to this institution  
One way to resolution  
I'm put on this medication  
Rolls down my throat**_

Cause I can't ever sleep at night the same  
This medication enjoys, enjoys most every day

Cause I close my eyes,  
I see land

What did I say?  
What did I say to put Sister to Sleep?  
And fall awake and die  
And I'm never goin' to bed

Back to the day, back into this day  
Back to another level, hotter then hell  
Said that we're not savages until we do it  
Again  
And one last night I'll kiss your lips again

What did I say?  
What did I say to put Sister to Sleep?  
And fall awake and die  
And I'm never goin' to sleep

I will take this ferris wheel  
And I'm sleepwalking back into this hell

Oh my darling  
For the first time

Don't let me sleep tonight  
And get in your way tonight  
Don't let me sleep tonight  
Get in your way

What did I say?  
What did I say to put Sister to sleep?  
I'll never go to sleep  
And I won't go back to bed

I'm sleepwalking back into this...  
Hell!  
Oh... God...

Waking up made me feel like I was a teenager again. With my heavy eyelids and sore arms...splitting headache and worried thoughts for the day. I looked down at my arms...they can scabs covering over the ribbons I had cut them into. I pulled down my sleeves so no one would see and woke up 'Elena. She was sleeping with her arms tightly around her stomach. As I prodded her whilst kissing her neck I felt her stretch. She turned around so our heads were touching...noses skimming each others... She looked sorely into my eyes.

"C'mon...let's go face hell." She moaned and got up. I stared at her...then followed her and got up too... During breakfast I went and called the guys...and told them the bad news...they all sounded really shocked...

"Gee...I'm so sorry, I just can't believe it..." They all ushered. I sighed and told them we were coming back earl and where catching a plane in a few hours. I walked back in to find 'Elena playing with Bandit. Lindsey carefully watched over her as she did so...We quickly got all our stuff together and made way for the airport...without talking much. The plan journey was boring and we ended up sleeping most of the way through...well, 'Ellie did... I sat straight, bolt right up and watched her...I just needed to know that she was all right... After the flight we got a cab back to MCRs current destination. As we entered the hotel room , you could see the sour looking guys staring at us... 'Elena saw them and dropped her bags...ran through the room and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her....locking it too. I dropped my bags too...and slumped down...against the bathroom door. I put my head in my hands and started to cry. I cried for a while before any of the boys mustered the courage to say anything...it was Gee.

"I never thought this would happen..."

'**ELENA**

As I ran through the room into the bathroom and locked the door. I fell to the ground...feebly pulling myself up against the door. I felt myself break down at that moment...all the sorrow I had built up inside of me started to split me open. It was my fault. Jesse died because of me. So did adam. Granny. Joe. Mom. Dylan...my baby...Everything I got closed to died...it was a miracle Frank could still stand... I felt my self yelp through the tears... I pushed my head against the door...I could hear faint sounds from the other side of the door...Frank was crying...I hated that sound. I hated it more than anything. The one thing I would never curse anyone with...not even my worst enemy...I had inflicted on Frank; the...best thing that has ever happened to me...I jumped up and started the tap and filled up the bath full of icy cold water.

**FRANK**

I pulled myself up...the guys stared at me soberly. I knocked on the door...Unable to put any real strength into it.

"E...let me in!" I said timidly... I repeated myself again...slightly sterner this time...no reply. I pressed my ear up against the door. I could hear...muffled crying...gulping and the drips of tap...Worry suddenly hit me.

"LET ME FUCKING IN!" I scream banging against the door. Most of the guys had no idea what was happening...but Gee understood exactly. He jumped up quickly and hit the door with his shoulder as I had. I beat it with clamped fists...

"Open up! Please!" I screamed . The guys were on their feet now...I pressed my ear up against the door again...the only sound I could hear was the gushing of water. I need to get in there. I knew something was happening. I knew it...With the last remaining strength I had I flung myself against the door. Gee jump out of the way as it collapsed and I rushed into the bathroom. The floor was coveredin water...the bath had flooded. I ran over to the bath. 'Elena had submerged herself in it. Her eyes closed worry hit through me. I pulled her out of the water pressing her against me...

"Get me a fucking towel!" I screamed at Gee. He did as I said I wrapped her into a towel and started doing CPR to get the water out of her...her eyes flew open as she jolted up and coughed out god knows how much water. I pulled her into a hug against me.

"Don't you dare do that again..." I whimpered...

"Frank..." She cried.

"You hear me? NEVER!" I told her through my tears.

_**Hello spider monkeys! Thanks for reading this chapter! I'm updating as fast as I can so I hope it's A-okay. It's a little rushed...**_

_**Llama king...**_

_**United!**_

_**XD **_


	36. This Chapter Is Called: Dum, Duum, DUUUM

**THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY GOOD FRIEND ****1-SweetRevenge-1 (CASSI) WHO HAS SUPPORTED ME THROUGH OUT THIS STORY AND INSPIRES ME WITH HER AAMMMAZZZING STORIES TOO. THANK YOU!**

'**ELENA**

You know what if feel like to feel mentally dead? I do. 4 days after finding out about my baby's death and I was dead. Just dead. What could I say? I couldn't even cry any more...that's how much of a shitty person I am...I couldn't even cry. Frank just kept shouting/crying at me when he had pulled me out of the bath.

"_You could have died! You could have left me! Why Elena? WHY?"_ He had shouted...

"_WHY?" _Exactly Frank...why?

* * *

_**The the world is ugly,  
But you're beautiful to me.  
Are you thinking of me?  
Like I'm thinking of you.**_

I would say I'm sorry  
but I really need to go.

I just wanted you to know  
That the world is ugly,  
But you're beautiful to me.

Are you thinking of me?  
Are you thinking of him?

You could say you're sorry  
but I think you both should go  
I just wanted you to know,

There's an aching in my heart  
And there's a burden in my eyes.  
I could get a new start  
But I'd rather learn not try.  
I could find a new place  
Maybe no one knows my name  
But I think it's just the thing.  
Oh are you happy now  
Now that you got  
What you came for  
Are you  
Are you happy now  
Now that you got  
What you came for  
Are you happy now?  
Now that you got what you came for  
Are you happy  
Now!  
Are you happy now?  
Now that you got what you came for.

I sat on my bed. I scrolled down the contacts on my phone. I stared at Kittys name. I then looked down at the tattoo on y arm 'but I'll go down with my friends...' I bit my lip and rang her up...I looked around nervously...no one else was here...

"Hello?" I heard Kitty's voice ringing...

"Kitty...It's me...'Elena."

"Oh my god , 'Elena!" She literally screamed. I laughed timidly...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------2 months later------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things have started to settle down a bit...No ones forgotten...but we're under a mutual understanding that we NEVER talk about what happened...I'm not sure why, but after...it happened...something's been missing from me...I've been broken... unreal...Frank's the only thing that helps heal me. He softly kisses my nose each morning to wake me up. And every morning I'd pull him onto my bed and choke silently back tears as I hugged him. This morning I was doing the same thing. Frank stroked my arm softly and kissed my cheek.

"Shh...everything is going to be okay..." I almost believe him, I really wanted to, too, but something wasn't right. Gee walked in the bunk room and walked straight toward our bunk.

"Hey..." He smiled, you could tell he was still freaked out by me and Frank, but her was holding it back.

"Hi 'pa."

"Umm...oh yeah. Mikeys made eggs. They're really good, you should come and get some." My dad smiled. I looked back at Frank.

"Y'know what 'Ellie you go get some, I'll stay here and nap." He smiled. I nodded and got up. My giant 'jammys trudged against the ground as I walked into the squashed kitchen.

"Why hello!" Bob smiled as he looked up from his phone. Ray was writing something down on a list. Mikey hovered over the tiny pan before pulling at some eggs and putting them on a plate.

"Eat them up, you look alike a skeleton." Mikey laughed. My dad giggled before grabbing a piece of Mikeys bacon and stuffing it in his mouth.

"Sorry boys, I gotta run!" He laughed before jumping out of the truck and running of amongst the many others.

"Jesus! He's got my bacon!" Mikey cried.

"I know what else he's got..." Bob laughed. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What did you just say?"

"What? Me! NOTHING!" Bob ran off, picking up his phone as he did so."

"What's up with him?" I laughed.

"No idea." Ray said before binning the piece of paper he was working on. Mikey turned of the gas and sat down. I scoffed down the eggs.

"Dude, don't choke!" Mikey laughed.

"Thanks for that Mikey..." I laughed before heading back to the bunks and picking up some skinny jeans, band tee and converse. I got changed quickly in the "bathroom." I walked back into the bunks hearing Franks snores. I sat down next to him on his bunk, I leaned down and kissed his cheek. As I leaned up, I noticed something on his wrist. I leaned over an dlifte dup hid arm, examining it. His arms were covered in loads of pink scars. Some old and some peeling and new. I felt my chest become tighter; He was self harming. My frank. Was. Self. Harming. I walked out of the Bunks past the wrestling Mikey and Ray and out of the van. I walked through the lines and vans, until the tears had blinded my eyes I leaned against one of the vans. Crying. I couldn't stand the thought of him hurting himself, wilfully cutting his flesh into shreds.I wrapped my arms around myself. What could I say to him? Had I driven him to this?

"Umm...Hey"? I heard some one say. I turned to the source of the voice. It was Adam AND my dad.

'Elena what's wrong?" My dad look startled.

"Nothing..." I wiped back my tears "what are you doing here?"

"Your father and I were going to go and watch a movie...but..." Adam sort of shook my dads hand before walking of. I looked around confused...

"Dad go to the cinema!"

"No! I'm not going to go watch a totally bloody movie when my daughters crying." He pulled me into a hug.

"Oh god, dad..." I croaked.

"C'mon. You can tell me. Are you and Frank having problems?" I nodded sharply as he said that.

"About what?" He ask tenderly.

"I think...he's slitting."

**GERARD**

I just stared at her when she said that.

"You serious?" I said sharply. She nodded, tearfully. She couldn't be lying. Oh god. Frank had always been against that shit. Even through the bad time, when I was...she was shivering now.

"Okay. Wait here. " I turned around , walking toward the van.  
"Dad what are you going to do?" She screamed after me. I ignored that and ran to the van. When I got to it, it was practically deserted. I went into the bunks to see Frak lying on his side. He seemed to be crying.

"Hey Frank." I said sitting down next to her.

"Geez! Gimme a sec." He faced away. Wiping away his tears.

"Frank, I need to ask you something...because you're my...well, brother...and I'm worried about you..." Frank stared at me. He knew what I was taking about. He shook his head...

"Oh god...I'm so sorry...I don't know how it started. It just did." He looked down at his wrists.

"Can I see them?" I asked. He nodded and pulled up his sleeves. As I looked at them, I was taken back at how jagged and raw they were.

"Frank..." I whispered.

"I know Gee...It's bad. I just can't stop."

"Do you know where 'Elena is right now?" I asked. He shook his ehad.

"She out by TBS van crying because she knows you're slitting." Frank stared at me as I said that.

"No."

"Yes." I said looking down. He jumped up. Still in his Black Flag tee and sweats and ran out of the van.

**LINDSEY **

I tucked Bandit down in the car seat, smiling widely.

"Okay honey. We'll be there very soon." She moaned a little but eventually went to sleep as I drove. I looked at the picture stuck up on my mirror of Me, Bandit, 'Elena and Gerard. I missed them too...I missed Gee so much. I hated not being able to hug him at night, but MCR needed him. I looked at the icy roads ahead. All of the sudden the car in front flipped over and I hit straight into the back of it.

**FRANK**

I found 'Elena, leaned against TBS van.

"I'm sorry." I said hugging her.

"You don't need to be...Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you..."

"Don't do it again." She said sternly. She turned and kissed me on the lips. I could taste her salty tears as I kissed her cheek.

"You're crying."

"Frankie..."

"Ahuh..." I smiled down at her. I couldn't believe how understanding she was...but I guess she had been through all of this too...

"I want to have a baby."

* * *

**THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY GOOD FRIEND ****1-SweetRevenge-1 (CASSI) WHO HAS SUPPORTED ME THROUGH OUT THIS STORY AND INSPIRES ME WITH HER AAMMMAZZZING STORIES TOO. THANK YOU!**


	37. Pot Brownies

'ELENA

My dad and I got on a plane as soon as we found out. Straight to NJ. As we pulled our light bags of the conveyor belt and grabbed a taxi to take us to the air port.

"Dad, it's going to be okay." I said, half trying to comfort him, half trying to comfort me.

"I hope so..." He murmured. Lindsey was the closest to a mom I had ever had and I loved her for it and Bandit was the cutest thing on this planet, I couldn't face the idea of losing them. So just imagine what my dad felt. I pulled him into a hug.

"Did you get to speak to Frankie?" He asked. I looked at him questioningly.

"About...his...slitting?" He stuttered. I looked down.

"Yeah..."

"And?" He asked.

"Let's just focus on getting to the hospital and finding the PERFECTLY HEALTHY Lyn and Bandit."

-----------------------------------------When we got to the hospital we followed a young nurse to a room where Lindsey was waiting outside of it. My dad nearly jumped on her.

"Are you alright?" I asked her.

"Yeah...yeah." She sighed, nodding her head lifelessly.

"Oh god. I was so worri- Where's Bandit?" I stopped after hearing my dad say that.

"Yeah, where is she?" I asked, worry suddenly filling me again.

"She in this room. The doctors are just taking same Xrays and tests to make sure she's okay." Lyn smiled. I saw her bandaged wrist, raising my eyebrow.

"It's sprained." She sighed.

"So what happened?" My dad asked, his arms tightly around Lyn.

"This effin van in front of me flipped...must have been on the ice, but I went crashing into it!" She said. My dad leaned forward and kissed her on the lips.

"Ewwe...Eww!" I almost screamed. People stared at me.

"What? They're old! It's practically against the law!" I scoffed at them. The nurses, Drs and patients stared at me for a second longer before looking away. Obviously thinking that I was one of the mental patients.

"Way the make a scene." Dad sighed.

"Actually, can you wait for Bandit out here. I need to go and talk with 'Elena." Lyn smiled taking my hand.

"As long as you're not conspiring against me, I don't mind." Dad laughed. Lyn dragged me through the corridors, to the crappy little cafe place in the hospital. We sat down, both with a cup of coffee.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

"Yes...Just a tad sore."She smiled.

"A TAD? Who the hell says 'tad?" I laughed.

"I do!" She exclaimed, before taking a slurp of her coffee.

"Damn I want a cigarette..." I sighed.

"Hmm?"

"A F.A.G. I WANT ONE NOW!" I mouthed at her. She rolled her eyes.

"I don't know why I didn't see you and Frankie coming; you're so alike." She laughed. I automatically thought back to my Frankie...MY Frankie. It didn't seem that long ago since I was writing FANFICTION about him when I was 13 or when I was photo shopping my face on his body to see what our babies would look like...again when I was at the insane age of 13. But. Don't. Tell. Any. Any. Of. That.

"Hmm..." I sighed.

"Yeah. That sort of leads me onto...what I wanted to talk to you about..."

"Which is..."

"You. I mean. The baby." She said slowly.

"There's not much to say about it."

"Well...how are you coping?"

"If you mean...am I going to kill myself; It's a no." I took another gulp of coffee.

"Good. What about Frank? Is he okay? He seemed so torn up about it last time I saw him..." I bit my lip as she said this.

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked, leaning forward.

"Of course..." She said, her eyes widening. I looked around before leaning in closer and saying very quietly:

"He started slitting, Lyn..." I pulled back...Trying to stop myself from crying. She just stared at me...

"No..."

"Yes."

"Does your dad know about this?" She asked.

"Yeah..."

"When did you find out?"

"Only a couple of hours before we found out about you...double whammy, huh?"

"Jesus. IS he okay? What are they like?" She asked. I shook my head.

"They looked awful, I mean coming from me too...They were deep and red and purple and infected and...and..." I stopped taking a gulp.

"He said he was going to stop...but I don't believe him." I finished. She sat and stared at me for a second...

"Maybe he is."

"He isn't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know him, Lindsey. I know him! We sat outside TBS van...discussing...alot...but when he agreed to stop, That wasn't him agreeing." I sighed. I thought back to what we were talking about. Me. Frankie. Baby.

_**And all my hopes and dreams  
aren't for anyone  
I keep them safe and sound**_

And hope this picture is  
not yours anymore  
But can you hear me now?

The dead stop dreaming  
I'll set ablaze this life  
your shadow keeps me bright

So try and stop me  
or suffocate this light,  
because I can burn all night.

Until my heart stops beating  
You'll never hear me say  
I won't kiss you

If I say,  
It's lost its beating  
If I can't find my way  
It's over now

But I won't  
Walk away

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
Until the day  
(Woah, Woah)  
I'm never backing down  
(Woah, Woah)  
And hear me say  
(Woah, Woah~)  
I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Woah, Woah)  
I'll keep it safe and**_

_**[Gerard Way:]**__**  
This hopeless feeling  
The fear of falling down  
But I'm not crashing now**_

For all this bleeding  
It wasn't worth a sound  
A million screaming loud

And still  
The end comes reeling  
The curtain calls my name  
I'm not afraid

And I know  
You may not miss me  
But I am not ashamed  
The choice I made

But I can't let this go

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
Until the day  
(Woah, Woah)  
I'm never backing down  
(Woah, Woah)  
Just hear me say  
(Woah Woah~ Woah Woah)  
I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Woah, Woah)  
I'll keep it safe and**_

_**[Bridge:]**__**  
Kyosuke Himuro:  
No dashing car  
Or a dying star  
That's raced into the ground**_

_**[Gerard Way:]**__**  
Like the final words  
Of the passengers  
Will the angels give it all?**_

We're the world  
Watch us fall

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
**__**[KH:]**__** 'Till the day  
(Woah, Woah)  
**__**[GW:]**__** I'm never backing down  
(Woah, Woah)  
**__**[KH:]**__** Just hear me say  
(Woah Woah~ Woah Woah)  
**__**[GW:]**__** I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Woah, Woah)  
**__**[KH:]**__** I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Woah, Woah)  
**__**[GW:]**__** I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Woah, Woah)  
**__**[KH:]**__** I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Woah Woah~ Woah Woah)  
**__**[GW:]**__** I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Woah, Woah)  
**__**[KH:]**__** I'll keep it safe and sound**_

I hadn't slept in my old bed in so long, it felt...well...not right. The whole night, I rolled around wishing Frank was there. The next day My dad and I would fly back to the tour, leavin Lyn and Bandit. You could tell my dad hated the idea of leaving Lindsey. They had went to 'bed' (yuck) early leaving me and bandit, we ended up watching some kiddy Dora..something movie before me putting her to bed. Normally, I would check that my dad had put his light of before going to bed, because he had a tendency to leave them on, but I didn't want to risk it, if you catch my drift, so I went to be. Thinking about the next day with excitement curling in my stomach. I couldn't wait to go see Kitty and Sam! I sighed and got out my phone. I was never going to get any sleep without talking to Frank. I put my light on called Frank.

"Hello?" He answered groggily.

"Hey! It's me!" I said, over zealously.

"Hi honey...do you know what time it is?" He asked.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I just needed to speak to you before I could sleep..."

"Thankfully I don't have the same stalkerish problems you have..." Frank laughed.

"I'm missing you." I whispered. Truthfully, I hadn't been without Frank in so long...I was struggling to function. It sounds pathetic...but It's true. Frank didn't say anything for a second.

"I miss you too." I could almost taste his voice, he almost sounded...like, god knows, a kitten had died.

"So is B and L okay?" he asked.

"Yes. Perfectly fine, nosey as ever." I laughed.

"That's great. The guys were so worried...I can't wait for you guys to get back though..."

"Why that?" I asked, biting my lip...

"Because when you get back we can get star-." I didn;t hear any more of that sentence as I was to freaked out by my door creaking open and the little figure that was my sisters toddling in.

"Frank, I kinda need to go." I almost laughed before hanging up.

"Sorry...Mommy and daddies light was out and I'm scared of the dark..." (Oh so HE DID put his light of.) She climbed onto my bed, smiling.

"Are you okay?" I asked. Pulling the duvet around her as she snuggled in next to me.

"I had a nightmare..." She stuttered.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to let any zombies or ghoulies or horrible things get you!" I smiled. She shook her head.

"It wasn't a monster...and it wasn't coming for me." She stopped, starring up at me with her innocent chocolate eyes... "It was coming after you."

* * *

When I woke up...it was due to the small child literally jumping on my face with excitement.

"Mommies made brownies! And we can have some for breakfast!" She giggled, pulling me out of bed.

"Yumm...just gimme a sec." I smiled pulled for a hoodie I could through over my PJS top. When I got down stairs all I could smell was a mass of chocolate.

"Oh so the rumours true!" I smiled...before grimacing at My dad and Lyn LOOONNGG smooch.

"Urgh." I sighed. I sat down at the table opposite Bandit and smiled at her.

"You want some brownie? And coffee, I'm guessing, daughter like dad, huh?" She laughed pouring out some coffee as my dad hugged her.

"Now I must ask...these brownies don't have any..." I looked down at Bandit, remembering I had to choose my words carefully, "extras do they? Not like I'm complaining or anything. I just like to now." I laughed. Lyn rolled her eyes.

"Ahuh. If you want to get some of that stuff, you have to go back to your old highschool." She laughed.

"I hope you're joking." My dad said, raiding an eyebrow, before munching on his toast. I gobbled down my brownie and slurped at my coffee.

"What if I'm not?" Lindsey stared back into my dads eyes, daring him to revolt against her, before devilishly kissing him.

"Okay. I can't watch you too any more." I announced.

"It's not like we have a condition." My dad almost cried with laughter.

"Yes you do. You both suffer from perviatious." I laughed before jumping up and running up the stairs, only to hear Bandit faintly ask her mom:

"What's perviatious?" I grimaced at the idea of Lyn trying to talk her way out of that one, before quickly getting change into some tartan skinnies, a Saves The Day tee and some plain black converse with red laces. I pulled a brush through my hedge of a hair and applied a hell of a lot of eyeliner before risking the sun. It was un fathomely hot and the light hurt my eyes, so I put on my Geeky black and red old school styled sunglasses as I walked through the desolate streets of NJ to the infamous donut house.

As I entered, I could make out the almost familiar face of the citys slicker, all starring up my now notorious tattoos and piercings. I ran my hands nervously through my hair and looked around for Kitty. When I did find kitty, I didn't find the punky, crazy kid I knew before, but the glamorous vampirish model that I now know. Sammy had also changed alot, he had slimmed sown alot, his hair was back tohis natural curvy/ straight and ear length and he had his nose pierced. I sta down on their table as they stared me up and down.

"Wow." Sammy stared at me.

"Well, it wasn't what I was expecting...but good enough." I laughed before reaching over and hugging them.

"Oh god, it's so great to see you..." Kitty beamed.

"You guys too. I mean you look fantastic, both of you...you slightly creepy, vampire catalogue couple!" I smiled, looking at the perfect pair.

"What about you? I mean jesus, 'Elena...you've really...grown up?" Sammy said. Now I was confused.

"I haven't changed at all..." I murmered.

"Umm...yes you have. You were like this...punk princess before...but you're now the scene queen! You're like...a woman!" Kitty exclaimed...The whole place stared at us.

"Sorry my friend is just going through a lesbian patch!" I giggled. They all stared harshly at us, before returning to their pitiful duties.

"Oh, shut up!" Kitty smiled.

"Well... you so are." I huffed.

"Well obviously, the roads been good to you and...Frank?" Sam said/asked anthsiastically.

"yeah, it has and the...settles donw, perfect pair life has done perfectly for you too... Oh god, did you tell kittys mom. YET?" I excalmied with laughter.

"Yes! That's the news! She told us, she had figured it out like...years ago!" Kitty said.

"What? That's crazy!" I laughed.

"I know right! And you folks know about Frank!"

"I guess. Do you want to hear something even more crazy?" I asked

"Oooh. Yes!" Sammy barked out, to the annoyance of the other donut house customers.

"Me, Girlfried of Frank Iero, daughter of Gerard Way, step daughter of Lindsey Anne Ballato Way and niece of Mikey EFFIN Way, had a fangirl moment!" I almost screamed.

"With who?" Kitty laughed.

"Adam Lazzara." I smiled to the amusement of Kitty.

"No way...You met him?"

"AHUH!" I almost screamed. I was back. Back where I belonged and it felt great. It felt great. I just. Missed. Frank. Like. Hell.


	38. Battling the loss you live for,

_**HEY GUYS! I'm back! As per request, as usual...This chapter is my rather crappy x-mass present for you guys, it's all because I love you! I'm going to end this with a Christmas poem entailed 'Xmess Detritus' it's themed but brings up 2 issues 1)Apathy in the world and how we should actually care and 2)global warming and landfills and all the environmental shit. (XD) You've probably heard of it as Gerard Way did the narrations for it's stop work animation, I just thought It would add some 'manufactured, commercial seasonal greetings' to this story as well as a well known song that MCR covered, featuring in this. Merry Mother Fucking Christmas Boys and Girls!**_

I told the guys not to pick us up from the airport. My dad was thrilled that the girls were okay, but I could see he hated leaving them. I felt awful as I hugged my family and friends goodbye before boarding on the plane. It was a long boring ride. When we finally got back to the base, I found Frank outside the bus, his bags packed whilst smocking a cigarette.

"Hi, Hon!" I smiled as he pulled me into a hug after dropping his cigarette on the ground and stamping on it.

"I missseeddd you." He exclaimed. Kissing my cheeks, cheekily moving down onto my chest.

"Wow. Isn't that gross." My dad murmured as he went into the van.

"What's wrong with him?" Frankie asked.

"He's pissed about leaving Lyn and B..." I sighed. I could hear my dad shouting at the others to get there stuff together because our plane to Tokyo was scheduled to go soon. It's so stupid. I flew back from NJ, here so we could fly to Tokyo, but we had already booked the tickets here and couldn't cancel them. So we had to fly back here to fly there. They all walked out, bags in hands. Mikey ran over and pulled me away from Frank as he gave me the biggest hug ever.

"You have no idea how boring it is without you!" Mikey laughed.

"Gee...I've only been away a day or two." I laughed. I had to admit; it was nice being missed. We all squeezed into the van and made our way to the airport. I pulled up my hoody and put on some sunglasses. After checking in our luggage my dad took charge,

"Okay, we have 20 minutes before boarding. We meet and gate G6. RUN OFF!" He laughed. I quickly found that there was a 'rush' when it came to airports. People starred at s as we did so, I wasn't sure if it was because they had recognised us or if they thought we were psychos. I could here my dad screaming...

"GOONNNAAA GETTT COFFEE" I laughed as he did so and turned to the only one left, Frank.

"So...we didn't get to finish our...conversation...on the phone." He smiled. I smiled too. Putting my arms around him.

"Frank...I want to ask you about something..."

"Ahum..." He smiled as he stared deep into my eyes. I always thought it was funny, the fact I was taller than him.

"Well, y'know we had that discussion the day of, Lyn'z accident..."

"Yeah..."

"Well...you're going to stop...y'knowing...right..." I stuttered shamefully. He paused a second. His eyes glazed over.

"Of course..." He murmed.

"Frankie?"

"I will! I will!" He said. Will is future tense...meaning...that he hadn't actually stopped.

"Okay...good."

"That brings me onto what I wanted to say to you..."

"Yep?" I asked He pulled me off to the side of the room, where we didn't look so obvious.

"Y'know...during that chat...we mentioned something else?" I stopped...He was talking about my baby outburst.

"Yes."

"I meant it when I said I wanted a baby, too." He said. I couldn't help but feel shaken up, I wasn;t sure if he was saying that to calm me down before, but looking into his eyes now...I was sure he was telling the truth.

"You mean that?" I asked astonished.

"Hell yeah...I mean...I want to start trying...as soon as possible." He said. I stopped...How soon could possible be? I started counting out my cycle.

"'Ellie...are you doing that things they do on TV when they're trying to figure out when they're...you knowing...and you knowing...and what's it?" He asked, half laughing. I stopped my eyes widening.

"I am..."

"'Ellie, are you okay?"

"Never better. Frankie, you know when you said, you'd want to start trying as soon as possible?" I smiled. Frankie stared at me confused.

"Yeah."

"Well...we could start trying...now."

"Now?" Frank said, his eyes lighting up too.

"Yes." I nodded. Next thing I know. Franks picked me up in a marital fashion and is carrying me along. I wriggled around.

"I could get used to this." I laughed hysterically.

"Okay...where?" His face coloured with a smile.

"Bathrooms!" I exclaimed, a little too loudly.

"Mens!" He laughed doing the same.

"Why mens?"

"Because 1) they don't care 2) if I go into the ladies they'll beat me up." He laughed . He opened the doors to the mens toilettes. I normally would feel like a slut, even thinking about it, but I can't be a slut if I'm doing it because I want to have a kid with the man I love right? He opened a cubicle door and sat down on the toilette seat. I closed the door, Locking it as I did so, I pulled of his jacket and discarded it on the ground before sitting on his legs, facing him, pulling him closely against me. He kissed my neck and gently started pulling of my jeans. I pulled of his tee, unveiling his toned pale body, covered in tatts. He almost ripped of my 'mummy' t-shirt. I couldn't help but giggle hysterically.

"Shhh." Frank half giggle, half whispered. His eyes bright with mischief.

"I would, but your too tasty." I whispered in his ears. I felt his body move somewhat rhythmically as it pressed against mine... Every movement filled me with pleasure...

"Oh..go-." I didn't get to finish as I heard a male voice...probably a teenager exclaim:

"SOME MOTHER FUCKERS ARE HAVING SEX!" I stopped pulled back and looked around the grey cubicle, making sure no one was looking in. Frank smirked sheepishly.

"Mind your own business!" I heard some one say in the toilette next to us. The first thing to hit me was that a guy was defending our sex in toilettes whilst he was on one...but the next thing that hit me was his voice, it sounded way to familiar...I heard to door to the toilettes swing closed. I sighed out, relieved.

"Ummm...I'm only saying this because I'm old and...I don't know, But if your teenagers or young...use protection." The guy said again. I stopped. I knew who the owner of that voice was. Mikey Way. I leaned forward to Frankie very quietly and whispered into his ear:

"Is that Mikey?" I said, a hint of amusement smeared across my accent of worry.

"I'm afraid so." Frank whispered back. Next thing I know I hear the toilette flush and the door swing shut.

"Hello?" Frankie asked. Silence. I breathed out heavily with relief.

"Oh my..."

"God?" I finished Frankies sentence.

"Wow, awkward much..." Frank sighed. I looked between us...

"Hmm..." I leaned forward and kissed his chest, going down and down and down until I was almost at his _member. _I blew on it gently, I could feel him shake. I was such a tease. I smiled and jumped up and pulled my clothes on.

"That's it?" He asked, almost upset.

"That's it; we have to be at the gate in approximately.." I looked down at my watch "2 minutes." He pulled on his clothes as we walked out of the bathrooms, blushing red and walked to the gate I smiled and whispered to Frank...

"So, I'll be seeing you in the aeroplane toilette?" He stared at me, his mouth slack. I just laughed before running off towards the gang.

**MIKEY **

Had I just told some kids to have sex safe...in a toilette? Geez...how Old am I? I tried to discourage this thought as I raced to the gate to find my brother, Ray and Bob waiting.

"Hey dude, have you seen 'Elena and Frank; if they don't get here soon we're going to be late." Ray asked. I shook my head and looked around at the other passengers. I hated having to wear effin sunglasses everywhere. I turned around again to see Frank and 'Elena literally sprinting towards us. They looked like they had just fallen out of bed, with their clothes crumpled and hair wild.

"Well, thankgod!" Bob laughed.

"Boarding shall now begin, if you can make an orderly queue, so we can process you as fast as possible." We all sprinted through the crowds like mad men to the front. Gee handed our tickets in as she looked at them.

"So Mikey...do you always tell kids to be safe in toilettes?" I heard Frankie laugh. I turned to him. How the hell did he know?"

"Wha---how do you know?" I excalmied. 'Elena just choked back tears of laughter. I looked between them.

"Noo...It wasn't..." I shook my head. Frank and 'Elena just burst out laughed. I stared at them...ewwwwwww.

"C'mon dude! We can get on now!" I heard Ray say as he dragged me off. I shook my head as I walked along trying to force the idea of my niece and best friend doing it in a airport toilette.

_**I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need  
I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree  
I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
Baby all I want for Christmas is you**_

I don't want a lot for Christmas there is just one thing I need  
And I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree  
I don't need to hang my stocking way above the fireplace  
Santa Clause won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas day  
And I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, you baby

I wont ask for much this Christmas  
I wont even wish oh I wont even wish. I wont even wish for snow.  
I'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe  
I wont make a list and send it to the North Pole for St Nick  
Wont even stay awake to hear the magic reindeer play

Cause I just want you here tonight,  
Holdin on to me so tight  
What more can I do  
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, oh baby  
Oh our lives are shinin surrounding everywhere  
Where the sounds of children's laughter fills the air  
And everyone is singin' oh I hear those sleigh bells ringin'  
Santa wont you bring me the one I really need  
Wont you bring back my baby to me

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas  
This is all I'm askin for  
I just want to see my baby standing right outside my door  
I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you, you, its you, you, oh baby  
All I want is you _**[x4]**__**  
You, you, you, you, you**_

**FRANK**

When we got to Tokyo we got a taxi to the gig we had on the next day and found our van before putting all of our shit in there. Non of us were tired, so we decided on buying some cheap, strong alcohol and looking around..well the tiny bit we got too..Tokyo. I pulled 'Elena into my arms as we walked around the cold night air. People were still out and about, shouting shit out and riding about in cabs.

"Guys where are we?" Bob laughed.

"I'm not sure..." Gee laughed. He had his video camera out, and was recording 'Gee Cam'

"Gee! Gee! Take a shot of this!" Mikey smiled. Gee turned to hi and Mikey gave him a single fingered salute. (if you catch my drift)

"Oh fuck you." Gee giggled as we walked along, He looked around at the overs walking through the streets, waving and videoing them.

"Now, Now daddy...I don't want you done for breaching people privacy." 'Elena smiled, gulping down some of the liquor.

"And I don't want you done for under aged drinking, but...who knows what can happen?" Gee said, half threatening and half joking.

"FUCK IT! If we lived in England we wouldn't be having this problem!" She sighed. I just smiled as Gee flashed the camera at me. He then made the mistake of trying to film bob.

"Get the fuck away!" Bob screamed bitch slapping the camera.

"Ouch, you're hurting it's feelings!" Ray teased. I looked down at 'Elena, she was biting her lip ring, she only does that when she's keeping a secret...I was pretty sure I knew what secret she was keeping...

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about something..."

"I was wondering...can we tell them?" I asked. At that very moment all of them turned at looked at 'Elena and I.

"Tell us what?" Ray asked.

"No we can't! Not until..." She stopped for a second...doing a sum in her head, "5 days, when we know...if you know what I mean..."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Gee asked.

"Nothing!" I smirked.

"Oh c'mon, you gotta tell us now!"  
"NO!" 'Elena said powerfully.

"DAMN YOU!" Bob screamed. You know that feeling you had, when you were in high school and you'd go around with your friends getting drunk and everything would be so unclear and un known and you had that feeling in your stomach, that no matter how shitty it got, this was what life was about? That's what I had...right, there and then...and it made me question myself a bit, Why was I still slitting, why was I still so depressed? My life was great, I had fallen hopelessly in love with my best friend and we were going to try for a kid, I was in my favourite band, I played guitar, I made a good living...yet somehow...I still...I still felt like...I'm not sure what I feels like, but there's such beauty in despair, that even the pain was somehow worth it. I took another swig from the bottle and Smiled into Gee's camera.

"This...This is living."

_**So many hopes  
So many dreams  
So many gifts under the tree  
Needful things and passing whims and fleeing bits of luxury  
There they wait for to surprise some eagerly awaiting eyes.  
But at that very moment time starts counting down to their demise  
For every dearest darling prize will hear that chilling thrilling chime  
And become unwanted toys  
For everything must break in time.  
All will end up in a cave, a landfill or a shallow grave.  
The earth will take what she can take and wretch the rest up in a wave.  
Poisoned, is the earth for years  
From all the trinkets we held dear.  
So spare the earth this holiday  
Give love and friendship  
Hope and cheer  
Things one needn't wrap, my dears.**_

_**By Voltaire**_


	39. For The Dreams That I'm Dreaming

**3****rd**** Person**

"_Frankie...what's wrong?" The dark, pretty girl held Frankie in the bunks. All was quiet except for the occasional snores. Of Bob, Frank's eyes opened. He gazed down at the girl whom he was embracing. He pulled back, he would have got out of the bed, but fear had struck him._

"_Who the fuck are you?" He screamed._

"_I'm Tilly ,silly billy! C'mon get back to bed!" She whispered over zealously. HeR curly brown hair springing around her head._

"_Where's 'Elena?" He screamed, Looking at the undisturbed bunks of the others. Tilly's face furrowed into a frown._

"_Frankie, baby...are you having your night terrors again? We talked about this, 'Elena is dead. She died. She committed suicide after she found...us...cheating on her." Tilly said, the first hint of soberness tinting her voice._

"_No I wouldn't do that to her! I love her!" Frank screamed, tears brimming at his eyes. 'Elena couldn't be dead._

"_Stop it! Now! You're scaring me!" Tilly said sternly._

"_Stop lying!" Frank wept, his hands covering over his eyes. Had he cheated on 'Elena? He HAD cheated on Jamia. Had 'Elena killed herself? She had tried in the past..._

"_Gerard! Wake up! He's at it again!" Frank could barely hear her as he wailed. Next thing he knew Gerard had pressed him down, against the bed, restraining him._

"_Sorry Frank. It's for your own good. Breath, Frankie breath..." As Gerards voice started to calm, he felt something hard hit his head as he was knocked unconscious._

**FRANK**

I awoke again to find myself in the pitch darkness, Gerard was back in his bed and...Tilly had disappeared. Was 'Elena dead. He looked around the bunks, she wasn't here...He felt his heart break. She HAD killed herself hadn't she. Didn't her dad care? I got up...tears blurring my vision and made my way out of the van to the muddy park. When had all this happened? Had the last couple of months been some crazy dream? Mud slashed around on my PJ bottoms and soles of my feet. I bumped crazily into vans and lamposts. I had thought we were going to have kids..it must have been so creepy dream. I didn't want to live without 'Elena and certainly not with Tilly _**(authors note: no offence Tilly, I just thought I'd use ur name 4 sum reason! If Frank did meet u I'm sure he'd be head over heels for you!)**_ I found myself looking at the stadium we were supposed to be playing tomorrow, On the side was some shifty looking ladder climbing up the roof, It must have been for maintenance purposes, but suddenly I saw an escape route. I climbed up the ladder sorrowfully, tears spilling out of my eyes...When I reached the top I felt like I needed to do something...I looked around, finding a piece of sharp glass on the roof top, I started carving on the wall ground 'FUCK IT.' It wasn't the most poetic piece of shit in the world, but it was the only thing I knew how to do anymore. As I stepped over to the side of the roof, tenderly, I stared down at the deserted street, the up again into the deep night sky.

_**----------------------------------- I chocked when 'Elena first kissed me...she parted my lips with hers. Then something happened...I can't explain it...but it just felt so right, so perfect. I kissed her back; I felt my body press against her as my tongue danced along her lips. She pulled me closer by putting her hands around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her...My mouthed moved to her jawbone, my tongue circling her flesh. Everything was seemed so perfect...the air seemed to thicken and gravities pull on us faded away. All of the sudden Jamia popped in my head...she didn't deserve this... I pulled away,**_

"_**This is so wrong..." I stared into her eyes. So full of lust, so bright...so alive.**_

"_**Do you honestly care at this moment in time?" I didn't. Not anymore. Not with those eyes. And her skin. I needed to kiss her pale flesh... I pulled her closer to me again...our lips tied...we fell of the couch...'Elena giggled through our kisses as the blankets came with us... I moved my hands down to her hips...----------------------------**_

_**------------------------------"Please...you've got to pull through this..." I whispered into her ear, she couldn't do this, I wasn't ready to say 'goodbye' yet.**_

"_**Please don't leave me here alone; I don't want to wake up when you're not waiting for me in my day" She was breaking my heart as I cooed this gently into her ear...**_

"_**I can't lose you, God...I don't know how many time I've told you that...and I really mean it..." I paused for a second..."it just took me a real long time to figure out..." My voice trailed of again. What was I saying? I knew what I was saying! I knew! I FUCKING UNDERSTOOD NOW!**_

"'_**Elena wake up...please...I swear to god I will do anything to make you happy. What evers wrong, I can fix it...I'll make sure everything fucking peachy as a fucking pumpkin...shit..**_'_**Ellie...I need you in my life...I NEED YOU!" -------------**_

_**---------"Lindsey will be back soon. Frank, you should go. I'm not going to tell anyone..." Gerard turned and walked to her kitchen, his hands clutched...oh god, he hated me. 'Elena got up, sorely. I stared at her through my swelling eyes, what was this deep, matted feeling I had squirming in my stomach as I stared at her...I think I knew what it was...I got up and leaned over her, hovering at her ear I whispered "I can't lose you..."-----------------------------------**_

Why was the sky staring down at me, with it's perturb and malice? Why were my hands shaking? Why had my knees suddenly bolted? Couldn't they all see I was in enough pain? Aggravating me with their aggressiveness and innocence. I looked down again at the street, this time it wasn;t empty, it had a figure of pure beauty, climbing along it's stretched. She was downing a starbucks.

"'Elena..." I said just loud enough for her to hear me, she looked up at me. She dropped her coffee. She was a damn hallucination, I knew it, it was the fiin devil just tempting fate because there was no way that I was getting in heaven.

"Frank! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID!"

"Noo..stop it. You're dead...You're fucking dead!" I sobbed, screamed out the last bit.

"Frank I have no idea what's going on in your head, but I'm not dead. Look I'M HERE!" She screamed...

"Noo...Stupid fucking tilly. Tilly is my fucking future...oh crap."

"Who the fuck is fucking Tilly. AND THAT IS NOT THE POINT! JUST STAY THERE!" I could see her looking at the stared as she ran for them. I leaned forward, was she real? Was she alive? WAS SHE ALIVE? All of the sudden I felt myself trip over the edge.

"FRANKIE!"

* * *

Hahahaha, this is a short chapter! Sorry! I just thought, the shorted the better for this one. THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY VERRY GOD SKITTLES BUDDY: **ASHKIE SAGE**. I hope you like this!

YOU PUT THE HATE IN MY HEART


	40. Come angels of unknown

"FRANKIE!" She screamed as I feel forward. I felt myself grab onto the ledge, halting my fall. I couldn't see anything, my tears had blurred my eyesight completely. My finger felt like they were going to be pulled of as I hung on.

"Help!" I screamed. I could hear 'Elenas screams and struggles as she clambered towards me.

"Give me your hand!" She cried out. I tried to give her one of them, but if I let go I would fall.

"I can't!" I screamed again. She reached down, her finger tips touching my wrists, her face was so strained. She gave up and looked up. I was going to let go soon. I knew it. My finger couldn't keep me hanging here.

"SOME ONE HELP! HELP! PLEASE HELP US!" She screamed out to the deserted streets.

**GERARD**

During this night, I woke up surrounded by darkness. I sighed, shuffling around trying to get comfortable, but I couldn't sleep. I got up and looked around the bunks, 'Elena and Frank were gone. I had an idea what they were doing and I DIDN'T LIKE IT. I tip toed out of the bunks, through the main area of the van and out of it, it my PJs and all. That's when I heard the screams.

"Noo..stop it. You're dead...You're fucking dead!" That was definitely Frank, what the hell was he talking about though. I ran along the muddy van park to the streets.

"Frank I have no idea what's going on in your head, but I'm not dead. Look I'M HERE!" it was 'Elenas voice. I looked around, trying to figure out where it was coming from, but I couldn't see her near me in the darkness, I felt my fatherly concerns take over me as I followed her voice.I kept on running, I was getting so scared. The faint voiced that I had heard before had grown louder, I must be on the right path.

"Noo...Stupid fucking tilly. Tilly is my fucking future...oh crap." WHO THE HELL WAS TILLY? Their voices were getting so loud now..I looked around, irrated, where were they? Was I imaging this?

"Who the fuck is fucking Tilly. AND THAT IS NOT THE POINT! JUST STAY THERE!" What was happening? I was running around in effing circles around the vans. I must be because It didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. Unless. I was near the stadium. During that thought I heard the blood curdling scream...

"FRANKIE!" There was a silence. Whatever she was saying, was to far away for me to here. DAMMIT, WHY HADN'T I BROUGHT A FLASHLIGHT?

"Help!"

"Give me your hand!"

"I can't!" I ran as fassed as I could to the stadium...The first glimmers of light shone as the street lights appeared. That's where I saw it. On top of the stadium roof was 'Elena grabbing painfully at Frank, who was clinging on to the edge. My heart skipped a beat.

"SOME ONE HELP! HELP! PLEASE HELP US!"

"I'm here!" Just stay still! I screamed to them as I climbed up the cold, metal ladders on the side of the building. They were wondering why I was here. I was wondering why Frank was hanging of a building. When I got to the top I disregarded 'Elena I reached down for Frankie. He just stared at me.

"Just reach up!" I screamed, but he couldn't...he had froze, completely.

"FRANK!" That's when it clicked with him. He swung his hand up, but before I could even grab it, he had fallen. Down. Down. DOWN. I almost fell of myself trying to grab him.

"FRANK!" 'Elena screamed. I just stood there starring at hisbody on the ground. He seemed to still be conscious, but blood was sotthing from his head. I heard 'Elena rush down the steps.

'**ELENA**

Shock just hit me like the waves in the ocean as I jumped of the bottom steps and ran to Frankie who was still lying on the floor. His leg had hit a funny angle and a puddle of blood was around his head. I leaned down.

"Frankie, oh god. Frankie? Are you awake?" I asked. He coughed.

"It hurts..." He said, almost crying again.

"GEE PHONE A FUCKING AMBULANCE!" I screamed. I had no idea what had just happened, but I was sure as hell scared.

---------------------------------------------------At The Hospital-----------------------------------

"JUST TELL ME IF HE'S GOING TO BE OKAY!" I screamed at The DR, as he waffled on. My dad, pulled me back.

"Well... can't say anything for sure, but he looks in a remarkable state for the height he fell from."

"That doesn't answerer my question..." I said, grinding my teeth. My dad smiled at the doctor and said:

"I'm sorry, she's just really worried." But you could hear the angst in his voice.

"We think it may just be concussion, loss of blood and a broken leg..."

"Yeah, but I has 'concussion, loss of blood and a broken leg...' And I ended up unconscious for weeks..."

"And then you attempted suicide didn't you..." The doctor whispered under his breath as he looked at Franks chart. My fists were clenched so tightly that I was scared the caps would pop.

"He seems to be responding well and the loss of blood hasn't made him too unstable. Look, you can go in and see him now, but he's just drifting in and out of consciousness so he may not talk or even know you're in the room." As he said that I pushed past him into Franks room. I didn't want to talk to some doctor who thought he knew everything, I knew I was coming of as a jerk, but I couldn't fucking help it. My dad strode in after me. I stopped in the middle of the room. Starring at Frank.

"Sit down..." My dad told me. I followed his instructions and sat on one of the chairs next his bed. The grey-stained walls made me want to vomit. I felt myself begin to cry.

* * *

**Sorry, this is a little, wittles chapter, but the next one is being uploaded now. So, I made up for it with SPPEEEEDDD. LMAO GIANT TURTLES NIP.** **XOX**


	41. we could lose ourselves

"Is this how he felt when I tried to kill myself...all those fucking times or after what happened with Joe? Is it? I mean you should know!" I said to my dad. He didn't say anything.

"Because...I don't like the idea of seeing Frankie the way I am right now..." I cried.

"He'll be okay. He's a tough one and he seems to already be in an okay state."

"No he doesn't. I mean, he can't have been in an okay state when he was about the jump of the building!" He looked up at me.

"'Elena. What happened?" I shook my head as he said this.

"I don't know...I got up, craving starbucks so I went out and got a latte... When I was walking back he was on top of the stadium roof, crying and yelling that I was dead or something...then he started talking about a girl called Tilly telling him something and...I ran up the stairs and he slipped and that's when you got there...

"He said you where dead..."

"Ahuh..."

"And a girl named Tilly told him that, a girl which neither of us has heard of before hand..."

"Yep..."

"And he's been previously self harming..." I stared at him when he said that, away from Franks eyes to his.

"Yes."

"I know you're going to hate the sound of this, but it seems like he might have Schizophrenia..."

"No." I said bluntly. Frank wasn't like that...I thought back...He didn't have auditory hallucinations, delusion or unorganized and uncommon speech and thinking, I mean...that I knew of. I mean he was indifferent and incoherent at times, but not schizophrenic...

"I just mean...Its' the off behaviour and imaginary people..."

"Dad, shut it now!" I said sternly.

"Why 'Elena? We have to figure out what's been going on..."

"Because I don't want to here that my boyfriend is schizophrenic."

"Well you're severe Bipolar!"

"That's not the point." I exclaimed. Frank and I were trying for children, we wanted a family, a home, a life together...he just couldn't be... I looked down at Frank. His eyes where now open, but glazed over, liked he daydreaming.

"Hey?" I whispered. That darted from the window to my direction, creepily. His smiled, before looking down, lazily.

"I'm going got leave you guys alone..." Gee stood up and left the room. I stared down at Frankie.

"I'm sorry..." He cried. "It's okay. I'm sorry too." I hushed. There was a painful silene.

"What happened Frankie? How did this happen?" He turned on his back and looked up to the ceiling as I said that.

"I genuinely thought you were dead."

"And? How? Why did you even THINK about jumping."

"I don't know! It was in the van, an there was this girl called Tilly and she was talking about how you had committed suicide after finding out that Tilly and I were having and affair..." He paused at that point, I felt my throat dry up..."I freaked out and Gee knocked me unconscious..."

"What?!" I almost screamed had my dad done that?

"It wasn't real." He said with a sigh.

"I just, really, thought it was. So when I woke back up and ran out and...well...decided, for the best I should..."

"What?" I asked, leaning closer to him.

"DIE."

-------------------------------------in the hall outside-----------------

"I'm going to stay the night with Frankie."

"Oh okay." My dad mumbled

"Tell the guys that he's okay..."

"Right." He was about to turn around, but I stopped him.

"Frank and I are trying to have babies again Dad, that's why I didn't want to believe you." I said. He stared at me, mouth open wide. I turned and walked back into Franks room. And uneasy feeling settling in my stomach. Frank was asleep now, his face peaceful.

"Night, Night, honey." I said stroking his cheek.

* * *

The next few days Frank gained strength, he sat up and talked chirpily as if non of this had happened. My dad didn't mention what I had told him and I didn't bring up what my dad was talking about to Frankie. When the guys came in, from the shows they steered clear away from the whole, suicidal, trying to jump of a building topic and just laughed about how Frank could be the only person who could trip of a building. Frank and I sat on his bed as we awkwardly looked to the floor.

"Frank...are we still...trying?"

"Why wouldn't we?" He looked up at my face. I could feel myself flush.

"I don't know, just with all this stress and shit going on. I just thought..." I trailed off.

"I'm up for it if you are." He laughed.

"Wow. We're going to be parents." I laughed, shaking my head at the thought.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Frank muffled into my neck as he pulled my into a hug.

"Yes, but I always love to hear it."

"I love to, love you."

"It rythmes."

"I'm a natural lyricist." Frank laughed as he nuzzled my neck with his nose.

**_He calls the mansion not a house but a tomb.  
He's always choking from the stench and the fume.  
The wedding party all collapsed in the room.  
So send my resignation to the bride and the groom.  
Let's go down!  
This elevator only goes up to ten.  
He's not around.  
He's always looking at men  
Down by the pool.  
He doesn't have many friends.  
As they are  
Face down and bloated snap a shot with the lens._**

**_If you marry me,  
Would you bury me?  
Would you carry me to the end?_**

**_(So say goodbye) to the vows you take  
(And say goodbye) to the life you make  
(And say goodbye) to the heart you break  
And all the cyanide you drank._**

**_She keeps a picture of the body she lends.  
Got nasty blisters from the money she spends.  
She's got a life of her own and it shows by the Benz  
She drives at 90 by the Barbies and Kens.  
If you ever say never too late.  
I'll forget all the diamonds you ate.  
Lost in coma and covered in cake.  
Increase the medication.  
Share the vows at the wake.  
(Kiss the bride)_**

**_If you marry me,  
Would you bury me?  
Would you carry me to the end?_**

**_(So say goodbye) to the vows you take  
(And say goodbye) to the life you make  
(And say goodbye) to the heart you break  
And all the cyanide you drank._**

**_(And say goodbye) to the last parade  
(And walk away) from the choice you made  
(And say goodnight) to the heart you break  
And all the cyanide you drank._**

**_(So say goodbye) to the vows you take  
(And say goodbye) to the life you make  
(And say goodbye) to the heart you break  
And all the cyanide you drank._**

**_(And say goodbye) to the last parade  
(And walk away) from the choice you made  
(And say goodnight) to the heart you break  
And all the cyanide you drank._**

**_To the last parade  
When the parties fade  
And the choice you made  
To the End._**

I couldn't help but laugh as Frank wobbled out of the hospital with his splint on his leg.

"The splint is quite literally on the other leg." I laughed.

"I know understand why you were so grumpy when you had one on." He confessed and we walked down the steps. Of course there were some paps, there always where.

"Frankie, how did you break your leg?"

"Is it true that 'Elena pushed you?" I heard someone say. I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"No it isn't!" I laughed.

"Is it true that you and 'Elena are trying for kids?" Someone said. I gave Frank and look. He just smiled cheekily, slung his arm around me and said:

"No motherfucking comment, paps." He laughed as we got into the taxi waiting for us.

"Nice touch." I laughed.

"Well they need to know who's boss." I smiled, before telling the taxi our location.

"What me?" I asked.

"Fuck you!"

"I kinda have something to tell you Frankie..."

"What?"

"I might have told my dad about us. Trying."

* * *

**SORRY THE LAST COUPLE OF CHAPTER HAVE BEEN KIND OF LAME AND SHORT! The story is sadly coming to it's end. I have a few more chapter left I'm guessing, but... I WUV YOU GUYS!!!!!  
**


	42. But It Started With An Alright Scene

**I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT A REALLY GREAT SONG THE LISTEN TO WHILST READING THIS IS 'I DON'T LOVE YOU –MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE' I WAS LISTENING TO THIS WHILST I WROTE AND IT ALMOST MADE ME CRY...**

* * *

"IT'S BLUE! IT'S BLUE!" I screamed at Frankie. He stared at me.

"No way." He smiled, shaking his head. We had been trying for weeks and I hadn't got pregnant, but now. I felt myself burst into tears.

"I'm gonna be a mommy." I cried. Frank ran over and hugged me.

"You're gonna be a great mommy." My whole body vibrated as I hugged him. We had sent the others out to get us some Chinese for a cover.

"What are we going to do if it happens again?" I asked. Frank shook his head again. A smiled stretching from each side of his mouth.

"It won't, I promise. Oh god, I'm so happy." He lifted me up and turned me around.

"WE'RE BACK!" I heard Mikey say. I ignored them, as Frank put me down, I leaned forward and kissed him, our tears swimming together. My finger creeped around the back of his neck, pulling him closer towards me.

"This is so perfect..." I whispered.

"Jesus, stop being so smooooochy and come and get your food!" Mikey said. I laughed and pulled Frank out of the bunks inot the main area/kitchen...

"Why are you too smiling like idiot and look like your crying?"

"Wow, they must have been doing it..." Bob muttered under his breath, with a snigger.

"Oh shut it." I smiled. Nothing occult touch my glee. I sat down on one of the built in seats and watched Mikey unload the masses of food.

"Right, Pork Chow Mein..." He said handing me mine. I watched as he handed them all out, not wanting to eat you.

"Oh god, don't say you're on a diet again...Frank you're supposed to making sure she doesn't get this shit in her head..."

"Hey, not my doing!" Frank put his hands up defensively, a wide smile still on his face.

"I'm not a diet, I'm simply waiting for you guys."

"Okay, what's up? You two have been polite and cheery and smiley ever since we've got back...DID YOU PUT SOMETHING ON MY BACK?!" Ray tried to grab his back.

"Well, we do have some news..." Frank smiled looking my way.

"Shall we tell them?" I asked.

"TELL US WHAT?" Gee asked.

"Nothing." I told them harshly.

"It couldn't hurt could it..."

"Well..."

"JUST FUCKING TELL US!" My uncle almost screamed. I took a mouthful of noodles before nodding and smiling...

"I'm pregnant. Again." There was a silence after I said that, counted, I doubt they expected that.

"You sure?" My dad asked.

"Yes and we've been trying for one..." Frank told them...My dad scrutinized our faces, his eyes burning into me, before he smiled.

"C'mon and give me a hug! I'm so happy for you!" I gave my dad a hug, but the others were still just staring at me...that's when Mikey said it:

"What...so soon? I mean, you planned it too! Alicia and I have been together for ages and we're only just started to think about that!" He exclaimed.

"You and Alicia want a kid?" Bob asked.

"That's not the point, I mean...what happens if IT happens again! I can't bare to see you two go through that again..." He shook his head.

"It won't. I know it."

"Wow, you guys must be going at it like rabbits..." Bob smirked under his breath. I burst out laughing and threw a prawn cracker at him, my dad looked disgustedly between us.

"Ewww!" He moaned...

"C'mon. We've just announced I'm pregnant! I EXPECT MORE HUGS!" I laughed, they literally all jumped on me.

"Don't squash the baby!" Frabj shouted. They all jumped back...

"GOOD POINT!" Ray laughed. I looked at my dad, he genuinely seemed happy, but also shocked and a little worried, he just kept staring at Frank...wow, I hope he wasn't going to try and strangle him again.

"Oh god. UNCCLLE MIKKKEYYY WAANNTTSS A BBBAAABBYYY!" I laughed hysterically.

"Oh shut up!" Mikey said going red. My dad pulled him into a hug before giving him a wet willy.

"Oh god...that's so disgusting!"  
**---------------The amount of pills I'm taking, counteracts the booze I'm drinking  
and this vanity I'm breaking, lets me live my life like this  
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
Well I'll choose the life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making  
and the beauty that I'm faking lets me live my life like this  
And well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in**

And you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much  
You'll invest yourself in me, we're not working out (we're not working out)  
We're not working out (we're not working out)  
And you can't touch my brother and you can't keep my friends  
and we're not working out, we're not working out  
This time I mean it, never mind the times I've seen it

Well I hope I'm not mistaken by the news I heard from waking  
and it's hard to say I'm shaken, by the choices that I make  
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
Well I'll choose this life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making  
And I get a little shaken, because I live my life like this  
And well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in

And you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much  
You'll invest yourself in me, we're not working out,  
We're not working out  
And you can't keep my brother, and you won't fuck my friends  
and we're not working out, we're not working out  
This time I mean it, never mind the times I've seen it

Never again, never, never again

(and you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much you'll invest yourself in me)  
ne.. never... never... never again  
(and you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much you'll invest yourself)  
ne.. never... never... oh baby let me.. oh baby... oh baby  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
I'm knocking let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
I'm knocking let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Frank and I sat in the bunks. It must have been 5 in the morning, but neither of us had got any sleep. We had spent the night talking about or baby, our future...careers, cars, jobs...all sorts.

"Do you still love...Adam?" He asked. I bit my lip...

"One of the hardest things...about falling in love with you..." I paused, his eyes didn't move away from mine, "Was that I felt like I was forgetting him and Jesse and Douge. I guess I'll always love him a little bit, he was my first love, but what we had...was NOTHING like what we have. Me and him met and almost immediately starting going out and e got violent and before I could get out of it, I was pregnant. I guess he changed and got sober from there on, but it was more about having to be with him than wanting him...With you...it's" I felt myself choke a little...

"Perfect." Frank smiled. He was right, it was.

"Yes...but, more than that. When I was with Adam it was so easy to be with him, but I was trapped...Now...Being with you has been so hard, fighting against everything that's happened and my bipolar and parents and friends, but...I'm free..." I spluttered at the end. Frank seemed to be taken away by what I had said.

"It's not some teenage love affair..." Frank laughed.

"Arrgh, don't be so judgemental over teenage love affairs, they're fun!" I laughed. Frank seemed to take it seriously though.

"I wish I could give you more...excitement... You're only 18... you should be out having fun." He sighed.

"I'm having fun with you. Anyway, not long until I'm 19. Think about it, then it would have been THREE WHOLE YEARS since you and I slept together..." I laughed.

"Wow, time flies by when your suicidal, homicidal, drug abusive, horny and old." Frank laughed.

"Horny, huh?" I laughed, Frank leaned forward and kissed me... His hands cupping around my both lay on our side, his hand still on my stomach as we kissed. My hand stroked down the curve of his body, he seem to shiver with excitement. I split our kiss, I took a deep breath...

"It's my turn to ask you a question now..."

"Anything."

"How did you know that the note I had left when I went to kill myself meant your house? It could have been anywhere..."

"Gut instinct." I burrowed my eyes into him; he sighed.

"I don't know. It was just an instinct...Love, laughed, lost, found? A LOT happened in that house." Frank smiled. I looked down at his skinny jeans and Black flag tee and vans. How could I have got some one so perfect.

"Frankie, did you forget your eyeliner today?" I smiled, at his bland eyes.

"Mikey stole mine!" He glared at Mikey sleeping body. I pulled mine out of my pocket and put thick rims of it around his eyes.

"Arrgh, there's the Frankie I know and love! I laughed leaning forward and kissing him soberly before telling him to try and get some sleep.

"I love you too..." He whispered in my ear just before he feel to sleep. I looked down at my shining phone. 1 message- I picked it up and read it.

-------Josh S. Please Ring. X----- I haven't seen him in...months and months, why did he need to speak to me now? Probably about Frankie and his high school traumas. I got out of the bed, clumsily. My mind was so numb, I rang him quickly and walked into the front main room.

"Hey, Josh it's me..."

"'Elena! I'm so glad you called!"

"It's half five in the morning over here..."I sighed.

"Sorry, but it's important."

"Then spill the beans."

"You know Mr Rankin, our old art teacher?" I froze when I heard that.

"Yeah..."

"Well I saw him in town talking to some publicity guy about you."

"What? Huh? What the fuck did he say?"

"That you came onto him and he pushed you away and that was why you tried to commit suicide! Is it true?" He asked. I stared down the phone, trying to process this. My mouth open wide...

* * *

**Hey guys! This has been a bit of a slap dash chapter, I didn't really think it through that much, but I hope you like it.**

**YOU PUT THE HATE IN MY HEART**

**XOXO**


	43. Half Way There, Last Breath Out

When I hung up on Josh, I just sat there. I didn't sleep or text or day dream...I just sat there. I must have sat there for hours because Mikey woke up just before Midday and found me there.

"'Elena, how long have you been there?"

"Since 5am..." I said starring at the ground.

"What?"

"Yeah, you'd think I'd have got tired, since I haven't had any sleep for days...but surprisingly I couldn't sleep." Not a hint of humanity showed through my voice.

"Are you going to get up?" I didn't reply to that. Mikey kneeled down next to me, looking me straight into the eyes.

"I'm going to get your medication...it's about time for it right?" I didn't reply to the either. He walked of and got me my pills and a glass of water. He handed them to me, but I didn't do anything with them.

"'Elena you have to take your pills...Is this why you're like this? Have you not been taking your pills?" I silently took my pills.

"Is it the pregnancy?" I didn't reply to that.

"'Elena you need to talk to me! What wrong? You're really freaking me out!" I didn't reply to that either. He bit his lip uncertainly. He walked of again, coming back with come blankets and a pillow. He put th pillow underneath my head and wrapped me up in the blanket.

"Sleep."

**MIKEY**

It was the only thing I could think of doing! She wasn't speaking! She's was now just lying there, half asleep in her blankets. I bit my nail, unsure of what to do. Something wasn't right. Actually, something was deathly wrong. I walked into the bunks of the sleeping boys and prodded Frank awake.

"FUCK OFF!" He moaned.

"It's 'Ellie. She's completely spazzed out. She not moving or talking, barely even breathing!" He rolled out of his bed as I said that and followed me into the main area. 'Elena was still conscious. Just staring.

"All she's said was she's been here since 5 am and hasn't slept!" I informed him.

"That's around about when I went to sleep..." Frank murmured. He sat down next to 'Elena. Her eyes moved for the first time today when she stared at Frank.

"Honey, what's wrong? Mikey and I are both very worried..." She didn't answer. I could see Frankie becoming worried now.

"What's wrong? What's happened? Are you freaking out about the pregnancy?" He asked. She shook his head.

"Then what?" She looked at him intently for a second, before opening her mouth and saying...

"Mr Rankin." Franks body stiffened as she said that.

"Who's Mr Rankin?" I asked.

"Her old art teacher..." He murmured. I was so confused, I look between them wildly as Frank pulled her into a hug and she took a deep breath.

"Did you have a nightmare? Did he try and contact you? What did he do 'Elllie?"

* * *

"Okay...Explain this again..." Gerard said. Frank had sent me out of the room to wake the guys up, whilst I did that I think 'Elena explained what was happening. He then came into the bunks, full of grumpy me and tried to explain.

"Gee, I've barley said a word! Okay...You know when 'Elena tried to kill herself...the first time and I said...that she had promised she wasn't going to do anything stupid..."

"Yes...but I don't see how this effects why my daughter is almost lifeless in the kitchen."

"Well...I didn't just have a phone convocation with her. I picked her up from school at lunch time and took her to my place...

"Why?" Bob asked.

"Shut up, I'm getting to it. 'Elena had before hand been...abused by her teacher."

"WHAT?" I almost screamed, just before Gee did.

"He made sexual advances on her and tried to force himself on her. She rang me up and told me I couldn't tell you guys, I picked her up and let her stay with me until school was over so you guys wouldn't figure out..."

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me? I mean...I could have got him arrested or something!" Gee shouted.

"Just before we left for the tour, she saw him again and he tried to proclaim, some sort of stalkerish love to her...but now, she's just received a call from her friend informing her that he's now went to the press and sold a story that SHE made advances on her and is supposed to be coming up with a film crew to see her or something for this reality TV thing..." I was shocked as soon as he said that...

"THE BASTARD! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HIM!" Gee screamed, he walked around the room furious...killing the wall.

"Gee, calm down..." I told him sternly.

* * *

**FRANK**

Mikey left...leaving 'Elena and I alone.

"You know...when he did that to me was one of the worst days of my life...because for a couple of second when he had me and...Was touching me...I thought he was going to rape me and...I had no control over what was about to happen. None at all... I can't see him again Frankie. It'll kill me if I do..." I felt my insides churn as she said this...

"You don't have to..."

"Yes, I do...He's sold a story to a major branded magazine that I made sexual advances on him and that he pushed ME of HIM and that I couldn't live with myself without him and that's why I tried to kill myself...They're supposed to be bringing him up for a 'surprise' visit and he's going to be filming it all for this reality TV show they're filming..." I played what sha had just said over in my head. I jumped up.

"No way." She nodded, tears brimming at her eyes.

"I'm not letting this happen to you! That guy would have raped you if he had got the chance and now he's cashing in on you by making you into the bad guy? I'm going to...grrr..." I put my hands to my face and pushed myself against the door, kicking it as I did so. I couldn't let 'Elena see the pure anger in my face. She came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Cool down Frankie...it's okay..." She said. But she seemed to be saying it to herself through her tearful voice. I turned around. She looked tired and stressed out and...

"I can't believe he's doing this... IN YOUR CONDITION! You can't take this stress!"

" I can..." She said disbelievingly

"Yeah...after sitting on the ground , not moving, awake and mute for 7 hours! " I said sitting down.

"We have to tell them..." 'Elena sighed.

"I know."

"What are we going to do Frankie?"

"We'll just tighten security to the back stage so he can't get in and when the article is published, we'll just have to go out and tell the public the truth..."

-----------------------------------------------------------------6 weeks later------------------------------------------------------------

Six week had gone by and we hadn't seen a trace of HIM, but the article had been published, on NME. Today we we're going on this interview to try and straighten it out, 'Elena was wracked with nerved, you could see it, we were waiting behind the scenes before we went on. She was walking passed me when I pulled her back by her arm and gave her a hug.

"Don't worry, you know you're telling the truth, that's all that matters..." I told her and she buried her head in my hoodie.

"Hmpph..Fwan." I didn't hear a word of what she muffled into my hoodie.

"Would you like to repeat that...In English?" I asked.

"No..."

_**You're not in this alone  
Let me break this awkward silence  
Let me go, go on record  
Be the first to say I'm sorry  
Hear me out,  
And if you take me down  
Or would you lay me out  
And if the world needs something better  
Let's give them one more reason now, now, now**_

We walk in single file  
We light our rails and punch our time  
Ride escalators colder than a cell

_**[Chorus]**__**  
This broken city sky like butane on my skin  
stolen from my eyes  
Hello Angel, tell me where are you  
Tell me where we go from here  
**__**[x2]**__****_

Tell me we go from...

And in this moment we can't close the lids on burning eyes  
Our memories blanket us with friends we know like fallout vapors  
Steel corpses stretch out towards an ending sun, scorched and black  
It reaches in and tears your flesh apart  
As ice cold hands rip into your heart

That's if you've still got one that's left inside that cave you call a chest  
And after seeing what we saw, can we still reclaim our innocence  
And if the world needs something better, let's give them one more reason now

_**[Chorus]**__**  
This broken city sky like butane on my skin  
stolen from my eyes  
Hello Angel, tell me where are you  
Tell me where we go from here  
**__**[x2]**_

_**Tell Me where we go from here...**_

As I walked in I noticed something strange. On one side of the host there were 6 stools for us, but on the other side there was a single stool waiting. I was on the Stool nearest to the host, then 'Elena, then Gee, then Ray, Mikey and Bob.'Elena looked around nervously at the awaiting audience.

"hey, it's great to have you on the show!" The host boomed to us...

"Thanks..."

"AND WE'RE ON 5...4...3...2...1...GO."

"Hello, welcome back, today we're joined by My Chemical Romance and 'Elena Way, talking about the MUCH viewed article in NME."

"So 'Elena what your view on the article?" She asked. I looked at 'Ellie...

"It's bullshit." She said timidly.

"Meaning?"

"It's all crap, made up...well not all made up..."

"What does that mean? Is some of it real?"

"Only in the sense that that happened, but the other way round." 'Elena tried to smile, I took her hand, my thumb gently stroking it as she held mine. There were some...OOoohs, from the audience.

"Well, would you like to explain to us what happened?"

"Not really, but I guess I have too..." 'Elena paused gathering her thoughts "it started during an art lesson, he asked me to stay behind after class and that he needed to talk to me. So I stayed, when I did he..." She stopped, shaking her head. I put my mic down low so no one else could here me and whispered into her in that she was doing great...

"He...well, made sexual advances on me. I tried to push him away, but he wasn't having any of it...I actually had to knee him in the balls to get away..." Gee was listening to her intently, his hands clenched.

"You kneed him in the balls?"

"Yeah I did and I don't want to think about what might of happened if I hadn't..." 'Elenas voice was becoming shaky now. She was close to tears, I just wanted to hug her. Tell her that she was okay, but I couldn't and she was at risk of having a mental breakdown on TV...

"After you kneed him in the...balls...what did you do?"

"I ran out of the classroom...in tears and hid in the janitors closet, where I rang Frankie..."

"You rang Frankie? Why? Shouldn't you have rang your father..."

"I just rang the first person I could think of, the person I knew was there for me and wouldn't judge me!" She was taking deep breathes now, but everyone could see the tears behind her eyes and the host was playing on it.

"So you rang Frank? What happened then?" I looked towards 'Elena, she wasn't going to speak...

"She rang me up and she told me what had happened. I ended up having to talk her out of the closet and to the front hall where I came and picked her up..." I said.

"That's it?"

"No. I went and found that ass and hit him." I said simply. She seemed taken back by that, but she shrugged it off...

"You hit him? Coming from an anti-violence, vegetarian boy..."

"All I knew is that he had done that to 'Elena and like anyone I had to do something about it. I found him, I punched him and I told him if he every hurt 'Elena again I'd hurt him."

"And Gerard. When did you find out about this?"

"Six weeks ago."

"Only six weeks ago? Don't you think that a teenage girl that had almost been '_raped' _ would have told her father?"

"Well, my daughter is not your average teenager." I would have been concentrating on the question more but I was too busy looking after 'Elena...

"This was a mistake...I can't deal with this..." She whispered into my ear.

"'Elena...What was your teacher doing to you, exactly and what do you think would have happened if you couldn't have over powered him?" Okay, that was mean. No one in their right mind would ask her that...'Elena shook her head, tear now fell of the curve of her cheek onto her jeans.

"I don't want to answerer that question..." She shook her head.

"What was your teacher doing to you, exactly and what do you think would have happened if you couldn't have over powered him?" She asked again.

"She doesn't want to answerer that question, can't you see the state she's in?" I said sharply.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to find out what's happening and if she's not going to talk I'm not sure I can do that. I know it may be tough but if she wants the audience to know the _truth_ she needs to answerer."

"You should be ashamed, putting this amount of pressure on someone with her condition!" I said before I thought.

"And what condition is that?" I looked down at 'Elena. She gave me a nod.

"She's pregnant." The crowd gave a gasp. The host looked to the producer who was back stage, wanting to know if she could move on to this topic or had to stay on the last on, he gave a thumbs up.

"So how far are you?" She asked.

"I found out 6 weeks ago, when I was around 3 weeks...So...9 weeks maybe, not very long at all."

"Alot happened 6 weeks ago didn't it? You guys found out about what happened and you also found out you where pregnant!" The host smiled, flashing her bleached teeth.

"Yeah, it was joint best and worse week ever for me." I laughed.

"Agreed." Mikey laughed.

"I was going to say that!" Gee squirmed.

"No I was! Telepathic stealer!" Ray laughed

"I'm confused..." Bob looked around, suddenly the mood lifted. I looked to 'Elllie, she was still shaking,

"It's okay, hon." I whispered to her.

"So was it expected or did it just happen.

"We were trying for a kid."I said.

"So this is your second time pregnant, huh, 'Elena? And at such a young age." I felt a lump in my throat as she said that.

"No."  
"But you did have you last kid, Jesse and This one...making two right?" 'Elena kind of looked up at me, I knew what she was going to say...

"Yes, but between them, I got pregnant again."

"Really? We have ANOTHER exclusive don't we? Haha." The host smiled into the camera.

"It was a couple of months back..." 'Elena looked over to the guys who were staring at her, mouths open that she was saying this 'and I found out I was pregnant, but me and Frankie went to the 14 week scan and it turned out I had miscarried."

"We're you planning on having it?"

"It was an accident..."

"I would love to carry on with the topic...but we have our surprise or secret guest, Rankin!" I stared as he walked on the stage and sat on the stools.

"You never said he was coming on..." I growled.

"Yes, that's the nature of surprises and secrets, no one is supposed to know." He smiled. I was going to rip his head of...and stuff it.

"So Jonathon, Jonathon, right? Can I call you that? Yes! Good...so Jonathon, what would you say about what 'Elena said?"

"I think she's a spoilt brat, who is making up lies because she didn't get want she wanted..."

'**ELENA**

Just being on the same stage as him was creeping me out...I wanted to get out of here; I couldn't stand being near him.

"I think she's a spoilt brat, who is making up lies because she didn't get want she wanted..." He said with a smirk. I bit my tongue down. My dad was so close to killing him.

"Don't you dare call her that!" I shouted at him.

"Hey, I'm just telling my story, the truth, ever heard of it?" Jonathon snapped.

"So can you tell us your version of the story?"

"I asked her to stay after class because she had been missing from the previous lesson, I'm not sure if she thought that was some sick code or something but when the rest went she started...well to put it politely... pushing herself on me."

"But, I mean, 'Elena's a tall girl, but she's so skinny, how could she have FORCED herself on you?"

"I think it was the shock, I could barely do anything..." I shook my head. He was lying. I turned and looked to the two most important men, beside me. My dad and Frank, they both had the same expression...Disgust.

"You're lying!" I said exasperated. He ignored me...I stared at him, when I first met him I thought he was alright, a nice teacher, then I was disgusted with him...but now I just hated him. He must have only...been what, 28? He was good-looking, had an un shaven look about him, he could get a girl if he wanted so why was he still bothering me?

"So what did she DO to you?" the host asked. You could literally hear the audience shuffling forward in their seats, waiting for his reply.

"Well when the rest of the class went, I was trying to talk to her and she pushed me up against the wall and tried to grab my package..." Franks face turned to one of horror...

"then I pushed her away, but as I did that I stumbled onto the ground as she almost jumped on top of me, each leg on either side of my hips and she then started kissing my neck, calling out how much she loved me and that she wanted me and lowering herself around my...private area, she tried to pull down my pants, but I pushed her off me and told her that I wasn't interested in her that way and that I was her teacher and she count herself lucky that I didn't report her to the school, she left in tears and I didn't see her again." Mikeys and Rays and Bobs and Gees mouths were open wide as hell as he said that... Franks jaw was tightly bolted and he stared at him in a look of complete hate.

"That's fucking shit! You fucking liar!" I screamed getting of my stool, My stomach gave a sharp pain as if I had been kicked. I reached for it.

"'Elena are you okay?" Frank dropped his Mic on the floor.

"I'm fine..." I moaned...

"'Elena?" I got up back on my stool.

"Can I asked him a question?" I asked. The host looked surprised.

"What happened to make you forget the night before I left for the tour where you held me up against an alley wall and babbled on that you'd make me happy and you'd never hurt me, whilst you mouth raped me? Oh yeah and the worst bit THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAME AND HELPED WAS FRANK! The rest of the public were too absorbed in their own little lives to notice I was being harassed." I screamed. All of the guys looked speechless.

"So fuck this, I'm not staying on this stage with him because he makes me physically sick and the worst bit he's getting paid to lie and no one will do anything to him, he'll just go on living his life as the pathetic, ignorant rapist he is."I dropped my mic on the ground next to Franks and left. I felt my breathing become so heavy when I was of stage...Had I just done that? Had I just screamed my head of on TV. You know...FUCK IT. THIS IS ME AND IF SOME ONE HAS A PROBLEM THEY CAN SUCK IT.

The rest of the guys sort of looked around dumbstruck and the host was signalling at the camera to cut.

"Well if she's gone, we're going..." Mikey came of the stage...followed by the others.

"Oh god, I look like such a fool...but..." Before I said anything else they all pulled me into a hug.

"I can't believe they brought him on!" I felt myself shake.

"Yeah, I know. It was a low blow." Bob told me.

"Can we go now? I just can't bear to stay around here..."

"Yeah...'Ellie where did the last bit come from? About the alley?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you..." I sighed.

"It's okay." Frank walked behind us...I slowed down and walked by his side.

"Thank you."

"For what?" He asked smiling when he saw me.

"For always being there..."

"What are we going to do next? Y'know about this whole big...thing?" Ray asked.

"Well, the truth is out there, may as well let them make their own mind up...At least we've got the MCRmy on our side"


	44. Bass Line Twice

Waiting in the same waiting-room. Waiting for the same DR. Holding the same person's hand. The same fear trembled inside of me...clawing at my chest savagely with its blood stained claws and menacing cries.

"I'm sure everything is going to be alright..." Frank told me, his hand still firmly gripping mine.

"Yeah." I took a deep breath in.

"IERO AND WAY." I heard someone call. We got up and made our way into the scanning room. When someone called Iero and Way, to me it's still sounded like a bad piece of frerard fanfiction.

"So, make yourself comfortable, Ms. Way." The Dr said. I sat down on the long bed/chair thingy. Frank pulled up a chair next to me.

"So, I've checked your chart for any recent medical implications, doesn't seem like any...So let's get started!" He smiled. I looked down nervously, before lifting up the top of my top, showing my belly.

"You already no this, but this stuff is cold." The Dr laughed, as he seared the jell on me. I didn't look up to the monitor as he positioned the macine (which in my opinion looked like a torture device) on my stomach and rubbed it around.

"Wow." I heard Frank say. I looked up at the moniter and clear as day...where two pulses.

"It's rare a DR get's to say this, so I'm thrilled to say so now...But you're expecting twins!" I starred up at the screen at the two little bodies that filled me. I turned to Frankie.

"Twins..."

"Twins." He repeated after me, slightly stronger then I had been.

"Wow, we have our work cut out don't we!" I laughed before wrapping my arms around him and kissing him.

"I'm...so...wow." Frank couldn't say anything else, but he was smiling and nodding.

"Now one of them is breach, but I wouldn't worry as they have a tendency to turn around a lot at this age and also I'm strongly advising a caesarean, with twins."

"Umm...Okay..." I said looking between Frank and him.

"We can schedule one now, generally we do them 2 weeks earlier than your expected due date."  
"Great!" I smiled enthusiastically, unable to hold back my joy.

* * *

"Twins! Twins! We're having twins!" I said to Frank.

"Oh god, I know! Do you think was should have ask for the genders? For preparation?"

"What's the excitement in that?" I laughed. We were going to visit, Frank parents, Lyns then we were staying over at my grandparents because theirs was nearest to the airport. As we left Franks parents, I hugged him mom.

"Frankies so lucky to have you!"She smiled as she kissed my cheek.

"Noo...I'm lucky to have him." I smiled, smiling over to Frank who was ready to leave.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you over to Lindseys?"

"No! We're fine! It's only 4 blocks away and I NEED the exercise!" I laughed, taking Franks arm and linking it with mine cheesily.

"Well, I'm so pleased for you!" She waved as we walked down the road.

"Now we just have to break the news to Lyn AND My grandparents."

"Ooh, I love your grandparents!" Frank said happily.

"Only because they think you're the cutest thing that walks this earth!"

"I can't help if they have good taste..." Frank said as we walked along. As we knocked on Lynz door, I almost collapsed inside as it opened immediately.

"Okay give me the news!" Lyn said seriously, before allowing us in.

"WE'RE HAVING TWINS!" I screamed giving her a hug. 2 down 2 TO GO!

"No way! WOW! That's incredible I'm so happy for you two!" She said hugging me and Frank.

------------------------------------------------------------------- OKAY, I'M SKIPPING THIS AND THE BIT WHEN WE'VE TOLD MY GRANDPARENTS...SO WE'RE FAST FORWARDING TO MY GRANDPARENTS LIVING ROOM----------------

"Have you been having morning sickness much?" My grammy asked me as the men watched some reality TV shows, their eyes stuck to the screen."

"Oh god, she has!" Frank laughed, his eyes still stuck to the TV.

"Oi!" I said, hitting him playfully. He glanced at me, his eyes wild.

"Yeah...It's been awful, but it's dying down. Now I've just got these crazy cravings."

"Well you'll get used to that dear. When I was having your father all I wanted to eat was pickled eggs and squash!" She laughed. I laughed too...secretly hoping I would EVER want to eat pickled eggs.

"Well at the moment it's just twinkys, coffee and count chocular!" I laughed. I saw Frank smirk.

"We could bomb down the house and they wouldn't notice would they? Let's go through to the kitchen and have some cookies!" She said excitedly, helping me up. Who was I to stand in the way of cookies? As we sat in the kitchen, my grammy (sorry, I have a weird tendency for that word) stared at me.

"You're scarring me you know..." I laughed.

"You're a lot like your mom you know?" She said. I was taken back by that.

"Really? Everyone thinks I look like my dad!"  
"Well yes...but you have her smile and her figure. You're a bit taller than her...but you have the same smile. She always was smiling when she was around here..." I looked around...

"Grammy...if I tell you something...promise you won't tell dad?"

"Anything!" She said solemnly.

"I didn't want to tell him, he'd blame himself..but, my mom didn't die of cancer..."

"Wait what?"

"She killed herself." I said, shaking my head unhappily.

"'Elena...I'm so sorry."

"Don't be ridiculous, I barely knew her, I love her...but I'm used to it. I just couldn't tell dad, he'd kill himself over it."

"I just can't get over it..."

"Can we change the subject?"

"Yeah! Actually that leads me on to something I want to talk to you about..."

"Shoot!" I smiled to her.

**FRANK**

"We could bomb down the house and they wouldn't notice would they? Let's go through to the kitchen and have some cookies!" Donna said. I chuckled quietly to myself, I was only sitting here watching it because Donald. She got up and pulled 'Elena up. 'Elena smiled over to me, before walking into the Kitchen, the door closing behind us. We sat there for a couple of seconds, then Donald turned of the TV. My eyes flicked to him.

"So, I bet your so excited!" He said.

"If words could explain!" I said, shaking my head.

"It always feels like that, no matter how many you have, Frank."

"Well we haven't even figured out how we're going to manage to look after these babies, no matter any more!" I laughed.

"Frankie I have to ask you something."

"Anything..." I smiled, looking at him nervously.

"You know I'm a man of tradition and I was wondering if you were planning on proposing to 'Elena?" I stared at him.

"Well..."

* * *

We sat on the plane. What Donald had said kept twirling around in my head.

"Are you okay?" 'Ellie asked.

"I'm great! Great!" I said. She was sitting, stroking and starring at her bloated stomach.

"Is daddy being a weirdo? Yes he is! Isn't he!" She laughed into her stomach.

"And your mama is a wack job." I whispered into her stomach.

"I heard that!" she said, hitting me playfully.

"Frankie? 'Elena?" I heard. We both turned to see Jamia, with her bag. Staring at us, as she walked down the row.

"Wow, what are you doing on here?" I asked shocked. She was staring now at 'Elenas stomach.

"Me and John..." She said looking at the man behind her, "are taking a trip..."

"Oh it's great to see you again." 'Elena said.

"You too!" Jamia said awkwardly before carrying on down the isle. I watched them as they took their seats.

"So...that was awkward..."

"I knew it!" I remarked. 'Elena looked at me confused.

"Knew what?"

"That was the guy...you know the one I was jealous of?" I couldn't help but laugh at myself when I said that.

"Arr...They look like they are a couple..." 'Elena said looking over the seat to the other two.

"Well...I don't care! I have you and the babies!" I smiled pulling her towards me, kissing her.

"Do you think it's strange?" She said pulling away from me.

"What?"

"Jamia seeing us together?"

"Well, it's weird me seeing her with him, so she'll have to get used to it!"

"Yeah, but we were best friends..."

"'Elena stop worrying!" I laughed. She worried about the weirdest things. Of course it was strange, but we just had to get used to it!

"But."

"No buts! No even the butt types!" I laughed, before leaning forward and kissing her. She didn't push away this time. I gently dragged my finger around her stomach as our lip rings clunked together.

"How did it take us so LONG to get together?" She laughed.

"Because you were underage, I was ugly and most importantly a vital member in frerard."

"Intriguing. Vital huh?"

"Vital!" I repeated. Kissing her again.

_**And we can run, from the backdrop of these gears and scalpels  
At every hour goes the tick-tock bang of monitors as  
They stared us down when we met in the emergency room  
And in our beds, I could hear you breathe with help from cold machines**_

Every hour, on the hour, they drew blood

Well I felt I couldn't take, another day inside this place  
From silent dreams we never wake, and in this promise that we'll make  
Starless eyes for heaven's sake, but I hear you anyway  
Well I thought I heard you  
Say I like you, we can get out  
We don't have to stay, stay inside this place

Someday, this day, we kept falling down  
Someday, this day, set the ferris wheel ablaze  
You left my heart an open wound  
And I love you for  
This day, someday we kept falling down  
One day, this day all we had to keep us safe  
And if we never sleep again, it would never end  
Well I thought I heard you say to me  
We'll go so far, far as we can  
And I just can't stay, one day we'll run away

We opened the door or the van and flung our bags onto the ground. My hand slung around 'Elenas hips. I had a strong sense of De Ja Vou as the guys all sat there watching our every movements.

"Give us some good news!" Mikey said. I glanced over at 'Elena. She was smiling.  
"We're having twins!" She exclaimed. They all looked shocked.

"Woah! Twins?"

"I know!" I screamed before they all jumped up and began hugging us.

"This is so fucking insane!" Ray laughed. I watched as they hugged 'Elena. I think Donald was on to something...

**----------------a/c**

**Sorry, this was sort of a filler, including and explaining chapter, but it did tell you they were having twins! They next chapter is going to be WAY more epic, I swear. This is just...lame. Yeah, sorry... **


	45. Ride of the Valkyries

**Yo maa homies! Hahaa, sorry. I had to say that. I also have to say...'FO SHIZZLE' Lmao. Sorry. It was to tempting! DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY! I SWEAR! Okay! Enjoy the chapter!**

**7 and half months later--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

'**ELENA**

"Raaaaaaaaaaayyyy!" I screamed.

"YEESS!" He shouted.

"COMEINHERENOW!" I screamed without taking a breath. I watched as Ray trudged in.

"Did you use the last of the coffee?" I said starring him down.

"Yes..." He knew it, I had gone crazy. After years of being borderline, these damn babies and the lack of coffee had pushed me onto berserk territory.

"DAMMIT!" I cried. Sitting down on the seat, looking down at the immense lump that I was. Mikey ran in.

"'kay Ray, what did you 'do' this time?" He asked.

"I drank the last of the coffee..." Ray said as if he had killed someone. I admit it, I was completely crazy and over the top. BUT FUCK IT I HAD TWO, YES TWO, BABIES INSIDE OF MY PLAYING RACKET BALL WITH MY BLADDER! I think the guys were getting more used to my crazy mood swings.

"I shall go and get you some coffee from Starbucks, you're dad, frank and Bob will be back soon from the interview, don't kill Ray he's only human and gave into the temptation of coffee!" Mikey ran out of the door to starbucks. I folded my arms.

"You better hope the coffee is good..." I snarled. Ray looked sincerely worried before I burst out laughing and pulled myself up.

"C'mon papa fro!" I smiled.

"Where are we going?" Ray asked.

"To the bunks, I want to paint your nails!" I smiled, taking his hand and pulling him into the bunks, choosing the brightest shade of pink I could find I attacked him with it.

_**Wait until it fades to black  
Ride into the sunset  
Would I lie to you?  
Well, I've got something to say  
Grab your six-gun from your back  
Throttle the ignition  
Would I die for you?  
Well here's your answer in spades**_

Shotgun sinners  
Wild eyed jokers  
Got you in my sights  
Gun it while I'm holding on

After all is said and done  
Climb out from the pine box  
Well I'm asking you  
'Cause she's got nothing to say  
The angels just cut out her tongue  
Call her black Mariah  
Would I lie to you?  
That girl's not right in the brain

Mass convulsions  
Strike the choir  
By the grace of God  
Gun it while I'm holding on

But don't stop if I fall  
And don't look back  
Oh baby don't stop  
Bury me and fade to black

She won't stop me put it down  
She won't stop me put it down  
She won't stop me put it down  
So get your gun and meet me by the door  
_**[x3]**__****_

She won't stop me put it down  
She won't stop me put it down  
She won't stop me put it down  
So baby...

Don't stop if I fall  
And don't look back  
Oh baby don't stop  
Bury me and fade to black  
_**[x2]**__****_

...Well don't stop...

**FRANK**

Gee, bob and I walked down the street, laughing.

"God, I can't believe I said that..." Gee moaned. I laughed hysterically.

"It was so funny!" I insisted. We were talking about Gees joke that Frerard was stopping slowly as it would be like indirect incense with the whole me and 'Elena situation.

"You could literally see all the girls faces in the audience fall!" Bob joked.

"They would! I was almost in tears!" I laughed as we walked along. Next thing I know I see Mikey running along the street manically.

"What's up?" I asked worried.

"Ray used the last of the coffee and 'Elena is close to killing people." He laughed before running off. I shook my head. 'Elena had been hysterical as she had progressed through the pregnancy. She had the most insane mood swings. One minute she's be crying, then the next she's be jumping up and down attacking...well, me in particular. I thought it was adorable, but the others were seriously freaked out that their down to earth kiddy li'l sis had become an insane, manic, bloated woman.

"I have no idea how you spend so much time with her and haven't been killed by her yet..." Bob laughed.

"Bob, I have something that you don't have...likeability." I smiled as we walked into the trailer. We heard screams coming from the bunks...I opened the door to see 'Ellie ontop of Ray, painting his nails with pink polish whilst laughing hysterically.

"Oh my god." Gee said behind me. She jumped of him smiling proudly. Ray got up, looking at the pink paint all over his hands and arms...

"Who's next?" she asked.

"Ooooh! ME!" Gee laughed. She stared at him seriously.

"Gee stop being such a pansy ass, anyway, I gotta talk to 'Elena!" I said. I felt nerves riveting around in my stomach.

"Oooh!" I heard the others do some theatrics.

"Yes, my love!" She smiled following my through into the main part.

"What do you want to talk about?" She asked. I looked around , then took her hand and lead her out of the trailer.

"Frankie where are we going?"

"I'm not sure...this is such a spur of a moment thing..." I laughed as I pulled her along. We were in a pretty shitty place so I was struggling to find a place. I had thought of a billion ways I could have done this, but I had decided that it was time...so this place would have to make do... I stopped when we reached a street light that was blinking on and off, it's post was covered in frost.

"'Elena I've spent months thinking about the perfect way to say this to you..." I said turning to her. Her cheeks had flushed and her hair was lying messily on her head. How perfect was she?

"Frankie, what are you talking about?" She said looking around at the passers by confused. I looked down at my bag and pulled out a small black box and smiled.

"'Elena..." I got down on one knee. She gasped.

"Will you marry me?" I think a lot of people stopped and stared when I said that. She inhaled quickly...

"Oh my god...YES! OF COURSE I WILL! YES!" She screamed. I slid the ring onto her finger and jumped up pulling her into a hug. I was smiling manically. I couldn't help it. I was so happy...

"I love you. I love you. I love you..." She whispered into my ear. I laughed and hugged her, tears slipping out of my eyes. The night air clinging to me. A deep feeling of un certainty and fear rising in me. I had no idea what the future held, but it would be great aslong as it was with 'Elena. I picked her up and twirled her around. She screamed as I did so. I put one hand under her knees and the other one around her back and started carrying her back.

"Frankiiee! I way like a ton" She laughed. She didn't. She had two babies in her and she was still as light as ever.

"No you're not. Any way. You're my fiancé now, I can do what ever I want to you!" I smiled. She leaned up as I walked along the icy paths and kissed my cheeks, over and over again.

"Stop it, I'll get scars!" I laughed. I put her down as we got to the trailer. We walked in the door, my arms were tightly around her, I wasn't looking at anyone else but her.

"Well eventually, you're coffee's cold!" Mikey said to 'Elena.

"It doesn't matter..." She laughed starring between me and the guys. Her eyes bright and wide.

"What's going on?" Ray sighed.

"Frankie asked me to marry him and I said yes." She said whilst pulling me into a long kiss. Her tongue circling around my lips as she nibbled on my lip ring.

"Oh my god!" I heard Mikey yell. I pulled away from her.

"I'm so pleased for you!" Ray said coming voer and giving me a hug. Gee came over to 'Elena and gave her a hug.

"I know I was pessimistic about you two at first, but I don't think there's a couple more suited for each other and I hope you guys are going to be so happy..." He said, directing it almost to me. It meant a lot, his 'blessing.'

"That means so much...I just can't believe this is all happening..." I laughed, shaking my head. Bob came and shook my hand.

"Woah! This is strange!" I laughed.

"Congratulations!"

* * *

I smiled at 'Elena beneath me. I kissed her forehead as I straddled hr with my hips, her stomach pressing gently against me. I rolled of her, so I was lying beside her. She was looking away. He hands tightly clenched.

"'Elena are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah...I've just been having these really strong contractions recently..." She moaned. I kissed her cheek, the side of my index finger skimmed over it as I looked into her eyes.

"It's okay..." I whispered, taking her hand.

"It's uncomfortable, that's what it is." She laughed. I nodded my head, smiling.

"I love you..." I told her. She closed her eyes, wriggling her nose and tried to sleep. I rolled over onto my back, looking up at the bunk top. I couldn't help but smile, I had been smiling for the last 7 months... I was going to be a dad and I was going to be a husband...

'**ELENA**

I could hear snores from all the others, as they drifted peacefully through a sleepy state. I couldn't sleep, I kept having contractions, really painful one. I winced and looked down as another one came.

"Frankie..."I moaned as I poked him.

"Hmm..." He said still asleep. I poked him again. He turned around.

"If you weren't so cute..." He growled for the 100th time.

"Frankie..." I shook my head. Pain erupting inside of me. He seemed shocked.

"What's wrong?" Almost COMICALLY I felt an almost gush of liquid seep into the quilts from me.

"Yeah...My water might have just broke." I put my head down at trying to get back to sleep. Frank just sat there.

"'Elli! You're water just broke! Why are you trying to sleep?" He screamed, waking the others up.

"They can't come out yet! They're early! We have it all planned!" I told him sternly. His stared at me as if I was a mad woman, before picking me up and running outside the van with me, whilst calling a taxi to pick us up. By this time the others had woken up and all hustled outside, eager to know what was happening...

"'Elena's water's broke!" Frank said, looking around for the taxi.

"Frank, you can put me down now!" I growled.

"I don't trust that you won't go and sleep!" He laughed.

"What are we going to do?" Mikey said, freaking out.

"We're going to the hospital. You guys can come in the morning if you want!" He said sternly.

"But I want to come..." Bob moaned.

"NO!" I said as the taxi arrived. We hurried in it, Frank just asked him to take us to the nearest hospital. I leaned on him, exhausted.

"We're supposed to be flying to NJ...Having it there..."I sighed.

"It's going to be perfect as long as it with you and our babies." Frank told me.

"Don't forget you; you're a vital member of the baby making team!" I laughed, tiredly. We eevveentually got to the hospital. The receptionist gave me a filthy look as we approached her.

"My gir-I mean Fiancé's water's just broke..."

"Have you already made plans to give birth here?"

"No... we were supposed to be having a caesarean in NJ."

"I need you to fill in these forms and then we'll be able to get your fiancé a room." Frank started scribbling out stuff as I propped myself against the reception, trying to stop myself from fainting...

"Okay, Dr Andrews here shall take you to your room..." She smiled. Frank pulled me along...After a while I got to the room and slipped into the robe and itchy bed...trying to sleep. Frank was walking up and down. The nurse kept coming in and out, checking on how dilated I was.

"It shouldn't matter should it? I'm having a caesarean."

"Unfortunately, due to the unexpected visit here, we haven't been able to clear a spot for your caesarean that will be safely before the twins would naturally be coming..."

"What so I'm giving birth to...them?" I asked. Sudden flashbacks of the last time I was in labour coming to haunt me.

"Yes...You can have an epidural though or would you prefer gas and air?" Frank came and sat down my bed.

"I want an epidural... I couldn't stand going through a gas and air birth..." I said over to Frank, he nodded.

"Trust me, it's not as bad as they say." They nurse said as she scrawled something down on her board.

"Well, if it's as bad as I remember, I'm going to be needed the epidural..." I laughed. The nurse seemed taken back by the fact I'd had another kid beforehand. Frank squeezed my hand, giving me a quick smile.

"We better get your epidural ready soon then because you seem to be almost...there..." She said, reading of her bleeper.

"Excuse me..." She smiled walking out of the room. I looked over to Frank...

"Why did I let you get me pregnant?" I moaned half heartedly. Frank pulled me into a hug, his head deep in the nook of my neck.

"We're going to be patients 'Elena..." He said almost laughing... I think that's when it first hit me. I was going to be a mom.

**Hey! I hope you enjoyed this!**

**Plleeasseee review! I like to know what you all think!**

**I'm listening to the Black Parade CD over and over as I write this...Wow, it's almost got me crying...DAMN GEE AND HIS EMOTIVE VOICE; HE'S MAKING MY EYELINER RUN!**

**Hahahaaa, I skipped 7 1/2 months...I know.**

**But it's my story**

**And I can do what I want.**

**I 'm sure you've already figured that out through all of the drugs, alcohol, (ALOT OF) suicide...pedofiles and Iero/Way-ness. **

**Haaahaa.**

**Love you!**

**I'm going to try and update as soon as possible, as the stories...*gulp* IS REALLY, REALLY CLOSE TO ENDING... I know...I'm getting all emotional thinking about it... DAMMIT!**

**YOU PUT THE (MOTHER FUCKING) HATE IN MY HEART**

**XOXOX**


	46. The Curtain Calls My Name

**When reading this chapter, I suggest you listen to: Safe and Sound by Kyosuke Himuro FT Gerard Way. I listened to it as I wrote this chapter and YET AGAIN, I'm crying. This is an emotional chapter for me... Okay *wipes away tears* Here we go:**

The Next Day---------------------------

I sat on my bed, looking down at the little angel in my arms. His little mop of jet black hair covered over his blue eyes... Frank sat next to me, cooing at the little girl in his arms who had giant green eyes.

"He looks like you..." I smiled, a tear dripping down of my cheek and onto his forehead.

"Well this one looks like the mini version of you!" Frank said half crying, half laughing. The boys weren't here yet. They rang the others up and they were all on planes to come as see us. I thought it was insane, all of them flying over...but I also thought it was insane how small and delicate my babies were. I glanced over at Frank. A deep feeling of compassion swelling up in me... He had made me...so complete; he'd given me a reason to keep on living. The baby girl looking painfully like Jessie, but her eyes were wider, far happier and striking.

"We need to name them..." Frank said.

"Frank, I know it's a family tradition to name Them Frank Anthony, but..." I looked down into the eyes of the baby boy I held, "Can we call him Dylan?" I asked, crying. Frank stared at me a second before smiling and nodding.

"I'd love for him to be called Dylan..."

"And what about our gorgeous baby girl? You know...I think you should name her." I smiled. I felt so tired...but I hugged little Dylan tightly, hoping that the other Dylan, my best friend could see this.

"Well...Then say hello to our little... Mason." He smiled.

"I love it." I did too, it was perfect.

"Mason and Dylan..." He whispered...still crying un-controllably... I'd been in labour for about 11 hours, but it was the best thing I'd ever done...

"Sweetie?" I heard someone say from the door. I looked up; it was my dad, the guys behind him. He ran in, hugging me, before looking down at his two little grandchildren. I smiled and stroke Masons cheek.

"Meet, Dylan and Mason." Frankie said to the boys.

"They're beautiful..." Mikey said. I smiled and passed Dylan to my dad.

"He looks like Frank!" He exclaimed. Frank handed Mason to Mikey lovingly. I cuddled up next to Frank, hugging him as he sat on the side of my bed.

----------------------------------------------4 Years later------------------------------------------------------

"Hello Mr Iero!" I smiled as I walked down the stairs. Frankie looked up from his magazine

"Hey Mrs Iero?" He laughed.

"Don't look at me like that! I'm not crazy! I got tested!" I laughed, taking a gulp of his coffee.

"Hey! That's mine!" He laughed. I rolled my eyes and started making some for myself.

"The twins are getting changed, but in exchange for them getting up I had to promise them Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches and chocolate milk for breakfast." I laugh, searching for the milk.

"Sorry hon, I used the last of it up." Frank said half heartedly, too interested in his Alternative Press issue.

"I'll go get some. Anyway your better at making sandwiches than I am, have fun with the terrors!" I laughed. I heard Frank mutter, _shit_, before I walked out and down the street. When I reached the corner shop it was almost deserted, just me, the shop keeper and what seemed like a ten year old boy who was looking at the magazines next to the till. I put a carton of milk down and took out my purse and payed for it.

"How is the husband?" The old man asked.

"Good, currently making PB&J sandwiches!"I smiled.

"Is it some sort of Rockstar fashion?" He laughed as he handed me the change. Next thing I know I hear someone shout:

"Get on the motherfucking floor if you don't want to blow your shitty brains out!" I jumped to the floor, before seeing a tall man with a balaclava over his face and a gun in his hand. The little kid lay on the floor looking around worriedly. The man ran over to the till, opened it and pulled out a wad of money and stuffed it into his bag.

"Do you have any more?" He asked the shopkeeper, who shook his head.

"You better not be lying!" He spat. He looked down at us, the little boy who was now crying and I.

"Give me your money! Now!" He screamed. I pulled out my purse and through him a load of tens. "Have you got any?" He snarled at the little kid... He just cried.

"No..." He shook his head. I felt the need to comfort him, I crawled very slowly over to him.

"It's okay..." I told him.

"SHUT UP!" The man screamed. I shot him a look before telling the little boy to stop crying.

"I told you to shut up!" He screamed, a loud bang burned through my ears as I screamed in pain.

**_And all my hopes and dreams  
Aren't for anyone  
I keep them safe and sound_**

**_And hope this picture is  
Not yours anymore  
But can you hear me now?_**

**_Now thats okay man  
I'll say it across this land,  
You should've kissed me baby_**

**_So try and stop me  
Or so forgive this light  
'Cuz I can't beg all night_**

**_Until my heart stops beating  
You'll never hear me say  
I won't kiss you_**

**_If I say,  
It's lost its beating  
If I can't find my way  
It's over now_**

**_But I won't  
Walk away_**

**_Chorus:  
Until the day  
(Whoa, whoa)  
I'm never backing down  
(Whoa, whoa)  
And hear me say  
(Whoa, whoa)  
I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Whoa, whoa)  
I'll keep it safe and_**

**_This hopeless feeling  
This fear of falling down  
But I'm not crashing now_**

**_For all this bleeding  
It wasnt worth the sound  
A million screaming out loud_**

**_And still  
The earth comes reeling  
The curtain calls my name  
I'm not afraid_**

**_And I know  
You may not miss me  
But I am not ashamed  
The choice I made_**

**_But I can't  
Let this go_**

**_Chorus:  
Until the day  
(Whoa, whoa)  
I'm never backing down  
(Whoa, whoa)  
Just hear me say  
(Whoa, whoa)  
I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Whoa, whoa)  
I'll keep it safe and_**

**_Bridge:  
No dashing car  
Or a dying star  
Thats raced into the ground_**

**_Like the final words  
Of the passengers  
Will the angels give it all?_**

**_Were the world  
Watch us fall_**

**_End Chorus:  
Until the day  
(Whoa, whoa)  
I'm never backing down  
(Whoa, whoa)  
Just hear me say  
(Whoa, whoa)  
I'll keep it safe and sound  
(Whoa, whoa)  
Keep it safe and sound  
(Whoa, whoa)  
Keep it safe and sound  
(Whoa, whoa)  
Keep it safe and sound  
(Whoa, whoa)  
Keep it safe and sound  
(Whoa, whoa)  
Keep it safe and sound_**

-------------------------------------- 2 years later----------------------------------------

**FRANK**

I dropped the kids of at Gee's house. He smiled comfortingly as he opened the door.

"I'm sorry about this..." I said.

"No problem, I love seeing my grandchildren any time." Gee smiled. Bandit was behind him, she was nine now...

"How are you Frankie?" He asked. His expression changing...

"Good... As good as I can be, right?" Gee nodded. I turned and got back into the car and started driving. When I reached the cemetery, I walked through unsurely. It's was dark and gloomy and cold air thrashed around my face as wind blew. I stared at the flower I had brought, Lillys and Black Orchards. I sat by the grave...stroking it gently as I read the words on it... ''_Elena Way, mother, wife and loving daughter. May death show her peace, that life never could.'_

I pulled my feet up against my chest and cried. I cried so hard because it was so hopeless without her, I cried because I hated myself and I cried because I couldn't believe this was the end. I looked up to the skies above, the cloud wisping around in the grey canvas of the universe.

"I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!" I screamed...my hands clenched in sorrow as I lay by the mound of 'Elena way.

The End.

**I guess this is the end. I started this story rather pessimistically, 1) because my last story failed so epically and 2) I didn't think I could touch people and share with them such tales just with words. I started this story at a vital part of my life. After trying to commit suicide again and realising that I needed to stop all that shit, I needed a vent, something that I could volt all my energy into. I found it in this story, through it I made many friends, with plans of chilli pizza, chainsaws, band sticker, skating and conversations of MCR. I also found love through the course of this story and I found a reason to keep on living. I would like to say, I think of the ending of this as a new chapter in my life, but I'm still too sad about it to think rationally. I'm ending this optimistically though, with thoughts of the future and plans of my next tale. I hope you enjoyed my tales of 'Elena and her life. I enjoyed reading all of your reviews and hearing what you thought, as well as the writing. I'm dedicating this story to My Chemical Romance for saving my life and helping me make sense of this world. See you later. You Put The Hate In My Heart. x**


End file.
